Towering Tree Of Love...

Do we learn to love another life or does it come from somewhere within/somewhere extraordinary? Do you doubt the power of love? or even its existence?
I know the mind cannot love, for the mind is working and acting as if it is unique, paramount and alone in creation. So it has to be something different when it comes to loving free (atleast to me).

I ask myself these questions; and I can say that though I love without mind from somewhere else (perhaps the heart- which goes to say that I don't love because of just sensory allure). Yet I have also learnt/my mind has learnt how to love by seeing its causal signs in nature.
I have been influenced by nature and her glory to learn how to love simply and free, and one of my biggest teachers has been a tree. Yea that sounds strange, but its quite simple really when you are actively searching for hidden signs and portents with 'eyes wide open' (which I used to do earlier in my life);

So Yea, I learnt a lot from a particular tree, my current home has been rooted in the same place for the past 2 decades, and during this time, there stood (for over a decade) a lovely Ashoka Tree right next to my 2nd floor balcony. It doesn't live in form anymore, for it used to be rooted in my ground floor neighbour's garden and over time its roots became so big that they started crumbling my neighbours floor and he eventually had to axe it down. I still remember that was one of the cruelest days of my life, the day when I stood in my balcony and could not see or touch this magnificent being. (I just could not witness it being cut down either- still sends shivers down my spine)

The Ashoka tree had existed almost a couple of years after I shifted to my current place, and it was soon planted by my then neighbors, I remember that it grew to its towering height in just a year or two and remained that way till the end. It equaled my building height and it grew thick over the years with hell lot of branches all cloaked in thick leaves.

So soon enough the tree started hosting different animals, and this is when I really really became interested in this being.... the tree started having sparrows chirping away in the days and it became a haunt for bats in the nights.. soon it was permanently hosting bats under its thick growth,  there were crows and squirrels which perpetually lived on it; there were funky birds which nested on it over the years not to mention a family of owls which lived in it for over 3-4 years (I have been unfortunate enough to be hit by a young bats wings too-something which rarely happens).  and everyday when I did put my head literally inside the tree's foliage (my 2nd floor balcony was around half its height)... I could expect something varied and interesting. Over the years, the silent powerful tree became my favorite as well, every time I would head to the balcony to see the sky and touch the leaves and communicate and accept its love. and yes, plants/trees are alive, they do feel emotion and they very well do transmit energy too.. If you have not been able to sync with a simple and innocent life-form such as a plant even once in your life, then perhaps now is your chance.

The tree faded one winter, and it didn't come back to its original green color the coming spring, which was strange enough.. I remember thinking that the ground water levels might be the reason or perhaps the pollution or such (delhi was a hell hole of smoke back in those days)... and the tree was bare almost an entire year, the branches started withering and the tree was slowly and surely dying, none of us could figure out why it had not blossomed that year... and well most people don't really think long on such 'worthless' topics as life moves on.

Then a miracle did happen... The tree became as green as it was from the year before. Just like that, this was perhaps one of the most genuine true miracles I have seen in my life... The tree was almost dead... as it was in the nascent stages of rotting from the top... but perhaps over a week or so (or maybe even less)... it became like I had seen it forever before...full bloom and ever green!

It was rejuvenated somehow- and the funny thing is that after this incident.. I never got to see the tree bare ever. Come autumn and spring and the tree would remain same, some leaves would fall but never enough to make the tree any what clad of its inner home. And yea, all the living beings of the world came over and made their home in it once again... living in paradise would have been so much fun~
The Tree seemed to have somehow made up its mind, or given some power to live on... maybe all the life which existed in peace inside the tree (think about it, so many various different lifeforms used to have their nests and home inside the same tree... and this is what I found oh so marvelous) prayed for its survival/revival and lo~ it was so!!!!

The tree had become a nesting ground for life, offering its own body as a place for others to thrive (to the best of my knowledge in harmony and symbiosis)... you could tell me that the tree had no active intention of doing this for its a vegetable at best; and well I have heard and re-heard such fallacies from many, but when you feel the vibration of acceptance and love from another life-form, and hell its not there in your gaze with some malign personal intention... its just there... in all its wonder and silence... and its a part of you as you become a part of it. This transcendence from form and silent awe struck love unconditional is what I learnt from this ancient being. It taught me the power of love, and it showed me the miracle of life through itself. Now, in the absence of body; though invisible to most, it shines forth still to me,
No No not in my mind, that would be crazy, lunatic, schizophrenic at best... No, love comes from somewhere else, deep inside, and yes it does not need words or form for it to exist. The grand vision of this loving towering tree imprinted in my soul eternal is proof enough for my doubts to disappear.

Peace and Love

Crystalline Attack

The last few days suffering from terrible cough and fever; I felt like how this earth has been feeling for such a long long time. The earth has a perpetual fever because of the parasitic virus called humans living thriving and killing on it.

I am sure most of us have undergone a really bad time of fever in our lives. Its not pretty at all. There are times when one is so weak and in despair and delirium that nothing is worth while except eternal sleep or numbing death. The body reeks in pain, and is ready to let go of everything. There is no sense in anything when one is under attack by parasites. 

