Thursday, December 27, 2012

Intro Self

We are split right down the middle. Our consciousness (the atomic part not further divisible in any which way) has been exposed to two worlds. One facing outwards; the other facing inwards (away and towards).
The external interacts with other localized individualized points of consciousness and the internal explores the non divisible.

The world has been hence made of two categories of personalities. One who are extroverted --> exploring other sources of consciousness (though other is a very subjective term); while the other very content reveling in their own (similarly own has a very subjective connotation - as consciousness is not personal or ego)

The problems this world faces since time immemorial - hunger strife, unequal appreciation of consciousness, power - corruption and need/greed is because of an imbalance between the introverted and extroverted phenomenon among every individual.

Our mind is the interface through which consciousness perceives. Our mind left to itself goes around in circles (it really does - neuro motor phenomenon); and when it looks at the external world, it goes haywire. It neither is able to learn, unlearn or love with such a state. Leading to people being greedy, needy, unloving, non-understanding, stupid, ignorant, power hungry, stone cold what not!

I love Sri Ramana for this very fact. Venkataramana - now so famously known as bhagwan ramana maharishi was a young tamil boy who ran away from home at a tender age to the beautiful holy hill of Arunachala (Tiruvannamalai) for he was introspective like no other I know.
At a young age where boys and girls were mostly exploring each other - his heart full of unrest had a burning yearning question which nothing in the extroverted phenomenon of the world could answer. The question (probably without a single linear answer) was "Who Am I?"

A simple question, which he meditated incessantly and through his life on. He sat in caves and caverns covered with leaches ants and vermin, thrown stones by children and mocked by others. His care was only at his heart. He spends two years almost in seclusion, not eating, not sleeping, not drinking or taking care of his bodily functions for this question from inside burns in his heart. People soon feel his vibrations and his sincerity - they feed him in his mouth and take care of him when he urinates/excretes.
He is the mauni, he has no use for the external phenomenon for it does not satisfy truly. Yet he never shuns it completely for who so ever approaches this simple humble super human man; is satisfied. Is liberated just by the gaze of his beautiful surreal eyes!~
Like him so many of us here in this world are introverted (almost a third of the population or more, we can never know for introverted people are forced over and over to be otherwise). We spend time by ourselves for we feel better - the answers to so many questions lie with us (in us). We spend time reading, writing or pursuing our passion in seclusion and solitude for years. We are happy when left to do what we wish without being forced to be social or genial for society's sake( As for me - I am both introverted and extroverted depending on situations and times, a good gift for my mind!)

But the world forces through the extroverts to be like themselves or be shunned and ostracized. The goth kids, the shy non speaking ones, the shooters and killers of peers - these kids have been all bullied, forced into a world where they are not comfortable and do not find the answers which they so require.
Introversion is the seed for true and real genius, though team work helps eliminate redundancies, and misconceptions improving efficiency - it is never the cause of genius to be shown.

Artists, musicians and scientists. Writers poets and spiritual sages - are all people who have seen the beauty and spark of their self inside. Their own (again subjective) consciousness like any others is the answer to any and all the world's nature, its unique problems of existence and of life itself (yes life is a fucking problem, if you are not stupid enough to realize)

Like ramana, so many of us are plagued in misery for we find not all our satisfaction can be drawn from the outside realms - but we are forced to be a part of a society which is extroverted in kind, and does not offer the sacrosanct respect which leads to genius and aesthetics  To life lived completely in general (Most if not all knowledge, art, wisdom and creativity is a result of introversion).

Yes parents are taught to teach their kids not to spend time by themselves, for they will become odd and irrelevant and this is partly due to the social instincts in our genes - but it is more often than not the fear of what your own self has to show you. This unknown is something beautiful, it requires will and it is of course the point of our lives. To explore inner divinity. We must be encouraged (at least once a while) to be by ourselves.
How else can we bring back something special and perfect to share with the rest of our kind if we are always immersed in group intelligence like the beautiful saint Ramana Maharishi and kind. The introspecting kind!

Peace and seek what is inside (before projecting your inane ugliness outside!)

Saturday, December 22, 2012



Under the ever expanding branches of the bodhi tree. It sits awakened just like this resplendent tree. The branches from the heart opening and healing whatever is the cause of strife. There is no one else but yourself you are pounding, it speaks in silent tones. Some speak about it as a master, of one who knows what is going on, just like this spread out, spaced out tree giving shade for free.

