I have built my death bed; It is through years of effort. It is nothing simple to say the least; or profound. It simply is a matter of illusion in this illusory state like everything else.
I spent years in trying to have a deeper connection with this existence. Building naivity and connections to the self, without breaking off from the other. But all this yielded less than any use. The lesson became more pronounced, the more I tried to break away from it. Now on my death bed; I see everything which came a full circle. All knowledge and wisdom of little or no use, the love which was built upon with the beloved, destroyed - burnt down to ashes. No one remembered the good that had been bestowed by this mortal fraility like any other else. There is no immortality or grand redemption, not even the children's story/fables which pronounce the meek inheriting the heart and earth and fitting into heaven.
The age has become extremely critical, for it had been already predicted - that the time when it comes will make man surge away from inner divinity, it will break the firmest of man's resolutions to find inner solace. Inner peace, instead a void and meloncholy will arise - which will have no base and never an end. This will be replaced by the inherent greed and tecchnological play things - like all of us in and of this day and age indulge in. We are here because we have no clue where else to be, we are here to waste time and think that it is worth our while and others. But for what base or profound reason.
Such questions have prodded me since time immemorial, and the more I searched - (no, I did not get more questions); rather the lack of questions or answers. There was no response from the universe; and where there was - was some sort of sad satirical silly joke in life. Which was supposed to befit the question for the self; in disguise.
I have worked and walked, traveled and talked. Sat and peaced; now there is simply nothing else to be. I wished for anhilation and that too I know is of no consequence. This inner search would be over, the sooner it is; another will take over.
There seems to be no end of beginning in sight, probably what god of this day and age wants us to see in plain sight. Hence he/she/it runs away from us, No there seems to be no recourse than sit and wait for the self to purge.
I have lost meloncholy and hope; replaced with the irrefutable void. Washing me over again and again. No end in sight is the best I can say.