Monday, December 30, 2013

An Account of Real India

Not much that I write about how India is (atleast the part about the apathy and frustration) Maybe its about time -->

The incident is fresh in my memory and I think that it will remain so for the longest time - if not my entire lifetime. Sometime back I took a chance when I heard that a commercial party was happening in hyderabad (Sunburn - seems like shit and rubble burning to me). Generally I do not go close to any such things; for I have come to know that worthwhile parties (especially the ones which are good i.e. amazing music) are far and almost invsibile in a country like india - where most people do not appreciate the revelery and good taste in mind altering music. 

In India most folks think of parties as groping and fucking orgies (I have no clue how this has gotten into the minds of this illetrate race and time).

So it was myself and three other friends (inclusive of a lady) and we headed to a very very remote resort where this commercial event was happening. I admit that we started up quite late by indian standards (at 10 PM) and the place was quite a distance away but I had been there before for a decent party scene and had ended up staying almost the whole night - so I was confident the place being good enough to stay up late even with a lady in the group. This immaturity like many times before (it was almost a blindsight - and such blindsights are the ones which have been eye opening to me in the past and yet still) has costed me quite a bit that night.

So we reached in a half hour or so to the resort (and mind you the party was in one end of this huge ass resort). We found our way eventually and told the cab driver to park the car and that we would be back in a while. I did not know that it would be very very quick indeed.

The way in to the party sight (which was to be indoors) was not very pleasing - we collectively saw many drunk fuckers who could not even walk or stand, this is where my doorbell rang - that this was not a very safe athmosphere for anyone especially women, yet I was seeing some women in the periphery and thought that it was a commercial event and that women would be somewhere around.

We enter and see some women yet a large set of stag guys - and they were everywhere in groups. Drunk as hell (some could not even walk properly). The music was marginally alright and I thought well what the hell; just put on your dancing shoes and be happy. That was a mistake, my friends who had not been to many electronic dance events; I guess liked the music. I took a break and accompanied my women friend to the loo - and as she entered the women's restroom, I saw that some drunk guys were trying to enter the loo as well. This was utmost disturbing to me; they were not after my friend but perhaps someone else. I did not know what to do... Saw some bouncers around and tried to explain to them what the scene was (They knew - but they did not acknowledge my presence one bit, something which bouncers across the earth would have in common - an innate ability to ignore the good and bad and just show their ugly ass muscles in a puny attempt to show control)

So I see my friend come out and I accompany her back to the dance floor where all four of us spend some time dancing (rather huddling together) for everywhere asides were drunk folks - something which is always of concern to me at all times - especially in India and especially with a woman friend around!

One of my friends along with myself are eyeing the bar for quite sometime in a while - not that we were very eager to drink (we had the previous night quite a bit and all night as well) but just to check what was in stock. So we excuse ourselves to get a closer look - we leave my woman friend and my very close friend to themselves to dance.

We return in aproximately 3-5 minutes - where I see my guy friend pleading to a bouncer and some strangers saying "Sorry sorry, its a mistake" I took look around and try to size up the situation and then speak the same words to the people around. They buy it and probably we try to make a quick exit - while I am asking what is happening. My friend does not like us apologizing and pulls up the bouncer and the person that "Why should we be sorry? - its your fault"

And then we make a real quick move - I grab my friend's hand and take her out. We all congregate in one end of the periphery of the property (its a very big and desolate place in one end of this vast resort) and try to figure out what has happened.

Before we know there is helter skelter and all hell breaks out - we figure that many people are coming towards us (probably close to 20 assholes) and coming fast. They are shouting in the local language and english, both my male friends go towards and try to form a barricade while I with my girl move back and try to figure out what is happening; what had actually happened is that my friend was in the party - and someone came more than close to comfort - and she lost it - and punched the asshole three times in the face! I was really proud of her for doing that - but not in this scenario.

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These folks come towards my friends and start arguing while one guy breaks through and tries to hit my friend who was with me - and that is where I kind of lose it (get scared first time in the longest time) - these folks were piss drunk and they did not care whether they accousted a woman or not - in this scenario - it can very easily escalate to something totally different - and with no law and order or event bouncers around - is where it can get really nasty (especially in the real India).

