Monday, July 20, 2009


Got the ground trembling ever again...
The sights and sounds blur and something from internal takes over.
Visions of inner transmutation, have you ever been like that? felt like as I do.
Has the ground ever; I mean ever slipped from under your feet?

There is a unfolding of this cosmic vision. As it starts (has it ever stopped is the real question). There are chaotic vibrations sent forth above from the base of your spine. The fire cannot be stopped; cannot be questioned; cannot ever be withheld. It is your awakening as well as mine as well as this entire existence's.
You have never paid attention to the detail within the detail. Something has always remained amiss if you look and observe and see at anything including yourself. As you become sure of what and why you are. Suddenly there is a shift in consciousness. You are not yourself anymore. Ever felt or been like that?

The goddess redeems those who can withstand her power. Believe this I say from my inner of inner heart. Her eyes fiery red. Colours of a million suns enveloped within timelessness.
Her bosom breathing in this world and breathing out a void. She is maha~mudra itself.
As you look and see at those things which maketh what and why you are. Within a glance of the awakening you see the real nature of things. Real nature that they all are maya~ a vision of what we see. of what we current/presently are. They are reflections of a reflection called 'I'

The energy rises. Never stays still. She doesn't obey you; for you must obey her.
Her beauty is this world. Her distaste is disintegration.
She is maha vidya. She is the virgin power. She is the remorse of ignorance. She is the cycle and without as well.
Rise with will. To the true union. Something which waits for you oh goddess. In this moment. There is none other; there is no separation. There is only false perception, all destroyed~ there is only union to your true partner.

We live in a world of many, a world which is dual. Take a look around you; do you believe that anything in this world is a replicate? a duplicate? Take a look at the microcosm and you realize that each and every particle~ an electron, neutron, atoms all are at different energy states. The possibility and probability of finding two at the same energy; power are impossible. Then what to say of these clusters of particles... every thing stating a difference.
All these dualities? are they made for you or for I?
I maketh these dualities; perceiving something different so that they can be separated and dualized.
All this is to change as awakening takes place. As one awakens; bonds are cut loose. They are cut with the cleaver of the maha~mudra of chandi. She will make you seek her. bleed and sow for her. She will take everything you are and destroy it. She will rebuild you without you in it.

Hers is the grand play; the mystique of life itself. She dawns like the radiant sun in your heart and she wont let go. She is the twilight of this life. A psychedelic revelation.

All you must do is witness your own death.


I took a kavadi recently up a hill. and it brought me never ending joy.
The setting is panani. Near kodaikanal hills (which are around 50 kms from there). Panani lies in the southern state of tamilnadu. I travelled from chennai to a place called erod; from where I was to goto panani the next day; needless to say while travelling to spiritual sights I was accompanying the civa-shakti couple par excellence (my folks !).
Most people would have not heard of erod; I had ( I dont know how-not that I know anyone from there). We reached erod late at night and the road trip had nearly killed us due to exhaustion.
The roads in TN are amazing; thanks to the last transport minister who happened to be from TN. The scenery as expected in rural areas of india are beautiful to say the least. The roads wind up and down and all around and you get to see the power places if you scan while driving with extreme caution.
Erod being a very small yet old town, boasted of a pretty big town square as well as many cheesy hotels, we had booked the best place in town for the night and it was pretty wallet friendly. That didnt mean the room was really upto mark compared to city hotels. yet it was the best and we were too tired to notice. No food available and so we make did with some basic stuff for the night.
We slept peaceful.
come morning and we took out to the road once more to reach panani which was around 30-40 kilometres from there.
Panani is one of the six hills in TN which are dedicated for lord Muruga. or kartikeya. he is the older son of civa-shakti union. He is adept at astrology; boasts of infinite beauty and wisdom. He is a andi. Meaning that he is a sadhu. shaved hair and always seeking solitude (hence the mountains). He is a power by himself. He is also the guru of his own father; learning the wisdom of the mystic word Om. He was the one who teaches the lord civa himself... his own father.
Panani is also the place where lord siddha boganatha, or as he is kindly referred Bogar resides in living samadhi. He is present under a special linga (whose constituents I forgot) in a small cave like structure outside Kartikeya sanctum. Bogar is very old, one of the oldest siddhas of India. He is the great guru of siddha baba Naga raja. He is the one who had come to panani and made the idol of lord kartikeya here. The idol is not stone, instead it is made of what is called Nava-Pasha. Nine poisons to be more precise. The real constituents by the way are till date not known; for a majority of the experiments done on the residual contents of the abhishek products from the idol through spectral analysis have never yielded any elements of the idol. The idol is small, around 5 feet perhaps in length, and in this place the lord is andi- he comes to this place supposedly when there is a fight between him and his folks regarding a test which his parents ask him and his brother ganesha to undergo. The test was simple, the two sons had to go around the world three times, and whoever went fastest would win the apple of knowledge (or something to that effect).
Lord ganesha being a cute little elephant went around his folks three times acknowledging that the whole world to him meant only his parents, and lord kartikeya taking the task literally sat on his vehicle (which is a beautiful peacock) and went around the world. When he came back he saw that lord ganesha had already eaten the fruit. Infuriated he leaves the world in a fit, and shaves his head, leaves his ornaments and clothes and becomes a mendicant. he comes here; to panani where he resided on top of this pretty little hill and does penance; meditation for enlightenment.

