Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Dispassion Coaster

Have you all undergone, moments where you just despair; you need and want something and you cant have it, whatever the reason maybe, and you just tell yourself that this is not a deal; that you would do anything if you can have that one thing/moment/person or experience. Then you get it, and you are elated, over joyed, blissful and content. The moment drops out and the troubles start once again, I have undergone an entire lifetime of such violent emotions, from moment to moment, what i want, and cannot have splits me apart, what i want and have blasts my neurons so out of the world and the vicious circle continues, the way its all played out, with time I have really become dispassionate towards the downs and the ups and the eventual downs and the eventual ups. I feel that to be content, i cannot be vulnerable to such external or even internal influences, why do i require something to be content, and why does that something cause a happiness in me. Its just un fair, and i frankly tell you- that I am disgusted that i can be played around not once, twice but endless times... perhaps till the time i die (as its the case with oh so many people who enter this world)
But I am not going down without a fight, there is a certain dispassion which has overtaken me with so many introspections throughout my life, whenever i have really felt down and wanted/needed something so badly and I pray and quiet myself and introspect; and if indeed i get it, then i feel equally foolish that I could become happy just because something happened in my favour, why ought it to be like this.. being content is about being content, its not about people or favours or situations or experiences. its just the state of being which is content, and i cannot define what the content is, yes for some that content is bound by time, a temporary state which is felt when one perhaps works for something or asks for something and receives it, by fate; luck; effort or something such... but to me being content is not temporary, its something which is not somehow bound by time or space. Its my inner core, its who I am; have been; will be. all ways. Now dispassion is the natural outcome of this; there can be nothing internalized or external which can affect who i am, or choose to be (for those of you, who think that they cannot ever be content without material reward- this is only because you chose to affect your happiness/content-ness linking it with something material- dont think that you are the effect, you simply chose it like that... you are the cause of what makes you happy, and thats the point in the first place, you choose that something will make you happy; ofcourse this means that in the larger scheme of things; the lack of those very things will make you really unhappy)
I guess people who might read this (dont think many though), are evolved, intelligent, mature and introspective people... introspect on why you choose this roller coaster of ups and downs? when you really dont have to get into such a ride EVERY SINGLE TIME of your experience of life; you can simply skip it and be content none the less.


(The photo is of Adya- The beginning/ Goddess of it all.... Shanti Shanti Shanti)

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