I take my friends hand and we make a run for it, she is barefoot with her heels in her hand and we run around 200 meters in dirt and dust to get to another parking lots of sort - where there are some folks in a corner huddled and partying with music pumping from the car. My friend runs towards them - and I try to stop her; for I know not whether these folks are the same kind as the fuckers we met before. But there are a couple of women with them - and she takes their help and sits in the car. I go over very much estranged and dazed of sorts - and explain to these folks what is going on.

It seems they understand and console us that they know the bouncers of the party and that nothing will happen - I call my friends and very fortunately they have left the place without getting harmed and walking towards the main gate of this weird ass place. I am still not at ease and my friend has broken down thinking that the assholes might be anywhere and worse yet they might be outside the resort in cars blocking the road (it is very far off from the city and nothing is closeby even remotely for miles on end. The entire place is extremely dark without the presence of even street lights or habitation). This is my concern too; the folks whose car we are sitting in warm up to us and they help us to be dropped to the main gate - there are two cars and they are extremely helpful (and we are so very grateful for this). The guy who is driving us is called "shiva" and I mentally bow down to savior lord of lords - narayana and namacivaya for their grace (even if my friend has no idea how lucky she really is - for in India - getting felt up in a party is not a big deal - and punching guys for it is an extremely big deal - of course what I mean is when a girl punches a guy).

We meet our friends outside and they are waiting with the cab - we take it and tell the driver to get us the fuck out of there without stopping for anyone or anything even remotely human, he understands quick and we are out of the godforsaken place in a jiffy - all the while my friend is hiding her face and ducking down - with the very real fear that someone might be following us or might be ahead of us checking for the folks who wacked their friends in a party.

We reach back home in a quarter of the time it took for us to reach; the time is midnight - and we are all strung out - and its just time to reminsce of what happened and what could have happened and how it all could have been avoided - on that we are unanimous in our opinion - do not go to any such events in India - for this country is still as regressive as it gets; the men are overtly testostorone ridden without any real manhood to show for it. The women are very afraid in such a scenario - where stepping out of the home can be deadly - it can lead to a mugging, molestation, eve teasing, rape and even brutal death.

We are not at all progressed - for as it is said - you can see the civilization by the state of women in it. Women bring life and of course are capable of taking it too if its required - but they bring society and social life into the picture - which of course a bunch of drunk ass men will not appreciate - for they do not have women amongst them (maybe the reason they lead it to rape or such unforseen events)

I also believed that the event could have been avoided if my friend was a little more realistic in the approach of where she was living (India the fuck hole). But she just did what she thought was right to protect her respect - which I inturn really respect - but still do not agree with - for the situation could have gotten a lot worse - with no one really bothering to turn around

Yes and that is the final fucking pain - that Indians are so apathetic that it will not matter to anyone if someone is getting mugged raped or killed - as long as it puts on a show - its fun for indians - and I kid you not on this, Indians love a fucking show - and the more brutal painful it is; the more they imagine its a show - entertainment of sorts. This is the worst and most frustrating fact - an account of everyday life in the real India.

Peace and Love

 

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Glowing Sunrise !

The last couple of weeks have been revelatory to me, I have never done something so simple and profound as this for a long time.
I changed my job recently and suddenly my whole life started to take another shape - nothing drastic but simple and yet so profound.
My new job takes me fifty odd kilometers in one day away from my rented accommodation currently (and I do not want to change my home currently for various reasons). I get the company bus and make a move early in the morning - I get up around 6:30 AM and am at office promptly by 8:30 (My last job was so lax that somedays I used to land up close to 11:00 AM and still be one of the earlier ones in office!)
I have a rough and tough day with a lot of coordination and meetings and work in general - and its fun - meeting with new people - with new stories to tell, something which I generally do not mind.I feel that from my inside - cleaning my self up is urging me to set on a new path - I do not know where it will take me but it is still so much of energy moving around.

I end my days by 6 or 7 or sometimes even later and its another hour or so of travel to plonk myself on bed. Someday I end up having less than six hours of rest and yet am up the next day as usual. This is so much fun I think - in all my life I have never been able to rise early - to set my day according to the sunrise and here I am doing that in the mid of my lifeline.

