Monday, February 28, 2011


Its inevitable, and is going to happen to you and I. We are going to be struck hard and fast and with a definite loss of time, there shall be a shift in your consciousness, whether you care to admit it or not, whether you are open to its consequences or not. It shall ram into your skull and heart, your third eye and the base of your human spine…
See its called a shakedown, and it will show you where you stand. It is going to come so rapid that you won’t know what hit you, yes you know what this is, its that moment which wraps its coils around your existence; squeezes it or flattens it outright.

Damn! we have to be faster, stronger, braver and harder. Its not enough to wait for this raw force to strike us down or mould us for another’s reckoning, we have to draw ourselves out, with our hoods and fangs out; to bite down hard and forever on this power ridden shakedown. Which is coming to get us all, to break our former selves and to remould us in power….

You have never experienced it? Have you never realized it, when your ‘world’ breaks down and over, there appears a crack in reality and there is nothing you can do to bridge it anymore. Feel free to jargon it and label it, try to understand it and make amends but once you are shook the fuck down; there is no going back, you realize that there was no turning back ever. A one way road, led by power towards consumption of power by itself.
This is the warrior’s way, for the man who understands that what you are is just a matter of the power ‘you’ possess or are made of, and this too shall change, transform or decay, and  then you shall be no more the same…. never ever the same.
Your shell will break and change, and this rolling shakedown will penetrate your frame. Your existence will reek and yes yes you can never go back again. What shall we do, but to wait patiently and in preparedness to encounter such moments in our personal existence, and use the power they possess to remould as we desire, choose.
The warriors way is the only way I know towards life, its the yogi’s way, the adept and the masters (swami) way, its the way without any need for remorse or afterthought. Though impossible to attain and maintain, but like every energetic action of this universe, once exercised; then it becomes the only way to live. Believe me, It remains the only way to live!

Entering Causal Realms

The vineyard smells of decay; and the glass begs to be filled yet again,
Pours itself down the gullet, and the illusions disappear just as swiftly as they had begun
The den is packed with howling moaning loathing lusting emotions, yet the wine speaks gently to the sincere, and the devout.
Spilling the ‘one’ who sits drinking over, I gets up and dances like a love struck child, swaying not with the wine, but one with the wine…
Who shall come here and be left feeling alone, come now drunkard; let us dance together… leading us nowhere but shifting our feet none the less
I see her in a corner, the wine blows sweet caresses and it looks like the wind is kissing her hair, she is a figment, an eternal dawn in the darkness of this night… and the glass begs itself to be filled yet again.
You are not who you are, you are the wine, and as the spirit wakes and traverses these causal realms… oh the merry making, the joy unparalleled reveals its true self!
She is there no more, and I am here no more; the veil which brought me to her has dropped and left a scar in its place, oh love; why such pain; but the laughter on this face understands, the true self has buried both pain and pleasure and is equal and content
Drop the robe, the facade and lo! your self has disappeared into ether… and the glass begs itself to be filled yet again. Drink drink oh sufi, drowning in the eyes of your beloved, oh she is not there, oh she is everywhere….
Night passes and time eats itself to its own end, as I dance with the name of my beloved for tonight, the one who I see; the one who sees ‘me’. The wine awakens and speaks true language, of the heart.
With every beat, across all directions and dimensions, perfect harmonious power flows. Suspended in infinite causal realms, the heart attracts magic; love has brought another drunkard to his knees without delay!
There is my beloved, behind the moon and her majesty; Here is my beloved, playing hide and seek with such fervour, oh sufi; tell your heart not to contain (anymore), open realms of the channels from your heart leading right to the centre of god…
Fill the cup with delight, fill it with the blood of life…. fill it with this hallucinatory wine; that clears the mind clothed in deception, and lets the heart speak the language of one. Where there is no veil to hide the lover from I, where there is no need anymore to drink wine to get high.

Love binds us to be free (Still~Rising)

Oh Mother! You suckle your own; why not another… is this what you call unlimited love? Oh Mother, you care for your own…. what about another? Are they not made of the same flesh and bone..

Clamped oyster, you caress that dirt and metamorphose it into the moonlike pearl… what about the dirt of the vast unknown, are they not comparable to transcend into the heavenly gem?

Oh tormenter! The shadow that is my mind, why do you gaze into your beloved lover like she was your own, How easily you are fooled into gullible frenzy, Oh ever agitated mind of mine, can you not see that love is ever present and floods entire realms with its presence. Why do you limit it to a body, another mind, maybe just another soul!

