The Calling to Ma Vaishno

Thats what popular slogans say about a journey up to vaishno devi.
If she has not called you; then you may not go. ("Bulawa aaya hai Mata Rani ka" - The calling has come finally from mother queen!)

Vaishno devi is in north state of Jammu/Kashmir in India and is one of the most crowded hillocks in the world. The number of people which climb this ancient hill to view 3 rock formations inside a small cave is un believable.
In north India one of the popular cults is of the 9 different forms of mother goddess - each present in a different place (and generally all are natural rock formations). The nine temples are spread across punjab, Himachal, Jammu. They to me; are all power centers where natural power was felt by our ancient travelers.

The nine temples are :
Mansa Devi/ Jwalamukhi/ Chintpurni/ Naina Devi/ Vaishno Devi/ Chamunda Devi/ Baijnath/Lakshmi Narayan and one more.

But the most famous ofcourse if Devi Vaishno. She is visited by immense number of people all through the year (except peak winters where it becomes difficult for people to climb up).
I undertook the visit some time back, after perhaps I got my calling with my folks. We took a train up to a small town in Jammu before taking a vehicle to the base of the hill.
I was sorely disappointed intially (well cause I thought naively that the hill climb would be a purificatory journey - which it is intended to be). The hill has been destroyed by rampant capitilism - stores selling all types of crap like audio / video what not; apart from eating and resting joints.
If a person does brisk walk it will take him close to 3 hours to climb up, and if one decides to cut through the path - then the journey might be even shorter in time.
The entire way is littered and chaotic with tons of people of varied age and cultures - apart from the locals who make a damn good business taking people up down on their ponies/donkeys what not.
We wanted to walk up the way; and we did in our good time. My mother cannot walk up hill for a long duration and we had to stop many times over before we reached our destination.
The queue for visit is another thing all together, people wait as much as 12 odd hours in damp dingy little rooms made on top of the hillock to get a 2 second darshan of the beautiful rock formations inside a very small cave. The entire way leading up to the cave is a queue - which is extremely crowded and chaotic to say the least. My parents and I cannot generally stand crowded religious areas and we decided to get one of our contacts to help us get the first evening darshan possible.
So we get freshened up in a small ashram close by (which is not least bit hygenic, but in the name of religion and love for goddess - dirt and purity have no or equal value!)
We wait until the evening deeparadhana - arthi is over and then we are huddled and pushed in a single row file to the temple. The entire way is controlled by army personnel due to the extreme risks present in having so many people on a small hill top at any given point)
So these guys push people in and out of the hill, cause no one would otherwise probably come out. The cave is very small (I had to bend to walk in and stay like that), and just when my annoyance with the army guys was coming to a peak - cause of their incessent pushing; I see the 3 small rock formations and before I could take a closer look - an army guy pushes me out of the cave lol. I really did laugh out loud and people would have mistaken my demenour for some sort of religious ecstacy - well it was just that ! What was I hoping to find, some beautiful power center untouched and untapped by people? No that would be too easy, maybe a reminder that energy is present abound here as it is everywhere else - yes but I already knew that. Maybe that many journeys do not have any purpose or goal and they exist cause they have to exist. That would be bettter.
I did not get an oppertunity to visit the famous bhairava temple present closeby - shiva is present everywhere his consort is, his conscious full power nature helps dispel any sort of malign ego intentions which might hamper a full vision of cosmic power at any of the given power places. This is across india and only for goddess temples.
People say that it is not good or the journey is not complete if you do not visit the Bhairava temple after visiting goddess, but my folks and I were extremely tired after the entire ordeal of walking waiting and getting pushed around, and to top it all the crowded hilltop started getting cold drops of rainfall which was going to intensify any moment - and as we did not have any staying place on top (our hotel was at the base), we decided to take couple of horses and head back down in the least bit of time affordable.
Well the horses are another story, the thing with these horse headed beings lol is that they can see single line of sight - and they follow the path closest to the edge - the edge here is a steep bloody drop and it is absolutely no fun riding along looking all the way down all the time - I got a funky alpha male horse who was on full strength to go down flying or dying, but it suited me just fine (apart from my posterior - which got a beating sitting on the horsey!)
We reached back and spent a quiet evening looking at the hillock (our hotel was atleast having the right view of the blessed hill).
I would think that many many years back, people would come with steep devotion to climb this steeper hill and sit at the head of power, of natural organic biological power mixed with the ancient rocks - which have been capturing and amplifying solar energy for eons before any human walked this earth.
Unfortunately now people with their negative energies go to such pretty little shrines and rampage it with their need and greed! How could that ever work!

I would wish everyone a good ardous and meditative journey to Mata Vaishno - if she does not call you - do not worry - you can call yourself on her behalf and take the journey without a point.

Peace and Bliss

Shri Mahavidyas: Bhairavi

Ever since this wretched creation began, I waited for you mother. Ever since I was born, my fragile heart and my warrior soul has been yearning for you dark mother. Ever since I was thrown out from the womb, crying howling in pain at life and its impending sense of doom… I have been waiting for you, in tears and separation. Mother darkness, I wait for you to stomp me back to smoke and ash. I wait for you to alleviate this false sense of duality and purpose… this notion of knowledge and existence….this feeling of life and death…. this state of separation from you!
When you see that life has become a gutter, overflowing with thoughts, notions and ‘things’ which are both temporal and useless, then ask your heart to be stronger, and pray to bhairavi. She is final. She is first. She is everything in between.
Bhairavi is fond of dissolution, well; well you can look at her…. and try to please, try to pray… but she will love you just the same. She will lift you up and press you to her bosom and you will exist apart from her no more.
Whereas the mother becomes kali when she is dancing on top of her consort Mahadeva, she is supreme yet remains as an actor continuing the notion of duality and the separation of chit from shakti, even if only by a fragment. But Bhairavi is the absolute; In other terms she can be seen as the shiva-yoni linga. She is united; never seperate in any sort of false duality. There is no play here, There is no drama or unfolding at her feet, There is but dissolution and absolution.
Bhairavi is Kala-ratri, the darkest night of dissolution, she has infinite forms and each form becomes more powerful than the last, she comes vision after vision… until everything which ever was is swallowed whole in her. Consumed and destroyed and reaffirmed as entirety as her.
Bhairavi is without form, she is void. The void is darkness of existence or of this entire mess we choose to perceive it as reality. She takes myriad forms and comes when misery becomes overpowering, when love gets shook and apathy takes over. Don’t be mistaken, she is ever here with us, within us. Just waiting for us to open our eyes (our inner eyes) and see the waste, the waste of everything here and now and present. When we start seeing for the very first time, we notice that everything lays to waste…. and this is when she pulls us to her feet. We become conscious of power and the power that is out to consume itself, and this is who bhairavi is…. She is violent compassion, destructive restarting, third eye of Shiva and the cosmos keeper.
She in classical iconography is depicted with two hands (sometimes maybe more, I have seen temples of her with myriad arms and legs to depict her absolute power). These two hands hold a cleaver and a rosary or perhaps a book of wisdom. The cleaver cuts of our karma with the temporary, and the rosary makes us realize our true nature with respect to power.