We reach panani in the middle of the day, the town is biggish, and ofcourse due to the insurgence of devotees at all times of the year, it is mostly a temple town. there is a beautiful heart shaped lake in the city near the hill as well. I had only wished for one thing when I went to see the lord, that I might have some peace while seeing him, that i might not be hurled away from his presence due to the sheer magnitude of crowds of people.
And I have never been disappointed when i ask the lord. There was not a single soul in sight, mind you that this town hosts days and nights where lakhs upon lakhs of people piled upon each other come to see the lord for a minute second or even less.
This was a miracle by itself. I take up a kavadi from a shop and take off my shirt. This is a milk kavadi, bathing the lord in milk would be awesome my heart resounds out loud!
There are around 400 or more steps to be climbed and the heat is on. The steps are hot yet the lord keeps the strength that I dont even feel them. My father keeps me company and my mother takes up the easier way to come up using a udhan kathola (flying saucer ;) )
We reach up and we take up a ticket which by chance and by amazing luck lets us see the lord while his afternoon abhishek takes place for a good half hour. I can see well and i never let the kavadi down. I want to thank the presence for everything this life and this being called I is.
For it is I and the lord which finally make up this life and its experiences and its results and Its being. So thank full ness in full.
I become calm and loving in the presence of andi. The eternal sadhu, teaching the ways of detachment and love at once. That all things are transitory and constant at once. That time will stand still and disappear to the ones who stand all ways before the lord kartikeya.

A kavadi is an ablution to the lord. A state of giving and receiving at once. A state where one is at peace. That state is always present. That state is the always given present.

Peace and Love from the Lord of Panani.

Deja You

I got a funny feeling in my mind,
seems like time stopped just in time.
For you and I to see ourselves; mirror reflecting life.

Have these sensations of deja you.
Noticed that you have these feelings too.
Somewhere lost in translations; a distant dream. Ever-new Life.

I walk on the back alley ways of our life; and all I could ever see is you.
Lurking through every corner. presenting a new taste of this wine called Love.

Love creeps silently and without notice. Creating vibrations so strong in this body.
Seen these intricate patterns ever before. Time stands still and the eternal moment reverberates with ever growing love.

Love is my deja vu to you.
May this never ending sensual be ever present in us.
Intertwined like creepers on the tree of life. We be one and the feeling grows.

The ground shakes, the trees quake as the wind howls.
These feelings, they never go. They remain permanent in hearts of hearts.
Take my hand, and roam this un-ending land (of soul). Within care. Without fear.
From twilight to twilight. We shall surely remain caressed lip to lip in this ecstatic moment of divine love. This subtle presence of a deja-you.


Sunday, July 19, 2009

Around the Bliss

timeless she stands in the rows of silence.
in her eyes she reflects the dark side of the moon
rising from the ashes she breathes of fire inside me
and awakens like the depths

Dead i am the sky
watching angels cry
conquer in the worm

Burn through the witches
and slam at the back of my dragula...

We sail through the night sky
stars shine like her eyes,
The fools and the moon, in silver creeks
fall down beside me,
light of the night, and the earth
a purple haze, a sapphire gaze
beside me all the time.
all the time

While i drown, in this wicked need
silver starlight bathes me down..
and so we breathe, last sighs of this lost life
and we travel the night over and over.