Oh infinite oceans calm yet so restless, why do you but see upward and beyond to that rock the sky adorns. Why do you raise and fall only to that inanimate satellite, forever in a false hope to reach your goal? Why would you not flood our hearts instead, where love so intense shall never go without repay....

Oh life, why do you run helter skelter towards your dual; the mighty impending death. Would you not spread your wings and shelter us fools who fail to see your great vision, your great truth! Oh Life, be not so cruel to show misery without the reaping of unconditional love to one and all, for once and forever.

Oh goddess, why do you insist on liberating this fool, when you know that he is not worthy of the love you offer, oh collective consciousness; you who impales the slightest trace of  ignorance… would you save me even if I lost all hope, lost my way over and over? Would you show me your feet even if I walked away on mine… away from you?

Oh holy Earth, why do you insist on binding us to you with your mighty force. Would you not liberate us so we may not hurt you anymore. Would you not let us drift upwards so that we may open our eyes and hearts and look upon thee from outer space like the true mother that you have been. Protecting and nurturing?

Oh ignorance, why do you choose to be blind since the the death of the void… why would you not partner with love and shine infinitely and without purpose? Would you not lose your grip on creation just a bit. Would you not let yourself rest just a bit, so that creation may dance its love into the heart of the loveless, into the soul of the soul less? 

Oh unfazed wind, you fly the heavens and beyond.. why do you ground this heart into loneliness and ostracize it from the freedom that you offer, is it not our divine right? Oh wind, would you not make each and everyone rise like you do, over hills and clouds… to a place and time where infinite light exists shining infinite love

Oh Love, mighty infinite real love…. would you be cursing us by being one like them (above)? To restrict your gaze into the hearts of those who ask for security and repair? Would you not be unfathomable once more, to raise your mighty power so that we may experience remaining still in your presence (content and joyful) while ever rising! (In you, for you, with you, towards you)

                Peace! Love! Bliss!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

A Tale of Two Indian Weddings….Almost!

I don’t write about my day to day trips generally unless and until they inspire something profound, but this was something so ‘coincidental’ or perfectly timed that I admit I had to put it in a note somewhere.
So recently I have been a part of two awesome Indian weddings (well not quite actually…. it becomes clear as it unfolds). There was one which involved my best friend if not my brother Sandeep singh who wed his love Ruju, and well there was one which almost included mine (which just did not materialize). I was in a revelling mood most of last couple of weeks cause I knew one of my good friends from undergraduate days was getting hitched, but at the same time I was a bit bogged down too, cause of the fact that my own personal marriage dreams remained well, just that….
So I will elucidate about how ruju and sandy came together and how I and my ex came apart! (thats what was going through my head while I was having fun with friends enjoying the festivities!). Well Sandeep and his better half have been going around for almost 6 years, and they had met up in their MBA college times in IMT Nagpur, both of them are an awesome couple and as far as I know, they did not have future plans like marriage on cards so quick. The girl’s parents wanted her to get wed and this led to a time when these two split up and the girl was engaged to another guy. The marriage day fast approached and though I used to meet up with sandeep during those days, he hardly seemed perturbed at the thought of losing his love, he just carried on in his quiet saintly demeanour enjoying some out time with us all. Well true love goes a long way, this world or the next… Sandy’s lover broke the wedding but A DAY BEFORE she was going to enter the altar for her holy vows around the fire, well because she wanted to spend her life with the one she had risen in love with. I was overwhelmed and overjoyed when I heard what had happened (mind you, sandy during this time was taking a time off himself in between handling his business.), and the news that these two will be hitched rose like happiness amongst all of us who knew both of them. Though I don’t know the lovely bride well, but to see such courage to stand up against her parents and well the entire world a day before she was to get married told me how much she loved her man, and that she had a heart the size befitting divinity!
I too was in a long tumultuous relationship with my ex for a period of 4 years (mind you, coming from me, I was extremely serious about this woman, had gone to the lengths of changing myself a lot and even introducing her to my family)… the relationship began on shaky grounds with my ex’s family being a lot orthodox and only looking to wed within their ‘caste’. A case similar to the turmoil my friends lovely wife faced as well (its kind of routine in India… to say the least), but whereas my friends never committed from the beginning of their relationship to stay together, my ex and I did. We committed to stick it till come what may, and to be strong even though it was seriously an extremely difficult situation. so we both braved it out for some 4 odd years, with a lot of drama, emotion and pain braved by both of us…. but still somewhere we felt that we could get through with it to have a happy ending, but alas that was not to be….
My friends loved each other, and ruju was extremely brave to stand up and act courageous in the name for her love, but the same did not happen in my case and my ex over the years with emotional parental pressures crumbled to retract from our commitment towards each other and went ahead to have an arranged marriage. The situation could not be more surprising and well inspiring. Whereas one couple who never intended to stay together from the start of their relationship ( I don’t believe they started their courting with any intention of marriage), in the end due to their love for each other did… My condition which was exactly opposite ended in of course the exact opposite to the intended result. Such is life indeed (a phrase which my ex told me indirectly), and yes I thoroughly agree with it…. in this world nothing can be taken as absolute or for granted, especially not love. Love is something magical and uplifting for us mere mortals, but its also extremely unstable and very easily replaceable for most. Though I was disappointed at love for not working out like I had hoped and prayed and of course wished for, but I was at the same time elated and delighted for my brother for he found his love and fate and his bride’s courage helped him secure this love for an entire lifetime and more. Perhaps some things we just can’t see when we are in love, and we choose to elongate some sort of hope or illusory existence in the name of love. Perhaps my ex saw that it just was not cutting it; and well I bore the brunt of it. But I wish peace for every one of us who have felt love and chose to wed themselves, bathe themselves in that indescribable feeling at some point in our lives. Without it, truly the world remains bleak and at best a drag to our personal graves.
Peace! Rejoice in Love!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Clown who Failed to Laugh His way to the Grave