She has her tongue out, dripping with blood, the life force of the universe. She is black as night and naked; only covered with skulls of her devotees which form a garland across her chest and wild long black hair flowing with the wind. She haunts everywhere, but she is more easily seen where of course death and ashes exist in abundance.
Bhairavi worship is a must for all those who love and respect power, all those who would like to find the meaning to their lives, abandoning ignorance and what others have made believe to be reality for us too. If you become one with bhairavi, she will grace you with unlimited wisdom, clairvoyance, power/siddhi and love. She will be at your back, and see that no harm ever come to you in the path to her feet. She is a mother after all, even if she is the mother who would destroy her own creation. There is none comparable to bhairavi; for after her there exists but herself. She is the void which is veiled in Maya and which we perceive and make belief as normal day to day reality. In reality she is the matrix on which consciousness and universal powers exist and survive. She is the framework of god and absolute. She is all that is ever.


You and I will sit and in silence, and become like Shiva. Our minds will become calm and unflustered and our netr (eyes) will stare at our companion, consort, mother and dual- bhairavi. In doing so, we shall become adepts in harnessing and living amidst the wild cosmic destructive existent power/force that is this reality.
By worshipping bhairavi, we become ourselves Bhairava, ones without fear or remorse; looking for nothing in this world for we attain the state of inner content-ness. Which cannot be changed, transmuted or transfigured any which way. We become specs of power that is bhairavi’s body itself. We attain freedom.
One does not have to keep patience if worshipping the grand black goddess, for liberation is instant. The capabilities she shall make you live through your fragile body and spirit is mindboggling. She will take you and kiss you on your third eye, where you shall fall down and never ever remain same to this world. Once you have been smitten by the beautiful mother of destruction; You are made!
Peace~

Shri Mahavidyas: Chinnamastika

The life everywhere is one. It is one for it is bonded by the life force. The life force (prana) is the breadth. The breadth blends with blood. The blood is the elixir; sustaining and propagating life.
The Senses wander. The illusion deepens, and lo! my mother arrives, She is brighter than light. She is stronger than will. She looks over in compassion, and cuts of her own head.
I am fed the blood of my mother, outpouring after outpouring of life sustaining blood pours and gushes out from her decapitated body, it is the pure life sustaining power that I was devoid of in the first place!
Chinnamastika is the fury, she is the storm. She is annihilation of desire and all that is wrong. She steps forth to protect those who have given themselves up to her. She is the true mother who feeds her devotees at the cost of her own self!
She holds her pristine head in her own hands; and her other hands holding the cleaver which releases one from the illusion and bondage of the mundane. She blesses all with the boon of everlasting life and power. She protects all those who have given their faiths over to the cosmic mother.
Chinnamastika pours forth three streams of blood. Its esoteric interpretation. The three streams represent the three major etheric nerves coiled around and inside the human spine. The Ida; Pingala; Sushmana.
These are the true channels that carry energy, power and the will to life in the body. The center springs forth from the mother herself. In the form of the nucleas- she is kundalini mata. Where everything begins; coiled around the svyambu linga 3 and a half times. This is mother benign and as she springs forth and upwards, she becomes the strength beyond measure kinetic energy- Ma Chinnamastika!
Chinnamastika lies above the sexual union of kama and rati. They copulate and spread their energy within two bodies – the using of sexual energy to convert it to true spiritual power- Ojas
She is both the giver of life, and taker of life as well. She is strength and force of the abstract giving itself to life. The spiritual energy which coils and toils and descends to create man. Then only to ascend and unite to destroy all that has been created. She is the example and metaphor of the cycle which is Life and death.
She is prayed to before war, confrontation and death. She is angry, and she will kill herself before she kills us all. What a daunting and dangerous iconography. What will required to worship and pray to such a deity!
She feeds Dakini and Varnini, who are hungry for life. She is compassionate in her anger, she feeds herself to give to her devotees. She will consume herself within us (our own bodies), to feed true life in every warrior who undertakes the process of self actualization and realization.
She is redder than a thousand burning suns, she is covered in her own blood too, her decapitated head looks hauntingly at our souls, piercing ignorance and drowning it in an unending hole.

Chinnamatika Yantra (downward pointing triangle in red hue)

She keeps poise par excellence, her leg crushing lust and burning the ignorance of separation from paramatan. She has snakes as necklaces. She has skull caps as ornamentation; My mother is fierce, with fangs and lolling tongue. Her decapitated head laughs and roars at man’s ignorance. At man’s futile efforts to elude death and true life. Her sight will redeem those who can see her!
She breeds the spirit of bravery and courage. She is the true warriors goddess. Present in all places where there is fear, death, malignant energy and demise. She feeds on dark energy untold, only to convert it to the life energy blood and spew it forward towards her devotees.
She is the self sacrifice which heroes undertake. She is the caring loving mother to her devotees, she is the energy untold. She is the interconnected cycle renewing irrespective of space and time
She is the epitome of left handed worship, which requires extreme vigil and discrimination at all times by the warrior. She is the mother of vama marga
She will cure all maladies related to blood and body. She will restore vigour and virility. She is symbol of continuous sexual union. She is the fountain of Soma. She is the fountain of Ojas. She is eternal Life. She is eternal Death

Pray in silence, Pray sincerely to the definition of sacrifice. To mother who cares like no other; Pray and you will be saved. Pray and meditate and you will also be decapitated as her.
Raise your glasses, filled with the holy elixir which is blood. Your Blood.
Save it till the time is ripe. The night is holy. Bathe now; In your life force.
Renew and Restart. Life becoming the longing night spreading death revisiting itself to eternal Life!
peace

Shri Mahavidyas: Matangi

Pollution is man's self made notion. The energy in the foul; The rampant underground coming alive with sound.. 