The starting of It all..

Hell revisited. In all the manners possible. Madness reigns supreme. Where everything and everyone become grossly overlapped to such an extent that nothing can be differentiated in the absolute respect. This is what my hell began as.
The scenes start repeating. I know after a certain duration what to expect next. Whether be it something ominous or something day to day, there are many signs which show me the way. And they all started repeating too, as if pointing to same- similar catastrophes coming my way.
The time of my life is the best time. I am in a continuous process of learning. Learning consciously which I must specify I feel, though most learn as a process of reacting to a situation. It began for me too such. But it did not continue such. My life started spiraling down I believe.
You see, there was a time when I thought that I was invincible or even indestructible. Most people on a good run think so, when you are on a winning streak as a gambler or when you are getting your trip on as a junkie, perhaps you work hard and things come your way and you feel that the world works justified to give you what you deserve in any and all respects. There are many such stories or rather true accounts of what lives in this world have accomplished. But there are many unstories too; those which supposedly spiral down into nothingness or worse. These lives which start up rather promising, willing to discover the complete potential of the being, but something gives, or rather the method of experience becomes so vast and varied that something has to give. The being fuses or fissions away. The experience becomes invisible.
The time is ripe as the night comes on, the moon is three quarters full. And I see it rise on the eastern horizon. It is the summer months in new delhi, the summer is bringing the intolerable heat and much with it slowly yet surely.. I prefer winters any day, being born and brought up in the sub continent I have a complete aversion to the heat. Though it might be so, I am also completely used to the heat by this time in my life. I see that the heat isn’t going to diminish so might as well get through it without the angst. But this is also not always the case as most would understand. To be a human is to be a pussy in more ways than one. It takes a lot to be a warrior to understand that our life is a waste and that its not going to be a easy going waste either.
This is how I have collected my attitude against the time I am going through. As I put it. The learning time. The experience years. To prove metal of ones own against the complete vastness of the universe. Of whatever lurks out there as the unknown. Or as the unknown which seeks to annihilate oneself completely.
Life is a pain. And when the bitch stinks, your life is verily going to end. Trust me on this one.
I have gone through the most un forgettable times in life. And it shows that what you think will happen will surely happen but in a manner which you did not expect. If you can understand your hindsight well enough, then it wont be useful at all. If you have any sort of fore sight. It will be completely muffed in the face of utter odds. To the extent that you will re think every single strategy which you possibly can. And then still give up.
This is what the powerful planet of experience does to ones soul.
It moulds.
It breaks first.
It burns down.
And then builds up.
From the essence of nothingness, of the void. It creates an impression. Which is called a life.
Many go down in the process. Because they surely don’t or don’t want to acknowledge what is happening to them.
An unwanted metamorphosis of sorts.
Being converted to gods from cockroaches.
When the planet looms over one soul. Her time is up. The reckoning is near. The judgment day is close. And there is not thing one can do about it.
From the beginning … again please !?

Plane(t) of Experience

Sweet majesty created out of void.
Pleases itself with experience and remembering.
The planet of experience twirls out of the void,
Sinks everything in infinite nothing-ness.
Sleep and inertia are brought upon.
The mystery shrouded and the veil drawn.
Brings none and take none. The slide is inevitable.
The king rests on a bent knee.
The planet of experience differentiates not between pleasure and pain.
It shall rein in quite wisdom. Until every-thing is drawn back into the void.
No redemption or salvation can be present; when there is differentiation in mind.
Remove mind replace with no mind. The planet of experience teaches.
Limps and groans. Without reason . Placid and fearsome to none but itself.
The sweetness of his, is drawn mostly out of treason; of ones self to the soul.
And the amber mist is mistaken to be harmful. But what of ones own can harm?
There is nothing beneficial or fickle in experience. It is the natural source of calm.
Contemplate deeply with no-mind to the planet of experience. May he reign forever.
On and On.

Saturday, July 18, 2009


On this distant shore; one last glimpse we seek of paradise.
Paradise I have noticed, from far and near. Seeking its beat, crying out~

Everpresent life filled with notions of nightmares; unstable look, a piercing shout
Eagles bind the sky; circling away my notions of what life is or may be.
This is paradise, where the shores cut by deep rocks on both sides shelter nomads.

