Monday, October 22, 2012

Failed To Give


Failed to give it up? all away?

Without care, so much could be lost. Simple and faithful; we ride on each others backs. If we failed to give; perhaps it would be a chance gone, never to be reclaimed or celebrated.

I failed to give my love away, so simple and such a profane mistake. I drowned myself in petty anger and jealousy. Trivial issues became so much more intense compounded by my head, never heeded to the sincere light in my heart, beckoning me to invite others over. To have a feast of my self. Eating my flesh drinking my blood. Giving away the love of Christ (so people know and say).

How could I have failed so irrevocably?

I failed to tread my path with devotion and peace. I made my nights a living hell, and my days made my nightmares come true. I wanted to run over others and myself in some sort of anxious neurosis. I wanted it all, enjoy and never every think about anything but satiation. But how could I have failed to measure my strategy? How could I have lived so fucking mechanically?

I failed to receive and appreciate what I got with grace, I took it all; consumed and shat it out the next day like it was the way to live? How could I fail to have the love to bind myself into this existence. My time has come to an end, and all I have to look back is at days and nights where I could not stand myself and had to shield it in the cloak of friends, liquor and butchery of life; feeding it to my fucking gut.

How could I not cry when I fail to stand still, to try to realize who it is that I am, my maker? my mother? I just took it for granted, like all of you… and yes all of us have failed. In depth and In shit; it is not even worth it if you cannot fathom the mistake which we are making.

Our lives, our soul honour and badge. Our lives in making, Our celebrations and funerals. Our trip does not end here – it just goes on to make believe lands beyond. Our greed and insatiable brains. Our fucking hormones making our lives a burning raging destructive pit of despair

I fail, If I do not communicate, my intent, my nature, my soul, flowering in simple agony. It is my life that is the result. It is my impression and its consequences which are affected. I cannot afford it any more, The time is for change.

If I fail again, I would be happy knowing and in peace that I tried my level best. To give what I received. Humbly; even if there was no one to take.


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