Amidst the silent valley, inside the tunnels of the breathing heart (guess it breathes just like this valley), I have spent infinity; looking at such grandeur and I refuse to believe, that I be not a part of this wonder as a mistake. As if I witnessing was the entire set up like plato and so many have said. The silent valley like myself is hunted down; extinction count started. Colors of the heart never ever would be felt. Never ever be expressed. What is the use of this strife, if the silent valley goes away

On the olden rocks of India, sitting for millennia together, where there may be no other place to peace. In the darkness, in the heat. Never bothered, always happy; the rocks have come alive. So old and full of faces; they move; they laugh and fade away. I can see you on the rocks of maybe my mind. But I could swear that this was a mirage hell bent on staying. I have felt your touch so smooth. Keeping me twisted, in an illusion to figure out myself. Laughing and grimacing; I know I know; we have both such a common fate.

So much color, laughter pouring in multitude. Such intense depth and hate, why oh why that we be stuck here with such horrible twisted tales. I want to cleanse, I want to become that which cannot be conceived. That which cannot stay; the momentary elation; eternal decay. The darkness of universe which comes together as a beautiful lotus amidst rotting carcasses everywhere. So my downtrodden fate as yours that we are bound to each other, and never can escape till the ends of time. Till we give up our fragile bodies and hearts to an eternal sway. Maybe not liking to  our so called surprise.

How the earth bears witness, and laughs at our trembling fate. Oh god who devised such consciousness and power play. Come now and show your true bodhi coloured face.

Laughing uncontrollably.


Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Over and Over


Is it not a fact, that we have a fear towards the unknown parts of our lives. To what we are not? We have to go for a test, an interview, wedding or funeral. Meeting with someone strange or having an experience for the supposed first time, and its dicey. Come around a second time, its so much easier to face.

So what I propose is; or rather this wondrous nature – which creates life everywhere as we perceive. WE all forget our true nature; or rather energetic being, when we take birth in this dense dimension/physical cosmos/here and now. Confounded by space time and enduring sense boundaries. We forget it for entire lifetimes at a row; so each birth is unique. Each death as well, the entire life spent may or may not be unique lol. So birth takes place in blinding fearful surroundings, and death remains unknown; unknowable and so doomed. We forget that we are undergoing these facets of energetic existence. Over and Over.

Bound firmly by boundaries; kept by the mind in one piece; intact and may even grow with passages of other boundaries like time. Our fear of unknown grows like virus; multiplies unless we have faced the situation in our mind (Yet we are all this experience without the presence of our mind!-#enlightenment#). Our true understanding becomes a mirage which is held by memory and finally this master disk dissolved; and maybe the learnings too?

Over and over we face the same lives, same emotions; never experiencing the full potential of our power – as perhaps that may lead to annihilation of this ignorant condition and replaced by nothing/void of all and none as one – again to be repeated with sure shot forgetting; and getting born into the world with a new mind, and yet the same life? #CircularWhirlPool#

So our mind does two dangerous things to our beings – it first masks the true nature of our selves. Who we are, masked and bounded as to live life in miniscule moments, reliving the learning of what true grandness our energy beholds, and at the same time the mind grows upon itself a wicked nature – which obscures the truth and makes it fearful. The fear makes it a very dangerous weapon to be reckoned with, for with this advent – the self / each of our selves is kind of torn apart, from the other. We can never experience what we never undergo. Yet when the fear disappears, we instantly know each experience indepth. We are the source of the emotions and the experience itself. WE become who we are here and now. Fearless and all knowing being creatures – beings. We are not who our minds had thought to be, separated bodily or emotionally no more – we are forever one and none. This is such a simple truth. Yet it too is learnt from the mind and perception of experiences.

The entire process goes on over and for ever. It is this nature of the mind to mask the truth like the moon eclipsed completely and then the slow dawning painted beautifully to illustrate the grand yet simple truth of our being – something which the grand being cannot experience with out the creation of ignorance of self. The mind initially the enemy masking the true self; yet its action its the elixir of the soul; as it (the self-being-hereandnow) slowly and momentarily experiences its own beauty one step at a time, with the illusion of the mind slowly dying down. There is no such revelation to be had without the mind!

Peace. Lets try to catch up quick, not repeat the over and over!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Bound Deemed Free

To be deemed free, you must ascertain to what extent you are bound. To know what it is to be free; you must first know what being caged is like. To be an inspiration of love and peace; you must first experience what it is to cause hate and joylessness in this world of ours.
We seem to be doing a fine job learning the stepping stones. Now its time to abandon what we hold so precious to ourselves.

On the first day, I thought that we were bound to the mother. It is she who would suckle us, feed us and protect us from the chaos brewing around. It was safety and peace but at what cost. Mother created us; almost free and then bound us to herself in myriad ways. There is no freedom without understanding this bondage.