The man is a boy is a sufi is a hopeless romantic is a cynic and is also the bemused clown.
His feet have grown till beneath the ground, his sight has grown weary of the flesh. He tolerates apathy as his bread, and he breaks fast under the weight of failure of love.
He shines fast and fades dim. He cries howls and makes whims which cannot work or win. Taking the fast ride, slow. Intends to crash into the next person he abhors.
He met the woman and rose in love. The path is difficult, indeed tough. The goal unclear and time is up. There was laughter, now only sordid howls. The setting was new, the heart was ripped… the clown couldn’t laugh anymore on his infamous luck, why everyone used him as a stepping stone, why his love didn’t strike the heart of his partner? Was there a reason to this, the clown wept; moaned and failed yet again to laugh his way to his own grave.
The conniving and the wicked, get together to feast on the flesh of the decent. By night time there are only banshees everywhere waiting to prey on the weak and the loving. Yes they will laugh with you; then at you and finally mock your pathetic ways. In this world, survival is for the sickest, hope and love are for the forsaken. For the clown is a stepping stone quick to the circus, run fast ride last and leave the clown to partake of the mess you made…. a fine heartbreak indeed!
There is no more tragedy, or romance left in this clown’s life. It has all been consumed by fires more deeper and persistent than anything mundane.
The woman was confused and she wept on the clown’s shoulders. He took care of her as best as he could but she was never satisfied, she kept wanting something which even she did not know about. She said she loved her man, but the clown could see there was no twinkle in her eyes, there was only fear of what might happen if she was left alone to herself, so she was bored and wanted a partner to love. Too bad, she couldn’t understand what this love was and she played merrily along till the day things got serious and that is where the laughter which the clown could evoke in her just could not satisfy her anymore. 
The woman changed her partner and ran away without notice from the clown, she double timed and lied about her intentions and yes she was without feeling or remorse at the condition of this clown. The clown had failed yet again to make another or himself laugh free and with abandon. The woman left saying just a simple sorry, which she did not mean in the first place. The clown wished that her heart too shall be trampled one day in the hands of love and that too could not evoke any laughter from within.
Such is life, she told him the last time she would utter something for him…. she had given up on him and had taken the best recourse suiting her and her family. The family which had but plunged her deep into pain and tears for their self made interests. She could not face them, stand them nor leave them… somewhere this woman was so deeply wronged, and possessed such inner hatred and vanity; that the word love had become but a word, it had become a simple easily usable farce to cover up her real intentions.
The clown stood hopelessly in a daze after digging his own grave, He had chosen without ever looking back to love with utter purity and accept all that this woman was. But now he understood that though he was verily in bliss at the hands of ‘his’ woman, it was never the other way around…the hidden agendas, and intentions were very clear now to him. The woman just replaced her ‘love’, without the least bit of guilt or loss. How did such a woman come to him in the first place. Years of love and dreams for their united future was simply forgotten, the time and intensity they spent together was simply pushed under the carpet. The woman did not choose to be cruel, but indeed she was, playing with love and hearts like it was her god given chosen right. So the clown smiled and laughed and wept and lied down in peace in the grave he made for himself, for he chose now to find the solitude which was his, which would never be hurt or taken for granted or abused by another like his love for this woman. 
He prayed and looked into the skies and asked but one request from the powers above, that his love may not be wasted and that his love teach this woman what it really was and meant to them. Though she could never see it when this love was blossoming; now perhaps she would take another look….to see what she lost, what she abandoned and locked with a key to preserve as a secret against her new partner, her new found family and the world. He prayed and then closed the slits of his eyes and found eternal rest.
He did not have a smile on his face on his deathbed, his heart was burnt to cinders, and his laughter was ripped off by the cunning deceptive woman who he once adored like his own goddess. There was no peace and verily the clown had failed to laugh his way to his own grave……