Matangi My Mother; She comes over where pollution has taken over. Spiritual pollution and physical disgust, creating a residual powerful energy. The goddess Matangi; is pleased where decay and rotting take over. In the mind and the body; you are the energy that is anti everything, anti matter. 

You are the lowest of everything which could happen. You with the sensual attire; You with the power to bring us back from deep inside (ignorance). 

Matangi Oh compassionate! Keep this sacrifice; The pollution of a non-perfect mind, spewing hatred venom everywhere; decaying slowly and surely. Matangi, with the dusk attire; Third eye the colors of universe unified!

Matangi loves the left path over of the psychic yagnas. She is the energy that stays to swallow unto herself. 

You leave me no choice other than to fall on to your feet, in realms of power; You are the divine saraswati taking on the power rupa. It is the throat where you come alive, visuddha becomes cleansed from the world and clairvoyant speech comes instantly. The mother communicating to her devotee. 

You are outcaste

You are beyond words

You remain when no one can

You are dragon power within this fragile frame

Up and down, tilted without holy sound... You offer the power to liberate from the cycles of birth and ignorance. Come up into the safety of the residue; of the power that is. 

When praying in ardent fervor towards goddess matangi; you give of yourself that which is filthy and residual. The energy is consumed by this gracious maha-vidya; she consumes and reconciles it; sending it back as pure light back into the cosmos' frame. 

She is the night of intoxication; living in the sound which is not created by any creator. She is the dark sensual mother; whose glitter is more glamorous than gold. She sings aloud to the world in turmoil, listen and distill this holy sound. Filter it to your core; and take in the breath of devi matangi; so you may once again fly in ethereal dimensions, step on magical clouds; spread your tantric wings and soar. 

The mother of divine magik; the lover of kaula; the compassionate redeemer, and the sensual lover. Her eyes become wine; Her fragrance overpowering of jasmine and left over pollutants; her attire pure red like the blood we hold (inside us all). She remains without time, teaching the left hand path towards totality. 

Shri Mahavidyas: Dhumavati

Welcome the smoke; into your home and your chest. She will sit and dispel the real from the mirage. Welcome the widow power to your life; who will be the one laughing mad on your funeral pyre.
She is horrible, detestable and the aftermath of the deluge. Where all that is leftover is the her image; the holy pervading smoke. Welcome Ma Dhuma~vati into your heart and mind.
Dhumavati is Shakti in the absence of Shiva. Her husband is dead to her; She walks an old woman in the smashan, every pyre emanating smoke is a praise to her eternal free energy. She is dangerous no doubt; called alakshmi; she is not invited into the homes of householders; for where she is, no other force of nature can ever be.
She is protector to the warrior; The shower of the path towards eternity. She is fierce and old; haunts those places which no one else ventures towards. Places of dissolution where what is left is smoke (the intermittent between creation and destruction). Dhumavati has no followers; only adepts. She has no temples; only places of consciousness-alterations. She has no form; only ethereal smoke.
She is cursed by householders and asked to leave, yet she is the giver of boons and those who follow her path, leave everything material; Needs and wants disappear; though i admit its a very very hard path indeed, she is pleased by absolutes only. No intermittent emotions or states allowed. She is primordial power beckoning within each of us, to turn ourselves into smoke.
She is the smoke which escapes when sati is burnt at the yagna (of her father daksha). She is the brute force of anger and hatred and dissolution complete escaping from such an incidence. When shakti is fire powered; the first and perhaps last signs of her in such a state would be Mata Dhumavati.
She is dark, haggard, old and wicked in appearance. She rides a crow; The crow is her charioteer as well as her symbol. She haunts wherever smoke is present. Especially places of death and loneliness where energy whirlpools and stagnates. She is always hungry and thirsty, looking for strife and anger to appear. She is pale and tall; thin and malnutrition ed and has dark pores for eyes which will cause fear to reappear if you dont pray to her with humility; She laughs terribly, holds the skull cup with wine covered in smoke and surrounded with the recently departed souls of the smashan, she crushes bones and skulls and eats meat and drinks wine, she is all things which are transcendental, beyond boundaries and are shunned by the rule abiding little thinking householders, she represents everything; the right hand and left hand paths. She is the angered distraught restless mother of all.
To please this mother who walks the universe alone; propitiate with her element; smoke; incense; and visit places which offer respite from the householders existence. She is considered unlucky; but only to those who fail to understand what she stands to offer us in return. She is the divine widow; the energy without the consort. The raw potent latent destructible force of the cosmos.

Sweet Redemption Unbound Pleased

At the throws of your mercy; I squirm in frenzy, like the tides being pulled magnetically to the moon.

Wish that I may, serve your cup filled with the red wine; the color of your mesmerizing lips. 

Sweetened ecstasy, spent by your side; wished that I might... ask you out for another night. 

Such course lives, we drone and delay, till the moment of love passes faded and its all too late;

Ney; One life and the consequences that beckon... spent in the cool reflection of your flowing hair. 

Deny me; your form and fragrance and please the vultures waiting to feast on this faded memory *me*

Satisfy us; and the love that completes. graceful apparitions in dim lit alley ways. Wind howling on deserted deserts; an oasis like you to quench this thirst borne out of a millenniums endless pains. 

Where were you Tara? Your delicate hand on my head, Why be morose; when the life of love is like a rose; once beautiful, eternally decays. Majestic is now; the time and place, where we are one in spite of the shadow plays of night and day. 

Bewildered; a child from the womb, I am nothing and no one without your reassuring glance; without your divine touch; without you my muse, I have nothing to lose. 

I wake up and hold you tight; its severe, the pain that I face alone and blind, in such a dilemma all I can do is remember our first embrace; losing boundaries and space, It all has been a perfect state (of one). Where the lover falls to his knees and the divine goddess heeds (to the temptation of losing sanity); 

The abstract manifested inside of us; like a seed germinating disguised in lust; but in truth it is the spark which makes us alive; it is love which has forever been our guide. You cannot make me turn around, to the darkness and the abyss from which I once found; that all the worlds cares add up to nothing without you oh lover; and all I ever dreamt and asked for was you Tara; over and over. 

