Thursday, December 27, 2012

Intro Self

We are split right down the middle. Our consciousness (the atomic part not further divisible in any which way) has been exposed to two worlds. One facing outwards; the other facing inwards (away and towards).
The external interacts with other localized individualized points of consciousness and the internal explores the non divisible.

The world has been hence made of two categories of personalities. One who are extroverted --> exploring other sources of consciousness (though other is a very subjective term); while the other very content reveling in their own (similarly own has a very subjective connotation - as consciousness is not personal or ego)

The problems this world faces since time immemorial - hunger strife, unequal appreciation of consciousness, power - corruption and need/greed is because of an imbalance between the introverted and extroverted phenomenon among every individual.

Our mind is the interface through which consciousness perceives. Our mind left to itself goes around in circles (it really does - neuro motor phenomenon); and when it looks at the external world, it goes haywire. It neither is able to learn, unlearn or love with such a state. Leading to people being greedy, needy, unloving, non-understanding, stupid, ignorant, power hungry, stone cold what not!

I love Sri Ramana for this very fact. Venkataramana - now so famously known as bhagwan ramana maharishi was a young tamil boy who ran away from home at a tender age to the beautiful holy hill of Arunachala (Tiruvannamalai) for he was introspective like no other I know.
At a young age where boys and girls were mostly exploring each other - his heart full of unrest had a burning yearning question which nothing in the extroverted phenomenon of the world could answer. The question (probably without a single linear answer) was "Who Am I?"

A simple question, which he meditated incessantly and through his life on. He sat in caves and caverns covered with leaches ants and vermin, thrown stones by children and mocked by others. His care was only at his heart. He spends two years almost in seclusion, not eating, not sleeping, not drinking or taking care of his bodily functions for this question from inside burns in his heart. People soon feel his vibrations and his sincerity - they feed him in his mouth and take care of him when he urinates/excretes.
He is the mauni, he has no use for the external phenomenon for it does not satisfy truly. Yet he never shuns it completely for who so ever approaches this simple humble super human man; is satisfied. Is liberated just by the gaze of his beautiful surreal eyes!~
Like him so many of us here in this world are introverted (almost a third of the population or more, we can never know for introverted people are forced over and over to be otherwise). We spend time by ourselves for we feel better - the answers to so many questions lie with us (in us). We spend time reading, writing or pursuing our passion in seclusion and solitude for years. We are happy when left to do what we wish without being forced to be social or genial for society's sake( As for me - I am both introverted and extroverted depending on situations and times, a good gift for my mind!)

But the world forces through the extroverts to be like themselves or be shunned and ostracized. The goth kids, the shy non speaking ones, the shooters and killers of peers - these kids have been all bullied, forced into a world where they are not comfortable and do not find the answers which they so require.
Introversion is the seed for true and real genius, though team work helps eliminate redundancies, and misconceptions improving efficiency - it is never the cause of genius to be shown.

Artists, musicians and scientists. Writers poets and spiritual sages - are all people who have seen the beauty and spark of their self inside. Their own (again subjective) consciousness like any others is the answer to any and all the world's nature, its unique problems of existence and of life itself (yes life is a fucking problem, if you are not stupid enough to realize)

Like ramana, so many of us are plagued in misery for we find not all our satisfaction can be drawn from the outside realms - but we are forced to be a part of a society which is extroverted in kind, and does not offer the sacrosanct respect which leads to genius and aesthetics  To life lived completely in general (Most if not all knowledge, art, wisdom and creativity is a result of introversion).

Yes parents are taught to teach their kids not to spend time by themselves, for they will become odd and irrelevant and this is partly due to the social instincts in our genes - but it is more often than not the fear of what your own self has to show you. This unknown is something beautiful, it requires will and it is of course the point of our lives. To explore inner divinity. We must be encouraged (at least once a while) to be by ourselves.
How else can we bring back something special and perfect to share with the rest of our kind if we are always immersed in group intelligence like the beautiful saint Ramana Maharishi and kind. The introspecting kind!

Peace and seek what is inside (before projecting your inane ugliness outside!)

Saturday, December 22, 2012



Under the ever expanding branches of the bodhi tree. It sits awakened just like this resplendent tree. The branches from the heart opening and healing whatever is the cause of strife. There is no one else but yourself you are pounding, it speaks in silent tones. Some speak about it as a master, of one who knows what is going on, just like this spread out, spaced out tree giving shade for free.

Amidst the silent valley, inside the tunnels of the breathing heart (guess it breathes just like this valley), I have spent infinity; looking at such grandeur and I refuse to believe, that I be not a part of this wonder as a mistake. As if I witnessing was the entire set up like plato and so many have said. The silent valley like myself is hunted down; extinction count started. Colors of the heart never ever would be felt. Never ever be expressed. What is the use of this strife, if the silent valley goes away

On the olden rocks of India, sitting for millennia together, where there may be no other place to peace. In the darkness, in the heat. Never bothered, always happy; the rocks have come alive. So old and full of faces; they move; they laugh and fade away. I can see you on the rocks of maybe my mind. But I could swear that this was a mirage hell bent on staying. I have felt your touch so smooth. Keeping me twisted, in an illusion to figure out myself. Laughing and grimacing; I know I know; we have both such a common fate.

So much color, laughter pouring in multitude. Such intense depth and hate, why oh why that we be stuck here with such horrible twisted tales. I want to cleanse, I want to become that which cannot be conceived. That which cannot stay; the momentary elation; eternal decay. The darkness of universe which comes together as a beautiful lotus amidst rotting carcasses everywhere. So my downtrodden fate as yours that we are bound to each other, and never can escape till the ends of time. Till we give up our fragile bodies and hearts to an eternal sway. Maybe not liking to  our so called surprise.

How the earth bears witness, and laughs at our trembling fate. Oh god who devised such consciousness and power play. Come now and show your true bodhi coloured face.

Laughing uncontrollably.


Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Over and Over


Is it not a fact, that we have a fear towards the unknown parts of our lives. To what we are not? We have to go for a test, an interview, wedding or funeral. Meeting with someone strange or having an experience for the supposed first time, and its dicey. Come around a second time, its so much easier to face.

So what I propose is; or rather this wondrous nature – which creates life everywhere as we perceive. WE all forget our true nature; or rather energetic being, when we take birth in this dense dimension/physical cosmos/here and now. Confounded by space time and enduring sense boundaries. We forget it for entire lifetimes at a row; so each birth is unique. Each death as well, the entire life spent may or may not be unique lol. So birth takes place in blinding fearful surroundings, and death remains unknown; unknowable and so doomed. We forget that we are undergoing these facets of energetic existence. Over and Over.

Bound firmly by boundaries; kept by the mind in one piece; intact and may even grow with passages of other boundaries like time. Our fear of unknown grows like virus; multiplies unless we have faced the situation in our mind (Yet we are all this experience without the presence of our mind!-#enlightenment#). Our true understanding becomes a mirage which is held by memory and finally this master disk dissolved; and maybe the learnings too?