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

A Solitary Man

I love this song, sung by Neil Diamond/Johnny Cash (love and peace to them). I have been hearing it often nowadays, probably because I am able to relate to his lyrics completely. The lyrics go something like this :
“Melinda was mine
'Til the time
That I found her
Holding Jim
Loving Him
Then Sue came along
Loved me strong
That's what I thought
Me and Sue
But that died too
Don't know that I will
But until I can find me
The girl who'll stay
And won't play games behind me
I'll be what I am
A solitary man
Solitary man
I've had it to here
Bein' where
Love's a small word
Part-time thing
Paper ring
I know it's been done
Havin' one
Girl who'll love me
Right or wrong
Weak or strong
Don't know that I will
But until I can find me
The girl who'll stay
And won't play games behind me
I'll be what I am
A solitary man
Solitary man”
I am posting the YouTube link of both Neil diamond and Johnny cash singing this song… both have an awesome voice and the songs are ethereal.
Neil Diamond- Solitary Man

Johnny cash- Solitary Man
This song remains simple and yet it echoes my life so precisely. Kind of feels like these singers too went through love and heartbreak so profound that they sang a song which expressed their desire to remain solitary than to go around give their love to women who would use them and leave them.
“Don't know that I will
But until I can find me
The girl who'll stay
And won't play games behind me
I'll be what I am
A solitary man”

This is exactly what has happened to me, and yes I am happy to be a solitary man than be with a woman who treats love as a part time thing/ a paper ring.