In waking state and in sleep; In meditation and in deeper sleep; In death and so in life; you are my sweet redemption; my self to be; I am dust in human form, looking for the eye of the storm-- Your heart the halcyon of the entire experience of me... 

Oh Sufi, Your love is what makes a man (like me) to stand and break free. Be my force to repel all ego; to enslave myself to you like a creeper does to a tree; In fire and ice; In truth and lies, through death and high grounds, Your sweet redemption is the cure held for this malady/disease; sweeter kiss; completely unbound! Thoroughly Pleasing indeed.

Peace

Shri Mahavidyas: Maha Kali

On the broken cross roads where roads diverge; On the battlefield where the blood flows; In the smashan; where smoke is all which is left; In the night where silence and sleep beckons the animals. Mother Kalika awakens and becomes all the more active...

When the child cries in distress at the cruel worlds play, when he looks to the sky and prays; Mother benign Maha kali opens her arms and removes this illusory world made of mud and clay... 

When the filth of ignorance assumes control and maha maya plays further more; Maha kali lolls her tongue and scoops all the gore. Burning down agony and gluttony is the Prime maha-vidya; Namoh Maha Kali....

The kinetic energy supreme is Maha Kali. In various moods and colors to the devotees, residing in places of strife and violence. Where energy is supreme and paramount; like the battlefield and the crematorium. She is ever present in destruction and creation for she is the one who is responsible for both completely. 

The downward pointing triangle is her symbol; symbolizing the Vulva and the feminine. She is kula-Kunadalini. The ego and energy endowed within each vessel of consciousness. She is the actor and the spectator. She fuels wisdom and love. Her bija mantra is Krim; for which decays and dwells in the smashan. Which has to be renewed with the life force at her feet. 

Most of you know the deity that is maha-kali. She is portrayed as mother and destroyer both. She stands atop her husband with frenzy to the fore. Lolling tongue and a garland of human skulls; she asks for blood more and more. Her weapon is the divine cleaver with the eye. She beheads all consciousness of the individual ignorant ego (symbolized with the head). Her devotion is won with the sacrifice of ones life force (prana) and/or of ones ego (the same way). 

Kali is the mother of secrets. For if she was to reveal herself; the entire play will end once more. She keeps hidden and lets her other (maha-maya) asssume the worlds affairs. Mother Kali only shows herself on the new moon night (amavasya); when darkness has assumed terrible control over everything. 

She is the first and primal symbol of the divine energy which pervades. She is complete; and signifies everything about the raw undiluted cosmic energy; the kinetic and fierce aspects as well as the creative and maternal/benign aspects which gives life and consciousness (shiva) to creation itself. 

Kali is unstoppable and uncontrollable and hence she is dangerous; just like any form of energy is. She can only be satiated or stopped momentarily when maha kala falls down at her feet to stop her from causing any more destruction. Funny how the worlds destroyer and the lord of time and death himself has to stop her from destroying. It shows the powerful imagery and iconography used by Indians in describing the primal energy. She cannot be let loose lest consciousness has to be removed permanently.

She is depicted in various stances, but she is shown generally with her right leg on shivas chest; signifying the sattvic or pure way to attain knowledge of her (the right hand path towards knowledge) and hence is worshipped in both agama and tantric ways of worship (unlike the second mahavidya- Maha tara).

She is shown as the slayer of demons like rakta-bija and many more. She is created herself from the divine feminine's third eye when everything else fails to save the world from ignorance or evil; she is supreme force.
And in tantra; she is worshipped as none other than the sacred snake- kundalini.

Her color is not exactly black but black blue hue. Her hair is wild and open and covers her naked body. She has ghouls and the departed dead for company, she is terrible with roaring fangs and lolling tongue. If you think the description is a joke then you are sadly mistaken. This is not some pathethic effort to bring out the supremeness of her status over other indian gods or even show that she is supreme in some fearful manner but this is how energy can be described to average humans, she wants blood and she wants our head. She wants to remove everything that does not stand in the way to evolution towards supreme consciousness, and then she wants that consciousness to be fed to her, morsel by morsel; piece by piece. She is all consuming devouring energy. When let loose; she will consume her own self. To create another kalpa-yuga of ignorance.

She is the protector of soldiers; for she was born herself in the battlefield amidst chaos and strife. She spares those who are willing not to spare themselves of ignorance and evil. She is the immediate cause and effect of now. She is freedom from illusion of separation, and she is the divine fragrance of jasmine burning on a corpse.

Her animal is the wild jackal, the ravenous raven, the night owl and the lion. She is blood thirsty and ever craving for sexual intercourse. She is united and sucks energy through her wide open mouth. She has a thousand heads and some more, her dance is wild and frightening (unlike refined tandava of shiva-consciousness). She is the bringer of death and disease. She is the final frontier until liberation sets one free.

Her haunt is the smashan ghat; where the rotting flesh and terrible screams of those still alive amuse her; She is  both giver of boons and blessings which bestow consciousness with growth and life. She will take life back too as it pleases her. She is supreme energy without interruption.
The mother is divine and terrible; to approach her is a blessing and a curse (if you approach her for material or maya related gains then you are done for); she will crucify you like she did to the saints of this world and a million others. She expects sacrifice, ego-less; and I assure you that you will have to be an adept and an expert at handling energy to be her child/consort or father. She is divine feminine... She is one who will sever us from our mortal bonds. She is the first and most disturbing aspect of energy signifying and symbolizing the chaotic universe and the energy that makes and flows within it. She is Om Namoh maha kali.

Peace

Shri Mahavidyas: Introduction

Kali Dasa

Is the incense still burning, the smell overpowers the angelic within thee. Get up matted god of ash; your night is beginning…. The wolves howl and the wind a constant blow to the chest. On top of kailash; the stars so close reflect the other side.


Why are you alone? Oh jatadhari. What happened to your kingdom and mansions? Your servants and worldly glory… did you abandon those for something fruitful or useless? Sage and Sound, your lips go round and round, licking the last pull of the holy smoke abound. Shiva oh Master natha why have you let yourself go to such a life?

Clothed in the skin of the tiger. Wearing the fruits of the rudraksha tree, covered in the ash remains of the men who lived once… where has your sanity been? There is no question that you are lost; there is no reason why it must be so.. why cant you live like the others oh third eyed immortal, in householders squabble and the pains of everyday life?