Over and over we face the same lives, same emotions; never experiencing the full potential of our power – as perhaps that may lead to annihilation of this ignorant condition and replaced by nothing/void of all and none as one – again to be repeated with sure shot forgetting; and getting born into the world with a new mind, and yet the same life? #CircularWhirlPool#

So our mind does two dangerous things to our beings – it first masks the true nature of our selves. Who we are, masked and bounded as to live life in miniscule moments, reliving the learning of what true grandness our energy beholds, and at the same time the mind grows upon itself a wicked nature – which obscures the truth and makes it fearful. The fear makes it a very dangerous weapon to be reckoned with, for with this advent – the self / each of our selves is kind of torn apart, from the other. We can never experience what we never undergo. Yet when the fear disappears, we instantly know each experience indepth. We are the source of the emotions and the experience itself. WE become who we are here and now. Fearless and all knowing being creatures – beings. We are not who our minds had thought to be, separated bodily or emotionally no more – we are forever one and none. This is such a simple truth. Yet it too is learnt from the mind and perception of experiences.

The entire process goes on over and for ever. It is this nature of the mind to mask the truth like the moon eclipsed completely and then the slow dawning painted beautifully to illustrate the grand yet simple truth of our being – something which the grand being cannot experience with out the creation of ignorance of self. The mind initially the enemy masking the true self; yet its action its the elixir of the soul; as it (the self-being-hereandnow) slowly and momentarily experiences its own beauty one step at a time, with the illusion of the mind slowly dying down. There is no such revelation to be had without the mind!

Peace. Lets try to catch up quick, not repeat the over and over!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Bound Deemed Free

To be deemed free, you must ascertain to what extent you are bound. To know what it is to be free; you must first know what being caged is like. To be an inspiration of love and peace; you must first experience what it is to cause hate and joylessness in this world of ours.
We seem to be doing a fine job learning the stepping stones. Now its time to abandon what we hold so precious to ourselves.

On the first day, I thought that we were bound to the mother. It is she who would suckle us, feed us and protect us from the chaos brewing around. It was safety and peace but at what cost. Mother created us; almost free and then bound us to herself in myriad ways. There is no freedom without understanding this bondage.

On the second day, I thought I was bound to breath and food, My thirst and hunger rose manifold. It has never ever given up since that day, I was driven to the edges of my life by the physiological needs manifold - of breathing and eating, sleeping and drinking. Such vast boundaries kept securely in place to experience a freedom? What kind of maya is this I shudder to think.

On the third day, we were bound to the genetic nature of our kinds, our race and mind. Our neurosis and deep rooted plague - all the so called learning from our past. Our future; a repetitive; adaptive failure bound by geography and topography, consumption and experience. The entire gamut of play conspiring to build a fragile frame around us. An aura of make believe - confirming to the pattern, building a free society. Built by those not free.

On the fourth day, I am overcome by myself and the individuality I have been now noticing. Through thorough conditioning of my genes, I now have a rough idea of the personality I am, I am bound by this; and knowing this I go forward to do things which will define me, which will set the stage for my supposed unique existence. This will create the meaning of immortality and freedom; this will be unprecedented I think! And Thinking such, I bind myself to the notion of a grander mortality and a rubbished attitude towards what it is to be free. In fact I am anything but free, I am bound by the actions and compulsive thoughts which lead me day and night in a vicious circle. They can never free me. They are in place to keep me in place. Though they vary in intensity and direction; my goals and attempts to do something which defines my nature and existence; does verily the opposite - it creates the stereotype of life. It is verily not being alive much less free. It is conforming to the inner yearning to break into a false dangerous individuality

On the Fifth day, I am bound and gagged, force fed farcical knowledge and ignorant selfish propaganda, and soon I am one and the same. I study my ancestors bullshit and look to make money and believe in mock personal prosperity, look for the oh so pretty bride and my jaguar's keys. I am a numb fish floating dead in a dead sea. I am already a shell of my former self, not knowing what! freedom I broke apart from; what I was without time always to be. I am no longer a man looking for liberation, a warrior looking to hunt down my salvation, a saint ripping his blooded heart to offer for his love, a bird flying without destination in endless outer space. I am just a shell of what I was to be~

On the sixth day, the need to be free takes over me. Its not rational I feel - I am a doing machine, going through waking and dreaming reality like a robot, if your tasks are complete then you may feel this precious ounce of freedom it is told repeatedly to me (government, family, society). The method of creating a supposed sacrosanct freedom is now finally complete, I must revel in what I do; and in this doing I will find peace and freedom. I am a fragment of what I was born to be. So I seek salvation. From the alleys which have been already fed to me, religion and cultural; sexuality and science. I am searching forever; doing what was never meant to satisfy.

On the seventh day, my logic and imagination fade; and age desperate to take hold finally extends its icy grips on my neck. I am doomed burnt to the ground, ashes thrown all around. I am declared deemed proclaimed as finally free!!

What is it that happens to me? 
From birth to death I remain sowing and reaping and never in between. I am the bearer of a thousand suns inside; never satisfied; never free. 

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Another Chance Received - III

For one who can see with his eyes, is blessed and cursed - for he does not know the power that sight beholds. And when taken away; what misery it is bound to cause. 

This happened some years back, when I traveled to Mussorie (Uttranchal), with my extended family (folks and uncle/aunt cousins) for a little time off from the plains. Mussorie is an extremely beautiful hill station, yet over the years with hoards of people coming to enjoy the cool weather and locale of a colonial town - the charm has kind of waned, the people remain uncouth (as they are Indians) and the place becomes more crowded than the cities on Indian plains during the summer months. Everyone out to get some sort of reprieve from the scorching sun. But end up burning in the hill station none the less. 

But this is besides the point, I got a good resort to put up, and as per my understanding it was the highest point of mussorie. The road leading up to the resort was almost at a 60 degree angle and our cars could not climb em, the hotel arranged the only cars which could go up and down on this road - maruthi omnis, which have the lightest bodies so they can accelerate on tough climbs. 
So my family and I put up our luggage after a long grueling ride through the indian heartlands, and we decide to go out and see the sights and smell what this little quaint town could offer. We start climbing down slowly and surely on this slope, I give a bit more attention to the women in the group as they find it difficult to traverse down, the omnis are engaged for a bit and it would take some time for them to come to drop us and hence we decide a sure slow walk would do us no harm and let us make use of our time to unwind. 

About three fourth way down, I am walking next to the edge of the road which winds like a snake (all hill roads do), and I am paying no attention to anything much, and out of the blue a boomerang comes at me, I do not have any time to react - and the boomerang comes straight at my face; hits my left eye with full impact and I am almost unconscious by the impact. The boomerang hits my left eye ball directly. Its not light either, its definitely metal! 

I really have no clue of what is happening at this point. I cover my eyes, and then I slowly open them, there is a trickle of blood from my left eye, and as I open both my eyes in a slow yet frenzy attempt to see the damage, I see what struck me lying at my feet. It was the bottom portion of a cheap ass broom - made of cheap plastic and the ends with rusted heavy metal, the metal which struck my eyeball at an alarmingly fast pace. This is not good, No good at all is what races through my damned mind. 

My family congregates next to me, trying to see the impact and as I tell them this - "I cannot see from my left eye", I skip a heartbeat, It is unheard of in my world, one minute working all fine; and the next sight disappears itself midst unending darkness or blinding white light. I felt like breaking down and crying. The pain is sharp in my eye, and there is only white light seen from my left eye. 
Panic rises fast, my folks are deeply concerned and we head out to get a local doctor in this pathetic town up on a hill away from any real medical facilities. I pray fast, pray hard. Pray for giving myself another chance to mend myself (in all ways possible)

Apparently there was some garbage collector who flung this piece of rusted metal from the garbage canister below to the road above, and it was quite a good shot; for without seeing where he flung it - he flung it at my own very fucking eyes!