On the second day, I thought I was bound to breath and food, My thirst and hunger rose manifold. It has never ever given up since that day, I was driven to the edges of my life by the physiological needs manifold - of breathing and eating, sleeping and drinking. Such vast boundaries kept securely in place to experience a freedom? What kind of maya is this I shudder to think.

On the third day, we were bound to the genetic nature of our kinds, our race and mind. Our neurosis and deep rooted plague - all the so called learning from our past. Our future; a repetitive; adaptive failure bound by geography and topography, consumption and experience. The entire gamut of play conspiring to build a fragile frame around us. An aura of make believe - confirming to the pattern, building a free society. Built by those not free.

On the fourth day, I am overcome by myself and the individuality I have been now noticing. Through thorough conditioning of my genes, I now have a rough idea of the personality I am, I am bound by this; and knowing this I go forward to do things which will define me, which will set the stage for my supposed unique existence. This will create the meaning of immortality and freedom; this will be unprecedented I think! And Thinking such, I bind myself to the notion of a grander mortality and a rubbished attitude towards what it is to be free. In fact I am anything but free, I am bound by the actions and compulsive thoughts which lead me day and night in a vicious circle. They can never free me. They are in place to keep me in place. Though they vary in intensity and direction; my goals and attempts to do something which defines my nature and existence; does verily the opposite - it creates the stereotype of life. It is verily not being alive much less free. It is conforming to the inner yearning to break into a false dangerous individuality

On the Fifth day, I am bound and gagged, force fed farcical knowledge and ignorant selfish propaganda, and soon I am one and the same. I study my ancestors bullshit and look to make money and believe in mock personal prosperity, look for the oh so pretty bride and my jaguar's keys. I am a numb fish floating dead in a dead sea. I am already a shell of my former self, not knowing what! freedom I broke apart from; what I was without time always to be. I am no longer a man looking for liberation, a warrior looking to hunt down my salvation, a saint ripping his blooded heart to offer for his love, a bird flying without destination in endless outer space. I am just a shell of what I was to be~

On the sixth day, the need to be free takes over me. Its not rational I feel - I am a doing machine, going through waking and dreaming reality like a robot, if your tasks are complete then you may feel this precious ounce of freedom it is told repeatedly to me (government, family, society). The method of creating a supposed sacrosanct freedom is now finally complete, I must revel in what I do; and in this doing I will find peace and freedom. I am a fragment of what I was born to be. So I seek salvation. From the alleys which have been already fed to me, religion and cultural; sexuality and science. I am searching forever; doing what was never meant to satisfy.

On the seventh day, my logic and imagination fade; and age desperate to take hold finally extends its icy grips on my neck. I am doomed burnt to the ground, ashes thrown all around. I am declared deemed proclaimed as finally free!!

What is it that happens to me? 
From birth to death I remain sowing and reaping and never in between. I am the bearer of a thousand suns inside; never satisfied; never free. 

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Another Chance Received - III

For one who can see with his eyes, is blessed and cursed - for he does not know the power that sight beholds. And when taken away; what misery it is bound to cause. 

This happened some years back, when I traveled to Mussorie (Uttranchal), with my extended family (folks and uncle/aunt cousins) for a little time off from the plains. Mussorie is an extremely beautiful hill station, yet over the years with hoards of people coming to enjoy the cool weather and locale of a colonial town - the charm has kind of waned, the people remain uncouth (as they are Indians) and the place becomes more crowded than the cities on Indian plains during the summer months. Everyone out to get some sort of reprieve from the scorching sun. But end up burning in the hill station none the less. 

But this is besides the point, I got a good resort to put up, and as per my understanding it was the highest point of mussorie. The road leading up to the resort was almost at a 60 degree angle and our cars could not climb em, the hotel arranged the only cars which could go up and down on this road - maruthi omnis, which have the lightest bodies so they can accelerate on tough climbs. 
So my family and I put up our luggage after a long grueling ride through the indian heartlands, and we decide to go out and see the sights and smell what this little quaint town could offer. We start climbing down slowly and surely on this slope, I give a bit more attention to the women in the group as they find it difficult to traverse down, the omnis are engaged for a bit and it would take some time for them to come to drop us and hence we decide a sure slow walk would do us no harm and let us make use of our time to unwind. 

About three fourth way down, I am walking next to the edge of the road which winds like a snake (all hill roads do), and I am paying no attention to anything much, and out of the blue a boomerang comes at me, I do not have any time to react - and the boomerang comes straight at my face; hits my left eye with full impact and I am almost unconscious by the impact. The boomerang hits my left eye ball directly. Its not light either, its definitely metal! 