Human beings are just like that, we justify our existence and then go out and finish up everything else that is living around us. We have systematically destroyed everything on this earth for our own greed and gluttony. The earth has tried to sustain us amicably and symbiotic ally, but to absolutely no respite. We humans take compassion and understanding from other species (and even ourselves) as signs of weakness. We believe that we are justified to be here, as many worlds great civilizations and religions state; that god made us to be here and everything on this earth was made for mans benefit (such statements are quite prominent in religions such as islam etc). And we create a fictitious god in our psyche to easily nullify all the wrong and pain we are causing for our petty benefit. This is truly the case with us 'parasites'. We think everything given or granted to us, is actually owed to us. Its not a boon or blessing. its our burden. I feel sick even without a viral sometimes at childish immature notions such as these, upheld and revered by the 'ancient' and 'wise' civilizations and thinkers of our time. 

We need to change, even though most of us are educated and know that certain things are no good, we are prone to apathy and laxness. We dont care, cause no one has supposedly cared enough for us, and that is where we are wrong. The world and nature cares for us enough to give us so many second chances to continue living on this planet, something we can never be ready to do with out foreign parasitic virus friends in our body. Think about it. Selfishness and selflessness, embodiment of greed and willing to bleed (for another). Which one will you and i want/choose to be, I know my path. Make yours concrete as well... 

So next time if its you versus doing something selflessly; giving up something so that you dont destroy something which also has a right to be here along with us on this earth, we can look at the symbolism of the virus in the human body, which multiplies and has but one purpose; to cause pain and demise to the host. To what use? to what need, as all of you who have gone through a bad case of viral would have felt i suppose as well. 

We are not virus', we are living loving consciousness and we are quite capable in proving that we shouldnt be classified with some non-living crystalline programmed killing machines. I hope we really can. For the good of our planet (our body) and ourselves. 

Inconsequential

You ought to find out. You are nothing special. You are nothing unique or worth saving. You are the singing dancing hating laughing toilet of this universe. Your inventions and feelings mean nothing to the cosmos; not even to me, and I am here right next to you; holding your hands and telling you to kiss me. The world is false; and so are your perceptions. You are trash, stinking holding your shit inside proudly and running away from it the very moment it comes out of you. You are the epitome of the hypocrite
You shake your head and inside think you are smarter some how; from the rest of this universe. You are the product of carnal rage, you are a Neanderthal looking how to become grace?
Take a look inside; you are not anything worth anything, you shouldn't be here, you should not exist. Your purpose is non-existent, and you have no role to play in the larger scheme of anything. Living day to day in your mall existence, shopping for clothes cause you are so full of shame to even display your naked god given state.
You blame your destruction on god, take the praise for yourself. You ask for help when your world breaks down one brick at a time, and cruise in your car splashing muck at everyone when you are made.
Fuck you and your money, your time is uselessly wasted.. You are no good, creating work when there is no work to be done... killing nature cause you cant be free. You think armani is your savior, and Wall street is your church.
You will fall.. for you procreate without thought; You will be burned and crushed; decapitated and amputated; lobotomized and kept six feet under for the fate of our future race... Inconsequential just like the millions who died over and over, time again and again.. It is not tragic; It is inconsequential. Just like you; take another look at the mirror showing your pretty decked up face. See it one last time, and tear it apart with your fingers if you have any respect left for yourself.
I am guessing you will put on some more make up to hide the shake up which is NOT your life ever.

War is peace
No is Yes
and we are all free
-Tracy Chapman

The End

Aint got no money, to live in peace. Dont have no body to come and comfort me.
Everyone tapped down to a coffin one after another; god kept me to cry without peace. Every single day
Dont have a car or a house to call my own. Dont have no new clothes to cover this naked lump of clay waiting to dissolve.
There were the times in my life; which I called golden, but didnt read the signs all too clear; Sometimes yea; falling does feel like flying, till its all too late.
Never cared for friends or family; rotten lives rotting on me, Breaking bread didn't interest me nor did making bread.
Laughter ceased to be funny, Tears lost their meaning... My love walked away, left me to decay. All to myself.
What an anticlimax, Looking to the sky; waiting for the rain to wash me away, never felt this way; swear, never felt this way....
Hoped to be rich, failed my father.. Hoped to be good, failed my mother... Hoped to be powerful, failed myself... Hoped to be one, failed my beloved.
User friendly; I died everytime I took the sip of the devils whiskey, washed my life puking it down the drain. In my old age; I still didnt possess the brains to end it all one fine day....
Taught myself nothing new, treated those who treated me worst with respect. I die even now.
No rebellion, when will my breath stop. When will the machine not respond. When will the dissection begin?

Tied up, enslaved, smeared with the pasted disgrace across my head. The god mocks, taunts and spits at my shameful face. There is no end to this, no one to lean on; no one to help; no one to even offer.
My world comes full circle, just like yours shall.. those who will not die young.. will inevitably suffer till the end.... die of pathetic comical tragedy of old age.....