We head out to a lady doctor (possibly the only one in town), she gives me an injection for tetanus and some gauge for the eye - her only comforting words, give the eye rest and see in two days time. What the fuck kind of deal is this; storming through my head, I feel twisted almost on the verge of dying. Without the day to day comfort of full sight; I would be no longer the person I was. I would not be able to see and abhor the filth of the world. The same filth now would be missed by my vision. 
I could not believe it, this is how the world is; we dare not upset one single thing before it becomes way worse. How unfair, How cruel and yet how precious is this life. 

Over the next two days, I did not open my left eye (shut thanks to the bandage). I was praying and my off time on some hill station became my test to mentally survive. Yes I did get my vision back. I do not know who exactly to thank for that till date - yet I know that it was duly another chance received, to solemnly change my glutton human ways; and appreciate something as simple as eye - sight. 

Peace and Steer Clear! 

Monday, December 10, 2012

Lack of Imagination

I put my drink by the side of the table, sitting on an awkward bar stool - I look around at the night roaches which have infiltrated this drinking hole for some sort of escape; camaraderie or to get high. I laugh and smirk to myself a bit and jokingly speak out loud, I direct myself at the space of the entire pub, maybe people would think I am drunk; sloshed out of my head, but what have people ever known of what was beneath their own cranium lol
So it starts,
“What may I think an entire generation of drones, machines which lack to be humans, androids or whatever be? How could they be known!?” I speak half spilling my drink onto myself. I just cannot contain this sublime laughter bubbling up from within....
One of the gentleman sitting beside me, gets woken up instantly;and speaks out as if he was ready to blurt out what he could no longer hold inside. Maybe people around would think him to be drunk as well! But again what would people know!
“Well, they could be known as machines or whatever mate, if they lack imagination or such shite”
I laughed, well this has started well, another bloke from the corner of this horse stable of men spoke “ Well, we all lack fuckiiin imagination or more such grimy shiite”
By now I was in splits, so I spoke to fury the fire so as to speak hah “ So yea, he is kinda right, we aren’t imaginative at all, as a culture or generation, we fucking boring”
A feel a thud of a beer mug close to me, and another one bites the dust, my friend for the night spoke gruff “You pieaace of shittte, we the goddamn renaissance of the neo underworld order, we the epitome of art and movies, of fun rides and crazy new boundaries, spring breaks and astronomy, we the diamond  chiseled from the fucking dust of our time on this earth as a species!”
Now I was no longer in the mood to control my utter disbelief of the grand laughter brewing within, so I spoke my tongue “You do know that this is some 1 percent of the people, and the rest still facing more hunger, more strife, more death and well more death. That is our imagination? That ain’t right man, and I spoke my mind worth
My friend remains silent, and this endless legged lass comes from the nightmares of this drinking binge, she is in siloute still; I cant see yet hear her as if she was next to my ears;
 “What do you say is the measure to this imagination of people around you. You seem like a fucking smug punk. and you would probably be the first among us all that will burn in hell”
I keep sipping a golden peg of sweet liquor all through the time she speaks through her bewitching voice. I am smitten hah
“I think if you ask me, which I count for nothing in itself; the greater the imagination, the greater the time spent in masses where they be meditating and in peace, and no just going around acting like sophisticated monkeys hahaha “
I think I should shut the fuck up and move on. But maybe the drunk talk is coming through. I think thats pretty funny in itself.
Someone speaks from the halo of this stable hole, 
“ Well the more the people sit and look inwards, the more they see that they see their mind, that’s pretty difficult by itself. Its easier to play out the mind’s fancies on an hour to hour basis, but if you ask me personally; sitting around doing nothing and not indulging through our senses is pretty fucking boring and lame. Its completely fag to spend your entire life in such a wannabe dream”
And the voice stopped, I could hear it as if it was a dream, or maybe cause I was looking at the dark beautiful raven in front of me, now more accursed and ready to devour me along with the rest of these remorseless people all strung out, all binged down, smoked out and left to rot....

“ Well I will respond, cause this is such a beautiful night; on such nights we need to banter like dogs along with the music playing in the background, maybe we could banter like intelligent dogs for a change, and I know how difficult it is to sit rather than move around to wanderlust, kill and maim living things, fuck and reproduce for the need to be fulfilled and then kill some more. I know the urges which drive us all, and the world we create is far less pretty than we imagine in our heads, the world and every day is cruel. Base and utterly meaningless. Yes to live through it, we must create deep meaning at our crude level. Yet even for upright monkeys, this is just humiliating to be and do all the time.
I am one of this description which I so full of loathing describe, and it is when I sit down or lie, or even go about with a greater awareness of these actions is when I understand my energy getting wasted on this repetitive monotonous stuff. I cannot fucking stand that no more in my life (and why should we?). Our ideals and ideation of something beyond has always come out of intense suffering of individuals and base intolerable lives. Why need to do that our fellow humans, when one can just sit down and open their inner eye? Their is a world beyond the mind, there is a world which is without us as well (apart from being within inside the psyche), and so much more clarity and wonder; all this if we just still our tongue and fucking crotch, if you close your eyes and perhaps listen to yourself breathing and left alone for eternity. Maybe it will really open all our eyes. Yet I know that this will lead to imagination superior than we have ever known or felt ever through the raging course of this earth's life! We cannot be ready for this just yet, for as all of you echo in my mind - its such a beautiful night to get drunk and die!”

The seductive feline in front of my vision! comes over slaps me tight only to kiss me one last time!  I got beaten up none the less by the drunk mob. Yet I could say that that at least this experience was not bereft of the crowd’s imagination

Cheers and Peace out!

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Destruction Of Evil


Why is there a perennial and continuous struggle to see two sides of the same situation, even if there exists more than one shade; angle to a person, experience or moment. Why do we need to continuously segregate rather than unify the power?

Our forefathers and their wise texts, speaking of complex yantras and musical vibrations. They see the multiverse which our science had to rediscover and yet most texts harp on the continuous eradication of a particular mood/emotion/action termed to be evil, ignorant?

So its inculcated in each one of us through the passage of time, with the living teaching the new born about morals and ethics, about good and things which are to be good; patience and deliverance; hope and faith, and such.

And evil exists in many forms, in many moments and experiences of our lives – those which are not acceptable by society are generally termed this, but each one of us also has a a particular un-acceptance to what we deep we never should be, never should do. Some have this feeling more than others, some not so much?

To remove one can never happen; cause the other ceases to be as well. Without the presence of evil there is no such imagination of a good which we choose or are made/conditioned/brain washed to choose. This can and has been exploited by our religion, politics, media, educational systems, law and order processes and everything else in our lives. We are to good in this world – and the ways and paths have already been defined.

Somethings are not so easily described; Every single action/emotion/mood can be termed to be good and bad depending on a situation – stuff like evolution, survival of the fittest, “The greatest good for the greatest race/sex/civilization what not”

<<My head is devoid of garbage which has been so radically been growing since birth of what I am, What i ought to desire and choose, How I should live, How I should behave>>

But this is all in relative to the ethos of good and evil. This duality like male-fenale, lover-beloved is deep ingrained in the DNA. Now I know of mother goddess traditions and she always slays the evil. She always removes the ignorance of mind. In fact thats why she cuts off the head itself, the trouble making device which creates duality in the first place.

