No End in Sight

I have built my death bed; It is through years of effort. It is nothing simple to say the least; or profound. It simply is a matter of illusion in this illusory state like everything else.

I spent years in trying to have a deeper connection with this existence. Building naivity and connections to the self, without breaking off from the other. But all this yielded less than any use. The lesson became more pronounced, the more I tried to break away from it. Now on my death bed; I see everything which came a full circle. All knowledge and wisdom of little or no use, the love which was built upon with the beloved, destroyed - burnt down to ashes. No one remembered the good that had been bestowed by this mortal fraility like any other else. There is no immortality or grand redemption, not even the children's story/fables which pronounce the meek inheriting the heart and earth and fitting into heaven.

The age has become extremely critical, for it had been already predicted - that the time when it comes will make man surge away from inner divinity, it will break the firmest of man's resolutions to find inner solace. Inner peace, instead a void and meloncholy will arise - which will have no base and never an end. This will be replaced by the inherent greed and tecchnological play things - like all of us in and of this day and age indulge in. We are here because we have no clue where else to be, we are here to waste time and think that it is worth our while and others. But for what base or profound reason.

Such questions have prodded me since time immemorial, and the more I searched - (no, I did not get more questions); rather the lack of questions or answers. There was no response from the universe; and where there was - was some sort of sad satirical silly joke in life. Which was supposed to befit the question for the self; in disguise.

I have worked and walked, traveled and talked. Sat and peaced; now there is simply nothing else to be. I wished for anhilation and that too I know is of no consequence. This inner search would be over, the sooner it is; another will take over.

There seems to be no end of beginning in sight, probably what god of this day and age wants us to see in plain sight. Hence he/she/it runs away from us, No there seems to be no recourse than sit and wait for the self to purge.

I have lost meloncholy and hope; replaced with the irrefutable void. Washing me over again and again. No end in sight is the best I can say.

Peace

The Unordinary (out of the world-IV)

I realized what it is about me that is hypocritical, I have been endowed in this world with the tools and means/resources/finances etc to do as I wish, as I choose and as I feel. There are many in this world (or most) who do not have such resources. I also realized that as a “have”(myself), I will do anything in my power to protect my resources against the have nots. But this was not the end of my realization (I am slow I admit!), I realized that I would not be satisfied or happy if others also possessed what I did, to realize themselves and be happy. This is what humanity calls envy, stemming out of a possibility in each individual to possess something only unique to himself/herself in this experience of life. We creatures to some extent (or the entire extent) want to perhaps remember our experience during life as unique, individual… Perhaps this is the deepest instict of this thing called existence/life/Universe whatever. This instinct is god realizing something about itself new. (not the first time, cause time is non existent) – perhaps new is something experienced as first time, without the existence of time (maybe).
This is what the zen master atop the green mountain side residing in a cave where clear blue water flows down on his head to cool his introspection says about the entire affair, This is zen so mostly there is nothing in here related to what we call as ‘sense’.
“ This individual is a deceiver, he thinks shadow as his own, trying forever in a narcissistic rage to discover himself. He is a fool and a deceiver.
This instinctual individual is headed towards the illusion of doom. Trying to find path and goal, his unique stamp to mark his life. Like a dog pissing to mark its territory. This is mine! This is mine! This is mine!
I know this is yours for it stinks foul.
The life less ordinary in this circumstance is the most convincing deception one can pull. The life masked in the mundane, in whichever role you are placed in this world, if you can play this part with the most bored expression, trying not to see something, feel something, know something, or be something is the most unique individual cunning space one can find here.
You are life itself! You are the pulse trying to discover the new, the complete, the void. You cannot discover yourself. You are the undiscoverable. You cannot know it. You cannot be it. You are it!
You will shake firm in your path and place wherever that may be, you will not piss like a dog once now and again and try to make something unique to you. Your soul crown is the plain. It is the entirety expressing itself !