India has innovative methods to tackle paradoxes. It doesn't. I have seen such deep seated contradictions in the hearts and minds of people who inhabit this country, that it scares me. People here have some sort of mental condition as best as I can understand. I will of course elucidate with an example….
In many countries, prostitution is legal, in many other countries its there and recognized though it might not be encouraged. In India prostitution exists rampantly (You dont know how rampant till you finish reading this). Prostitution exists uniformly in every state and the condition of women in such an institution is pathetic to say the least. I don’t have any personal knowledge as I dont encourage such a practice, to lust and lust only is a very boring and ‘love’ less existence. I believe in love, but there are many who are into this business across the country, and its just an unrespected and dishonourable existence… and this is because of the societal attitudes and perceptions regarding this business, I am sure people are aware that prostitutes exist in India; but most of us, would never ever think about it in any kind of positive light. We would be horrified if we were anyways associated or perceived to be associated with it. We think the women to be animals or whores and the men to be perverts and bastards. This is I guess a very general basic explanation of the perception regarding this activity in India. Though its rampant; and truly one of the oldest professions in India, still there is no respect, security or care given to people surrounding it.
Now I will tell you another story about India, which is kind of similar to the one above, though we would completely willing to associate with it (unlike the reality above).
Its called the great Indian arranged marriage. Many people across the world, might not understand what I just said, but they would have heard about it (mainly cause Indians have populated the entire world by now). An arranged marriage is one in which the parents of the bride and groom meet first, they sit down and exchange notes about their kids, then they see whether this will work out. In many parts of the country this might be done by the fathers…men and not the women (these are the more backward parts of this country… where women continue to be second rate citizens mostly), so if the parents conclude they should meet the kids up, then a meeting is arranged. Now the funny part starts.
The arranged meetings could be once, twice or in more single numerals before both the ‘parties’ (the man and woman) make up their minds and either accept the ‘invitation’ to marry or continue looking around. If the ‘castes’ (caste means either the rank/merit of the person as decided on birth or by location or both. Caste is inherent in most of the religions present in India- inclusive of muslims, christians, Sikhs, Hindus etc) are the same, then its the only criteria required for the go ahead for an entire lifetime of matrimony, its kind of strange isn’t it. Many would say no there are more criteria, but in reality the caste and religious compatibility is the only thing seen as a cut-off criteria.
So if the green light is given, an engagement followed by a mighty marriage in true grand indian style follows leading to the night where the man and woman would be able to consummate in a safe protected and most importantly respect environment.
This is bliss, marriage and binding to mate as decided by elders of a family is what generally an average Indian man or woman dreams of. To be settled with a woman who would be his life partner (vice versa), but true to Indian standards, there is no way to approach but through elders and a network to get the perfect life partner. And believe me, the network to get you a legal mate is very intricate and extensive in India.
So you can go ahead and get a girl or a man, through a website (refer and so forth) or through priests and other elderly people- who want also to get their children united etc). Through the ages this has persistently felt like to me to be the same as the first story about prostitution in India, this practice is rampant and it basically secures one a fuck at the end of the night,
So why such great stigma against one practice while the other also aims for the same. Why do we imagine that prostitution is a grizzly act whereas an arranged marriage where there is not even enough time given to a couple to start loving each other is considered to be made in heaven. Where the couple are met up so they can live with each other and fuck to give a child (and let me not even get started about the great Indian expectations regarding delivering a child in record time for showing everyone their virility lol).
You can tell me a marriage is a holy pact and its where a couple meet up to support each other and what not. But my counter argument is very simple, human needs are the same, if a man wants to get wed or wants to goto a prostitute is because of his need to be with another body. to be united and be one and not feel lonely. This goes the same for a woman, though a woman would want to be loved and spend a lot nire time before she commits with her body to a man, and this is where I find arranged marriages to be even more like prostitution. Because I through personal hard learned experience have seen people who I cared for and loved to go away to have arranged marriages. And I have been left baffled and at complete loss to explain how people who once have known the joy of loving with choice would go ahead to accept someone to live with forever even without knowing them completely. So I just smile and acknowledge that I am living in probably the weirdest ‘country’ or area in the entire cosmos. This is true India, where legal prostitution – blind mating takes place with absolute reverence and at the same time dark and dingy corners of this ancient land still hide the true martyrs- the women who have either been forced into or have taken up prostitution as a means of livelihood. The women who spend eons trapped in their bodies, alone and pained at times knowing only the cruelty of human lust. These prostitutes exist at the periphery of Indian civilization, and can never ever be respected or even loved. This is the weird state of the country, where if someone by choice wanted to prostitute themselves, they would not be able to; they would be plain and simple ostracised by everyone they would ever know- even their parents, but on the other side of the coin is the great Indian arranged marriage, where parents become the pimps (dallas) and deal their children to forward their family name or lineage in some sort of sad hope of reaching immortality. This whoring act is respected and adored, where two people might actually be in a relationship without the true blossoming of love between them. Some times it might be perfect and others it might be just the starting of the deaths of the inner fire which we humans were built to burn higher and higher. 
I believe and follow my heart. I love and live free. I dont judge arranged marriages nor prostitutes, I dont encourage either of these. Because they both are the fruits of love-lessness. They exist because we have chosen at some time in this land, to give away the spontaneity of love and freedom for some sort of fake blanket cover of security and gene protection. It is truly extremely out of the world weird. My parents have wed through it, I see my former lovers wed by it, I see my friends wed by it too…. and its feels kind of weird to me at times, is it me who is incorrect when it comes to keeping such a view? Is prostitution really different from the traditional Indian arranged marriage? It probably has a lot of arguments for and against, but I am a simple person and I see the glory of something as exciting as love stemming free and every which way and I am easily swayed. I would rather find my love, in body and flesh even if it took me an entire lifetime than go for some sort of easy fix cause its the norm which everyone around us supposedly follow. So you may say that its harder implemented than talked, and I would laugh and sway my head to convey a nod; and say ‘ I have learned the hard way that love is an act of faith and fate in this country’  I really have learned the extremely hard way, of losing a part of myself and my love to understand the complexities and stupidities of routines of eras past.
But thats not the center of the problem, Whereas the daily pimping by our own parents is not considered to be a cruel act, the act of prostitution remains to be banished and treated like shit, result being the women involved in this business remain victims, targets and go unnoticed and in extreme pain. Why such biased feeling by this society? Are we not mature to acknowledge the truth when we see it, feel it, maybe even experience it. So if tomorrow I have an arranged marriage, I would honestly acknowledge that I was looking for company and the act if considered legal prostitution would be correct. I also see that an activity like prostitution exists because its in demand, and to demerit it while abusing it is something which only the maturity levels of a society when high, could stop. 
Please think about what you do in your life. Don’t label it, or shelve it unless you want to remain blind to the truth. Its your life, try to accept and experience love and everything will be cheered. Don’t think of yourself to be on a pedestal while others squirm in the mud. We all are one, let’s undergo a smooth transformation towards acceptance and joy. 