So removing the ignorance is not the way we think – by creating separations and limiting what we think is bad, it is in fact by doing and behaving in the exact opposite manner – when we deeply understand and accept each situation and evil in us, that we know its true potency, its true reaping and with time the stuff we did not want may be what we desire or maybe what we have become? Every action has the consequence, each “productive” and maybe “destructive” What suits you is deemed to be good? What suits another is deemed evil? Has it not happened such with countries, faiths, lives so many and love lost time over

The destruction of evil, or the concept is what our ancient texts talked upon. All religious and psychoactive people of the past knew that to become unified to our potential we must destroy these notions. And know; infact be; every single action mood and emotion. To be the entire rainbow and know that every thing remains to be evil and good. And nothing needs to be labelled. What is poison one day turns to water the next turns to soma another day in its making!

Destroy your evil as i do, by accepting it and resolving it by leaving it to itself. Destroy your good by destroying your evil. The concepts of course!



Friday, December 7, 2012

Daksina Kasi

Kerala has remained to be one of the oldest and most advanced cultures of the Indian subcontinent, from their matriarchal ways of worship to their martial arts; and many more such feats which are quiet exemplary  foremost among them being the tantric and different ways of worshiping natural and other worldly energy/power for general benefit. 

The oldest breathing temple arguably could be the Vaikom Shiva Mahadeva. Situated at the banks of the vembanadu back water lake. I was fortunate to see this ancient pilgrimage site which is also known as "Daksina Kasi" by our forefathers. Kasi is situated in north india at the banks of ganges and houses one of the 12 jyoti linga shiva formations known as Kasi Vishwanath. People revere Vaikom as equal to that place, and if it was not possible in ancient days to visit kasi, a visit to this ancient power sight was considered just as fortunate! 

The temple is supposed to be the location where Vyagraha maharishi (saint) got his vision of consciousness, and along with two other temples (fiery ettamannur shiva included) is supposed to be a trinity of shiva mood worship.

I reached around the evening aarthi (light and fire worship), and got off the jetty boat (I came from the other shore of the vembanadu lake), the boat ride takes some 20 mins odd, and the town of vaikom is beautiful and simple. There is hustle and bustle in the streets just like so many other small towns of india, yet the center attraction of this town remains to be the ancient and huge shiva temple.

The construction is of course Kerala in the making, low sanctum sanctorum, and a big courtyard like structure with enough place for people to sit and meditate. The center garbha/pillar is gold laiden and is extremely beautiful. Once you go inside; you are to be mesmerized at how many people can easily fit inside such a small temple. The place was packed yet everyone could stand at ease and see the unveiling of the linga. The trinity of shiva linga present across this area has a unique way in which they are made – they are taller almost as if they are kept on a pedestal and people will have to raise their necks no matter what to see the shiva linga. The phallus is covered around all ways with diyas/lights/lamps which gives an ethereal presence.

The temple is extremely important and I saw a huge number of very devout people (at least in the vicinity of the temple) sitting and standing to meditate and pray. There is an otherworldly power present inside the shiva linga, which has been fortified with centuries of tantric worship – emphasizing on physical mental and emotional purity and void, which can help pour the intense energy of consciousness into the vessel of the body.
I stayed for some half hour in front of the stone formation. My thoughts were centered yet not in need. I was content is the simplest way of putting it. The linga literally pushes intense energy out, everyone who is there can feel it to their extents possible; and I remained extremely joyous that a fool like me got an opportunity/divine grace to see a power place.

In intensity and delight, shadows and light. master who sees all and nothing gives relief. The eyes so blissful, the embrace so much the target of my life. Na Ma Ci Va Ya 

Peace and Bliss

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Slanting Shade


Myself revisiting the inner zone. Space beyond or rather beneath the veil. Slanting myself in the disco bar. And I hear loud laughter at the corner, my baby spills the drink on her blonde shiny hair. What a weird day again come to an end to a surround sound night, Everyone amaze. Every thing so intangible, what has become of the mood. Dancing revelling at the end of days, such such tender fate; I surmise, and its time now; to leave. Hand in hand, together we walk so much in bubbling playfull ness. What a weird day

The supine pose, the mood so alluring. Where there is the holy self regaining its own equanimity. Slanting shades of violet. The maze inside your head; budding spaces where dark matter seeps inside. What is to be of you my darling, What is left of me is not I. What is happening; inside our hearts – no one can speak. The chanting and the howling of pain. Release us, we cry. Release us from shades not absolute anymore

Calamity after calamity, days shine down on our broken lives, where my darling in the darkened haze, looks upon the windowpane, seeing nothing but broken dreams, which cannot be undone. Which cannot bring back love again, and soon again. Its time to leave what was never undone. Birth death and the cycle of never ending ness.

Show one final sight of a sunset together, then we have seen to finally separate; tears the only boundary we share. Love for the beloved we both forsake. Now is the only time, Now is time to change your steps. lead it may you be sure, for once the consequences take birth. Death is inevitable.

Such slanting shades of grey, they remain obscene in being hidden away, where are you laughing from, from where pray come your tears? Where is my ending in you; and why did you blow the candle out of our little heaven of togetherness; all those doomed night and days?

Something's just remain as they were. Fated and cursed, reprieved and blessed. What are we to speak in for these slanted shades.


Warriors of the Dark Forests

There are 12 major shiva lingas (phallus/stone energy formations) present across India. One of which lies in the center of Andhra Pradesh state. I could travel a period of six hours non stop via bus to reach the surreal and beautiful town of Sri Sailam for the major attraction of Mallik-Arjuna shiva.

The temple is nestled deep within the Nalla Malai hills (literal meaning : Dark Mountain). The place has amazing flora and fauna and is a protected nature reserve. The journey takes you through the ghat road where it climbs a hill, goes through it before crossing over to another hill via the sri sailam dam road.
The town is fabulous, almost like subhramanya in south india (karnataka). Its a visual treat, at a slight altitude nestled inside thick jungles/forests. The place has an air of a hill station and the peaceful vibes of heaven itself. This is the advantage of visiting any shiva temples or places of worship. They are most probably isolated, desolate and require a great deal of patience/endurance to see (In olden days, the trek to the temple via nalla malai itself would have been arduous enough).

I reached close to ten at night, where I put my stuff up at the government lodging and went straight to the temple to get a night darshan. I am very curious with an anthropological insight and a mystical awareness to why men/women create such places with pain staking efforts in the middle of inaccessible places. The temple was just empty! This was a sheer delight to me, I walked in, no queue and no mad crowds! How peaceful, its a very small temple - and has been the king's temple over long time. The shiva linga was broken or weathered down - as if invaders or time itself had shrunk it/broken it down to half its size. The place was so intensely quiet that I could not believe this was one of twelve important sites of shiva worship for hindus across the country (shiva worship I believe, is not limited to any particular faith, for shiva is conscious energy. Its worship and understanding is imperative to each living organizam)

I took two darshans that very night (cant stand in front of the deity too long or the priests start pissing themselves lol). And I took a good look at the small and delicate temple amidst the jungle. There is an awesome beautiful big tree in the compound next to the temple - which is a mix of three trees in one. The sight is truly gorgeous. There are three different types of trees which are almost coming from the same root! People sitting under it, made me feel extremely happy for some intangible reason.
I had some dinner and followed it up by a walk to see around town, a small town with not much activity but a beautiful scenery, clean air, and no noise! What a delight for a religious location, and that too in India!!!