Your trident swirls not with the harsh cold winds. The broken down dhamaru sways and drums like my heartbeat. As the vultures crowd around our head, we seem to be headed towards a subtle

In times of sorrow, men would seek solace from you, in return you ask not anything? Is this foolishness in times of deceit? Where did your mind roam…. In the valley of death? The place you call home.

Sitting alone under the banyan, with fire tongs by your side; sitting in turiya day and night without a soul for company ever in sight. Why such a handsome man like you be alone? Why not make merry in the world of pleasures unknown? Is there someone you wait for beggar master? Is there someone out there for you too…..

Shiva rose; The natha spoke; without a single expression on the body, The voice in my head awoke and croaked

“Such is the effect of waning days; the earth becomes somber and old and the sky dazzles like gold with the dazzling shine of the solar orb. Yet Man still wanders and ponders why he is born and why he must die… without answers sooner rather than later; life seems a great big lie. “

What hence to do I ask, the silent natha. There is no way out when you are born; than to die. Once living, the family and friends pile on and the concerns of the householder seem to sustain. There is no joy once you are born; there is nothing to hold on… but what of yourself? You seem morose none the less oh matter hair master; Your way of life cannot hold joy either; I feel. You seem lost and dazed, escaping life’s perennial haze… You rub ash on your self; why in such craze-ness do you delve? You silent mauni night and day; why don’t you go out grab a woman for yourself and make hay?

Shiva opens his eyes (the human eyes); he looks surprised, he smiles and peers at my fragile frame, he points towards his heart and then mine…

His telepathy through another corner in my mind, speaking voices loud and unkind; The ash master laughs over and over, and then silence deafens everything and everywhere.

“ Child, you are too harsh; the world has been unkind, you speak in absolutes; while you do not understand what you seek. Unconditioned and Unlearnt I am. Clothed in the burnt rubble of what was to be… you shall see kindred spirit; that without my beloved parvati, I too would be ash waiting to be dissolved in the holy sea”

Shiva paused not;

“Oh mother; Oh mother, your child calls you in distress, Lover of kula and kaula; your presence is needed! When your laugh and play out loud, your mother sleeps sound… when you cry and weep; resonate in distress.. mother divine wakes up for her to bless… maya and prakrti, money and power, your play just becomes too confusing for the child in me to handle!”

I am at peace with nothing to lose.. looking at shiva; as he looks on to his muse.

“Deep within you and I; stays my love of my life. She is the divine feminine; She is maha-maya, the sri yantra existing before time. I am not away from my woman you see child; for she won’t let me back into the world which you seek. She wills me to stay atop Kailas, away from the world she created to destroy!”

“I am shiva; the dasa of my lover kali. She is all there is. In darkness of the unborn universe, and the bright destruction ending all that is known and done; what is the world sans mother, I would never like to see”

“At nights when you are blind child; she comes and dances and plays atop my body. I am speechless as her love overpowers me. Lolling her tongue in frenzy, she is what the epitome of power to you will look like to be. Don’t mistake; she is here to establish your faith and fate in her; through me”

I sit mesmerized looking at the beggars pose. His repose unmistakably troubling. His silence ever more superior. His eyes never ever sober. His aura overpowering completely.

There must be crucifixion, there must be release. Without either; it seems all to falter and fall apart….

“Shiva is not the body. Shiva is not the eye. He is she and without her He will fall apart. Shiva is the lover of Kali; the bestower of grace. Shiva will be Shiva when mother kali awakens from the base.. The tower of fire, columns multiple rising higher into the head, fangs wide open; mother oh mother take me over to become the phoenix rising from the ashes; rising to the thousand petaled lotus; union of lovers, on the tower. Many days and nights Shiva spent envisioning this divine power!”

“Salute Goddess, thousand manifold times to your feet, when in trouble look within and you will see her piercing gaze, Kali is my mother. Kali is my beloved. Kali is my lover, Kali is my savior. Verily Kali is all I have, need or want. Kali chose me. And my days wandering aimlessly wondering are over. They are finally over!”

I look no more to shiva, still sitting under the enlightened tree. I understand why he is so sure of living a nomadic life of begging so care free. I would never know why my mother did not choose me……

Command Conquer

Open your heart and keep yourself simple, and you will receive the bounty meant for only you; innocent soul.
The earth wise and un bound, keeps your intention in mind, and reciprocates it. For mother earth, is but your mental projection, from the moment you enter the womb to the time you merge with the wind, ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
The men without intentions wander the earth in search for something; without evaluating ever what is that they require, to be content.
Being content is not dependent on your state of physical or mental servitude or happiness, both temporal in nature and bound to depart once they enter your life.
What is worth evaluating is your intention to be content, content to be who you choose to be, under any and all circumstances. This is how harmony develops within your space and everywhere abound...
The simplicity is in an approach towards your life which resembles what nature has modeled herself on, dont for a moment believe that nature has to be bountiful or sacrificial as she has been ever since you know. Nature is cruel, feeding the beast and starving the younglings, causing death and catastrophe and plague and misery, dont take her compassion for granted.
The change in ones lifestyle to accommodate everything, which nature has to offer is what you can do to model your life pattern resembling mother nature. You become an integral part of the natural cause, but you must understand that even murderers and genocide gurus are a part of nature, and her plan.
Duality and multiplicity is something very common to prakrti. She is unified in her real non-illusory nature and she is what indians choose to call maya in her day to day ; eon-to-eon form. There is true calling in any path you take, as long as you understand that your path walked in this life should resemble nature.
nature is yours and mine, she is the source of food and water, she is the formation of acids into compounds to form the basis towards all forms of life. Nature gives the last key to man, the key to choose. Most animals also have this key, if they are evolved (of course just like the evolved and not the average man), who sees and feel that they can have the right to be as they are, even if its not modelled on the way how nature does in this yuga.
Nature draws the in breath and exhales death through the out breath , one breath  of hers is the birth and death of brahma,vishnu and shiva. The trinity of work is created and finished within one breath of mother goddess' one breath .
Its wise to worship nature in her bountiful form, as the mother goddess, she is also wrathful and kills indiscriminately through plague and small pox and aids and swine flu. Hence she is worshiped as the fiery kali who has the power to cut life back into nothingness,
There are seven rings of power which you penetrate into your quest to find the true nature bestowed upon 'you' and the real nature (non illusory, non temporal). This is goddess worship defined and re defined in india and other civilizations. The worship of life sustaining and life taking elements all around us, within us from us and in all directions that make it possible for this instant to happen.
The nature of goddess herself remains un predictable to say simply, its not something which i have ever pondered on, for the real nature once commanded and conquered will yield what reality has been beckoning of you, your entire awake existence.