Friday, February 18, 2011

The Failed Trek…. (subramanya)

I generally am enthusiastic about any trek or wandering in wilderness, however improbable or dangerous or ill timed but there has been but one trek which my friends and I haven’t been able to complete till the destination….
This was during my undergraduate college done in MIT, manipal… which is located in the west coast of India in the state of Karnataka. We had heard about the second highest peak in Karnataka as a place called ‘subramanya’ located at a distance of over 6 hours from the nearest town- Mangalore (Mangalore is around 40 km from manipal on the western coast). We had heard of the place from our seniors (vignesh and arvind khelkar)- who had spent 3 days in trekking and camping in that area. The peak is a part of the western ghats, and they did not at any time inform us that the trek would be difficult or require a overnight haul.
My friends (Sandeep, Alap, Joydeep, Gurwinder) decided impromptu and spontaneously to visit the area over a weekend in which we were free. We packed the basics in duffle bags, and a change over. We expected to be back in couple of days and as such guys don’t require much (we did carry our fair share of liquor and all to spice up our senses before the trek- something which was a fatal mistake for the cause, and cost us our journey’s end goal).
The bus journey from Mangalore to subramanya is hectic uncomfortable and sheer agony (the roads were just potholes so big that even the bus had to travel at low speeds). Subramanya- is the name of the son of shiva- he is also called kartikeya, he is the human son of shiva (the other being ganesha- who had his human head replaced with an elephants). Subramanya is a child who is an ascetic, and a saint. He haunts only mountain tops, and his temples are all located over hillocks (In south india – there are six such places of significance- like panani, swamimalai etc- six places where subramanya spends his time in meditation eons since and still).
Subramanya is located at the base of the western ghats, there is an old and very famous temple located in this vicinity; and the entire area has the feel of a temple town- pilgrimage homes, ashrams etc. The location is hilly and the time we reached – which was late late night, there was nothing open anywhere… we checked out the town; and it was raining and drizzling intermittently which added to the beauty of this small isolated quaint town immersed in sheer peace indeed.

We found a lodging at an ashram- a room for all of us, where we unpacked freshened up and had just enough time to enjoy some high spirits. We relaxed and thought up when we would start in the morning, and before any of us knew it… we all were asleep (due to extreme tiredness of the bus journey- a real back killer).
The morning was sunny and the rain water had started evaporating which meant that it would be extremely hot and humid soon, making the trek up difficult ( I for one sweat profusely which adds to my minute to minute burden). We didn’t bother for a good breakfast and DID NOT take anything to eat or water to drink before we found our trail starting to the peak. We were all on a pretty dazed hangover which added to our brains being temporarily affected. I also believe that as none of us sought the blessing of the saint on the hill, or visit the temple… this made our minds temporarily veiled; so we could not gather what all was needed for our trek, we did not even bother to find out the terrain, time and other details (something which I myself generally don’t fail to do before starting up inside wilderness area).
The trek was extremely difficult, the way up was strenuous to all of us, and as we all realized after a period of 4 hours of gruelling trekking is that we were not climbing the mountain subramanya, rather we were climbing the base hills of the western ghats to reach the base camp from where the actual trek to the mountain was to start- which would be easily another 8 hours of non stop upward haul.
I cannot tell you the awe and expression on each one of our faces when we saw reaching upon the base, the humongous mountain still in front of us, we were left with only one thought… “thats the highest thing anywhere close to here, that means we haven’t reached the top, we are nowhere near the top”
We had more whiskey on us than water, we had more smokes on us than food(all each one of us was carrying in the namesake of food- was one chocolate bar!). We braved leaches on the house with salt, some sucking a lot of our blood and had to be removed with hands. We braved inebriation, hangover and dehydration to finally reach the base area (the top of the western ghats)- we were on our edges, totally lost and tired. We were able to find a hutment with caretaker living in it, The kind gentleman acted as an awesome host, providing us with water and some space to cool off. He also proceeded to tell us details of the trek which still lied in front of us. This really brought us down for we knew that we were not carrying anything remotely required for camping or staying in the jungle. We left our mood behind and carried forward in cheer. This is a jungle reserve and the forest post high up checked our belongings and promptly kept all of our leftover booze and smokes. We were at least less burdened; we took some time to take a couple of photos and explore the area at our leisure. we decided not to trek further as we saw dark clouds coming and this meant that any crazy wacko idea we had to push on further had to be discarded. My first and only failed trek, and as we started downwards, the powerful fury of the clouds above us burst to let out endless rain….. We had a a very tough time coming down, with every trek trail starting to fill with water and quick.
We somehow managed to come back and freshen up, It was a trek which was extremely tough (because we underestimated the route, and overestimated our preparedness) and leave the place. Before leaving though, I decided to make amends and see the temple dedicated to the mountain loving god; the son of Shiva…. subramanya.
Our journey back was uneventful and we all slept intermittently through the broken pot holed roads till we reached back to the peace of our hostel rooms to reminisce our forsaken and perhaps forbidden trip to the sacred mountain.
I myself was very disappointed that we could not get the view from the top, and mentally made a note to re-visit this place in the future and to climb till the top. I also learnt from the mistakes which we made in this trip so that I could avoid it in any further journey. But overall the place and atmosphere surrounding the holy town and hill of Subramanya are divine. The clouds envelop the ghats perpetually and the ever dense greenery is a sight for sour eyes (especially eyes which are more prone to looking at commercial city jungles than the real ones!)
Happy Travelling and ensure that you do plan a journey all the way to the top in advance!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Mythical Churning & Eternal Suffering