I really have no clue of what is happening at this point. I cover my eyes, and then I slowly open them, there is a trickle of blood from my left eye, and as I open both my eyes in a slow yet frenzy attempt to see the damage, I see what struck me lying at my feet. It was the bottom portion of a cheap ass broom - made of cheap plastic and the ends with rusted heavy metal, the metal which struck my eyeball at an alarmingly fast pace. This is not good, No good at all is what races through my damned mind. 

My family congregates next to me, trying to see the impact and as I tell them this - "I cannot see from my left eye", I skip a heartbeat, It is unheard of in my world, one minute working all fine; and the next sight disappears itself midst unending darkness or blinding white light. I felt like breaking down and crying. The pain is sharp in my eye, and there is only white light seen from my left eye. 
Panic rises fast, my folks are deeply concerned and we head out to get a local doctor in this pathetic town up on a hill away from any real medical facilities. I pray fast, pray hard. Pray for giving myself another chance to mend myself (in all ways possible)

Apparently there was some garbage collector who flung this piece of rusted metal from the garbage canister below to the road above, and it was quite a good shot; for without seeing where he flung it - he flung it at my own very fucking eyes!

We head out to a lady doctor (possibly the only one in town), she gives me an injection for tetanus and some gauge for the eye - her only comforting words, give the eye rest and see in two days time. What the fuck kind of deal is this; storming through my head, I feel twisted almost on the verge of dying. Without the day to day comfort of full sight; I would be no longer the person I was. I would not be able to see and abhor the filth of the world. The same filth now would be missed by my vision. 
I could not believe it, this is how the world is; we dare not upset one single thing before it becomes way worse. How unfair, How cruel and yet how precious is this life. 

Over the next two days, I did not open my left eye (shut thanks to the bandage). I was praying and my off time on some hill station became my test to mentally survive. Yes I did get my vision back. I do not know who exactly to thank for that till date - yet I know that it was duly another chance received, to solemnly change my glutton human ways; and appreciate something as simple as eye - sight. 

Peace and Steer Clear! 

Monday, December 10, 2012

Lack of Imagination

I put my drink by the side of the table, sitting on an awkward bar stool - I look around at the night roaches which have infiltrated this drinking hole for some sort of escape; camaraderie or to get high. I laugh and smirk to myself a bit and jokingly speak out loud, I direct myself at the space of the entire pub, maybe people would think I am drunk; sloshed out of my head, but what have people ever known of what was beneath their own cranium lol
So it starts,
“What may I think an entire generation of drones, machines which lack to be humans, androids or whatever be? How could they be known!?” I speak half spilling my drink onto myself. I just cannot contain this sublime laughter bubbling up from within....
One of the gentleman sitting beside me, gets woken up instantly;and speaks out as if he was ready to blurt out what he could no longer hold inside. Maybe people around would think him to be drunk as well! But again what would people know!
“Well, they could be known as machines or whatever mate, if they lack imagination or such shite”
I laughed, well this has started well, another bloke from the corner of this horse stable of men spoke “ Well, we all lack fuckiiin imagination or more such grimy shiite”
By now I was in splits, so I spoke to fury the fire so as to speak hah “ So yea, he is kinda right, we aren’t imaginative at all, as a culture or generation, we fucking boring”
A feel a thud of a beer mug close to me, and another one bites the dust, my friend for the night spoke gruff “You pieaace of shittte, we the goddamn renaissance of the neo underworld order, we the epitome of art and movies, of fun rides and crazy new boundaries, spring breaks and astronomy, we the diamond  chiseled from the fucking dust of our time on this earth as a species!”
Now I was no longer in the mood to control my utter disbelief of the grand laughter brewing within, so I spoke my tongue “You do know that this is some 1 percent of the people, and the rest still facing more hunger, more strife, more death and well more death. That is our imagination? That ain’t right man, and I spoke my mind worth
My friend remains silent, and this endless legged lass comes from the nightmares of this drinking binge, she is in siloute still; I cant see yet hear her as if she was next to my ears;
 “What do you say is the measure to this imagination of people around you. You seem like a fucking smug punk. and you would probably be the first among us all that will burn in hell”
I keep sipping a golden peg of sweet liquor all through the time she speaks through her bewitching voice. I am smitten hah
“I think if you ask me, which I count for nothing in itself; the greater the imagination, the greater the time spent in masses where they be meditating and in peace, and no just going around acting like sophisticated monkeys hahaha “
I think I should shut the fuck up and move on. But maybe the drunk talk is coming through. I think thats pretty funny in itself.
Someone speaks from the halo of this stable hole, 
“ Well the more the people sit and look inwards, the more they see that they see their mind, that’s pretty difficult by itself. Its easier to play out the mind’s fancies on an hour to hour basis, but if you ask me personally; sitting around doing nothing and not indulging through our senses is pretty fucking boring and lame. Its completely fag to spend your entire life in such a wannabe dream”
And the voice stopped, I could hear it as if it was a dream, or maybe cause I was looking at the dark beautiful raven in front of me, now more accursed and ready to devour me along with the rest of these remorseless people all strung out, all binged down, smoked out and left to rot....

