A Tale of Two Indian Weddings….Almost!

I don’t write about my day to day trips generally unless and until they inspire something profound, but this was something so ‘coincidental’ or perfectly timed that I admit I had to put it in a note somewhere.
So recently I have been a part of two awesome Indian weddings (well not quite actually…. it becomes clear as it unfolds). There was one which involved my best friend if not my brother Sandeep singh who wed his love Ruju, and well there was one which almost included mine (which just did not materialize). I was in a revelling mood most of last couple of weeks cause I knew one of my good friends from undergraduate days was getting hitched, but at the same time I was a bit bogged down too, cause of the fact that my own personal marriage dreams remained well, just that….
So I will elucidate about how ruju and sandy came together and how I and my ex came apart! (thats what was going through my head while I was having fun with friends enjoying the festivities!). Well Sandeep and his better half have been going around for almost 6 years, and they had met up in their MBA college times in IMT Nagpur, both of them are an awesome couple and as far as I know, they did not have future plans like marriage on cards so quick. The girl’s parents wanted her to get wed and this led to a time when these two split up and the girl was engaged to another guy. The marriage day fast approached and though I used to meet up with sandeep during those days, he hardly seemed perturbed at the thought of losing his love, he just carried on in his quiet saintly demeanour enjoying some out time with us all. Well true love goes a long way, this world or the next… Sandy’s lover broke the wedding but A DAY BEFORE she was going to enter the altar for her holy vows around the fire, well because she wanted to spend her life with the one she had risen in love with. I was overwhelmed and overjoyed when I heard what had happened (mind you, sandy during this time was taking a time off himself in between handling his business.), and the news that these two will be hitched rose like happiness amongst all of us who knew both of them. Though I don’t know the lovely bride well, but to see such courage to stand up against her parents and well the entire world a day before she was to get married told me how much she loved her man, and that she had a heart the size befitting divinity!
I too was in a long tumultuous relationship with my ex for a period of 4 years (mind you, coming from me, I was extremely serious about this woman, had gone to the lengths of changing myself a lot and even introducing her to my family)… the relationship began on shaky grounds with my ex’s family being a lot orthodox and only looking to wed within their ‘caste’. A case similar to the turmoil my friends lovely wife faced as well (its kind of routine in India… to say the least), but whereas my friends never committed from the beginning of their relationship to stay together, my ex and I did. We committed to stick it till come what may, and to be strong even though it was seriously an extremely difficult situation. so we both braved it out for some 4 odd years, with a lot of drama, emotion and pain braved by both of us…. but still somewhere we felt that we could get through with it to have a happy ending, but alas that was not to be….
My friends loved each other, and ruju was extremely brave to stand up and act courageous in the name for her love, but the same did not happen in my case and my ex over the years with emotional parental pressures crumbled to retract from our commitment towards each other and went ahead to have an arranged marriage. The situation could not be more surprising and well inspiring. Whereas one couple who never intended to stay together from the start of their relationship ( I don’t believe they started their courting with any intention of marriage), in the end due to their love for each other did… My condition which was exactly opposite ended in of course the exact opposite to the intended result. Such is life indeed (a phrase which my ex told me indirectly), and yes I thoroughly agree with it…. in this world nothing can be taken as absolute or for granted, especially not love. Love is something magical and uplifting for us mere mortals, but its also extremely unstable and very easily replaceable for most. Though I was disappointed at love for not working out like I had hoped and prayed and of course wished for, but I was at the same time elated and delighted for my brother for he found his love and fate and his bride’s courage helped him secure this love for an entire lifetime and more. Perhaps some things we just can’t see when we are in love, and we choose to elongate some sort of hope or illusory existence in the name of love. Perhaps my ex saw that it just was not cutting it; and well I bore the brunt of it. But I wish peace for every one of us who have felt love and chose to wed themselves, bathe themselves in that indescribable feeling at some point in our lives. Without it, truly the world remains bleak and at best a drag to our personal graves.
Peace! Rejoice in Love!