The time is three thousand years ago, the place is the island of Dravid, floating in the milky pacific sea. The jungles roam with intricate life; and man has evolved to use his thumb. It is the beginning of civilization as we would see it but to those who live three thousand years back, its the epitome of evolution, the break through point in animal kingdom (to which even man believes himself a part of at that time!), where the paradigm shift is taking place in consciousness. This is the story of the original Bhola.
The skies change a thousand colors, the love of the sky towards the green faunae, everywhere there is subtle movement. Of life and energy, though endless days pass, the scenery and scenario remains eternally same. This is the start of the evolution of our first kind.
The forests are dense and only the ice turned into rivers can flow between these contraptions of nature, dravid holds mountains high as it hits the old Pangaea continent with force and energy from the earth comes up as himalayas, the snow converts the regions bare and white. The presence of truth and love. Peace and acceptance. Bhola comes forth and walks higher up the hills, slower and stronger, with patience and calm and without an inner turmoil such as a monologue or a dialogue, he walks up north into the ice.
Bhola feels the earth’s energy within him self as well. It is a violent overtaking uprising of power, heat or even rage. He sets himself onto the kind of mood he desires, He dances in sheer ecstasy. Caressing the wind more, He overturns the great barrier which holds one to sobriety. Bhola begins the mythical churning within and every which where. Its inside us all you see; its easy when you see, much more difficult to express in plain words….
The intent here is immortality, for a certain bunch of entities, you call them good and evil. I call them 0 and 1. It makes no such difference in absolutes… again much easier to see than explain in simple words….
The indian mythology reeks of an event at the beginning of our time. Where good gods (devas) and the demonic entitites (asuras) work together for perhaps the first and last time, where they meet to ask the great lord snake Vasuki, to come and act as a rope so they may churn the great ocean. The ocean here is the null and void, it is the universes present everywhere, From the null and void the supposed good and the bad (though they both have the same motive) forces work in unison to create many other fascinating products, the esoteric churning of the ocean is the work of the mind of Bhola, His spine is the meru mountain (against which the snake vasuki starts churning), from the null and void the serpentine force of the self, The great devi kundalini starts moving and creating friction; at the base of the spine, is where the serpent resides in solemn and sleeping mood, until she wakes and starts creating the energies latent in every living organisam in this state. The product which comes first is the Hala!Ahala! The eternal and existent poison of the universe, something so toxic that it shall remove the state of maya which sustains this universe. The toxin so powerful which will end all this play of delusion and enlightenment,