“ Well I will respond, cause this is such a beautiful night; on such nights we need to banter like dogs along with the music playing in the background, maybe we could banter like intelligent dogs for a change, and I know how difficult it is to sit rather than move around to wanderlust, kill and maim living things, fuck and reproduce for the need to be fulfilled and then kill some more. I know the urges which drive us all, and the world we create is far less pretty than we imagine in our heads, the world and every day is cruel. Base and utterly meaningless. Yes to live through it, we must create deep meaning at our crude level. Yet even for upright monkeys, this is just humiliating to be and do all the time.
I am one of this description which I so full of loathing describe, and it is when I sit down or lie, or even go about with a greater awareness of these actions is when I understand my energy getting wasted on this repetitive monotonous stuff. I cannot fucking stand that no more in my life (and why should we?). Our ideals and ideation of something beyond has always come out of intense suffering of individuals and base intolerable lives. Why need to do that our fellow humans, when one can just sit down and open their inner eye? Their is a world beyond the mind, there is a world which is without us as well (apart from being within inside the psyche), and so much more clarity and wonder; all this if we just still our tongue and fucking crotch, if you close your eyes and perhaps listen to yourself breathing and left alone for eternity. Maybe it will really open all our eyes. Yet I know that this will lead to imagination superior than we have ever known or felt ever through the raging course of this earth's life! We cannot be ready for this just yet, for as all of you echo in my mind - its such a beautiful night to get drunk and die!”

The seductive feline in front of my vision! comes over slaps me tight only to kiss me one last time!  I got beaten up none the less by the drunk mob. Yet I could say that that at least this experience was not bereft of the crowd’s imagination

Cheers and Peace out!

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Destruction Of Evil


Why is there a perennial and continuous struggle to see two sides of the same situation, even if there exists more than one shade; angle to a person, experience or moment. Why do we need to continuously segregate rather than unify the power?

Our forefathers and their wise texts, speaking of complex yantras and musical vibrations. They see the multiverse which our science had to rediscover and yet most texts harp on the continuous eradication of a particular mood/emotion/action termed to be evil, ignorant?

So its inculcated in each one of us through the passage of time, with the living teaching the new born about morals and ethics, about good and things which are to be good; patience and deliverance; hope and faith, and such.

And evil exists in many forms, in many moments and experiences of our lives – those which are not acceptable by society are generally termed this, but each one of us also has a a particular un-acceptance to what we deep we never should be, never should do. Some have this feeling more than others, some not so much?

To remove one can never happen; cause the other ceases to be as well. Without the presence of evil there is no such imagination of a good which we choose or are made/conditioned/brain washed to choose. This can and has been exploited by our religion, politics, media, educational systems, law and order processes and everything else in our lives. We are to good in this world – and the ways and paths have already been defined.

Somethings are not so easily described; Every single action/emotion/mood can be termed to be good and bad depending on a situation – stuff like evolution, survival of the fittest, “The greatest good for the greatest race/sex/civilization what not”

<<My head is devoid of garbage which has been so radically been growing since birth of what I am, What i ought to desire and choose, How I should live, How I should behave>>

But this is all in relative to the ethos of good and evil. This duality like male-fenale, lover-beloved is deep ingrained in the DNA. Now I know of mother goddess traditions and she always slays the evil. She always removes the ignorance of mind. In fact thats why she cuts off the head itself, the trouble making device which creates duality in the first place.

So removing the ignorance is not the way we think – by creating separations and limiting what we think is bad, it is in fact by doing and behaving in the exact opposite manner – when we deeply understand and accept each situation and evil in us, that we know its true potency, its true reaping and with time the stuff we did not want may be what we desire or maybe what we have become? Every action has the consequence, each “productive” and maybe “destructive” What suits you is deemed to be good? What suits another is deemed evil? Has it not happened such with countries, faiths, lives so many and love lost time over

The destruction of evil, or the concept is what our ancient texts talked upon. All religious and psychoactive people of the past knew that to become unified to our potential we must destroy these notions. And know; infact be; every single action mood and emotion. To be the entire rainbow and know that every thing remains to be evil and good. And nothing needs to be labelled. What is poison one day turns to water the next turns to soma another day in its making!

