A story of Short Redemption
In life, there are certain periods where there is certain elation for no reason and then there are times when you feel a quiet despair for no particular reason, like a sharp pang right in the middle of your heart, but then there are the more rational scenarios in the life of people which bring about a wide range of emotion in one from fear to guilt or even a certain type of salvation. These are chemicals in the brain which are produced sometimes when someone has worked for them and sometimes small events or people bring about these feelings of what life is ‘ought to be in you and then for sometime I think you feel alive or maybe even free, there are many I am sure who do not have the slightest clue of what I am talking about but most I believe have a clue.
There is not a single soul in this world who has not felt how it feels to hold your urine in a situation through utter discipline for some reason or the other at some point in their lives, this is the extreme condition which I went through couple of days back, and with the kind consent of the reader I would like to narrate my story and tell you the inferences which I made through this experience,
(But for all those who find the subject s trifle bit obscene or vulgar , I request you kindly to shut this work down right now for I can assure you that it only heads downhill from here and it ain’t a pretty site at the pit!)
It was a very warm and sultry day in manipal , and I had to go for a class trip to the mangalore Radio station , after enjoying myself there for a couple of hours, I met up with my college friends and went out in the town for a good evening, after watching a compulsively tripped out movie, and playing with some sticks and balls, we headed to the closest bar to get some alcohol into our very dry blood streams, all evening we had a tripping time listening to old music and jamming up with some good ol’ beers (by the way I had the largest amount of alcohol, and this would summarize my state in the latter part of this story). It was getting late and we had to catch the last bus outta that pretty little port town back to manipal, as we stepped outside, I felt a tad bit buzzed and very elated to have drowned my earthly tensions in a good bottle , a cool breeze was my new company along with a bit of a drizzle, we caught the express bus to manipal at around nine forty-five in the night, I forgot to mention to the reader that after consuming so much of beer, I had made the fatal mistake of not taking a detour to the loo before we started up. And this would almost cost me my life.
The Journey from mangalore to manipal at an average takes place around an hour though to the credit of the drivers of the killer machines called “Express Buses” , we reach manipal in around 45 minutes at night(The Bus drivers, have better eyesight and a greater blood thirst at night I suppose!), for the first 20 minutes I was fine, generally tripping with my friends and having a jolly time and time flew by me, as it does to all those people who enjoy their life, I generally feel that when people enjoy their life then they feel that they are dying prematurely while compare this to a person who lives in poverty who lives to half the age will feel probably that he has lived more than a generation,.
Has that ever happened to you?
Now I shall describe to you the pure redemption of release, which I acquired that day
It soon seemed to me, that in my intoxicated state that I had to take a leek, and how! But I am a man, I knew how to hold my urine in. it has been done before and it would be done one more time, no big deal. I just watched the scenery and kept the awful thoughts out of my head. But they kept coming back, like madness. They never leave. I wanted to open my zip there and take a long deep breadth and let the waterfall begin, but how could i? wasn’t I a civilized human being, a part of this sophisticated society? Have you ever considered that no other organism has this concept of shame or of guilt, how relieving…dam I cant think like that, but the more I refrained from thinking of such pleasurable musings, the more bladder pain I got into.
It was at least half an hour more before I reached udupi, only after which my torture would be cured. Half a fucking hour more. This must be a nightmare,, one of those nightmares in which you dream of urinating so you can get up and actually go to your loo, no such fucking luck.
The pain grew more, my friends were utterly drunk and they didn’t understand the situation, neither did the conductor who refused from stopping anywhere. Now it was only me, my bladder and this godamm huge bus filled with alive carcasses who would beat me to raw pulp if I were to piss anywhere close to them.. and how I wanted to piss on all of them. Some dreams never come true.
Zen, I have heard it before and I many people have explained to me what it is supposed to mean, it is being “cool” with the universe, it is when the illusions stop and we are free.
Now I was experiencing it, almost something close to it. I was in immeasurable pain, beyond belief and reason, I wanted to get out of there,. I seriously wanted to die. But suddenly the gravity of the situation set in, I knew what this was, learning through pain. I gained experiential wisdom that night, I was Zen for the last fifteen minutes of that bus situation, I didn’t feel different but I was different, the urine was there, so was the pain and so was i. but It didn’t matter, nothing did. Not the people nor my friends, maybe the beer was speaking but I feel different.
Redemption, the bus stops, I jump out and puke my bladders out, my friends and the conductor are amused, but guess what. I was amused the most