Lord Bhola ever so kind, sits and takes the poison and sips it like wine, I will take what others here shall not partake, This is bliss! ever so ripe, the soma and nectar of eternal life, Bhola so innocent cannot see toxin where there is none, His energy comes to rescue converting toxin to honey to nectar for all….
The churning so long, produces obstacle so many, each god and demon fighting for so the crumbling so little, Something like within each and every one of us, We a sum of good and not so good instincts (subjectively) churning our inner self to see what life holds for us, Its our creation and our intent which creates the type of life we lead. There is the wish giving cow, kamedhun, the wish fulfilling tree, kalpa vrisksha, there is lakshmi- or utter prosperity which lord narayana beholds dear. There is everything produced infinitely from this tension within bhola’s body and soul. The snake turning around the spine, the snake turning around the mountain. The purpose immortality.amrit is the result. You find eternal life, like the devas(the ‘bad’ dudes-asuras are tricked into not drinking the eternal drink- perhaps added in mythology to signify some sort of victory of good over evil).
Bhola is going to die, for the world we hold dear; He gives his existence so we may live on and still never ever look upon our lives as a blessing. that we are here today; because the innocent lover bhola natha took upon himself everything which was destructive, evil and malignant.
Devi Parvati comes to the fore, she cannot see her lover squirm any more. She makes her hand a hammer; razes through the crowd to find him sitting on the tail of vasuki, turning blue…. eternal suffering always has been ever new.
She presses his neck, His neck turns blue, its a color which has another significance, he has taken within him all the evil, so that he could destroy it. For you do know, he is the destroyer of evil and the king of death. He commands who dies, he commands who shall live. Lord Bhola, I sing in his praise, why were you born ever so merciful!
There is no time like now to sit tight and pray to his grace, his innocence will captivate you, his love for you as yours for his shall be sincere, his touch will liberate misery and his glance will annihilate all that has ever been wrong. For you see, while you churn this mythical ocean with the snake of yours (kundalini energy is the energy of I- of you. ) Lord bhola silently takes in the poison which destroys, he takes it in quietly weeping so that you may know of him. His grace and his presence. His love and his wisdom. His existence and his absolute-ness.
Who shall love thee oh flesh and bone, like the lord who meditates in love. The lord who liberates your inner toxin so that you may taste sweet amrit- the nectar of ever new and eternal life!
Peace ~!~

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Unordinary (out of the world-IV)

I realized what it is about me that is hypocritical, I have been endowed in this world with the tools and means/resources/finances etc to do as I wish, as I choose and as I feel. There are many in this world (or most) who do not have such resources. I also realized that as a “have”(myself), I will do anything in my power to protect my resources against the have nots. But this was not the end of my realization (I am slow I admit!), I realized that I would not be satisfied or happy if others also possessed what I did, to realize themselves and be happy. This is what humanity calls envy, stemming out of a possibility in each individual to possess something only unique to himself/herself in this experience of life. We creatures to some extent (or the entire extent) want to perhaps remember our experience during life as unique, individual… Perhaps this is the deepest instict of this thing called existence/life/Universe whatever. This instinct is god realizing something about itself new. (not the first time, cause time is non existent) – perhaps new is something experienced as first time, without the existence of time (maybe).
This is what the zen master atop the green mountain side residing in a cave where clear blue water flows down on his head to cool his introspection says about the entire affair, This is zen so mostly there is nothing in here related to what we call as ‘sense’.
“ This individual is a deceiver, he thinks shadow as his own, trying forever in a narcissistic rage to discover himself. He is a fool and a deceiver.
This instinctual individual is headed towards the illusion of doom. Trying to find path and goal, his unique stamp to mark his life. Like a dog pissing to mark its territory. This is mine! This is mine! This is mine!
I know this is yours for it stinks foul.
The life less ordinary in this circumstance is the most convincing deception one can pull. The life masked in the mundane, in whichever role you are placed in this world, if you can play this part with the most bored expression, trying not to see something, feel something, know something, or be something is the most unique individual cunning space one can find here.
You are life itself! You are the pulse trying to discover the new, the complete, the void. You cannot discover yourself. You are the undiscoverable. You cannot know it. You cannot be it. You are it!
You will shake firm in your path and place wherever that may be, you will not piss like a dog once now and again and try to make something unique to you. Your soul crown is the plain. It is the entirety expressing itself !

You will undo what you know, You will unlearn what you thought you know. There is no passion, neti neti (not this, not this) the universe screams through your life. This is zen.
Zen is freedom, it is cunning deception to leave whatever may bind you to only that. You are nothing and everything and yes there is no you, as there is no I.”
The zen master opens his mouth and this time he sips in the cool water flowing from the top. His eyes are elsewhere and his energetic pose is forever firm. He is the ordinary, His wisdom are not these words, His existence screams of nothing extraordinary, but of complete-ness, and yes this existence is truly unique in its own way, some of the many dilemmas and dichotomies that zen incorporates and elucidates!
Zen master has silenced his inner envy, his inner desire to possess anything. Even if you are equal and satisfied with everyone and everything possessing the same as you. Then you must understand that this is the same as possession of nothing. The zen master laughs, echoing resounding through the cave to the inner sanctums of the glorious hill. It truly is!

Ode to Humanity

I am not a big fan of human kind, the version of life that in today’s day seems to be only focused upon itself. The day’s pass and humans ...