Destroy your evil as i do, by accepting it and resolving it by leaving it to itself. Destroy your good by destroying your evil. The concepts of course!



Friday, December 7, 2012

Daksina Kasi

Kerala has remained to be one of the oldest and most advanced cultures of the Indian subcontinent, from their matriarchal ways of worship to their martial arts; and many more such feats which are quiet exemplary  foremost among them being the tantric and different ways of worshiping natural and other worldly energy/power for general benefit. 

The oldest breathing temple arguably could be the Vaikom Shiva Mahadeva. Situated at the banks of the vembanadu back water lake. I was fortunate to see this ancient pilgrimage site which is also known as "Daksina Kasi" by our forefathers. Kasi is situated in north india at the banks of ganges and houses one of the 12 jyoti linga shiva formations known as Kasi Vishwanath. People revere Vaikom as equal to that place, and if it was not possible in ancient days to visit kasi, a visit to this ancient power sight was considered just as fortunate! 

The temple is supposed to be the location where Vyagraha maharishi (saint) got his vision of consciousness, and along with two other temples (fiery ettamannur shiva included) is supposed to be a trinity of shiva mood worship.

I reached around the evening aarthi (light and fire worship), and got off the jetty boat (I came from the other shore of the vembanadu lake), the boat ride takes some 20 mins odd, and the town of vaikom is beautiful and simple. There is hustle and bustle in the streets just like so many other small towns of india, yet the center attraction of this town remains to be the ancient and huge shiva temple.

The construction is of course Kerala in the making, low sanctum sanctorum, and a big courtyard like structure with enough place for people to sit and meditate. The center garbha/pillar is gold laiden and is extremely beautiful. Once you go inside; you are to be mesmerized at how many people can easily fit inside such a small temple. The place was packed yet everyone could stand at ease and see the unveiling of the linga. The trinity of shiva linga present across this area has a unique way in which they are made – they are taller almost as if they are kept on a pedestal and people will have to raise their necks no matter what to see the shiva linga. The phallus is covered around all ways with diyas/lights/lamps which gives an ethereal presence.

The temple is extremely important and I saw a huge number of very devout people (at least in the vicinity of the temple) sitting and standing to meditate and pray. There is an otherworldly power present inside the shiva linga, which has been fortified with centuries of tantric worship – emphasizing on physical mental and emotional purity and void, which can help pour the intense energy of consciousness into the vessel of the body.
I stayed for some half hour in front of the stone formation. My thoughts were centered yet not in need. I was content is the simplest way of putting it. The linga literally pushes intense energy out, everyone who is there can feel it to their extents possible; and I remained extremely joyous that a fool like me got an opportunity/divine grace to see a power place.

In intensity and delight, shadows and light. master who sees all and nothing gives relief. The eyes so blissful, the embrace so much the target of my life. Na Ma Ci Va Ya 

Peace and Bliss

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Slanting Shade


Myself revisiting the inner zone. Space beyond or rather beneath the veil. Slanting myself in the disco bar. And I hear loud laughter at the corner, my baby spills the drink on her blonde shiny hair. What a weird day again come to an end to a surround sound night, Everyone amaze. Every thing so intangible, what has become of the mood. Dancing revelling at the end of days, such such tender fate; I surmise, and its time now; to leave. Hand in hand, together we walk so much in bubbling playfull ness. What a weird day

The supine pose, the mood so alluring. Where there is the holy self regaining its own equanimity. Slanting shades of violet. The maze inside your head; budding spaces where dark matter seeps inside. What is to be of you my darling, What is left of me is not I. What is happening; inside our hearts – no one can speak. The chanting and the howling of pain. Release us, we cry. Release us from shades not absolute anymore

Calamity after calamity, days shine down on our broken lives, where my darling in the darkened haze, looks upon the windowpane, seeing nothing but broken dreams, which cannot be undone. Which cannot bring back love again, and soon again. Its time to leave what was never undone. Birth death and the cycle of never ending ness.

Show one final sight of a sunset together, then we have seen to finally separate; tears the only boundary we share. Love for the beloved we both forsake. Now is the only time, Now is time to change your steps. lead it may you be sure, for once the consequences take birth. Death is inevitable.

Such slanting shades of grey, they remain obscene in being hidden away, where are you laughing from, from where pray come your tears? Where is my ending in you; and why did you blow the candle out of our little heaven of togetherness; all those doomed night and days?