Here comes my glowing sunrise - I wish to get up and meditate and change the way my body chemicals have been being used so long. This method which works best for any sadhana is when we start with an early schedule, especially with meditation in mind and work the rest of the day in the same sync. The feeling of the sun on one's back and face with the slight dew makes my day. It makes me feel great; makes my dopamine and serotonin levels skyrocket and makes me feel like a new man!

So another revelatory human year comes to an end, and with subtle and stark changes in light - we begin on another footing once again. My life has changed so much in the past decade and I feel in awe that I have been made to witness something so beautiful with the help of senses and a brain.
The heart chakra is getting cleansed one day at a time, with so much surprise - I feel mesmerized; truly a grand design, a glowing sunrise. Post my birth and death - It will still glow from inside.

Peace and a Lovely Year 2013.


Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Emerald Heights

It was a mezzanine floor; smooth and flowing over, I heard a noise - which I thought was my mind howling at the moment's fate. But from the edge of my left eye - walked a rosy beauty of delight - the maid and mistress of this grand home. Where I was sitting for god alone knows how long.

I was waiting; watching patiently for the owner of this unparalleled home. Where there were scenic beauty of the withering heights below. Located somewhere amidst the Himalayas - where I had trekked before. But this was new; not at all familiar somehow - yet so precious to adore.

The fragile maid offered me a potion, which I gladly drank. A green emerald concoction which somehow fit the gullet just right. It quenched my inner thirst. I looked at her, and saw her eyes had started to glow. What trickery I thought - to be fooled drinking a potion whose contents I did not know.
Nudging her with my eyes - I asked a bit scared somehow - What is this that makes me grace peace and feel scared all the while.
She seemed a bit amused at first - You have no idea how many lifetimes you have been chasing us for that thing. And now that you have got it in the palm of your hands and down your system - you seem totally confused. Alas! This is the fate of all those who take mortal recourse - to be in a web of confusion and then no more. There is no peace and this I know, how I wish you remember and you too know.
Suddenly my head started to spin by the sharp sting of words spewed on me, She was right - there was an inkling of know how - why I was here - why I had taken the drink and gulped it straight down without questioning it first. It was all a haze - all lifetimes compounding into this single moment.
A bit too much to handle.

I fell down it seems, onto that beautiful mezzanine floor. I entered a white snow laden tunnel with no light in the end, it spiraled after sometime and the gave me nausea in my head. There was no end in sight I thought and this was limbo felt.
Suddenly all was light and then dark and it alternated for a long while - no other color and no other form entered my peripheral vision. This was amiss - the beautiful castle amidst the snow peaks of himalayas - where I had trekked over and over to find Babaji's home. And this was it, the facade of a material home shown - was so that I feel at home!

I took to the other end of the tunnel, sat on the back of my master who showed me dazzling heights and depths untold. Who opened my heart to possibilities and behold - there I was another consciousness transformed, transfixed and led to the end of the world.

I met my lover when I was sitting meditating on nagaraja babaji - the age old master - the one desire - to behold god in the form of a lover - and he knew instantly. He sent the beautiful blue goddess; Tara - who said what I couldn't ever say. Who held my hands and made tears glisten down astray. Who was my mother, lover, friend all in one. Who was the full moon cajoling me in her arms, for eternities to come!

Emerald heights from which I never came back to the world. Not because I found shelter or love - but instead what I could never see or know in this material world - with a simple heart - which healed with time - with my lover hand in hand - heart to heart and all was fine.

The potion was wearing off -and reality struck me like stone. There was no lover nor guru, no moon which shone. There was nothing and nothing itself hid away in its veil. Everything was the breadth of this cosmos showing form and consciousness took its form in myself.
This was the real deal. The indepth nature of life and the heights we all reach than to plunge into darkness forever. What beauty; what depth - Emerald heights of the heart which dvelve deep into the abyss and void.

Peace and Love

Thursday, December 5, 2013

~ Seven Hills of Realization ~


I have dreamt of you Venkatesha. Most of this life. Where were you oh grandeur of existence; With the holy namam showing the third eye. Where were you remover of sorrow; tester of time. Consort of the holy divine feminine - shri who you have kept in your child like heart.

Once so alone and distant - I thought that I was done for; I remained aloof and almost defiant. I thought that the sweet lord of the seven hills was not worth bowing down for. For which god I thought asks from devotees ornaments and prayer, this egoistic material thought was something which kept me back for such a long time.