You will undo what you know, You will unlearn what you thought you know. There is no passion, neti neti (not this, not this) the universe screams through your life. This is zen.
Zen is freedom, it is cunning deception to leave whatever may bind you to only that. You are nothing and everything and yes there is no you, as there is no I.”
The zen master opens his mouth and this time he sips in the cool water flowing from the top. His eyes are elsewhere and his energetic pose is forever firm. He is the ordinary, His wisdom are not these words, His existence screams of nothing extraordinary, but of complete-ness, and yes this existence is truly unique in its own way, some of the many dilemmas and dichotomies that zen incorporates and elucidates!
Zen master has silenced his inner envy, his inner desire to possess anything. Even if you are equal and satisfied with everyone and everything possessing the same as you. Then you must understand that this is the same as possession of nothing. The zen master laughs, echoing resounding through the cave to the inner sanctums of the glorious hill. It truly is!
Peace

Out of the World- II

We are all living and striving for ourselves; The betterment of our lives in terms of monetary and physical comforts and then once achieving that; struggling for the betterment of our minds and finally our own souls. Its a long and arduous route; and by the end of it.. each one of us is so tired that we require and eternal rest in a grave or on a funeral pyre.
We never look at what it is to help another, to live for another, to strive and struggle for the betterment of another’s life. I too like most of you belong to this category of people (or personal behaviour) which looks only at our self as a source for comfort.
For many their satisfaction and comfort (physical or otherwise) comes from the feeling of helping another; making another feel or be better for their lives. This is not quite right…. I meant making another child feel or live better.
Children are truly out of this world. Their imagination and hearts are so huge. Their understanding of simple issues which us adults tend to ignore or look past is comprehensive. They are without guilt or shame. they can be taught anything and they can interpret what they have learnt with originality. This is why i adore kids, not the crying cribbing kinds; but rather the learning smiling and playful kinds.
Our HR class had an opportunity to visit various NGO’s thanks to our awesome social cell, composed of guys who are sincere and want to do something to help others and taking the right initiatives for such thankless goals too!
There are many many NGO’s in this country operating without name or recognition for improving the conditions of various sections of society without much funds from anyone. All they have at times is will and determination and hope of intangible rewards like a smile or love from the eyes of a doe-eyed child.
Life is holy and its perfection in action; its empathy and the feeling of elation of being able to connect to another life form as one. Without any distinction or ego hassles. Many people though don’t see this, and they run past in their attempts to just make it better for themselves.
Our group visited a little girl’s ngo in chattarpur area next to the temple. The village is like many others in Delhi; its unsanitary, filled with people without jobs and rampant with social evils like drinking; drugs and discrimination towards the girl child. There is poverty and social inequity and the root cause of this is lack of education.
The children whom we interacted with briefly over a 2 hour period were aged between 10-15. All of them went to school *thankfully!* and were very very smart from the first go! Many were outspoken and some preferred to be quiet; and all of us interacted whole heartedly to listen more than speak. For a child’s wisdom is something us adults have to learn from them! The girls understood why education and independence is important to their lives and what the consequence of not learning like other children could be. They also knew that rampant causes of poverty and abuse in villages like theirs was a consequence of the men getting violent or not going out to get work for their family. They also clearly knew how much a woman does (like their mothers) for a family and how under valued such a job is in the eyes of society.
We also held a little painting competition for them; and the group (consisting of some 20 odd girls) could create out of their imagination such artistic designs, that it left all of us dumbfounded in awe! Such celebration in the hearts and minds of those who are in youth, for verily youth and innocence are the only ways that this cruel heartless world could regain some of its pristine beauty.
I was particularly impressed with a child called lakshmi yars, who was I guess in 7-8th standard at this time. She had a deep thoughtful aura about herself, she was clearly responsible for more siblings in the house and perhaps had to do some house chores alongside her studies as well. She understood that guys dont work and spend most of their times in loafing about (something very abundant in indian villages and indian culture itself). But she accepted this and wanted to do something to make her family and her name better, What a selfless goal for a child. A child is one person who could be selfish- ask more for themselves and just themselves, and they would be right in getting it too, but these children living in villages wanted to do something good for their families, they wanted to study and earn a honest living so that they wouldn’t have to be in the position that they were currently in. This realization so crucial and critical for anyone wanting to change their lives- was so clearly present in these little kids (girls). I was in awe of god’s miracles in the form of the child. I truly was in silent celebration that i could find even now; in today’s world- people nay! children who were truly befitting the kingdom of heaven!
Yes the eyes and laughter of a child are something out of this world. they dont belong in the vile desecrated atmosphere which us adults make in this so called society, and children are not worthy of being in a world where love peace and chance for living in entirety are not possible.
I am amidst people who more often than not discuss their own personal gains at any and all costs. They want something for themselves not knowing what that something is, or at what costs it would becomes theirs. People who i interact with are prospective owners. They want to own something and everything which comes their way… But they could never own their own hearts and minds to liberate the same.
Children don't own or possess much, but they are in supreme control over their hearts. Their innocence ripples through to the most beaten bruised souls in this world. They remain the pillars of our society., In this place where evil and hatred pounces in every alleyway; every corner….. Children remind us of a better place; perhaps this better place is after all a place out of this wretched mean world!
Peace
(and the story unfolds further….)