Climb over five hills and see the sunset, as I did. Each walk the path winds towards the serene drop of the oceans perfect unstill.
Gokarna is the place where I lost myself time and again. Lifting up the spirits from the sky
noticing those glances from the sky. Ever benign.

I have seen the dance of the flute with the tabla on rapture; these long haired gods coming together for the evening serenades on the tip of the Om beach. where all concept of there away disappear with the music.
Sleepless shores these are, for not the faint hearted for as the night comes on paradise takes on this notion.
Where the sounds of the waves merge with pure wizzy noises.

Look paradise is in you. Where shall you look? for this path that Natha has provided will be experienced. Savoured with the supreme. Divine and time less.
Paradise is not a back alley for the sane. It is the path to the divine. It is the way off this beat ridden madness which you call a life. I prefer to call it a lie.

Come and drink the wine under the moonlight sky my love! Sleep under the stars and stillness.
Tides rise and we submerge to see the underwater. Look up at times and we notice the moon wavering with the tides.

Power takes on different connatation here; My life comes here a full circle as I fall into the same place where I met god. Where I saw the reflections changing. Disappearing and re emerging.

Lo~ Paradise is here and now. Taking and giving your soul into this ,
Is presents itself in entirety. Take a sip. Thou shall not be disappointed my union.

Thursday, July 16, 2009


The divine mother.
The mother who sees all , the adya. The beginning where there was none.
The mother of creation and also the seed of destruction, the timeless beauty
She who revels in peace, she who manifests herself in freedom of herself and others who she creates. She who is unparalleled in her magnificence, she who shines like the North Star. The spirit of unity, she is. She is active energy enforcing all through her dynamic spirit.
She manifests herself at the fiery fires when the end of this world comes about, she who is grotesque in appearance to those fear and of pristine clarity to those who love. She appears in all eyes. Her divinity compares to those of the blue lotus.
Gods vie to be born and die on this and any other plane so that they may come through the womb of the great mother,
She who lives in the cremation ground and where death appears, she who feeds on the desecrated bodies of the dead. She whose eyes are the fires of a million sun. she whose skin is the color of black and who is constantly surrounded by demons and ghouls, she screams and screeches in the smashan, to get rid of those who do not belong in this city of silence. Her devotees live and die in the ghats where there is nothing but perceived pollution and stink. Never complaining. They are at the tomb of being. This is the precious dichotomy. What we have never learnt, that the dual is just a theory; a mere concept. Adya makes us force our will to it. We can drop it any time with her compassion; with her grace. Then the dual and the non dual all seem as mere concepts. willing to be exercised or disintegrated.

Fading away into never more
I cant see anymore, nothing more to see
Living lost and dying in solitude.
Peace and will lost something I could never have
Just need the end to set me free.
There are moments of reprieve
Lost or stolen by something which despises me
Need the fragrance of jasmine at my death bed
Why cant I see? Need to know now. Need to know somehow
Emptiness is killing me. Like the time before and after
I was something somewhere but now I am gone.

~ A fool can be such; as I has been. I has always been but a mere concept. A foolish concept as always.

The ashes of the last sunset

The most profound of all times is upon me… as I feel that what I have been sent to do in this world will be dealt with in this time. This time the power which was so invisible to me shall be held forth to me. This is the time of reckoning and chance..

Sometimes life will demonstrate its most profound effects on you, and you shall be forced to learn. In silence, awe and the most beautiful of all sadness which there can be conceived. Of loss and pain, of misery and fleeting joy. Of life and also of the most reverential death.

Grand will be this play which will be on you. You who are free as the night breeze.. will be made to swallow the whole.
You who will see the greatest of all plays.. the play of the mind.

And those who shall come out alive will be thankful and joyful, to have witnessed you own life’s, the last sunset. And you shall collect your own remains at the end of this time. This most crucifying of all ages… yes, you will collect your own remains. Your own ashes at the last sunset.