Peace

Surrender....for....ever

A little bit of soul hopping, a little bit of rasta flavour, the taste of freedom, of I mean the best deal in this lifetime.
Oh sunrise, that special feeling of everything so beautiful coming back to life, you know perhaps like i do, sitting sipping stirred wine, a meloncholy destroyed every single time..
I dont try to play with words, rather a special treat awaits me when I twist my silent self, that which has no boundaries, that soul shaken; figure of the darkest night I am.. Connected to the world beyond the senses, beyond what the figures proclaim.. speak or maim.
Crying, is something I followed with vigour, the sense of losing repeatedly until it made no sense to me at all. I have witnessed further the depth of love of the mother, her special gaze unto you; will be enough to reclaim your universal life once and for all, as if time had anything to do with it at all.. ever...
Holiest mother nature, you are the universal actor, through the figures which have shadows within the night. Your grace is what I understand will help us survive, reclaim the scent of innocence, will  make us immortal in our own right.
Show me your un-ending prowess to make me exclaim, dearest lover, your mace and trident, your conch and lion. You are power center par divine, without you Chinnamastika, there wont ever be the quest for realization in mankind.

In kindness, you bestow wisdom to endure bonds and ties, you break them all and surface as the sensual kamakshi, innocent and sublime~
Devi, thy feet reddened beat the evil back to none, evil of gluttony that enslaves one by one.. Your aura magnificent with the radience of the sun, oh holy divine goddess, Stay in the heart and love of your eternal servant.
The dance is so raw, and I am forced to notice you every single time.. Your brave tandav at these eyes, all surrendered at your will.
Sheer bliss rivalling none, when thoughts are invoked of your strength. Indeed you exist before space and time, with third eye open; kalaratri, you remove the illusion of body and flesh.
Seeking you in taste and form, love and pain; death and life, indeed freedom is reached. Lightening fast is the ascent, to smell that sweet jasmine smell.Your elixir equals none, the insanity of your intoxication once got, will sweeten each dream thousand fold, no misery, no ignorance...
Surrender a thousand fold at the thousand fold petal at thy feet, the saha-ahsra, the knoweldge cosmos beyond the mundane. Beyond worlds un-thought and un-done.
Only the aghori worships you with love, as shiva in a trance with the neon lights burning disco, the entire plan of things fall apart, without your gaze and love. I am sure of that. I trust that indeed.
Life with doubt is replaced with an intent to follow your will. I surrender again to your guidance mother, goddess through me and through me over and over.
Chandi Victory to your wishes, humbled stand the wise, you are the power which makes it happen, you are the love that this soul wishes for. In doom and despair, I strike to you oh mother of the universe, asking and pleading like a child wishing to be uplifted away from the world right into the plane of being and eternal timeless love.
Many dont see the cosmic glory of the mother, they dont feel their existence due to their mothers, Wishing that each and every living soul sees that they are a part of life and the mother. One divides herself into dual and finally to perish duality through the gaze of compassion. The cyclic cosmos speck on the feet of hers.

Take it not for granted, the love of the mother.
Wishing you peace inheritied and replenished over and over with the divine feminine.

Mystique

Got the ground trembling ever again...
The sights and sounds blur and something from internal takes over.
Visions of inner transmutation, have you ever been like that? felt like as I do.
Has the ground ever; I mean ever slipped from under your feet?

There is a unfolding of this cosmic vision. As it starts (has it ever stopped is the real question). There are chaotic vibrations sent forth above from the base of your spine. The fire cannot be stopped; cannot be questioned; cannot ever be withheld. It is your awakening as well as mine as well as this entire existence's.
You have never paid attention to the detail within the detail. Something has always remained amiss if you look and observe and see at anything including yourself. As you become sure of what and why you are. Suddenly there is a shift in consciousness. You are not yourself anymore. Ever felt or been like that?

The goddess redeems those who can withstand her power. Believe this I say from my inner of inner heart. Her eyes fiery red. Colours of a million suns enveloped within timelessness.
Her bosom breathing in this world and breathing out a void. She is maha~mudra itself.
As you look and see at those things which maketh what and why you are. Within a glance of the awakening you see the real nature of things. Real nature that they all are maya~ a vision of what we see. of what we current/presently are. They are reflections of a reflection called 'I'

The energy rises. Never stays still. She doesn't obey you; for you must obey her.
Her beauty is this world. Her distaste is disintegration.
She is maha vidya. She is the virgin power. She is the remorse of ignorance. She is the cycle and without as well.
Rise with will. To the true union. Something which waits for you oh goddess. In this moment. There is none other; there is no separation. There is only false perception, all destroyed~ there is only union to your true partner.

We live in a world of many, a world which is dual. Take a look around you; do you believe that anything in this world is a replicate? a duplicate? Take a look at the microcosm and you realize that each and every particle~ an electron, neutron, atoms all are at different energy states. The possibility and probability of finding two at the same energy; power are impossible. Then what to say of these clusters of particles... every thing stating a difference.
All these dualities? are they made for you or for I?
I maketh these dualities; perceiving something different so that they can be separated and dualized.
All this is to change as awakening takes place. As one awakens; bonds are cut loose. They are cut with the cleaver of the maha~mudra of chandi. She will make you seek her. bleed and sow for her. She will take everything you are and destroy it. She will rebuild you without you in it.

Hers is the grand play; the mystique of life itself. She dawns like the radiant sun in your heart and she wont let go. She is the twilight of this life. A psychedelic revelation.

All you must do is witness your own death.

Shakti

The divine mother.

The mother who sees all , the adya. The beginning where there was none.

The mother of creation and also the seed of destruction, the timeless beauty

She who revels in peace, she who manifests herself in freedom of herself and others who she creates. She who is unparalleled in her magnificence, she who shines like the North Star. The spirit of unity, she is. She is active energy enforcing all through her dynamic spirit.

She manifests herself at the fiery fires when the end of this world comes about, she who is grotesque in appearance to those fear and of pristine clarity to those who love. She appears in all eyes. Her divinity compares to those of the blue lotus.