And all the while Remover of sorrow and fear kept me safe and together near his heart like goddess shri.

I had the oppertunity to go to Tirupathi - arguably the most crowded and impressive temple/place of worship in the world recently with my folks. I have been there innumerable times in my life - but the difference being that this time I wished to be there. I wished to bow and pray and spend my life in sweet melody of his ways. Lord and sustainer of the universe. The keeper of heart, testing many on the way so that they can change as and where needed - to reach the feet of the primal consciousness - Narayana - beckoning each individual every moment.



The journey from hyderabad to tirupathi - overnight by train and pretty comfortable - we reached to a misty mountain bop kind of weather and remained in lower tirupathi the first day - resting and looking to make our move towards the abundant temples present in lower tirupathi.

Our first stop is the temple town of Kalahasti which is some 50Km off from tirupati. The temple is located in Tamilnadu and is a very ancient Chola/Pandya architecture; beautiful and one of its kind. The temple is dedicated to Lord Shiva - and is considered important across the country as remedy from Rahu and Ketu - the head and tale of a demon - which in astrology corrospond to the lunar and solar nodes (eclipses) which affect in turn the mind and body of a person in his life.

The thing is that since young - I have been wanting to see the temple and for one reason or none - never been able to make it. My folks know how many times I have bugged them in this regard, and never got to see the site. This was my time - we reached quickly enough and the beautiful thing being - that it was pouring ney downpouring in between as my mother was chanting shiva strotras and stopping with some beautiful intermittent sunshine - what a wonderful life!

The temple is very commercial with little or no respect to the archaelogical/cultural/mythical aspects of the site left anymore.

The temple runs on the rahu ketu pooja which brings in loads of people and big business over the year, I ofcourse am no better - My rahu is placed in a predicament in my natal birth chart - in the XII house - which hosts the collective unconsious/subconscious worlds. Thus, this means that my life would be tainted at times with some mental problems (which I have been facing on and off) – and the only teaching this would lead to is, is to have faith and not take things so seriously that they impair life itself to progress towards eternity.



We waited for a long time for the pooja to happen – and it kept raining intermittently and heavily the whole time (the temple has many inlets from the roof through which rain kept sizzling down and refreshing us with its view). Finally post the small ritual – we went to see the grand and beautiful kalahasti lingam.

The mythic story goes something like – three animals in present life (Elephant / Snake / Spider) all were shiva devotees in previous life – taken birth to worship this elusive and beautiful lingam. So the elephant used to offer bilva leaves while the snake would guard the lingam and the spider would put a net around it to protect it, and all three used to invariably get in each other’s way. And one fine day in anger – all three killed each other (Spider kills elephant who kills snake who kills spider!)

Shiva is very happy for some reason for them to kill each other (kidding!) but rather with the extreme levels of devotion each one shows and stills in this place as the great Vayu Lingam (This is one of the elemantal temples as well – for the element of Air). Hence the lingam is very thin and very tall (almost more than 7 feet up) and looks magnificent even from a far off distance.

I had a grand darshan along with my family and felt extremely satisfied (at heart) to have made the journey to see what I had been in my mind and soul wishing to see for such a long time. We headed home and called an early day with some good tamil dinner by the side (Tamil meals are probably the best in the world in terms of spice and condiments)



The next day we headed for the local temples present in tirupati – all old and now taken care of to some extent due to the beautiful site present on top of the hill (otherwise like most other indian temples – they would be relics only known to the locals and not taken care of even then).

I went to the beautiful Manga Rama and Kodanda rama temple – the former being at the periphery of the town (which has become very very big as on date – commercialization of gods and men rampent like no place in the world as in india). The manga rama temple is where Vishnu comes as a bachelor and stays and prays to the lord of wealth – Kubera for help to marry his grand beautiful gentle consort – Lakshmi. Kubera then lends him dowry cash for a successful marriage and to repay the amount with interest – the lord of all takes rest on top of the hill where he wishes his devotees well and in return gets sums unthinkable by any to be given to an idol! (it is now the second richest temple/place of worship – post discovery of his counterpart mode – Lord Ananta – padbanabhaswamy in trivandrum who has amassed secret treasure through his devotees with time!)

