Perched Balanced Life

I recently have been having too much on my mind. Too much is never a very good thing;
I always imagine myself in living a balanced life. Not too spartan and not too complicated. Everything in its limits and everything under the sun to partake.
But recently I have started questioning my inner intent. The philosophy I have taken to reach to here and now.
Cause always something is amiss, something points to dismal-ness. I don’t know how to quite express it. For the person away; afar; my life would be just fine. Balanced as one would see it (though it doesn't seem so, yet the intent is potent I assure). But then I end up getting not what I bargained for. As in the goal/the end product is never balanced. Perhaps its my mind or the consequences of my action- seems to be totally lopsided one which way or the other.
So I gave up philosophy and inner talk. There is no point to prayer and love or even wisdom to live. This nihilistic attitude is not just another life perception. This is perhaps what Sartre or even Nietzsche have been talking about and living as and when they had lived (and mind you; even their lives might seem to be balanced in all aesthetics- but the end product; the consequence was highly controversially lopsided; hell Nietzsche even ended up suffering total dementia which became the cause of his demise).
So the next understanding is how to live balanced and also create actions which are balanced?
I don’t quite think we can create repercussions which can be predicted. A curse and a blessing; the root cause of karma/work and re work are to best of understanding not predictable. Some might curse a particular action while others bless it, creating endless waves of energy flowing in some sort of dimensional matrix (of perhaps consciousness) which go ahead and affect the intended. Some where this is what I feel has happened to myself too; I have created balanced actions for living, enjoying aesthetics and never just overdoing one thing, I do believe in overdoing everything; but the consequences of these and how other consciousness have responded to it, have seemed to make me realize that there is no way to please myself to a comfortable grave.
The best way would be then to go underground, keep silent and shut the inner monotone/dialogue. Stop the entire sequence of events which make the everyday working of ourselves so seamless and forgettable. Raising our philosophy and crumbling them is the way of aghora. Something which is not for everyone.
So to start from where I initially started; I have too much on myself nowadays. That needs to be changed, has to be internally willed to make life totally inconspicuous, so that no consequence dawns its head on any other consciousness around. The act itself should be so pristine and pure, so without malicious intent and at the same time so irrelevant that no one can see any point in creating any attachment to it. This way; I live a balanced existence and at the same time do not cause any undue ripples to be formed in the consciousness; which would affect me again in the name of action.