Out of this World - I

I have lived in this stinking hole for time undefined, vile and putrid. Decay is fast imminent, I am sick of people caring about this body. And people stalking this body for their sickly gains. Its just an auxiliary system; and the power levels are just dropping…
The whole world is run by humans, and they dont know what the fuck they are running towards or away from. I am sick of systems of control and those which seek to control YOU>
Its just one step from doom, another step in the stairway upwards to that room. Its a kind warning from within; what you glorified and missed out is the sweet greed and gluttony of this pathetic race. No you may not save your face; anymore
The body stinks when it burns on the pyre. It reeks unholy when its alive. Personal motive gives away to the missing edge. That what is called ‘compassion’ and ‘love’ in this terrible day and age….
Where is no more? When is this awful game gonna get over? Its just a facade. An impending doom…. envisaged
The world doesn't deserve this body, and so it shall be sent out to space. Where it can look to find another home worthy of the wrath and hate that it so quickly spews. So frequently and without a single rhyme or reason sound…..
Sick of doldrums and loopholes in the machine. The false notions of purity and integrity. The sell out is the one who gets his profit tomorrow noon. There is no other explanation and the gods conspire; conspire to take over our minds. Till the mind is savaged by false notions of something good becoming from this rotting iron maiden dressed up to its fateful place in a grave or a burning funeral pyre.
You slave, and they will pay you; In gold and damsels, You speak and they shall cut your tongues half in size. If you choose to better yourself. There is no place left for you here; you belong to outer space.
You cannot change your nature. Your nature is of the parasitic virus. Intune with the stinking rotting corpse of mother nature. You are yester year’s creature. Your day of judgement passes and you will be out helping another.Why oh Why everyone asks while they laugh!
There is simply no use for a body like you.
Burn and be gone. the ghost of winter past; your misery and torture abound haunts these hearts no more. For these hearts are as dead as this cold vaccum of dark un bound outer space.
Away from the earth which gave birth to the devil. The devil which seeks venom in the form of money and vengeance. In the eyes of duality and partiality. In the end there is no worth to the sweat and toil; oh did I forget you fogged up when you said (your) truth would be the winner in gold?  Your honest life the base for fortunes untold?
In spite of your earthly treasures, you dig within your soul. Not a single ounce of worthiness. Yet you can go ahead and rule this world. The body is dead. Eaten by vermin like the one’s in your head. You won; and everyone else lost. And the days of never ending hell are back again., at all costs……
Welcome to the seasons within the inferno; where its warm and cold. Its all so simple when the plan unfolds. What you seek is what they got. What they got is what you sold. Welcome to the very beautiful end of your world. Celebrate in the coffin embarked forever more towards outer space.
The story unfolds……
(Part 2 follows)