Gut Wrenching

Shunyata

Grace

Peachy's Golden Words

14th December 2017

It was 7:30 PM and I walked in to my home through the front door and looked into the drawing room where Mom, Neelam and Peachy were sitting. Peachy looked instantly at me and gave me a big smile as always. She was delighted to see me as I was seeing her,

I set aside my bag and lunch box and was going towards her where she called out "Daddy" for the first time to my musical ears and then she laughed some more.

What a joy to hear her make legible sounds and words. Language is truly beautiful and when two can bond with visible words and intonations. Its a blissful feeling all together.

She said the same word again later at night on the bed, and I was over the roof. She has already started saying words like Ta-Tha, and now has increased her forte over english words as well!

Looking forwards to further such conversations with my beautiful goddess. Her smile and laugh and now words make the world and existence divine.

Love and Peace! 

Molding Consciousness ~ Metrices to Behold!

What does consciousness have the need to create, suffer, die intermittently (fall in an alternate dream only to wake up in another one) timelessly?
What could be the motive for this intensity in being in the strait coat of space and time. What could be achieved (though consciousness doesn't require a true motive) with such Maya and actions?

Perhaps its a process of molding that is at work here - the true work of consciousness is to continuously mold itself finer and finer (Something like a perpetual motion machine). There is no compulsiveness to this, and not even an understanding of the final product.
Consciousness is power, its energy - refined from dark energy. Energy which is entirety itself -which forms the mind and then the restrictions and constrictions which are a part of the mind.
Energy (without the restrictions of any sort) continuously churns itself - not as an action but as a being - it is kind of unfathomable. There is like I said before, no compulsion - motivation or rationale behind this kind of being. There may be also no motion, movement or activity which causes energy to churn in this manner.

This causes consciousness to come out of the darkness (somehow consciousness has one trait - and that is light - probably some part of it is the physical manifestation - but am sure it is an energetic trait at most parts)

Consciousness now spurns itself (as if there is anything else) - and twists and turns further - causing individuality and lifespans to come into picture - and this is does within restrictions it sets for itself - like that of space time and kind of energy - this is where it gets interesting, for the classification of Satva, Rajas and Tamas - is actually the degree of refinement of consciousness.

Tamas is the one closest to raw dark energy signifying the life of Rogi (diseased), while Rajas is red in hue (medium wavelength) signifying the life of a bhogi (consumer) and Satva is close to no color - white which signifies the life of a Yogi (meditator). These degrees now dictate the life of the individual consciousness in a body through the acts of a karma - all the time twisting turning - either refining it or making the energy coarse.
One thing to be noted is that this is all cyclic - but does undergo finer and finer attunements I believe with each cycle. So at the end of a cycle - all individualization would have undergone a complete cycle from Tamas to Satva back to Tamas - but the Tamas now drawn probably would be way more refined than dark energy which was begun with.

So this leads me to understand that enlightenment is a process - yes it is an actual process which has a purposeless purpose. The energy now coming out is god head from the godless nature (Maya / Mother / Base of all)

Enlightenment could be power sources work in progress, where refined attunement to itself (Self - realization) could create maybe different forms of energy - un fathomed by itself!
Maybe the whole play is around this. To suffer - struggle - in an illusion - the self castration created by oneself to make oneself finer / attuned to oneself creates a different outpouring - an outpouring which is not the same as before (though the base remains as dark energy)

This energetic foundation could be the cause of all of creation. The reason why we take births, suffer and die in search for enlightenment.
This may also be the reason why sages do not stop at the seventh chakra - why they say that there are innumerable chakras beyond - maybe to give us a holistic picture of the real process underway.

The way in which enlightenment is perceived is the giving up of individual self for the entire self. For losing the ego for the overall energy to be assimilated - what if this was an ever churning and refining process - not stopping with time or space when the destination is reached, with every tightening of the cosmic screw - the refined energy coming out is causing consciousness to become en "Lightened" in another way.

All this while reading a couple of pages of Supreme Yoga - Yoga Vashishta's master document.

Love and Peace

Mannerisms of Goddess Lasya

The days where I am free, I am kind hearted and let things be. Viewing life's feeble realities; breathing in and out and chanting within.
I wash away my sins and the pain that the cold heartless air brings. Once more I wish to see; my daughter's beautiful eyes gazing at me. Makes me a little numb to the loss of my self. Makes me a little more loving as a human without intent.

I pray that she will be fine, I love her more than this life itself. She will become who she is, walk away and maybe turn once or not. Everyday away from her while working or being is pain and I practice mindful meditation and be at peace.
All I want to do is spend more of my life with her. Play and tell her tales of this world she is born unto. So she may one day tell me what all she saw when she saw things in the world (like all of us) for the very first time!

I have realized I know nothing,
                                                 for a new life brings the love that one cannot even start to comprehend before time.
                  This is a miracle, nothing short of it I know. Where life has given so much and still begs to give more.

Some of her beautiful mannerisms which I would love to remember ;

1. Every morning she will get up with a faint noise, make a little flutter here and there and then get comfortable with her mother, once she has fed and is a little more awake; she will turn around here and there move between her mother and myself in the bed and then turn herself on her belly and now she just sits up at one go.
She used to initially hit me or Neelam on our faces to get up, but I guess she has realized that we are too far sleepy to realize what is happening to us. Now she quietly gets up and moves around till we realize she is good to go.

2. The first thing she does to everyone she sees and recognizes is give a very bright and broad smile, as if she is genuinely happy to see them this morning. It really amazes me, how as and when we become adults we lose this charm - this naivety of actually being happy to see the other person. To appreciate their presence and their uniqueness in our lives. How we just take these things for granted and become disgruntled and remember their vices and not their true selves in front of us.