The Clown who Failed to Laugh His way to the Grave

The man is a boy is a sufi is a hopeless romantic is a cynic and is also the bemused clown.
His feet have grown till beneath the ground, his sight has grown weary of the flesh. He tolerates apathy as his bread, and he breaks fast under the weight of failure of love.
He shines fast and fades dim. He cries howls and makes whims which cannot work or win. Taking the fast ride, slow. Intends to crash into the next person he abhors.
He met the woman and rose in love. The path is difficult, indeed tough. The goal unclear and time is up. There was laughter, now only sordid howls. The setting was new, the heart was ripped… the clown couldn’t laugh anymore on his infamous luck, why everyone used him as a stepping stone, why his love didn’t strike the heart of his partner? Was there a reason to this, the clown wept; moaned and failed yet again to laugh his way to his own grave.
The conniving and the wicked, get together to feast on the flesh of the decent. By night time there are only banshees everywhere waiting to prey on the weak and the loving. Yes they will laugh with you; then at you and finally mock your pathetic ways. In this world, survival is for the sickest, hope and love are for the forsaken. For the clown is a stepping stone quick to the circus, run fast ride last and leave the clown to partake of the mess you made…. a fine heartbreak indeed!
There is no more tragedy, or romance left in this clown’s life. It has all been consumed by fires more deeper and persistent than anything mundane.
The woman was confused and she wept on the clown’s shoulders. He took care of her as best as he could but she was never satisfied, she kept wanting something which even she did not know about. She said she loved her man, but the clown could see there was no twinkle in her eyes, there was only fear of what might happen if she was left alone to herself, so she was bored and wanted a partner to love. Too bad, she couldn’t understand what this love was and she played merrily along till the day things got serious and that is where the laughter which the clown could evoke in her just could not satisfy her anymore. 
The woman changed her partner and ran away without notice from the clown, she double timed and lied about her intentions and yes she was without feeling or remorse at the condition of this clown. The clown had failed yet again to make another or himself laugh free and with abandon. The woman left saying just a simple sorry, which she did not mean in the first place. The clown wished that her heart too shall be trampled one day in the hands of love and that too could not evoke any laughter from within.
Such is life, she told him the last time she would utter something for him…. she had given up on him and had taken the best recourse suiting her and her family. The family which had but plunged her deep into pain and tears for their self made interests. She could not face them, stand them nor leave them… somewhere this woman was so deeply wronged, and possessed such inner hatred and vanity; that the word love had become but a word, it had become a simple easily usable farce to cover up her real intentions.
The clown stood hopelessly in a daze after digging his own grave, He had chosen without ever looking back to love with utter purity and accept all that this woman was. But now he understood that though he was verily in bliss at the hands of ‘his’ woman, it was never the other way around…the hidden agendas, and intentions were very clear now to him. The woman just replaced her ‘love’, without the least bit of guilt or loss. How did such a woman come to him in the first place. Years of love and dreams for their united future was simply forgotten, the time and intensity they spent together was simply pushed under the carpet. The woman did not choose to be cruel, but indeed she was, playing with love and hearts like it was her god given chosen right. So the clown smiled and laughed and wept and lied down in peace in the grave he made for himself, for he chose now to find the solitude which was his, which would never be hurt or taken for granted or abused by another like his love for this woman. 
He prayed and looked into the skies and asked but one request from the powers above, that his love may not be wasted and that his love teach this woman what it really was and meant to them. Though she could never see it when this love was blossoming; now perhaps she would take another look….to see what she lost, what she abandoned and locked with a key to preserve as a secret against her new partner, her new found family and the world. He prayed and then closed the slits of his eyes and found eternal rest.
He did not have a smile on his face on his deathbed, his heart was burnt to cinders, and his laughter was ripped off by the cunning deceptive woman who he once adored like his own goddess. There was no peace and verily the clown had failed to laugh his way to his own grave……

A Solitary Man

I love this song, sung by Neil Diamond/Johnny Cash (love and peace to them). I have been hearing it often nowadays, probably because I am able to relate to his lyrics completely. The lyrics go something like this :