Chapters of No consequence ~

There have been times in my life when life holds a key to pass onto. This is when it will remind you that you must see its own worthlessness. Not so in words but in consequence. When you will conquer this teaching you will become the master of no chance and of no consequence

The similarities between the never ending chasm of births and deaths and to immortality is that both lie in a strange chance and the following consequence.
Either you will be born as a mad man ravaged by the earth and its fellow human beings, or you shall be born as a saint, ravaged and disturbed by none. These both are due to a chance and its consequence

In an autumn night I saw the black moon rise,
Rise above me and this sky. In awesome loneliness and in amazing piety
For the words that I speak in this world remember
There are no two swords. Only one.
There are no masters, then only slaves

This understanding which brings me to sobriety
On this beautiful autumn night sky.

Perhaps I have misjudged the mere profound work being written here. This is not an hour or a days escapade.
This is a life time of dedication of simple work. Work rooted in knowledge of the fore coming of ones own demise. This is not poetic language. This is mere simple practicality which brings me to this conclusion. I kid you not. And what brought me to this juncture is but chance and its consequence.

Peace is a concept so dead in you and I. The stench of its decay smells euphoric to us. The dual is so alive in you and I. That we could never become one.
Seek your answers in the ashes of this last sunset of our planet, of our minds, of our hearts so long drowned.

Monday, July 13, 2009


Lip to Lip, the wine touched divine..
Wanderlust grows with the onset of the moon in the sky.
Never a path left behind, never a way out of this .

Could it be that your illusion is not just yours?
I seek ed demise in this dream of mine, a past to be remembered, futures to be forgotten
Look out for yourself, for the end is near, it is here. Very much in our minds.

Trapped and feeling sorry? An emotion doesn't render through this.
This is agony within the ecstasy, a sheer dance under stars and the moonlight.
A smile without reason, hey I gotta tell you; I have nothing to hide.
So, we are poets without reason, power without life. Is that to you and I?

The perfect stillness calls out, the mountain is in complete serenity.
Blended and yet un blemished, arunachala calls out to me. Standing the light of no lights.
Of all things which I have to see in this world o lord! I wonder; why didnt I see this blessed mountain before in my dreams?!

The lake is wandering around, the serpents layer your might say. I still to focus, numb to un focus. Placid and un wanting. Simple yet so graceful. Thee art Me I might say under these echoes of our ancestors; these powers that be; these shooting stars of mercy!

Since sitting here in repose, i have tasted the nectar. It brings forth true wisdom. From misery, from eternal ruin in this and only life. The taste is the lack of greed. It is freedom. It is ever present. A present of our own device. Come and taste this yourself; and lose yourself from I.

In this state what are we to think of time and ourselves? Where will these questions end? :)

There is only Love and Peace. They are everywhere as much as in your heart.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Krait My Mind

This is spirit manifestation. Nothing more or less can ever be thought of it.

The fires of the early sunrise melt with the smack snack on the base track.
Lowers into the pit where reinventing of mould into soul takes place.

This took place when I was in the holy city of earth (bhuvan ishwara). My favourite haunt in the night with my alternate states of being came always in full view at the chandi temple at the edge of this so called town. The small hill where there was goddess shrine installed, without her companion nama civa present. She is ever active when she is on the hill. She is ever powerful and furious. For blood and redemption. There is never anything which could stop her.
I rise on this particular night, slow with music for company, music which calls out in divine love for grace from devi. There are two hills here, one where the shrine is present along with a small place to sit a bit away from the temple, from here one can see the whole city on one side and entire fields of elephant refuge of nandankanan on the other side. The night I remember is sombre, no moon. darkness engulfs.
The other small hillock is where the goddess is walking around. Its difficult and alone almost impossible to reach there. I have always required group attention and will, to go to the top of the other hillock. There is a lone tree there. Always amidst thick wind. To stand there, is a power trip of purification with the wind by itself.