D

I arrived at the end of ratnagiri, and hitch hiked my way to the ancient temple in the small desolate village of _____; It is not pleasant to speak of travails as if they were casual. The dead speak in tongues. They loll it till you drop dead in their place. I took my rosary close to my soul; spreading and chanting the bija mantra to ward that which did not know; did not know what it did.
Barefoot in the heat; the striking glow of the sun on each rock polished eroded and burnt up. Spread to a thousand miles each which way; there has been no respite from the demons of my mind since the day I took birth crying for solace.
Sun and moon will play their games; as the ancient temple atop the lonely hill awaited my arrival. Nothing but the haunted stared; their lifelessness rubs off if you dont have the energy to dissipate (in their presence); otherwise what is the difference between you and the ghouls of yesterday.
I leave sleep and food behind; the sun feeds me and my mind rests by itself. The earth shakes; tremors and etheric whips of sheer prana come out and lunge at me; a slight mis calculation and it will be done; There will be no one to burn my remains.
I decided with the grace of the divine, I sit outside and meditate for the rays to penetrate; Into the amulet i possess, one last time till the sun drowns in crimson red. Opening my hair; and shrieks abound to warn of my presence; laughing and crying at the same time is such a pathetic existence.
The karna pischasha in my ear; talks with certainity of what is to be; it knows the present and past, and digs for the future of my end. Sure sure i invite its intonation, of my demise. I know I was born to die; die a dog's death, no lover by my side; not even god would care.
Darkness surrounding, it smells of something out of the world, the senses cannot fathom; the mind crawls back into its primitive shell. The two etheric beings arrive; the ones who have sensed me; the ones who have stalked my dreams.
One of ice, long and stick like, sick and dispassionate, It jumps from spot to spot for the earth cannot hold its energy for more than a fraction or more. Besides it the fat disfigured mutilated fire; filled to the brim with wrath, stuck to the core, inviting each soul to come inside and taste nevermore.
They laugh and taunt, "You of feeble faith" they call repeatedly out to me, show me your staff; show me your sacred ash. They burn and breathe ice simultaneously.
Drunk with the name of my master, I put my staff once in front, twice fold behind, they scoff and remain glued to the movements of the energy of the wood splinter which strikes through them. The life force becoming weak.
They pound the ground in a fluid motion and enter my head from the two orifices of my nose, I breathe them in at the same go. They open the doors of this ancient ruin once and first over a millenia since it has been struck shut. Fear nay Power holds what is inside away from the dimension cast as this earth. It is opened, for a split; I am dragged in air and taken inside. The path is decorated inside deeper within the ground...
The temple goes inside the hill, under the ground; heat and cold both strike fast inside me, from the spine to my mind. My eyesight shut, my senses closed. I am all to what laya has taught me, the first and the last recourse to deal with ultimate truth.
The temple is sage; It is decorated with the bones, bones of saints, who have given their lives after spending it in contemplation and decapitating their physical heads at the bali - stone. The center portion of the sanctum sanctorom never seen still red with blood.
The darkness is lit by the eyes of the dead. They are flashing like stars from another galaxy. I am in black space; or so it feels, illuminated all over by the eyes of the taunting ancients, who gave up their breath for something more satiating.
The older reign, did not see as the recent seekers of freedom would; reality was tangible, death wasnt; how to escape? give up the body, live as what was not physical forever in the place which the ice and fire powers beckoned to. The masters spent eons buried in sand and hills, enduring the heat and cold. The hunger and thirst would not bother, the concept to escape, to escape to some place immortal had caught their attention.
The ghouls laughed at me, to try to convince, to try to allure, put the fear of death and the fragility of mortality. They ripped me, shred my soul, took my rosary and converted it to filthy gold. Their metamorphosis, to show me how frail my quest for freedom was. How everything was relative especially what i called freedom. They didnt leave I to I, they twisted and turned it till I died.
Yes I died, in the special site of the old masters, but I did not join them, my path was lit in life and death; They spit and cursed, yet I would and could not be cured. My soul did not exist, like theirs forever, forever trapped. My final moments, before non existence was to see the ghastly deals that we humans in the name of life everlasting did, to the extents we could undergo. To tread on one and other, the universe of energies took advantage of this naive race, they held us captive, in a dimension where life was forever, where form was not temporal or permanent. But we still existed, one which way or the other, constantly being fed off by one or the other. We could not escape even then...
The temple remains a light brighter than the sun for those who wished their freedom from alluring life everlasting, to be back into the void, where nothing will ever be anything other than what it was meant to be.
Nothing is free
It is the cost which isnt you see
but you must remember that no one and nothing is what it seems to be..

Sacred Sunset

The story continues to remain, Each one of us repeating and mimicking each other, to reinforce the story of this day and age.
The story repeated by habit and decay, it gets louder and more real with each passing day. We call it freedom, we call it being slain... truth be told; the story remains the same.
Its the emancipation from repetition, Its the elucidation of beating heart. The sacred sunset never remains... never remains the same. The lacuna enslaves, the pit is where we rot, it is the story which we choose to live, every single living and breathing moment, loses its sheen; cries and moans like a bitch in heat.
The story is not clever, it is kind of lame, It is of security and stability in a chaotic space. But what do you and I know of anything, hell we choose more than anything not to know our own (self)

Become your god, Living your dream, The story magnifies all the evil within you and me. It is the malignant cancer, the virus of guilt, the knowhow of ignorance. the end of the body and flesh..
Depths within our imagination, the story; you must know, has no beginning and no end. It will be written as you wish. it will become your existence before your timely grave. Take it not seriously/morbidly, take it with soul-full grace...

The story becomes unique and then maybe fades, rejuvenated by another it becomes alive once again, immortal is the story of humanity, and dull and naive at best. The story of war and hunger, rape and torture, maimed and left for dead. The story why o why has not faded away from our inglorious past; I ask, like this sacred sunset....

