Sunday, July 19, 2009

The starting of It all..

Hell revisited. In all the manners possible. Madness reigns supreme. Where everything and everyone become grossly overlapped to such an extent that nothing can be differentiated in the absolute respect. This is what my hell began as.
The scenes start repeating. I know after a certain duration what to expect next. Whether be it something ominous or something day to day, there are many signs which show me the way. And they all started repeating too, as if pointing to same- similar catastrophes coming my way.
The time of my life is the best time. I am in a continuous process of learning. Learning consciously which I must specify I feel, though most learn as a process of reacting to a situation. It began for me too such. But it did not continue such. My life started spiraling down I believe.
You see, there was a time when I thought that I was invincible or even indestructible. Most people on a good run think so, when you are on a winning streak as a gambler or when you are getting your trip on as a junkie, perhaps you work hard and things come your way and you feel that the world works justified to give you what you deserve in any and all respects. There are many such stories or rather true accounts of what lives in this world have accomplished. But there are many unstories too; those which supposedly spiral down into nothingness or worse. These lives which start up rather promising, willing to discover the complete potential of the being, but something gives, or rather the method of experience becomes so vast and varied that something has to give. The being fuses or fissions away. The experience becomes invisible.
The time is ripe as the night comes on, the moon is three quarters full. And I see it rise on the eastern horizon. It is the summer months in new delhi, the summer is bringing the intolerable heat and much with it slowly yet surely.. I prefer winters any day, being born and brought up in the sub continent I have a complete aversion to the heat. Though it might be so, I am also completely used to the heat by this time in my life. I see that the heat isn’t going to diminish so might as well get through it without the angst. But this is also not always the case as most would understand. To be a human is to be a pussy in more ways than one. It takes a lot to be a warrior to understand that our life is a waste and that its not going to be a easy going waste either.
This is how I have collected my attitude against the time I am going through. As I put it. The learning time. The experience years. To prove metal of ones own against the complete vastness of the universe. Of whatever lurks out there as the unknown. Or as the unknown which seeks to annihilate oneself completely.
Life is a pain. And when the bitch stinks, your life is verily going to end. Trust me on this one.
I have gone through the most un forgettable times in life. And it shows that what you think will happen will surely happen but in a manner which you did not expect. If you can understand your hindsight well enough, then it wont be useful at all. If you have any sort of fore sight. It will be completely muffed in the face of utter odds. To the extent that you will re think every single strategy which you possibly can. And then still give up.
This is what the powerful planet of experience does to ones soul.
It moulds.
It breaks first.
It burns down.
And then builds up.
From the essence of nothingness, of the void. It creates an impression. Which is called a life.
Many go down in the process. Because they surely don’t or don’t want to acknowledge what is happening to them.
An unwanted metamorphosis of sorts.
Being converted to gods from cockroaches.
When the planet looms over one soul. Her time is up. The reckoning is near. The judgment day is close. And there is not thing one can do about it.
From the beginning … again please !?

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