I goto the seating place and take out some substances which alter my sense of space and time. These internal configurations change in "me" as time itself pours out and changes, moment to : moment.
There has been the presence of rain since past couple of days, though the skies on this night were fair and clear. There was a puddle of water formed on the hill top rock where I choose to sit, I sit and start meditating on the energies which are forming and dissolving here all the time. at no time.
Time passes on for long, must be an hour almost and I am deep in meditation, I suddenly start feeling a gnawing on my tee shirt, I get the sensation that it is a small frog near the puddle of water formed which is jumping on my shirt to try and get forward. I pay no attention for couple of seconds, and then it gets a bit annoying, in my daze I stand up and take couple of steps behind hoping to be behind whatever was near me, I have a small lighter with a torch in the back, which i take out from my pocket and flicker it on the ground. I see to my beautiful stoned amazement that it is none other than a long slender black and white striped snake. It was an Indian Krait, there is another snake which looks the cousin to these special species, but they are bluish in color, there is no mistake that this one is young and sheer black and white. It was behind me, kissing my spine. A serpents kiss is no mistake. it is a sheer sign of power. Suddenly it slithers away into the undergrowth and that moment I get a blast in my mind, of fear and anxiety as if my mind was fathoming the whole hill of these dangerous snakes. I run without much thought to the temple and climb the stairs, I see the goddess first time late this night and seek grace and seek the power.
The krait is a special snake. it is a very shy creature and being diurnal, it is active most of the times of day and night, but there is a special characteristic to it, it becomes a lot lot more aggressive at night, and rather than being defensive, it becomes aggressive beyond belief, actually hunting and attacking. I have seen these creatures in cages and in day time and they seem so timid as if they were incapable of hurting anything; but mind you a bite from these snakes and death is inevitable in an hour. It has the strongest neurotoxin venom of the Indian sub continent, and death mostly is inevitable with lung collapse.
I sit in the temple for longer and see a tribe of students or so come to the temple this late in the night. another first this time, i have never seen anyone venturing to this place at this time so late in the night. they all freshers from some company, most probably tcs who had come here un aware what this place holds, and what this place can possibly do.
I rest further and wait for the mob to recede. I go back in a darker and deeper mood. Let off and given a chance to live, this is the most beautiful demonstration of grace of maha chandi.



All it takes is a leap of faith, without thought or emotion or a concept of reason. In silence piercing the pain of birth.
Eclipsing my remeberence, you take over my life.
When I wished that I forget it all, you bring the breath of Life and eternity to my senses.

How is it that when I step out of my mind, you always show me the greater path. Captivating my movements into your plan. The shadows of our spaces between dissolve into nothingness.

We revolve into intertwined fates. Fates which are eclipsed back to the void.

As the sun and moon come in line for our final view of the ever after, dont lose this chance. For power of our will has drawn this eclipse into our view. As we hold our selves together witnessing the barage of what I could only describe as sheer bliss. Bodies shielding radiation. Lips drawn together shouting our hearts out. Drinking the wine of peace. Let the exlipse be drawn.

Animals and Humans together sink towards madness, those who cannot hold the power of this into the being. As the radiation of the Atom (anu) pours in. All our sins erased, all our merits washed out.

Start refreshed, Send your Love into the future. Bless this moment. Burn out in the rage of the exlipse.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Birthday***** Stars

Without this birth, I was doomed to fail, perish without a trace.
Her love is all I care for, Her smile reigns in the mirror of my mind forever haunting me.
Tara thou have been born in physical form, but oh goddess forget not who you are. Who you have been.
You saved me life after life, and every time I forgot to love you more. I regret this, but this shall not be ever again.
Eyes like a doe, crystal bright, I cannot ever describe.
Your rupa, it defies me lover. Please forgive me for I have never been able to see who you really are.
One form to many thou art for me oh lover of hearts, In this birth you have been my saviouress, my sweet temptation, my liberation.
I have been bereft of your presence, and I could not be with you half our lives, what of this fate that brought you and I together one more time. To be one.
The part is not the whole, and In you I am no more a part but become your soul.
Strength is your name, Life force your breath , you have never been born of Light of Life, You could never die.
You are my enigma, my silent tone underneath this madness of my mind.
Haven't seen you lately, would you be my date tonight? A moonlight drive my dearest, no more separation, your hair in mine intertwined.
You my rapture, You my care.
You and I are nothing without each other.

Peace and Love Tara, you are the way, the path is not the path until you walk firm on it. This eternal moment, This silent whisper. This loving glance, all have your scent in them.
My fury and fire for life, let your days be of truth and love. Let you be serene and ever knowing, please understand that what I am , I am with you. You are my partner. My love for life wanes without your delicate presence. Please remember that you are ever holding this fragile heart of mine and this existence in the palm of your precious hands.


Ode to Humanity

I am not a big fan of human kind, the version of life that in today’s day seems to be only focused upon itself. The day’s pass and humans ...