Some sort of Demon

Haunting my dreams, every time i get up; in the mirror I see.
Run away further and further till I can breathe no more; just to see you waiting for me at the door.
What kind of hatred are you made of? The putrid mixture of jealousy Lust and Sloth..
In time I have found you in the hearts of men all alike; wrecking whatever they see in dismay.
You are my nemesis, the fallen angel true; In your palm are lines edged in blood.... they tell of the glory of your right, the right to fool man into the false notions of power; of immortality
Master of puppets, these fools swing your way, dance your tune and puke and die when you say...
They think not, seeking castles made in heaven and run ever more in circles as soon as they receive what they thought they had sought....
You have sown the seeds of misery so deep, ploughed in with your material rewards of greed and gluttony and sprinkled ever so often with the rain of hate... in each and every man
You wait for the show to begin, so that you will feel alright... that the demon so vile is not obscure, he runs mad and free in each and everyone who breathes.
You are not alone lucifer, you spawn generations of your disciples... who prefer to walk blind, from natures gardens right into your realm; to meet your minions; brothers sisters of the kind.
You fool me not, You enslave me not; the light of sacrifice burns in this heart. The purity of light to bury your sins back to hell... My kind will defy you; defile your existence; seal your loathe in your tomb.
Your selfishness has ruined earth and the lot; you have won for too too long. The day of judgment comes one last time, yea this time your money and your greed and your hate and your selfishness and your death and your crime and your sins and your lust and your power will be your downfall... Not Mine, Not Mine.


The real demon walks in man, He walks endlessly day and night. He stops not, tires not. To destroy what man was to create. To laugh and ridicule the grandeur of life,spit in our heart and convince us that we would sell our soul for greed, butcher each other for 'happiness', spew hate for no reason... like rabid mad dogs without souls ever more....

Peace

Marooned......

There is a soul stirring song by pink floyd (division bell)- marooned, since i have been hearing it for past so many years, it always sets a mood for being in solitude, in the middle of no where, and at peace with oneself. 
What we choose so well, that kind of happens to us at some point in time, When i went to andaman islands- i got that serene marooned feeling which i had been searching for so long. There are innumerable islands which constitute andaman and nicobar, one of them is called baratang islands- these are extremely famous for the mud volcanoes (perhaps the only volcanic activity attributed to india- the last activity in 2005), and also amazing stalagmite caves. 
The journey takes a long time from port blair, taking almost 5 hours by road- traveling through reserved forest areas- which holds one of the rarer aggressive tribes of andaman (these people were not in outside contact till a decade back, and they only started interacting due to increase in illness among their children- taken care by doctors in the reserved forest areas), the jungles are deep and i got to see the tribals in many places, mostly onlooking us as we were staring at them. 
The journey ends with us taking 2 ferry rides to reach the baratang islands. the ferry rides at are so relaxing, with backwaters seeping in from the ocean and thick jungles on both side for quiet comfort. the un inhabited islands (and so many of them)- are mesmerizing, it feels so out of the world, to come to such places- where there might be still unexplored and hidden natural mysteries lurking. 
After 2 ferry rides, the authorities (forest officers)- set people up in little boats which take them inside the mangrove ridden forest cover- to these islands hidden for ages from sight of the modern human being. I had a gala time, entering and walking 3 odd kilometers to the site where beautiful stalagmite caves are present for time immemorial. 
The thing that happened while our group (consisting of around 20 people) where checking out these caves, is the tides receded suddenly and way off, leaving the small boats which had brought us deep inside baratang, completely useless. We were stranded, marooned and how!
No food, no water, no cellphone and definitely no housing, our group spent some 5 hours in the middle of baratang, which was almost 7-8 hours from port blair which was so far away from my home in delhi. It was a wonderful feeling from inside, i tell you. for no one to come and rescue, no one to do anything but wait for the tides to come back and put water beneath the rudders of the boats!
The time to be spent while waiting was for most of desperation- families and older people, were desperate, the thing is, the forest reserve road through tribal areas is closed at nights, and if someone doesnt make it through by sunset to check post, then one has to spend the night near baratang- which has no hotels, and very few eateries. 
I didnt think much, and spent much of my time exploring this hidden world, its a pain in the sun i admit, especially tropical sun, but i loved it none the less. the feeling coming back... of being alone, no technological and human interference, and mostly no mundane tasks to be held. Freedom had a new name in me; down in andaman with the blue blue sea :)
We did manage to reach back by late night to port blair; the tides helping us, the guides and the forest officers helping us (i managed to help some in my group as well, without sounding too modest!), and i had a gala time. Something which i felt for, all through this "ordeal" was for the forest officers, i interacted with them loads and found out that they lead a meager existence without food all day, helping tourists and such to come to baratang. They were not even provided walkie-talkies, which could have been life savers of sorts that day. But all said and done, even they like us, were exasperated with the events. We at the end of the day, had a good laugh and shared food with each other (when we reached the mainland), and forged strong bonds- with each other (not only the guards, but with each other- in the group as well)
I strongly recommend, going all the way to islands beyond horizon, plonking oneself in the middle of the Indian ocean and watching the serenity each and every day. 


