The man is a boy is a sufi is a hopeless romantic is a cynic and is also the bemused clown.
His feet have grown till beneath the ground, his sight has grown weary of the flesh. He tolerates apathy as his bread, and he breaks fast under the weight of failure of love.
He shines fast and fades dim. He cries howls and makes whims which cannot work or win. Taking the fast ride, slow. Intends to crash into the next person he abhors.
He met the woman and rose in love. The path is difficult, indeed tough. The goal unclear and time is up. There was laughter, now only sordid howls. The setting was new, the heart was ripped… the clown couldn’t laugh anymore on his infamous luck, why everyone used him as a stepping stone, why his love didn’t strike the heart of his partner? Was there a reason to this, the clown wept; moaned and failed yet again to laugh his way to his own grave.
The conniving and the wicked, get together to feast on the flesh of the decent. By night time there are only banshees everywhere waiting to prey on the weak and the loving. Yes they will laugh with you; then at you and finally mock your pathetic ways. In this world, survival is for the sickest, hope and love are for the forsaken. For the clown is a stepping stone quick to the circus, run fast ride last and leave the clown to partake of the mess you made…. a fine heartbreak indeed!
There is no more tragedy, or romance left in this clown’s life. It has all been consumed by fires more deeper and persistent than anything mundane.
The woman was confused and she wept on the clown’s shoulders. He took care of her as best as he could but she was never satisfied, she kept wanting something which even she did not know about. She said she loved her man, but the clown could see there was no twinkle in her eyes, there was only fear of what might happen if she was left alone to herself, so she was bored and wanted a partner to love. Too bad, she couldn’t understand what this love was and she played merrily along till the day things got serious and that is where the laughter which the clown could evoke in her just could not satisfy her anymore.
The woman changed her partner and ran away without notice from the clown, she double timed and lied about her intentions and yes she was without feeling or remorse at the condition of this clown. The clown had failed yet again to make another or himself laugh free and with abandon. The woman left saying just a simple sorry, which she did not mean in the first place. The clown wished that her heart too shall be trampled one day in the hands of love and that too could not evoke any laughter from within.
Such is life, she told him the last time she would utter something for him…. she had given up on him and had taken the best recourse suiting her and her family. The family which had but plunged her deep into pain and tears for their self made interests. She could not face them, stand them nor leave them… somewhere this woman was so deeply wronged, and possessed such inner hatred and vanity; that the word love had become but a word, it had become a simple easily usable farce to cover up her real intentions.
The clown stood hopelessly in a daze after digging his own grave, He had chosen without ever looking back to love with utter purity and accept all that this woman was. But now he understood that though he was verily in bliss at the hands of ‘his’ woman, it was never the other way around…the hidden agendas, and intentions were very clear now to him. The woman just replaced her ‘love’, without the least bit of guilt or loss. How did such a woman come to him in the first place. Years of love and dreams for their united future was simply forgotten, the time and intensity they spent together was simply pushed under the carpet. The woman did not choose to be cruel, but indeed she was, playing with love and hearts like it was her god given chosen right. So the clown smiled and laughed and wept and lied down in peace in the grave he made for himself, for he chose now to find the solitude which was his, which would never be hurt or taken for granted or abused by another like his love for this woman.
He prayed and looked into the skies and asked but one request from the powers above, that his love may not be wasted and that his love teach this woman what it really was and meant to them. Though she could never see it when this love was blossoming; now perhaps she would take another look….to see what she lost, what she abandoned and locked with a key to preserve as a secret against her new partner, her new found family and the world. He prayed and then closed the slits of his eyes and found eternal rest.
He did not have a smile on his face on his deathbed, his heart was burnt to cinders, and his laughter was ripped off by the cunning deceptive woman who he once adored like his own goddess. There was no peace and verily the clown had failed to laugh his way to his own grave……