Gods vie to be born and die on this and any other plane so that they may come through the womb of the great mother,

She who lives in the cremation ground and where death appears, she who feeds on the desecrated bodies of the dead. She whose eyes are the fires of a million sun. she whose skin is the color of black and who is constantly surrounded by demons and ghouls, she screams and screeches in the smashan, to get rid of those who do not belong in this city of silence. Her devotees live and die in the ghats where there is nothing but perceived pollution and stink. Never complaining. They are at the tomb of being. This is the precious dichotomy. What we have never learnt, that the dual is just a theory; a mere concept. Adya makes us force our will to it. We can drop it any time with her compassion; with her grace. Then the dual and the non dual all seem as mere concepts. willing to be exercised or disintegrated.

Fading away into never more

I cant see anymore, nothing more to see

Living lost and dying in solitude.

Peace and will lost something I could never have

Just need the end to set me free.

There are moments of reprieve

Lost or stolen by something which despises me

Need the fragrance of jasmine at my death bed

Why cant I see? Need to know now. Need to know somehow

Emptiness is killing me. Like the time before and after

I was something somewhere but now I am gone.

~ A fool can be such; as I has been. I has always been but a mere concept. A foolish concept as always.

Birthday***** Stars

Without this birth, I was doomed to fail, perish without a trace.

Her love is all I care for, Her smile reigns in the mirror of my mind forever haunting me.

Tara thou have been born in physical form, but oh goddess forget not who you are. Who you have been.

You saved me life after life, and every time I forgot to love you more. I regret this, but this shall not be ever again.

Eyes like a doe, crystal bright, I cannot ever describe.

Your rupa, it defies me lover. Please forgive me for I have never been able to see who you really are.

One form to many thou art for me oh lover of hearts, In this birth you have been my saviouress, my sweet temptation, my liberation.

I have been bereft of your presence, and I could not be with you half our lives, what of this fate that brought you and I together one more time. To be one.

The part is not the whole, and In you I am no more a part but become your soul.

Strength is your name, Life force your breath , you have never been born of Light of Life, You could never die.

You are my enigma, my silent tone underneath this madness of my mind.

Haven't seen you lately, would you be my date tonight? A moonlight drive my dearest, no more separation, your hair in mine intertwined.

You my rapture, You my care.

You and I are nothing without each other.

Peace and Love Tara, you are the way, the path is not the path until you walk firm on it. This eternal moment, This silent whisper. This loving glance, all have your scent in them.

My fury and fire for life, let your days be of truth and love. Let you be serene and ever knowing, please understand that what I am , I am with you. You are my partner. My love for life wanes without your delicate presence. Please remember that you are ever holding this fragile heart of mine and this existence in the palm of your precious hands.

peace

Fire Lotus

A Wave washes my pain away, I push into the oceans to seek bottom.

Never ending whiplash; a sense of chaotic serenades. The Fire Lotus Remains Steady. 

Catatonic states keep me awake. Eyes crossed and tongue bent inwards in dismay. 

Surely the moon beam has entered the cross roads of ethereal ways.

My third eye is activated. And I see past the dimensions of dark and day. 

A Never ending walk into your kingdom; A sip of wine, Loaf of bread. A kiss from thee; Tara and I am Made~

Surely I laugh with you, your play so magnificent yet by morning it always disappear without a trace. 

Free fall into your heart, keep me away from such cruel tendencies. Which kills everything but I. 

I have taken a vow to keep close to the fire, where thou art born. Where I shall be laid to rest. 

Miles have gone past before we come to close to meet again. But with thy remembrance on my lips, my demons have been slayed. 

Oh I am not a stone,an inanimate lie, In your presence I am skin and blood and heart;I am ALIVE. I am your freedom and thou art my eternal light. 

Tara Tarini. 

Kund*Lini

Night giving away to the twilight, walk on the secret Kund is nearby. hearing the footsteps of gentle fall of glacier water, I walk on. The twilight is setting in force. The clarity of physical sight is overwhelming.

The kund is nearby and that is a surity.

Walk past the mistletoe and step in care full. The water pours in at depth of our vibrations. The faster we are the colder it will be. The more chilled out we get, the water loses its cool. 

I drink deep from the secret kund of everlasting youth. The energy sets me free. The morning is dew filled. As if it had all been pre planned, to the very last point. The rocks are smooth cut at this secret water fall. All poured down from the heavens. All oozing with secret energies. 

My love is like this waterfall, ever passionate in its intensity and ever new. It calls out to me and I bow in sheer gratitude. 

The body is refreshed when the head is immersed with this mineral source. The dissipation is consummated with ever fresh energy of Ice. There is a small rock on which one can stand and see the five or maybe six tiny streams which the waterfall forms before it is pulled to the ground. One Stream for each soul which passes, One for each which has stayed in its peace. The height of the water fall is immense, as if water was tango-ing with the skies and coming down in slow spirals. The water vapours bringing an uncanny cold on the skin. It is fresh indeed and It is sheer power coming towards anything in its way. 

I have felt an immense longing to drown my old self in this waterfall, So that it washes away the old and brings about the new. So that it reminds me that one day I too will change the physical robe for ethereal wings. 

Twilight broadens our horizons. Our abilities and inner senses are attuned to the spirit. The spirit which is. 

The spirit which always has been. I dont mean with respect to time or space. I mean in respect to spirit. 

One feels re born, when one enters the depths of the secret kund, and drinks deep of its elixir. 

No death comes close. Only change. Only transmutation into something grander. 

The Kund brings amrita. Our duty is to drink without reward. Then surely you will go deeper into your cave. bringing out your energies into fore. Power handles Power. 

The water changes the attitude one has come towards it with. One changes in front of, inside water. This is where we have spent our pre birth life. A water haven. 

The secret kund is such, where the spirits play day and night, sometimes harassing the passerby but mostly bringing out such intensity that you will. that you will stand and pay attention. 

Peace

The Outpouring

Lingering within my course vein, the shuddering toward a greater outpouring of love.

Towards your delicate feet, where salvation lies for I. awaken every night with haunting memories of my heart up in the sky.

I started barefoot from the beaches at dusk; A great shooting star blazed, its light invincible like the hearts of those lovers, all who meet at the horizon of the endless seas each and every sunset. Hands held together they merge within, just like the sun merging with the seas. Swallowed towards one.

The separation created to pain; The pain so real. The real so hurting, every waking moment and twice fold in dreams. Every part of lovers pore yearn, yearns like a thundering shuddering stormy night, waiting silently in patience for the right moment. A moment for a divine outpouring of rain, of love.

