Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Strange Tune

Confusion has confused me thoroughly. The past week or two, has brought about such allignments in the environment that is me; that I cannot see what is what. There have been many inconvieniences of the external- the air that I am breathing has led me to a cold; the rain I dance in has given me a fever, the paths that I have been walking has given me feet aches unparalleled.
There has been the question of lesser and lesser sleep day by day, bound by some mundane college duties which I have been giving (un) due importance. The nature of people close to me is changing, their fates are entangled with mine, and hence I feel the force twice as powerful.
There has been angst and confusion like no other, there has been a sense of dismay like before. As strong as the waves of past.
I am not sure now again, of existances motive in bringing about these situations. But I am forced to believe that if not now, perhaps later in the future the aims shall surely manifest in understanding.

Pathethic states of life; that is what has been for sometime now. My house is under massive reconstruction leaving me little or no private space to introspect. My condition of health has deteriorated and rest oppertunities are little. I couldnt devote enough quality time for my lover either or my parents for that matter. and least of all to my god. Namaciva

I can feel that there is a tremor, perhaps the starting of the end. I am not a fatalist. I dont believe in stupidity over love. But i do believe that stupidity might eventually win over if there is not enough wisdom to butcher it away.
I try my level best to bring quiet and peace in my way, but the power that be give me ever more mental and physical unrest. I try to take it on with indifference, but I dont know which day it might be that would be my last.
Sleep and rest - something that I have been wanting for some time evading me. In these conditions I am already in alternate consciousness. I lose my parts of personality faster. Losing myself but not gaining anything in return except lost.

Perhaps the days to come will be crucial, they might not be dismissed under any circumstances. for fate and life is assuring me that the time is apt to take a stand, however the being namaciva would like to be life. There is nothing as important in life as this. To take the stand to Be. not become, but the end product is what it is. Let us make the stand-the end product and the starting are the same. Being.

In days to come sudden transformation and strange tunes hummed are to BE. Life and its weird incantations are bringing more and more dispondent feelings. Just the other day I saw with my mother, a Ufo which humming this strange tune showed blue blinking light above a dry decapitated powerless city (delhi)
I could see that time is apt for world destruction. Doom to take a first step towards end. For Yama to come and seize the little appetite for life which is left by the inhabitants of this shitty shoddy planet. To start with a clean sheet. Perhaps never more.

I have always wished for endless peace and boundless love for every living and conscious being. I see that is the only way to wisdom and energy handling. Stupidity and mass hysteria about social economic conventional institutional ways of living are just ways to grave.
I hope every lover of life gives her/his own; his energies awakened/and stirred to the cause of life.
I do assure you that if not, there is no way out of pain everlasting.

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