I got up early; around 6 in the morning and went for a nice stroll to the temple and saw the beautiful linga again. There was a morning aarti (light and sound show for the god!) where you wait before the god is decked up, cleaned and chanted to before he is shown to the devotees - this is pretty simple in the case of a linga - where only water and milk generally is offered. I waited in silent meditation and reverence. Though the idol or energy symbol is covered through a door and the act itself of seeing something of an idol does not appease me, yet it is comforting to be in the physical presence of such an ancient sight of worship! I was redeemed by lord and savior Na Ma Ci Va Ya

The ancient warriors of andhra, have time over spent years in renunciation and at the end of their contemplation cut of their heads at the stone linga here, from heads to other body parts - sacrifices sacred have been made to the concept of consciousness. This alluring and dangerous paths undertaken by warriors across time to this ancient power place amazes me no end. Its an endearing part of heart to have visited such places without any tension or need!

Peace and Bliss!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Birth of Change

There seems to be a great deal of change happening in the inner psyche of this self in recent times gone by. The world and how it has formalized in my head (as in everyone's head post puberty), is now not the same. I have started to see cracks in this so called reality. There seems to be funny things happening all the time, and I sensing them somehow fall in the middle of them every time  It is not all bad, it is a clear learning taking place by the subconscious for the satisfaction of itself. 

Recently I saw a very beautiful and grand looking moth in my bedroom. I have seen many moths in the past, they symbolic of beauty and serenity not to mention peaceful existence. But this moth was bigger somehow for an insect of the subcontinent. It was yellow in its wings and I could see its pretty antennae. It was perched on my drapes right near my bed, especially near where I put my head down to sleep. I was mesmerized and a little eked how such a big moth was inside my room. I adore them but somehow I get a little freaked with insects which can somehow come near my face. 
So this instinct made me move the drapes a little and the moth promptly flew off onto my jeans and doing rounds on my other stuff. I was enjoying seeing it fly and I was now very comfortable as it was not close to where I put my head to sleep. I could never hurt such a pretty creature, especially a totem of power and change; and now at a close yet safe distance I could see it perch in peace and power. It was a beautiful sight indeed. 
I slept off and the next day evening, I decided to go for a run in my neighborhood park - KBR. The place is a forest park at the center of Hyderabad  Though it has no significant flora or fauna but it does have some greenery (more than any other place close by). I started with my jog and mid way through a big moth flew in front of me and unlike most other times, it actually came on my face and kissed me on my lips before flying away. I got a sudden shock yet did not stop from running  but in my head what had happened was very clear and I felt quite a sense of awe. 

I tell you why I take a visitation or even a pecker from a moth so seriously. Animals across time have been seen for what they really are, representations of a particular mood, aura or power. The moth is the representation of psychic awareness, ability to metamorphose, to change, and to create sensitivity. The presence of a moth can indicate the presence of these qualities in one's life or the sheer absence. Its upto the person to see which is true. The times I have been visited by a moth earlier in my life - have been times where my psyche has evolved or rather changed for one way better or worse? The times where moths have been spotted by me - have gone to show me that there is greater meaning purpose or awareness around than I had expected. 
The same has been true for myself over the past couple of weeks or months, there has been continuous evolution of what I have perceived as staunch reality; the natural awakening or change to know or realize that this is not so. 
      The moth is a nocturnal entity, driven by lunar light. There is a sense of coolness, calmness and being ness associated with this beautiful creature. It projects no hatred or even animosity to any other life form, the female of the species has a particularly strong pheromone to attract the counterpart. It is according to me one of the most precious, and least understood animal totems and life forms. 

      The incident is small, and with not much consequence in day to day reality. But to those who seek efforts to purify and reconcile. The presence of a moth is delectable indeed. 

                Peace and Bliss


Visa Power @ Chilkur

How I feel, when a temple or any place of worship - gets converted to a place of trade and commerce. Where people entering the sacred sanctum feel obliged to pay money as an atonement of their selves and sins. Where there is a Sunday mass to acknowledge that you are a good christian or a friday namaz to pay the beggars and feel better about oneself? Its quite funny and even deeply sad I propose.

I recently visited a way famous way of worship close to Hyderabad - known as Balaji / Venkateshwara / Vishnu of Chilkur for seeing what the fuss was about. The god/energy here is known as VISA BALAJI. which is pretty funny by itself - there are tons of people who come to see and pray at this temple for stuff like visa and other worldly ordeals; and unlike most other places of worship - the crowd seen here remains to be teenagers and youngsters. The god or energy here fulfills any desire of the devotee especially those pertaining to going outside the mother land perhaps. (In olden ages, the concept of country was not established, only of one's native land and foreign land). 

The temple is quite old, and made in a small village (which has now expanded way beyond its boundaries). There remains a small pond which would have been earlier made for devotees to bathe in, near a beautiful grove like seating mounted by an old big branched tree. I went through the side entrance, this was a saturday which is considered very auspicious to Narayana/Vishnu worship. The entire temple was flocked! There were some 500 odd people in this small village temple at the moment of my visit. (there are close to 1 lakh devotees visiting on an average every week!)

Now here comes the interesting part - there is no donation or money collecting box in this old temple. The temple strictly follows a method for sacrifice for the folks who have come with some sort of wish or desire in mind to be fulfilled. The way is to do circum ambulation or walking around the central deity recollecting and remembering god or this beautiful energy therin's name. The entire process is completely out of context for any form of religious worship I have seen till date. Here for the first time, is a very very important and wealthy temple (the number of people visiting here on a daily basis is unfathomable!) which refuses to collect money to make the temple resources and priests wealthier. How in the world has human nature bent itself in such a way?! I was baffled yet so pleasantly surprised. Hundreds of people walking in peace though completely locked in with other people around, walking and remembering holy names in peace. There is no concept of getting what you desire through the money in your wallet. There is only penance and remembrance to be undertaken. This form of sacrifice - creating a stronger will, a loving heart, and sheer humility is what our ancestors have preached as the best method to create a wholesome life devoted to the higher purpose. 

I guess the god here has VISA power in his hands, doesnt require any cash donations one bit lol. For he knows, those who have been blessed by his power, will return to spend manifold times their own personal energy to devote at his feet!

I got a good darshan (which I did not expect at such a crowded temple!), though I rarely pray for anything very material. But my heart was healed in this realization that there is yet humility and proper ways of worship being practiced in this ancient land. Unlike the myriad places of worship where money can buy you more time or an easier way to access the temple deity/god/dargah/darshan/atonement. 

Do something simple instead, walk in love for your life and love!!


Monday, November 26, 2012

Miraculous Yaganti

Andhra state of India holds a beautiful tucked in temple in the district of Kurnool by the name of Uma Maheshwara - a mix of yin and yang energy worshiped in rock. The stone phallus/linga has the distinct images of beautiful woman's figure which is the goddess and a small linga within a linga - which is Civa. The temple is located midst very old hillocks worn down, battered and olden like nature - parts of Deccan plateau which are one of the oldest in Indian topography. 
Yaganti was a beautiful stop over for me, I went to feel the temple's energy -- which was completely empty in the day sun except for at the temple kund - where loads of locals were having a refreshing cooling swim .The waters here are generally from natural underwater springs - old flowing sources of live in this semi desert, some of which are hot water others being extremely cold refreshing and with mineral properties. Generally bathing at such locations helps in reducing body ailments as well. And almost all the time - places of worship were built close to natural structures which could aid humans in experiencing natural energies. 