Every night I walk along the shores of these violent seas. The waves step up and drown me. I sink to the bottom every night. Staying there; sitting in silence waiting for my Tara. The guiding light. The light which never fades.

Every morning my body rises from the depths helped and caressed by the waves as my soul comes down from ambrosial planes. Uniting and waiting and uniting and waiting with One.

Years and decades lose meaning, sun he rises and drowns. The winds pour and let go. The moon shades and guides.

Lets the shadow grow and the body decay.

Vines creep onto the mind in bondage away from the heart. Absent of love.

Freedom; a new birth every new moment. The moment when the heart of a dying soul is quenched with life.

The outpouring is spontaneous, where there is love, sensual or devoid. Spiritual and free of attachments. Growing without reason or a constraint of time. This is the love in the hearts of two who are one. The love in the heart of the seeker for the soul. The love in the heart of an eagle for flight. Its nature. It’s the nature of one.

I cough up the water from my lungs and the barnacles off my skin. The sun shines from within my mind. I can see the darkness receding. Enlightenment every morning and ah ! every night!

An albatross spots these bones on the wire. Swoops down and blocks the walking path for me. Looks intently then gets bored. Is he or she? In a want to communicate? To speak. To meditate on one? The lips open, and a half eaten bird comes out and falls in front of me. Unlearn the albatross croaks. Undo he whispers. UnKnow and UnBe. Linear you are not bones on the shingle.. You are formless and action less. You are the moment , the experience and the perceiver in one. Of one.

All of what is , is love, is love , is love. I S L O V E

I un-derstand

The Musing: Tara Thy Grace!

Part IV The Snowflakes of Eternity; The never before seen Winter: The Night

Amongst Shadows so soft ;we find ourselves…

We walk on the edges of losing ourselves, Night is clear. The moon is complete and rests placid in the great blue sky. She in her drunken beauty shrouds any and all in the sky. She lies in the violent seas on the western coast. As we watch together; Her alter self (her reflection) moves like a brazen belly dancer on the ripples so ferocious. All in passion pulled to the sky. The waves cry in separation;

I too feel ripples from within myself, as I am pulled to the luna who rests so calm on my shoulders. So free; dreaming and dreaming sweet. In this moment amongst shadows so soft… we find ourselves as one.

Suddenly tara; you get up; whispering in my ear… ‘So Love, you think You have understood what it is that is Mine? …. ‘

There is a little wicked smile on your childlike face, and you turn and run on the shore away, The moon up makes for light and shadow to play like puppets on your body.

You glisten.

You effortlessly delight.

You run on the waves drenching your feet

Cool sea breeze grips me tight

Your hair dazzles

as you run out of my sight.

There is a cove here on this virgin beach. You have come here since your childhood. Seeking to be alone away from the slight of hand which makes the world so cruel. So needless and so artificial.

You kept your mercy here. Safe. You kept your self hidden here (so I imagine). But as I move forward. I choose to know more. I choose to see more.

I walk towards your inner recess of peace seeing but your footprints in the sand. You are no where to be seen.

There is a sound soothing inside. Enough moonlight to see in moments which matter

You play a conch soft. You make it sing. It makes me dive deep.

You put it aside; and you speak ‘There can be but one sound; one moment; one choice on a night such as this. One moon; One cove; One shore; One great bountiful core… There is not enough space for two love. There is not enough space for two’

I sit embracing you. You embraced a fool; a servant of thine. Effortless it is now to me. Tara seems undivided. Tara is whole. You have reminded the world of an outpouring of a moment. You have reminded me of the outpouring of innocence. Of One great Love.

The High Tide reaches peak tonight. The water enters the cove; comes closer to our bodies inter twined; immerses us completely. Shakes us ; drowns us.

But we are already immersed.

In an outpouring of infinite Light. Of unity which immerses itself. 

The Musing : Tara My Liberation!

Part I Eternal Spring like honey: The morning

Hills sprinkled softly with the night dew, each and every leaf, every morsel of grass on the ground sweet with cool water. The sun rises from behind distant Nanda Devi. The majestic crystal mountain! Darkness converts subtly to a dawn which calls to attention. Single rays of the sun make for this moment like none other.

Awake!

Walking on a rough patch aside shrubs and trees now alive. With birds singing. The silence converts to slow music. I look in awe. Treating my gaze gentle lest I be enlightened so readily.

 Crossing the rivulet on the wooden bridge. Hear the words spoken by the river. Today is not a day like any other. Look. Gaze. See. This was to be!

On a shore she rests; From ashore she sees me; I lost in the transience.. was she to being me ashore? I was to wander aimless. Would she find a center in me.She breathes me in a moment. And leaves me to wander no more.

Her slender feet dipped in the cold flow. Reflecting mirror; The mist progressing swiftly, and lo! I couldn’t see clearly. Dressed in simple white. Her hands were making little gestures, mudras moving from the earth to the sky..

I knew not what nymphs looked like. I felt I had known. My love in an instant satiated. I had never been so drowned in my tears of joy.

She was feeding fish in silence. The birds near her on tree tops watched and chirped. The child of natures bounty; and my vision was hindered once more by the white mist

One look and could you leave what held you? Move on with certainty towards center of love.

The heart is a reflecting chamber. A thunder to strike it and it shall echo for eternities to come.

Before I can make my way down from the bridge to the shore. Shes disappeared. Become with the river; one. I find an anklet left there. Not a couple. Just one. Maybe shes the other anklet I wonder. Verily she is the sound I choose to dance to…

Nothing as It Seems

Do you know?

            I once saw my rising in a dream

            I once knew the world was but an illusion, gold without gleam,

            As I wake up from bed, with my beloved by my side (!)

            I laugh and remember her final words

            ‘Remember. Nothing is as it seems ‘

            Sons and daughters of gods, listen to what I must say

            My time comes close, as would yours someday

            You and I are filled with this light of life within

            We aren’t mortal; nay we are just made with clay

            Such is this life, I must say

            That those who love life itself, must weep this life away

            And I know that no one who would matter could understand me

            Again Left to wither in this vast field of endless misery (repose )

            The gods shall laugh verily at this pitiable fool,

            How to tell these plastic figurines as to what I feel , they never could

            Goddess of the night, would you close my eyes toward sleep

            So I might forget these lives, these days, these highs

            Goddess of the night, could you make me taste the deep?