Peace

Another Chance Received-II

So, this is another blunder committed (and this could be a repentance in the form of inflicting pain to any/all who read this lol )
The setting is manali, some 6 years back... traveling with my folks and seeing that beautiful heaven on earth first time. We stayed back in old manali, in a beautiful resort in the winters and the entire time the place was snow struck. something so beautiful; always under appreciated with words. Over the course of a week, i traveled in kullu valley, from roerichs residence (who is a powerful painter- and some of his paintings are kept in this summer house of his) to various old temples in old manali, to rothang- till the point snow covered the entire road. The journey in kullu valley with the beas flowing so serenly everywhere- its definitely should be on everyones travel list while in india/visiting india.
Anyways, one of the days we got out with our driver and went to look for some pretty temples, en route we stopped over near the road; to catch up a little wood temple which looked pretty old. The caretakers there (who also lived there), were gracious people- entertaining us with the myth of the temple and serving us tea (mountain people- none so gentle/innocent as them). They told us about a cave which resided at the top of the mountain behind the temple. There was a proper trekking route which also lead to arjuna gufa, as they put it. This is where the pandavas roamed around extensively before they ascended to heaven from kedarnath- arjuna spent some time in the cave at the top of the hill, in summers many people ascended to sit and meditate in the cave (with goat/sheep hearders as well), but winters was more of a downtrodden affair.
All i can justify myself with is that i was young and naive and most probably blown stupid out of my head :D
So i take leave of my folks and gracious temple people, and start up on the small un walkable route which led up to the cave, though i thought i might not be able to make it all the way up; yet there was enough in me to get me to a beautiful height, and if i did it have in me, i could be the only one in a cave so far away from the existence i knew. This is what propelled me up at incredible speed. I was wearing sandals with socks, and they didnt have the best grip i do believe. But these trivialities didnt strike me then.
I climb for some 45 minutes without a break, the path is hardly a water stream (which is how the path had been formed i guess), and extremely steep and ofcourse extremely dangerous, i am a mountain kid (or so i would like to believe), and i liked the challenge, when i take to a mountain- i like to climb it, no other way about it. The power of the mountain propels me upwards, till i reach the summit. this was the case here as well.
I reach a greater height, and i see that there is ice (not snow) all over the path in front- the small path is convoluted, and now there is no mud to grip, only ice. This is where i admit i make a mistake, i should have slowly turned around and descended, i try to climb on th ice, and i go some 2-3 steps on the incline, and i slip (as if that was not on the cards), and fall on my ass and slide on the iced water stream path- i forgot to tell, that the path is on the edge, a single slip and you fall all the way down to the temple (a long way down i say), and thats how i almost slip and fall, i slide, and my legs are hanging over the edge, il tell you (as this is a repentance of sorts lol )- the way i did not actually fall down that day, is i grabbed a small twig - plant (the only one present where i fell as i remember), and held it to hold my weight, it did and i didnt fall off the cliff.. i am deeply thankful for that plant and for the energies on that hill which didnt see my arrogance in trying to climb to the meditation place as so bad as to kill me off (this is factual- the mountain dont like you- it will throw you down. i have understood that much atleast)
I take a moment, and breathe, atleast i am not sliding anymore, i use the same twig, to climb some steps down, and then hold on and wrestle with the mud around the ice, to bring my feet back to non-iced ground. I silently make my way back down. I return, and this time i do need that delicious cup of tea. I sit and look up to see where i was, it was a very long distance up. and of course would have been a very swift free fall.


Love and Peace 

Another Chance received

This happened while I was in manipal- second year or so, and it was such a surprise (to say the least).

This was the second time i was traveling to gokarna, which I personally understand as heaven on earth, i remember that I (accompanied with alap)- left on a saturday evening- taking the train, and had the mind to just chill out at the beach for some hours and catch the late night(early morning) train back to manipal - the distance being meager at just 2.5 hours odd by train. It was the perfect chill out scene, we boarded and reached gokarna stataion, in time- this is around 16 or more kilometers from the small religious town. We took a share cab to the town, where we headed to the beach- i took some time off to goto the precious beautiful gokarna-ishwara temple. We took upto a shack on the corners of this beautiful beach- i remember it was around holi, as soon we saw (almost ethereal looking) group of firangs; with long matted hair coming- playing flutes and little guitars asking all the shack owners for bhang and bhang related drinks lol :). Holi being the only time across india, where this product is freely available and accepted. We relaxed for a long time and struck up a conversation with the shack owner, the asswipe realized that we had come for no good reason- to chill out and (him) being drunk, started going off tangentially to different topics ranging from how unsafe gokarna was, and how deaths to tourists were common, and that; if we were to head back late at night to the station, should take an auto et all back. He takes initiative and goes gets another drunk person (pretending to be an auto walla)- who further start threatening and such. So we cut our party short, give some assurance that we will be back later to take the auto, and head off. These guys are piss drunk and pissed for not making us a bakra- and we get the intuition that this auto person goes to the auto stand, and tells all the drunkards there that we didnt cooperate in getting our money swindled by them. Autos kind of (as we imagine atleast) start following us through the town, and we are pretty unnerved, so we head to the bus stop- and there are no buses late night as we find out. We didnt have the mood to take a share auto-cab, cause we really didnt have any idea of what the scene in small towns like these is (sometimes there are pretty strong mafias- in hippie towns like gokarna et all... something which i have witnessed in goa as well- almost anywhere where foreign currency is valued more, and hence foreign skin as well). We start our walk back in the night- all the way back to the gokarna road station. I must tell you, the walk back in the night over some 16 km- through thick wild western ghat jungles- mixed with hills and lakes and what not- is very haunting, it was good that alap accompanied me, cause all through the journey we encounter some thousand odd house dogs, who run right in the middle of the road with teeth jarring out ready to mince meat us; alap is bloody psycho- he barks and shows his teeth back to these dumbass house pets, and they actually get freaked out. lol :) I actually cowered the entire journey behind the freak, so that dogs wouldnt bite me - something i dont think i will forget ever. We reach the station at some 12-1 at night, there is not a single soul alive anywhere for kilometers at end, the western ghats become very haunted at night, they are sparcely populated- lack of light and human habitation and very very weird vibes from the jungles abound. Something very intriguing indeed. I remember we complete the walk in one go, no rest anywhere (except at the start)- we were tired, and just shocked at the incidents preceding the walk. something to keep us alert till the time we reached back to the station. 