I did not take a bath midst naked Indian society. I wanted to explore the temple; it was a beautiful sight for a temple; nestled in all three ways by old rock like structures - The rocks are way eeary. They seem out of some stephen king horror book. Yet there seems an old energy about them which is very hard to declare. 
The main temple is for the uniting energy of the universe, there is a beautiful nandi which is made by the side (generally the bull/nandi - vehicle of lord civa faces him/linga in most temples - here its by the side not obstructing the view).
The nandi is said to be growing in size, rather the stone which is the nandi is growing in circumference. I read on other sites as well - most saying that this is the miracle of Yaganti - even ASI has informed that indeed the rock seems to be growing with time!
"As per Archaeological Survey of India the rock grows at the rate of 1 inch per 20 years (10 mm per 8 years)."

The entire place is beautiful and haunting at the same time, the priest spoke for some time to me, informing me that there are three caves - the caves are to Sage Agastya - who is the founder of the location; supposedly trying to build a vishnu temple where the idol was broken so he then meditated for Civa to come to the place instead. So the second cave houses the Vishnu idol and the third beautiful cave for shiva worship - the cave needs to be crawled into and has a beautiful dark linga inside to meditate. (The legend goes that agastya was to build a shrine to Vishnu and the idol got damaged in the process - this idol now sits in the second cave and then the thought struck that the place was similar to Kailash and hence agastya goes ahead and installs/consecrates a male-female energy union at this place!)
The rocks seem out of the world - literally; the old beautiful cavernous rocks and structure are out of the world. It gives such an ancient sight to power - I somehow can not put my finger on it - its ruined damned and hot most of the year in the sun over there, yet there is an inkling of raw base power - present everywhere there - perhaps its the natural power of the springs and rocks which have endured a millenia more than us humans on this terrain. Perhaps they been very effective in sourcing and hoarding effective natural earthly and solar power within their core, their physical sheath. 
Any which way Yaganti was the coolest place I have gone so far in AP. These are places which are ruined and hence no one much comes to them in the first place except for some wannabe religious freaks or rather those - who are interested in experiencing some form of natural power - and the power in form of Shiva or whatever calls them there. 
The place so natural - a mixture of greenery and shrubs midst thick inhospitable hot terrain. Where water seems rough for most part of the year except for during normal monsoons - and people throng to such places cause of their underground water sources. 
Yaganti is also close to belur/belum cave structures - where for a millenia together Buddhist monks have meditated on atman in underground damp and silent conditions. The whole place had a natural powerful earthly aura to it. I loved it thoroughly. Ofcourse the underground is so beautiful - puts a sure shot meaning to beauty is more than skin deep - applying to our mother earth as well!

Another legend for Yaganti is that there are no crows there - which is a tough deal to digest since crows are everywhere in India, being most cunning of birds they seem thorough shamanic in nature - with an accute sixth sense and cunning smarts which doesnt allow them to ever get caught or become prey to any other life. Crows are also the symbolic animal vehicle/representation for the planet saturn/shani - who is seemed to be malignant for most auspicious activities in indian thought process. Though shani remains to be very beneficial when approached with devotion, sincerity and discipline (something most humans and gods lack). Crows kept disturbing sage agastya at this place during his contemplation - which made agastya curse them. They never seem to be around here; and just in case to placate the effects of shani here - they light a beautiful lamp atop one of the ancient mounds (quite inaccessible  every night burning all night - for keeping the malign energies at bay. A nice concept I must admit. To see the entire valley structure are night only lit with a beautiful lamp atop a weird hill - it would give gitters and sense of power to anyone traversing through ages!

A beautiful meditative temple to visit - especially for satisfying anthropological curiosity; to see the growing bull sitting in front of the quite unique and adorable ardha - nareeshwara (male/female) shiva linga! 

Peace and Joy

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Aho! Bhalam! Upper Reach


Welcome to the portal, grid which opens up at the castle of hate. Where the demon is bidding his time in utter ignorance, and his son praying for you to come over and take the pain away from his panging heart. The son praying and crying. Liberate me; for I cannot stand the ego which harms me keeping me away from this beautiful god-head, this eternal love making. I cannot be localized says prahalada to narsimha, he prays in his deep cave and hopes to fie

Narsimha the beautiful mighty therianthrope. The mixture of divine will coming through the wormhole inside the pillar. He explode in fiery rapture; a description of a thousand suns still paling. He rips open the demon through and plays with his entrails. This is gory weird imagination for a god, He is the guru; some say. Pure power manifest and all the angelic other worldly beings exclaiming in some sort of fear? The gods come down to the upper hills on nalla malai (The dark mountain, where the master comes forth to break down the castle in one of his so called ten manifestations to save humanity) to pacify this mighty entity. The world shakes and the vibrations immense. Is this some sort of Energy release. Nuclear in nature. From no where comes the wild beast inside the wild dark jungles. And it claims your liberation and death in sight!

He is ugra, utterly angry;  He comes to show what even demons could relate to. Fear ofcourse - he has come down to clean up the putrid filth of ego dominant hate. This self loathing, has to go. Has to be removed from the gut. From our insides; Lord Narsimha is the archetype and perhaps a true deity of the past (for even our archetypes could not come up with this form of imagery in normal state of life lived?)

He is placated to by prahalada, his devotee and all the gods and saints. Narsimha looks for his partner, the surreal power of goddess coming down as a nymph village woman, the feminine energy in this case the only way to placate this mighty consciousness power endowed.

I like his imagery a lot, not cause its violent or blatant display of power, but to me he is a god like no other. The master of yoga and siddhi. He is both the surreal root to meditate for liberation, never ending power and grace. He is tantric in nature and likes to create a mood of a warrior within his devotee, this coupled with love for the lord/nature and his/her/its way of dealing with itself is unique and beautiful to say the least. You can fall deeply in the love for nature divine, and you can verily see this amidst the beautiful nalla malai hills of AP, where narsimha took birth. to liberate the fools who again played ego games on earth!

Upper aho bhalam, at the place of power of rudra ugra narsimha. they say you can go near a little lake, still a bit red cause of the blood which flows out of narsimhas’s claws. I was not able to visit this upper reach temple made within this dark mountain to this ancient powerful archetype. But I understood enough. the trek in the night, the sleeping under the barren rock; like snakes watching night skies. Suddenly the earth roars and rips open. Your insides are almost twitching; the aura cleansed and the chakras infused by the power of the ancient lord hari coming down once again. I like this immensely.

Love and Peace

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Jogulamba Amman at Alampur

The beautiful sights of power across India, strewn about in small hillocks and valleys. Nestled within jungles deep within subcontinent. Power has never been so delectable to taste!

I got a beautiful opportunity with the grace of my folks to visit another shaktipith in the center of AP in kurnool district some 200 odd kilometers away from the metro city of Hyderabad where I put up currently. The place is a small village called alampur which hosts a very old and serene temple for the mother goddess - with the name jogulamba. 

Most of my visits to any beautiful places have been planned almost by the mother herself. She doesn't give me prior information nor intimation, and just puts me to see such pretty sights that I am spell bound. 