Something's just remain as they were. Fated and cursed, reprieved and blessed. What are we to speak in for these slanted shades.


Warriors of the Dark Forests

There are 12 major shiva lingas (phallus/stone energy formations) present across India. One of which lies in the center of Andhra Pradesh state. I could travel a period of six hours non stop via bus to reach the surreal and beautiful town of Sri Sailam for the major attraction of Mallik-Arjuna shiva.

The temple is nestled deep within the Nalla Malai hills (literal meaning : Dark Mountain). The place has amazing flora and fauna and is a protected nature reserve. The journey takes you through the ghat road where it climbs a hill, goes through it before crossing over to another hill via the sri sailam dam road.
The town is fabulous, almost like subhramanya in south india (karnataka). Its a visual treat, at a slight altitude nestled inside thick jungles/forests. The place has an air of a hill station and the peaceful vibes of heaven itself. This is the advantage of visiting any shiva temples or places of worship. They are most probably isolated, desolate and require a great deal of patience/endurance to see (In olden days, the trek to the temple via nalla malai itself would have been arduous enough).

I reached close to ten at night, where I put my stuff up at the government lodging and went straight to the temple to get a night darshan. I am very curious with an anthropological insight and a mystical awareness to why men/women create such places with pain staking efforts in the middle of inaccessible places. The temple was just empty! This was a sheer delight to me, I walked in, no queue and no mad crowds! How peaceful, its a very small temple - and has been the king's temple over long time. The shiva linga was broken or weathered down - as if invaders or time itself had shrunk it/broken it down to half its size. The place was so intensely quiet that I could not believe this was one of twelve important sites of shiva worship for hindus across the country (shiva worship I believe, is not limited to any particular faith, for shiva is conscious energy. Its worship and understanding is imperative to each living organizam)

I took two darshans that very night (cant stand in front of the deity too long or the priests start pissing themselves lol). And I took a good look at the small and delicate temple amidst the jungle. There is an awesome beautiful big tree in the compound next to the temple - which is a mix of three trees in one. The sight is truly gorgeous. There are three different types of trees which are almost coming from the same root! People sitting under it, made me feel extremely happy for some intangible reason.
I had some dinner and followed it up by a walk to see around town, a small town with not much activity but a beautiful scenery, clean air, and no noise! What a delight for a religious location, and that too in India!!!

I got up early; around 6 in the morning and went for a nice stroll to the temple and saw the beautiful linga again. There was a morning aarti (light and sound show for the god!) where you wait before the god is decked up, cleaned and chanted to before he is shown to the devotees - this is pretty simple in the case of a linga - where only water and milk generally is offered. I waited in silent meditation and reverence. Though the idol or energy symbol is covered through a door and the act itself of seeing something of an idol does not appease me, yet it is comforting to be in the physical presence of such an ancient sight of worship! I was redeemed by lord and savior Na Ma Ci Va Ya

The ancient warriors of andhra, have time over spent years in renunciation and at the end of their contemplation cut of their heads at the stone linga here, from heads to other body parts - sacrifices sacred have been made to the concept of consciousness. This alluring and dangerous paths undertaken by warriors across time to this ancient power place amazes me no end. Its an endearing part of heart to have visited such places without any tension or need!

Peace and Bliss!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Birth of Change

There seems to be a great deal of change happening in the inner psyche of this self in recent times gone by. The world and how it has formalized in my head (as in everyone's head post puberty), is now not the same. I have started to see cracks in this so called reality. There seems to be funny things happening all the time, and I sensing them somehow fall in the middle of them every time  It is not all bad, it is a clear learning taking place by the subconscious for the satisfaction of itself. 

Recently I saw a very beautiful and grand looking moth in my bedroom. I have seen many moths in the past, they symbolic of beauty and serenity not to mention peaceful existence. But this moth was bigger somehow for an insect of the subcontinent. It was yellow in its wings and I could see its pretty antennae. It was perched on my drapes right near my bed, especially near where I put my head down to sleep. I was mesmerized and a little eked how such a big moth was inside my room. I adore them but somehow I get a little freaked with insects which can somehow come near my face. 
So this instinct made me move the drapes a little and the moth promptly flew off onto my jeans and doing rounds on my other stuff. I was enjoying seeing it fly and I was now very comfortable as it was not close to where I put my head to sleep. I could never hurt such a pretty creature, especially a totem of power and change; and now at a close yet safe distance I could see it perch in peace and power. It was a beautiful sight indeed. 
I slept off and the next day evening, I decided to go for a run in my neighborhood park - KBR. The place is a forest park at the center of Hyderabad  Though it has no significant flora or fauna but it does have some greenery (more than any other place close by). I started with my jog and mid way through a big moth flew in front of me and unlike most other times, it actually came on my face and kissed me on my lips before flying away. I got a sudden shock yet did not stop from running  but in my head what had happened was very clear and I felt quite a sense of awe. 