The gokarna road station is very peculiar, it is a side road extending deep into jungle for 2 odd kilometers diverted from the main road, its desolate is an understatement. Its haunted, and the station is barren, no night keeper or anyone. Most trains dont stop here, and hence no need for a station attendant. The night is young and we realize that we need to get some sleep before the train (scheduled at around 4 in the morning came). Alap dozes off on the platform floor (another feature of the stations which come after maharashtra- on the west coast all the way to kerala is- their abundant cleanliness, their quite charm.. out of the world) and in sometime even i hit the floor (quite literally) putting my knapsack behind my head for some cushion and hit dreamland,

now this is where the fun comes in, I suddenly get up with some weird loud noises out of hell marching through my ears, my head and soul. as soon as i come back to reality, the first thing i notice is that alap is also in the same condition some distance away from me, and both of us were some 2 odd feet from the platform end-tracks- where a huge fast bogey train (carrying supplies) runs at incredible speed. We actually slept quite a far distance away from the platform end, and both of us somehow in our stupor sleep slipped up to very close to the tracks-very very close, a foot closer (my head was actually at the platforms end-so horrible i tell you, even today when i remember it) and i would be crushed beyond belief by the goods train. I get up to my feet before i can even remember anything else, and run away from the monster. 

We catch our scheduled train two hours later (the train was very late)- and reach back to our hostel beds just in time for some more sleep. The night just went by, and so did the days after this trip till one day i realized that i was actually very close to my death, something which didnt hit me till a long time after. Its been very nice to be given another chance, for i alone know (dont know about alap really) that this was such a close close call for my head and my life. 

Peace.

K`avadi

I took a kavadi recently up a hill. and it brought me never ending joy.
The setting is panani. Near kodaikanal hills (which are around 50 kms from there). Panani lies in the southern state of tamilnadu. I travelled from chennai to a place called erod; from where I was to goto panani the next day; needless to say while travelling to spiritual sights I was accompanying the civa-shakti couple par excellence (my folks !).
Most people would have not heard of erod; I had ( I dont know how-not that I know anyone from there). We reached erod late at night and the road trip had nearly killed us due to exhaustion.
The roads in TN are amazing; thanks to the last transport minister who happened to be from TN. The scenery as expected in rural areas of india are beautiful to say the least. The roads wind up and down and all around and you get to see the power places if you scan while driving with extreme caution.
Erod being a very small yet old town, boasted of a pretty big town square as well as many cheesy hotels, we had booked the best place in town for the night and it was pretty wallet friendly. That didnt mean the room was really upto mark compared to city hotels. yet it was the best and we were too tired to notice. No food available and so we make did with some basic stuff for the night.
We slept peaceful.
come morning and we took out to the road once more to reach panani which was around 30-40 kilometres from there.
Panani is one of the six hills in TN which are dedicated for lord Muruga. or kartikeya. he is the older son of civa-shakti union. He is adept at astrology; boasts of infinite beauty and wisdom. He is a andi. Meaning that he is a sadhu. shaved hair and always seeking solitude (hence the mountains). He is a power by himself. He is also the guru of his own father; learning the wisdom of the mystic word Om. He was the one who teaches the lord civa himself... his own father.
Panani is also the place where lord siddha boganatha, or as he is kindly referred Bogar resides in living samadhi. He is present under a special linga (whose constituents I forgot) in a small cave like structure outside Kartikeya sanctum. Bogar is very old, one of the oldest siddhas of India. He is the great guru of siddha baba Naga raja. He is the one who had come to panani and made the idol of lord kartikeya here. The idol is not stone, instead it is made of what is called Nava-Pasha. Nine poisons to be more precise. The real constituents by the way are till date not known; for a majority of the experiments done on the residual contents of the abhishek products from the idol through spectral analysis have never yielded any elements of the idol. The idol is small, around 5 feet perhaps in length, and in this place the lord is andi- he comes to this place supposedly when there is a fight between him and his folks regarding a test which his parents ask him and his brother ganesha to undergo. The test was simple, the two sons had to go around the world three times, and whoever went fastest would win the apple of knowledge (or something to that effect).
Lord ganesha being a cute little elephant went around his folks three times acknowledging that the whole world to him meant only his parents, and lord kartikeya taking the task literally sat on his vehicle (which is a beautiful peacock) and went around the world. When he came back he saw that lord ganesha had already eaten the fruit. Infuriated he leaves the world in a fit, and shaves his head, leaves his ornaments and clothes and becomes a mendicant. he comes here; to panani where he resided on top of this pretty little hill and does penance; meditation for enlightenment.

We reach panani in the middle of the day, the town is biggish, and ofcourse due to the insurgence of devotees at all times of the year, it is mostly a temple town. there is a beautiful heart shaped lake in the city near the hill as well. I had only wished for one thing when I went to see the lord, that I might have some peace while seeing him, that i might not be hurled away from his presence due to the sheer magnitude of crowds of people.
And I have never been disappointed when i ask the lord. There was not a single soul in sight, mind you that this town hosts days and nights where lakhs upon lakhs of people piled upon each other come to see the lord for a minute second or even less.
This was a miracle by itself. I take up a kavadi from a shop and take off my shirt. This is a milk kavadi, bathing the lord in milk would be awesome my heart resounds out loud!
There are around 400 or more steps to be climbed and the heat is on. The steps are hot yet the lord keeps the strength that I dont even feel them. My father keeps me company and my mother takes up the easier way to come up using a udhan kathola (flying saucer ;) )
We reach up and we take up a ticket which by chance and by amazing luck lets us see the lord while his afternoon abhishek takes place for a good half hour. I can see well and i never let the kavadi down. I want to thank the presence for everything this life and this being called I is.
For it is I and the lord which finally make up this life and its experiences and its results and Its being. So thank full ness in full.
I become calm and loving in the presence of andi. The eternal sadhu, teaching the ways of detachment and love at once. That all things are transitory and constant at once. That time will stand still and disappear to the ones who stand all ways before the lord kartikeya.