This is where the front upper teeth of the mother energy - Sati fell post her dissection and burning (the myth). Basically these places hold some sort of natural and divine feminine power - the power which makes other places around seem some way less powerful. 
The temple is a very old sight, placed peacefully at the banks of Tunga Bhadra river dam (I imagine). Very old bathing ghats to see, and the temple is an awesome delight for any anthropologist, cultural observer and of course tantriks. 
It seemed to me that it was a shakti worship sight - the sanctum made in a way exactly how the orissa temples are - with a circular dome and a beautiful rocket like structure. The interior walls are made by huge stones - and I saw many many sculptures of the 64 Yoginis. The yogini cult and its worship was exclusively a tantrik mode where these yoginis were shaktis who were assistants or younger/later energies to the center power present there. 
The mother goddess herself looks very pretty and her front teeth accentuated by her fang like upper teeth protruding itself. 
I was told that this temple was desecrated by muslim invaders and during the period the mothers statue was stored with the shiva linga present inside, so it woundnt be destroyed. A new beautiful small peaceful temple aside to the banks of the lake has now been formed post 2005. Perhaps the idol is a new one (but it seemed older and of course more ferocious). 
I spent some time looking at the carvings, the original temple would have had the two demonesses chanda and munda - guarding the goddess (now they are outside the shiva linga). 
The temple has a resounding calm and quiet to it. Old trees and the setup very much like ancient oriya shakti temples which I have seen earlier. Gave me a grand feeling. I visited during evening twilight and the place was lit up with neon lights and the grand reservoir next gave a surreal and calming feeling beyond my expectations!
I bowed in reverence and holding a deep sigh. Devi has been kind to show me sights, yet never a deeper connection to the earth and herself. I have been unfruitful in deepening the sadhana which she so naturally is providing. I feel downtrodden and perhaps mother at Alampur would give the needed grace to overcome obstacles. To overcome oneself and make it free. 


Thursday, November 15, 2012

Devi Play >

I would love it if you were to play your special play. Start me up and never keep me away.
You are dawning; and looking to keep me at bay. No use! For I have already drowned headfirst in your amorous eyes. Your blood red lips playing wicked games in my head. 

Devi, knows me better - she keeps her lover thirsty. She quenches it in her special rasa. Her intense devotion towards collective love and pain. I the wandering madman, walking through thick jungle and daze. Come to you to appease us this life time. How can you resist such a maddening gain?

Devi takes up the console, looks at this beggar; wanderer and lunatic with the beacon of the naive heart beating fast. She knows what I want. She knows what I sought. She plays; for seven straight days. Her melody and heart pouring out like molten gold from the earth onto my being. I dance for her. Dance looking only at her. My DJ. My Goddess. Redemption so easy; I dance to win her yet again (this life). 

She notices my worn down shell. Covered with ashes brought from burning pits of hell. Energy consumed and why not ? consummated. I have witnessed her destruction and her mothers love. She has seen me seeing it all?! I have meditated on her heart oh for so very long. The sri chakra of universe. The powerful atomic crown. Darkness and timeless misery I see- I could not see her till I walked my head into the ground. Now here I am, on my knees; waiting to die; waiting to be released. But that too shall not take place without your play. Goddess and Lover, embrace is all I choose. Make me a dasa at your feet!

Devi you play. I shall dance. Kali powers the reactor and Nataraja thumps the ground clear. We are the symbolic symbiotic unit. Sweet and caressed; One atom within the ocean, uniting electrifying electron to proton. Neutrons already kissed! remaining where they may! 

I reckon to open my third eye
My goddess still playing hard and paced, she throws me to the ground - she puts her divine feet on my rugged chest. She keeps me controlled so that I may not go crazy inside her tune; inside her wild and free heart. (of creation and destruction)
The yearning is pouring. Pouring this yearning into the vessel of cosmic void. Intensity without purpose. All this is my oh-so beautiful devi's play! 

Don't stop or rewind. Fast forwarding is a crime - please play your melody and beats - meant to be for no one but this very singular consciousness. Let I; steadfast; dedicate being to the cause - dancing to your nature seems to be what I was born for. Play your tune please oh please. Mother, Lover, Goddess, Giver - Give the fool one last dance so he may remember. Re member what it is to be in the halcyon of divinity


Wednesday, November 7, 2012



I got a super! feeling this rainy day Monday. I will dawn my mask of masks and disappear amidst the snowy misty haze. Beneath this dark rain – I will dance in the streets oblivious to the impending dream death of my brain. I will choose to remain super fucking ficial till my dying day.

I get ready in a hurry, waking walking under the powerful atomic sun. I look sprightly lest someone may suspect what goes on beyond inside my eyes. My cranium aching to hide the superficiality of every moment acted as if in some cheap misdirected play. I am left alone at the mercy of my mind. It rises falls leaps and bounds into crevices never touched by any light of day. I remain oblivious like I already said lol

I am super fickle ficial and always alarmed by my waking cause. I am running to a goal somewhere in the distance; never materializing, never ever making any sense but it remains accepted by everyone around! Wow what a sympathetic reaction to plight and pissed off life pain. I keep comforting myself – this is surely the way. All blind rats chasing others down to the end of the mountain leading inside the abyss subliminal control by the demonic piper’s wicked enchanting wail.

Look I found me a shelter and a walking road. A car and legs to drive it to destination unknown. I remain aged and un nerved beneath my skin. Something is driving me in turn and insane; yet I keep it masked, caged perfect; putting on a preposterous smile. Smoke rising red beyond the window pane. Look I can’t do it no more – I cannot keep my mind bound by this sociopathic schizophrenic make believe of living together in mock grace. We are all faking the fucking moment. We know this has to be the case.

But what is the use of realization pointless none the less. I laugh and make believe the bluff of another more euphoric place. Where the heart sends out signals which cannot be masked with the most genuine brains. Where it seems that the night and day merge and everyone puts their hands together to make it seem worth the wait. When love and night merge, where day and death tango - level ground surely
What have I become obsessed with, the greatest delusion stuck; incepted inside my head. This dream nature of becoming / flowering, faltering and becoming stronger. Being unlearned and losing all the masks I have so ritually kept away from the prying eyes of my fellow kind. I have started to repulse my inner nature – this superfuckingficial lifestyle which I lead to appease my cowardness.

adam-in-pain-otto-rapp (1)

The night has become solemn. It has changed the fates of stars in this perennial darkness. Starts circularly to become the again the end. I have stepped forth into the abyss. I have committed enough blunders and shook not to commit one more. To lose a chance to see this world for what it truly is. Naked, without masks and the learnt conditioned tolerance for apathy.

I have dawned neo suits of mirrors. Reflecting the lost cause of desolate rain pouring once again. This time no one to ponder its origin? Looks like the superficial have become stark raving insane. What a sight to behold laughing laughing all the way. all ways.


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Marginal Cause


India is overflowing currently with children. They are everywhere from every other womb. We are a population like no other. I do not have a kid yet. I do not see any reason to have one, without giving out wisdom and way to live best fitted to this condition and state of life. I am one of the very few I guess.

The marginal cause towards our children (yes I consider them our children even though I may not have fucked to make em) is the apathic condition of health care and life given a chance? to be alive in MY country! *what fucking country concept???*. Our population suffers like no other. For we care not to acknowledge the fucking every single day apathy towards the children everywhere; remaining in some sot of proud shit moment of being ever immersed in a gutter of human filth if not actual human beings.

One of my friends sisters was interning in the government hospitals in Hyderabad same time now last year. I went to see her, for she is (I realize) dedicated to the cause of love and care. What we try to see in all our doctors – allopathic or otherwise. Yet the fucking irony being that these very doctors make a sleazy business even or especially when it comes to treating the tender life in nascent stages.

I went with her to the ward, where loads of kids (one each) in single beds were crying bellowing and sleeping along with their care. I saw her inject multiple injections to the veins of kids who were sick, in extreme pain and on the verge of feeling death through their tender consciousness. My friend was very very sincere and methodical in her work. She could feel no emotion in her administration and care for the body. She had to look away from the howls of every kid she went near. She was indeed strong; as strong as the kids? I would not think so. Life at such a small stage feeling intense pain caused by life forms and experiences which sever the mind and body. And then our allopathic cure – which is basically the ingestion of painkillers and steroids to numb our neurons towards every sensory input and within. What a waste. Disease wins thumbs down.