The other temples were equally beautiful – the Kapila temple dedicated to lord shiva and goddess kamakshi – where these two come to bless and marry the beautiful couple into union, located on the slope of a natural flowing waterfall coming from the top (and perennially), the place looked powerful – but dismayed with the human dirt which has accumalated in the water pool with time – spent time here getting restored before going to the ISKCON conning temple for some food and then headed back for rest time.,

The next day early morning we set out to the top of the hill on our cab – we picked a guy who works with the TTD office and who would help us with a quicker darshan than possible (as we were leaving on the same day and a six to ten hour wait is simply impossible – for my folks). The ride up was extremely serene – the hill is taken care by TTD and also forest department and forms part of the nallamalai ranges (dark forests of Andhra Pradesh). We reached and changed quickly into our dhotis (I did not wear anything to cover my chest – and found out that I was perhaps one in a million who had nothing to cover myself on the cold mountain )

The wait lasted for three hours where my parents and I stood patiently and talked and discussed life as well as others who were there in the line (most of the folks dedicate their hair to lord venkateswara – as a symbol of offering their head and their most respected part of body to the god as a token of their love!) So these folks of course look pretty funny and our conversations continued as we inched (literally) towards the beautiful sanctum sanctoram.



The temple is small in area and has history of being a Lakshmi temple before hand – the idol of the lord is around 11 feet high and there is no confirmed sculptor for the same – the story is that it was found in this manner at a site which is couple of kilometers from the present day temple. The god materialized his form into stone and the same was found by a shepard – till date the shepard family is the one who is authorized to open and close the temple gates though the priests are the ones who do the formal pooja and the informal looting of the cash.

Till recently tirupati was the richest and even after padbanabhaswamy’s treasure discovery it remains in the top richest in the world – but unfortunately a lot of money and beautiful jewellery has gone missing over time and recently discovered findings speak that the mukut and the precious jewels adorning the lord’s face had been stolen and replaced with less costly imitations in the past 10-20 years. Shocking as this god is one who takes such matters very very seriously and attracts punitive action to those concerned. There is not a single person who comes in his presence who does not ask for something in turn – and once delivered – what we had promised to give balaji must be done and promptly – he is one who takes our tests all of our lives – giving us misery and love at the same time. He makes our life complete – with constant trials and tribulations – with victory in humility at his feet and unbounded love in the heart. Such a god is a rarity to find!

The temple still looks the same – but when I entered the inner sanctom with the pushing and what not happening (you do not need to use your own force once you enter the temple premises – you will be whisked away by the pressure of men women children behind) I saw the god and he was looking a bit lack lustre – perhaps because the previous day was deepawali and might have included extended ornamentation. But thankfully got to see the lord for a long time (don’t think much – long time means maximum 5 seconds in front of this beautiful idol!)

Came out and took prasad and then moved on to the the place where the lord descends and sends forth the idol to be worshipped – this is unique as there are 2 stones touching each other – which forms an arch structure – even more unique is the fact that these are sedimentary and igneous rocks together – and only 3 of such kind are present in the world! This is the arch through which the lord manifests himself, a bit further away is where his footsteps were once found in stone (but unfortunately through rampant carelesseness by devotees – the original stone has got disfigured – the photo of which remains, the place is called Chakra Padam). The feet of the lord like stature seem to be over 15 inches or more atleast. Huge feet !

From the arch like structure – I moved forward and making my mother rest at a comfortable place went downhill on foot where in between the jungle – a small rivulet cuts through – thought to be very holy water – people drink and spray it on themselves to cure diseases and misfortune, the other side rises again and one can goto visit a secret small shiva temple which really looks secluded and pretty. My father and I went and spent a moment in peace before returning to get my mom and leave via cab down hill.

Down hill the journey was mellow with the one stop at the beautiful iconic idol of Hanuman – the entire hill is extremely beautiful to say the least. Even if completely rummaged with human beings.

I had a beautiful darshan and the lord blessed me with his presence - this was not some form of superstitious belief or blind faith but an understanding of the power of the lord who removes his lover's sorrows.

Go towards the divine hills - discover and rejoice, there is no place like it, there is no time standing still like my beautiful lord of the seven hill!

Peace and Love

Man Made Meditation