A kavadi is an ablution to the lord. A state of giving and receiving at once. A state where one is at peace. That state is always present. That state is the always given present.

Peace and Love from the Lord of Panani.

The starting of It all..

Hell revisited. In all the manners possible. Madness reigns supreme. Where everything and everyone become grossly overlapped to such an extent that nothing can be differentiated in the absolute respect. This is what my hell began as.

The scenes start repeating. I know after a certain duration what to expect next. Whether be it something ominous or something day to day, there are many signs which show me the way. And they all started repeating too, as if pointing to same- similar catastrophes coming my way.

The time of my life is the best time. I am in a continuous process of learning. Learning consciously which I must specify I feel, though most learn as a process of reacting to a situation. It began for me too such. But it did not continue such. My life started spiraling down I believe.

You see, there was a time when I thought that I was invincible or even indestructible. Most people on a good run think so, when you are on a winning streak as a gambler or when you are getting your trip on as a junkie, perhaps you work hard and things come your way and you feel that the world works justified to give you what you deserve in any and all respects. There are many such stories or rather true accounts of what lives in this world have accomplished. But there are many unstories too; those which supposedly spiral down into nothingness or worse. These lives which start up rather promising, willing to discover the complete potential of the being, but something gives, or rather the method of experience becomes so vast and varied that something has to give. The being fuses or fissions away. The experience becomes invisible.

The time is ripe as the night comes on, the moon is three quarters full. And I see it rise on the eastern horizon. It is the summer months in new delhi, the summer is bringing the intolerable heat and much with it slowly yet surely.. I prefer winters any day, being born and brought up in the sub continent I have a complete aversion to the heat. Though it might be so, I am also completely used to the heat by this time in my life. I see that the heat isn’t going to diminish so might as well get through it without the angst. But this is also not always the case as most would understand. To be a human is to be a pussy in more ways than one. It takes a lot to be a warrior to understand that our life is a waste and that its not going to be a easy going waste either.
This is how I have collected my attitude against the time I am going through. As I put it. The learning time. The experience years. To prove metal of ones own against the complete vastness of the universe. Of whatever lurks out there as the unknown. Or as the unknown which seeks to annihilate oneself completely.

Life is a pain. And when the bitch stinks, your life is verily going to end. Trust me on this one.

I have gone through the most un forgettable times in life. And it shows that what you think will happen will surely happen but in a manner which you did not expect. If you can understand your hindsight well enough, then it wont be useful at all. If you have any sort of fore sight. It will be completely muffed in the face of utter odds. To the extent that you will re think every single strategy which you possibly can. And then still give up.

This is what the powerful planet of experience does to ones soul.

It moulds.

It breaks first.

It burns down.

And then builds up.

From the essence of nothingness, of the void. It creates an impression. Which is called a life.

Many go down in the process. Because they surely don’t or don’t want to acknowledge what is happening to them.

An unwanted metamorphosis of sorts.

Being converted to gods from cockroaches.

When the planet looms over one soul. Her time is up. The reckoning is near. The judgment day is close. And there is not thing one can do about it.

From the beginning … again please !?

Krait My Mind

This is spirit manifestation. Nothing more or less can ever be thought of it.

The fires of the early sunrise melt with the smack snack on the base track.

Lowers into the pit where reinventing of mould into soul takes place.

This took place when I was in the holy city of earth (bhuvan ishwara). My favourite haunt in the night with my alternate states of being came always in full view at the chandi temple at the edge of this so called town. The small hill where there was goddess shrine installed, without her companion nama civa present. She is ever active when she is on the hill. She is ever powerful and furious. For blood and redemption. There is never anything which could stop her.
I rise on this particular night, slow with music for company, music which calls out in divine love for grace from devi. There are two hills here, one where the shrine is present along with a small place to sit a bit away from the temple, from here one can see the whole city on one side and entire fields of elephant refuge of nandankanan on the other side. The night I remember is sombre, no moon. darkness engulfs.

The other small hillock is where the goddess is walking around. Its difficult and alone almost impossible to reach there. I have always required group attention and will, to go to the top of the other hillock. There is a lone tree there. Always amidst thick wind. To stand there, is a power trip of purification with the wind by itself.

I goto the seating place and take out some substances which alter my sense of space and time. These internal configurations change in "me" as time itself pours out and changes, moment to : moment.

There has been the presence of rain since past couple of days, though the skies on this night were fair and clear. There was a puddle of water formed on the hill top rock where I choose to sit, I sit and start meditating on the energies which are forming and dissolving here all the time. at no time.