I know and empathize with this experience intensely. Every person who has felt self pain would, every person who has seen another one in love suffer shall as well. This was a single one third day of mine just observing kids and the general shit condition of a government hospital in india (which india boasts of as general healthcare for free for its nation of imbecilic who keep producing kids to suffer!)

I have a weak heart and I cannot stand pain towards kids at the worst, I don't like them but I know what innocence some of them may have – what the world has done to them even without their action. This is sheer waste of life and consciousness. A little better than a cockroach in our understanding, and roaches do live grand lives. What about these kids in turn?

I have no answer. My friends intention for a year or more were strong and impressionable for her consciousness. The result of her action was yet a miniscule and in my opinion useless effort to stop the deluge. The death of our loved generations.

We who have access to better health care fare no better, with doctors who are assholes treating us better than fucking machines, and charging for every single second of their holy gaze, and stealing a fucking kidney in kind payment. I hate the condition and apathy which I am drowned in especially with the acknowledgement of these powerful experiences of strangers kids in pain. I cannot stand myself to be living in such fucking conditions. And I do not even have the courage or intent for lack of anything real unlike my friend shruti who could bear these horrible conditions (the loos in these places for women would certainly remain intolerable, the men doctor perhaps no better) to help kids out. Kids she did not know, care to know yet cared to help with her heart. I salute such efforts from the collective divine feminine to tend for her own creations. I really still remain at awe of the tender strong spirit of human condition, surviving the worst like so many other species of life. To remain alive for what? Is the next evolutionary question. At least to me.

Peace and Slumber?

Circa Time

There is this conspiracy theory - that we humans have been visited by alien entities from heavens (or other cosmic entities  in the past. That earth has been the breeding ground for space ships and alien gods which have come to show various sights and wisdom to the primitive people living here. 

The beautiful thing about this is - that these alien gods of ours (look within any religion or culture - annunaki/egyptian/indus/mayan/incan what not) -> they look just like us! They have 2 feet, 2 hands or more in some cases, and generally a human or animal (therianthrope) looking face - which can be a mask or such. But the nose/mouth teeth/forehead - all marking a clear resemblance to us!

So if there was alien life in the universe, advanced more evolved - I am sure they did not have to evolve under the same conditions which we have. Life forms can be nitrogen/anti carbon based as well. It is only our short sight that we think life has to be like us and not any other way. 

So what came to me was that - what if there was intelligent life forms in the past which visited us were actually our own species of life forms. The various artifacts collected across the world - point to weird vimanas and space suits which these aliens wore to come here. So when you look at these ancient descriptions of what primitive peoples encounters with their gods looked like - it pretty much looks like if one of us in this day and age with our ipod and space suits went back in time and encountered them; provided them with intelligent information and ways to create wisdom? (or maybe slaves?)

This seemed pretty funny to me at first glance - our future races all genetically changed morphed coming back in time and affecting courses in time itself to create a more profound future for themselves? Sounds cool does it not - If you could go back and change the conscious intent of people through time - would you not do it, so by the time you come into being - you are completely different - with immense amount of knowledge stored in your genes without even have worked for it! This sort of time travel is unique - to change the course of consciousness with the evolution of time. It sounds pretty fine to me. 

Though there remains a single problem - these entities have tried time over for the best way to accomplish this. They come to earth through wormholes (connected from future earth) and teach human beings the nature of matter and energy and even the soul. The self. But us human beings bound to our nature, do not worship or take heed from the immense rich knowledge which they provide us (all the intent full knowledge of our ecosystem and its inhabitants also are from the 'other world'). We instead start blindly worshiping what we know through our senses - the gods themselves - their digital devices (helmets/mukuts, scepters/wands, flying saucers/vimanas - their so called power and might - their physical state and of course anything else they did or could do. We do not understand their real reason of being here - to liberate themselves, by showing us the way to liberate ourselves. 
This is the true interconnectedness that they talk about time over (every religion, culture, person and so forth). That we are all bound to each other - how much ever we try to dissuade ourselves from believing such. 
The moment here - now is always affecting the here now in another context. Our liberation literally causes every one of our lineage and birth to liberate themselves; This is possibly what these ancient alien gods with the power to time and space travel came back/forward in time to explain. 

It is our time to listen yet again; with eyes wide shut and ears intent on hearing the silence.


Monday, November 5, 2012

The Immaculate Self

When we start analyzing through our brains - what composes the nature of I/self. We find that in the base terms that we are all brain waves. Brain waves at varying frequencies - which depict our mental states. These mental states in depth define our nature; our concept of who we are. (Major 4 frequencies have been identified). 
But this is according to me at least  the false self. The veiled self creating a projection of itself in limited capacity. The self which dawns from within the brain/mind - has its roots in maya. It perceives through the senses and is always controlled by the electromagnetic impulses of the brain - Hence depression and elation become from these altering brain waves, so does any and all other attributes to our selves. 
These attributes are fleeting - defined by the amount of energy the brain is able to sustain, create and dissipate. The false self is always changing, never the same at any two instants. Never being able to realize what its true nature is. 
This is where ancient warriors and saints and men/women realized that though this remained an almost inconsistent way of looking at the self - there remained beneath the veil another form of energy. This energy was even more primitive in time, almost consistent and never fleeting like the brain energy which created a sense of the false self. 
This I choose to call the real self. The real ego or aham. This also has been defined as nature, prakarti and of course kundalini/serpent power. This has been defined as a feminine dark energy form - which creates an illusion at multiple levels to keep itself hidden. 
The kundalini energy is the true self. Yet it too is unable to fathom its own creation or its own nature (how can one know one?). But this is where it creates the finer of illusion of duality - consciousness; This form of self (shiva consciousness) can fathom what the real self is upto. It can fathom its own beautiful nature. 

Now I am not the one to debate what is real and what is illusory. But yes, everything remains in its base form as energy. Only the frequency of vibration changes - creating physical, psychic, and other realms in turn. 

But within ourselves - we must realize that we are not the body - this faint yet so strong sense of our selves - is coming from within the brain every single instant. This false sense of self (I-ness) is parasitic in nature - as it never allows the remotest realization - that major amount of energy stored in the vessel is not within the brain but at the base of the spine (It is also the center of gravity for body) - this is where the base energy/kundalini is present, and when notions from within the head start disappearing about its affirmation of false self - then the true self (the major energy waves) starts pulsating from the spine above to the cranium (once again within the head), where neurons will be empowered to become conscious - to witness what a beautiful state it is that the kundalini is. 

Kundalini is the energy of self in every single atom and further micro and macro as well in dimensions. It is the underlying energy field of this existence. It creates a fine illusion through the head to protect every organic entity from preventing itself to be realizing itself. This is of course done for no grander purpose than to keep the game playing itself. For natural course to take place within constraints (time,space,reality etc) to realize the unlimited self through this as well. 

The first prerogative becomes to realize that the localized veiled self is not situated - localized within the brain as we presume; it is localized within the spinal column (the oldest structure of the body). Then our thinking becomes immaculate. It is not from the false self looking for pure ego thrills. It becomes energy bonding to energy to realize itself through energy. 


Ode to Humanity

I am not a big fan of human kind, the version of life that in today’s day seems to be only focused upon itself. The day’s pass and humans ...