I tell you why I take a visitation or even a pecker from a moth so seriously. Animals across time have been seen for what they really are, representations of a particular mood, aura or power. The moth is the representation of psychic awareness, ability to metamorphose, to change, and to create sensitivity. The presence of a moth can indicate the presence of these qualities in one's life or the sheer absence. Its upto the person to see which is true. The times I have been visited by a moth earlier in my life - have been times where my psyche has evolved or rather changed for one way better or worse? The times where moths have been spotted by me - have gone to show me that there is greater meaning purpose or awareness around than I had expected. 
The same has been true for myself over the past couple of weeks or months, there has been continuous evolution of what I have perceived as staunch reality; the natural awakening or change to know or realize that this is not so. 
      The moth is a nocturnal entity, driven by lunar light. There is a sense of coolness, calmness and being ness associated with this beautiful creature. It projects no hatred or even animosity to any other life form, the female of the species has a particularly strong pheromone to attract the counterpart. It is according to me one of the most precious, and least understood animal totems and life forms. 

      The incident is small, and with not much consequence in day to day reality. But to those who seek efforts to purify and reconcile. The presence of a moth is delectable indeed. 

                Peace and Bliss


Visa Power @ Chilkur

How I feel, when a temple or any place of worship - gets converted to a place of trade and commerce. Where people entering the sacred sanctum feel obliged to pay money as an atonement of their selves and sins. Where there is a Sunday mass to acknowledge that you are a good christian or a friday namaz to pay the beggars and feel better about oneself? Its quite funny and even deeply sad I propose.

I recently visited a way famous way of worship close to Hyderabad - known as Balaji / Venkateshwara / Vishnu of Chilkur for seeing what the fuss was about. The god/energy here is known as VISA BALAJI. which is pretty funny by itself - there are tons of people who come to see and pray at this temple for stuff like visa and other worldly ordeals; and unlike most other places of worship - the crowd seen here remains to be teenagers and youngsters. The god or energy here fulfills any desire of the devotee especially those pertaining to going outside the mother land perhaps. (In olden ages, the concept of country was not established, only of one's native land and foreign land). 

The temple is quite old, and made in a small village (which has now expanded way beyond its boundaries). There remains a small pond which would have been earlier made for devotees to bathe in, near a beautiful grove like seating mounted by an old big branched tree. I went through the side entrance, this was a saturday which is considered very auspicious to Narayana/Vishnu worship. The entire temple was flocked! There were some 500 odd people in this small village temple at the moment of my visit. (there are close to 1 lakh devotees visiting on an average every week!)

Now here comes the interesting part - there is no donation or money collecting box in this old temple. The temple strictly follows a method for sacrifice for the folks who have come with some sort of wish or desire in mind to be fulfilled. The way is to do circum ambulation or walking around the central deity recollecting and remembering god or this beautiful energy therin's name. The entire process is completely out of context for any form of religious worship I have seen till date. Here for the first time, is a very very important and wealthy temple (the number of people visiting here on a daily basis is unfathomable!) which refuses to collect money to make the temple resources and priests wealthier. How in the world has human nature bent itself in such a way?! I was baffled yet so pleasantly surprised. Hundreds of people walking in peace though completely locked in with other people around, walking and remembering holy names in peace. There is no concept of getting what you desire through the money in your wallet. There is only penance and remembrance to be undertaken. This form of sacrifice - creating a stronger will, a loving heart, and sheer humility is what our ancestors have preached as the best method to create a wholesome life devoted to the higher purpose. 

I guess the god here has VISA power in his hands, doesnt require any cash donations one bit lol. For he knows, those who have been blessed by his power, will return to spend manifold times their own personal energy to devote at his feet!

I got a good darshan (which I did not expect at such a crowded temple!), though I rarely pray for anything very material. But my heart was healed in this realization that there is yet humility and proper ways of worship being practiced in this ancient land. Unlike the myriad places of worship where money can buy you more time or an easier way to access the temple deity/god/dargah/darshan/atonement. 

Do something simple instead, walk in love for your life and love!!


Ode to Humanity

I am not a big fan of human kind, the version of life that in today’s day seems to be only focused upon itself. The day’s pass and humans ...