Time passes on for long, must be an hour almost and I am deep in meditation, I suddenly start feeling a gnawing on my tee shirt, I get the sensation that it is a small frog near the puddle of water formed which is jumping on my shirt to try and get forward. I pay no attention for couple of seconds, and then it gets a bit annoying, in my daze I stand up and take couple of steps behind hoping to be behind whatever was near me, I have a small lighter with a torch in the back, which i take out from my pocket and flicker it on the ground. I see to my beautiful stoned amazement that it is none other than a long slender black and white striped snake. It was an Indian Krait, there is another snake which looks the cousin to these special species, but they are bluish in color, there is no mistake that this one is young and sheer black and white. It was behind me, kissing my spine. A serpents kiss is no mistake. it is a sheer sign of power. Suddenly it slithers away into the undergrowth and that moment I get a blast in my mind, of fear and anxiety as if my mind was fathoming the whole hill of these dangerous snakes. I run without much thought to the temple and climb the stairs, I see the goddess first time late this night and seek grace and seek the power.

The krait is a special snake. it is a very shy creature and being diurnal, it is active most of the times of day and night, but there is a special characteristic to it, it becomes a lot lot more aggressive at night, and rather than being defensive, it becomes aggressive beyond belief, actually hunting and attacking. I have seen these creatures in cages and in day time and they seem so timid as if they were incapable of hurting anything; but mind you a bite from these snakes and death is inevitable in an hour. It has the strongest neurotoxin venom of the Indian sub continent, and death mostly is inevitable with lung collapse.

I sit in the temple for longer and see a tribe of students or so come to the temple this late in the night. another first this time, i have never seen anyone venturing to this place at this time so late in the night. they all freshers from some company, most probably tcs who had come here un aware what this place holds, and what this place can possibly do.

I rest further and wait for the mob to recede. I go back in a darker and deeper mood. Let off and given a chance to live, this is the most beautiful demonstration of grace of maha chandi.

Peace.

Yaksi

A Yakshi, is a female entity, a kind of a spirit. in some parts of this country she is called as chudail. She is generally naked, decapitated or otherwise, with long flowing hair, and ofcourse a monstrous persona. I understand that there are levels of these natural entities, energy residues which move inside deep jungles and crematories.

Anyways, This is a recount of once when I saw this deeper truth. Perhaps

We were on way to kotachadri, which is the tallest peak in karnataka, we started off from manipal in the evening, with 3 bikes carrying six people, i rode with my roomate patel on his yamaha. We cruised for a long time. stopping for the usual change of mood we reached almost half of our distance in time, now the jungle patches started up and the towns became scarcer, the western ghats are truly holy and haunting at the same time in the night, i forgot to mention we were going to trek this beautiful hill at night. Though not completely insane, we chose this because it coincided with a full moon :) this we found out ofcourse only when the moon rose :)

Patel and I were on the lead most of the time, as the driver is insane, and I could not help the wind on my face. We stopped one final town before the thick thick jungles really started up. we had a smoke i remember, and then sat on with my ass on a bruised end, We rode.

We had left the other two bikes way behind and the darkness was immense, the light from the bike was the only illumination at this point of the night, it was around 11 in the night, sometime before we could see the moon, suddenly we both see a naked old haggard woman with long white hair walking on the side road, you must understand that this was at very quick speed, patel was cruising at more than 60 on that desolate lonely shadow of a road. and we see this, we both freak out in a second, and I instinctively tell patel to slow down, not that I am a moron, but i wanted to see an apparition of freak nature.

Patel speeded like a demon before I could even voice out myself, his ass in his mouth, I look back i remember and i can only see the pitch black of night.

There was not a town, not even a single blood ridden blood in any distance for eons at stretch. There was nothingness imparting itself on anything in those thick forests. Thick infested western ghat jungles,

I get hysterical in some time and start telling patel to turn around, chill out and finally I give up and start telling him bad horror stories, pattu is holding the bike atleast together I say. hahahahaha

A yakshi mesmerizes I feel, and thats what it is said about her, there are many practices in tantra which use these devis, these powers. They arent considered bad in higher powers. They impart material and spiritual wisdom, They can appear as young children, beautiful nymphs or haggard old women, there power is unquestionable for most. They hypnotize, they triumph.

Our trek in turn was perfect, and we reached the summit with the full moon beaming down upon us, beating down leaches we headed straight for our liquor to drown those highs into deeper highs.

Peace

Laws of the night

You will step out only at night and in absolute silence.  At This hour you will head to the south looking for a fortress which holds in simple terms, power.

You will not seek power and neither shall power seek you. Seeking rooted in desire for both you and power.

You Will have to meet by chance.

You are to be partners by its consequence.

The night draws the power from places and people and of other objects. Objects of deep rooted emotions and of fear. This is when power becomes visible. To the mind. And you will too become visible to power when you are either stored in a place of power. Or to meet a person who holds it or to amplify yourself to such an occasion so that the like may meet each other.

At night and in silence when you walk towards the east my dear friend.

There you meet the death. Not your personal death. But the impersonal death. This death is haunting everyone , in all directions and space. This is where you shall confront this power. It shall consume you. And you must hold on.

For this is the second cover and law to the overcoming to become the ashes.

Somewhere there is an old man prowling in the deep twisted night

Looking for his death.

Hunting it down, for cowardice shall not prevail.

This is the avenging of the impersonal

Deeper and sooner.

I say, this is what I looked for in the night. An absolute jolt.. it gave me.

It shuddered and I thought I beat it. It grew but stronger. And the mind gave up the fight.

Likewise the river melted from snow to water. Which I drank to my killing thirst

And the wings the ashes melted from my back , lived to dye another day

And shall you be find this lonely redemption , in the dark night

Or will you give up what is not ours, but only thine