“Melinda was mine
'Til the time
That I found her
Holding Jim
Loving Him
Then Sue came along
Loved me strong
That's what I thought
Me and Sue
But that died too

Don't know that I will
But until I can find me
The girl who'll stay
And won't play games behind me
I'll be what I am
A solitary man
Solitary man

I've had it to here
Bein' where
Love's a small word
Part-time thing
Paper ring

I know it's been done
Havin' one
Girl who'll love me
Right or wrong
Weak or strong

Don't know that I will
But until I can find me
The girl who'll stay
And won't play games behind me
I'll be what I am
A solitary man
Solitary man”

I am posting the YouTube link of both Neil diamond and Johnny cash singing this song… both have an awesome voice and the songs are ethereal.

Neil Diamond- Solitary Man

Johnny cash- Solitary Man

This song remains simple and yet it echoes my life so precisely. Kind of feels like these singers too went through love and heartbreak so profound that they sang a song which expressed their desire to remain solitary than to go around give their love to women who would use them and leave them.
“Don't know that I will
But until I can find me
The girl who'll stay
And won't play games behind me
I'll be what I am
A solitary man”
This is exactly what has happened to me, and yes I am happy to be a solitary man than be with a woman who treats love as a part time thing/ a paper ring.
Peace

First Love. Forever Love. Final Love. Forever Love.

Do you remember when we met for the first time. You didnt notice, but I sure did; you standing on the escalator; like it was the stairway to heaven. We had our first meal in between laughter and I was hooked on to your smile.
Do you remember when we met for the second time, You didnt notice but I changed into a pair of stalking so that we could go to the club we desired. We had our first glass of wine, so that we could stir the moments by.. It was such reprieve that you trusted me from first sight. There was none like you i would ever meet, I knew the very moment I put my eyes on your sensual attire. Wow I still reminisce till this day; how that night ended. with a peck on my cheek. So graceful.. ended with a sigh. Didnt know whether i would meet you ever again jyoti. Just destroyed my days and nights.
Do you remember when we met for the third time? We stumbled each other in the bus stop, waiting to catch a ride, up to clean blue heaven... we took the cab instead with small talk and so much intensity bestowed besides.
Reached to kasauli, where we lost the garb of strangers and dawned what we truly desired. A bottle of mountain wine, a walk and a talk of the sunset at hand, and caught by cops; we were just brother and sister to the outside world... while being soulmates forever in time..
Do you remember when we met the fourth time? It was the very same night... when you took the rosary beads from my neck and put it on as an anklet on your sexy feet, you made this saint a bloody sufi just in one night.. You took my life and turned it upside down. No words or deeds could ever speak like you did with your fluttering eyes.. oh you dont know, but i notice a lot more than meets the eye!
Do you remember when we met for the fifth time? The early morning dawn of kasauli when it poured lightening all night long like an endless affair, a wordless song.. it was coupled with the cinematic rolling in the hay !! The sleeping of the gentle angel on my lap in an abandoned bus stop till the morning broke us down to our sweet embrace (finally in a bed!)
You dont know how many ways you made me, you can curse me for not being there, and leave me for not being there.. but you are bound to me, like the leaves are to a tree; like the sun is to the sky, like the eagle touching and kissing the clouds so high. I am your dasa, and you are my muse. You remain the forbidden fruit, which once eaten jyoti; makes me remember the truth.
The truth that we havent met the first time, we wont ever be apart.. the laughing misery of our seperation too shall soon; oh very soon depart...
Do you remember (so we thought) when we were to meet for the last time? Next to the sunset lake, where we held hands and kissed perhaps like it was not meant to be? Do you remember the time, where all the mirages I had of you turned themselves into the blue blue sea? I remember the lips; I remember your hair; coiled my life into your hands and lo! there.. you my nymph, my self in another; you are the one who I can verily be happy with a life shared.
No poet can deny, No artist can respond, when the call of love strikes; they all drop and become one... You are my grace, I am your strength. together we will live this world and the next.
Be mine forever. For I am already yours forever.
Peace