3. She is a quiet kid by herself, many of the times she plays by herself and only needs people around her to give her comfort. She is not a people's person per say but at the same time she is not a true loner. She seems to at this gentle age recognize the value of social interaction and family yet at the same time is a very headstrong and self driven individual.

4. I take the last point back, she is a shy kid. She takes time to warm up to anyone (though some folks she is comfortable from the first day) and then she isnt so quiet! she is heartwarming, loving and builds on the bond made with each activity done with her. She can be very loud mind you, she has a beautiful god blessed voice and maybe would become a singer of classical music when she grows up. Once she is comfortable with someone - she is very happy with them. So yes, she is logically shy kiddo and I love that she takes time to be with someone.


No, I dont say this to (her future self who I hope someday reads this!) her with any casualness, rather noticing her behavior quietly; I figure she likes to do what she wishes to do (like her mother and grandmothers and even her great grandmothers) and follows what she thinks is right, at the same time likes to be in the company of her family members and even others who comet to the house to do chores. She likes to see Saroja the house cleaner or Usha the cook or even Ramji the driver and smiles at them. She notices Manni's helper Lakshmi and though initially was wary - has come to recognize and respond to her quite lovingly.

Will add on to this as and when she spreads out her cuteness more.

Love and Peace to Lasya Baby!

Love is Hanuman

Love IS

Burning sighs & Symbiotic life

North India's Pricks

Dual nature

Lasya Goddess

Oh How you light up everyday and night for me, your sweet smile and gentle laughter is the reason for which I have taken birth.
What purpose other than to be a part of your life; to hold you in my arms dearly so you can snuggle into my shoulder and look at me with the love I hold for you. There is nothing grander than this feeling.
You brought the sparkle to my eyes, the fire into the cold heart of mine, where you dwell always. I dream of you; of how you have come into our lives and lightened it up with your sweet innocence.
Sweet Nonugochi baby, be the smiling angel that you are always in your life.

Life is tough, and there are times where we feel down; you may face them too but I feel that your gentle touch will spread love and happiness to all those around you and uplift them. I can see this power in your mesmerizing eyes. In your wise actions even at this yonder age, you are the teacher we have been looking for.

As you love and hug your mother, look kindly to her, for she suffered without a word to give birth to you. She never complained and even till the last day when you were in her womb; she wanted to see your sweet face earnest desire. She worked and lived alone the time you were living in her womb and did everything for you without complaining or feeling exhausted even once. She is indeed your source of power and wisdom, your wellspring of love and compassion. You are her image of innocence and you be always like that. (Though you carry her anger with you as well - but thankfully it is as shorlived as your mothers!)

From the moment I saw you, with your eyes wide open wrapped up in a green towel in Jaslok hospital - I could feel that you have taken birth of your own accord and not out of the karmic associations which bind us to bodies and people births after births.
It is you who have chosen your birth time and place, your special view of this world (which we are already getting a special glimpse of) and your actions which will alleviate the suffering and innocence of the many who are struggling to find meaning and love in this world.

Your lovely hair strolling by your side, your beautiful well formed ears hearing everything happening all around in awe. Your big eyes looking at everything of this world with due attention. You are the epitome of beauty and love. You have brought me to my knees in deep reverence for the goddess within thee!

May you grow up with sincere love by your side, may you see the beauty this world has to offer and give back where ignorance accumulates. May your endeavors be sincere and filled with strength to conquer everything against you.

May you never lose your simple charm; and the sweet chirpy voice you address your mom with in love and in anger. May you love your father as much as he tries to love you and forgive him for the ignorant buffoon that he can be or has been.
May you always be the goddess that you are, the combination of Lakshmi, Kamakshi and Saraswati and with the blessings of Lord Balaji - empower the less empowered, and love the unloved!

Peace and Love to you with all my heart my Nonuguchi Princess. 

Man Made Meditation

Beautiful Magik

Repeat till you Suceed

Random Musings

Apathy

Sweat & Blood

merchant of lie

True Discipline

Stambhana

Inexplicable state of being

Once born, and now resound. Once crossing the path now changing your sanity and how.
Looking hither thither; it raises itself to the staff. So it may crucify itself at your ignorant behalf.

It is present in the sky and earth, in your breath and sorrow. Existing without reason, the being-ness is forever anew. Yet it may not come forth at any time, for lifetimes and instances beyond the reason of rationality. It exists shrouded in mystery. In darkness and a step away from the void. Looking for a dimensionless key - to set it free.

You may have seen it on the face of a stranger sometime, in some life. Where there may have existed a hope for something beyond your ignorant needs. Needs which made you come down from the Brahman, and now makes you act in strange ways.

What you call as your personality; your identity and indeed some of you call it your life. Your being here on earth and the only one you care to recognize. This ignorant half self at best makes you go through life run hither thither without sitting in peace. In one place without words in silence looking now here.

The being resounds since the time of birth, like a powerful drum, but without striking of two vessels - the noise is the beat which makes life go in a direction or next. Makes the flower whistle past your nostrils and may you smell it blessed. All this is in the hands of the hand less, the minds of the mindless and of course souls who possess demons in them

It is without need for existence, it is without the need for being born. There is no consensus of what is and what is not. There seems to be no end to it in terms of any dimension which can be accounted. It is bliss and inexplicable.

For the saints, it is the only way of life. For the householder a name to recount in times of distress, for the youthful a figment of imagination and for the dead - truth in manifold terms.
For the young'uns whose eyes mirror this indeed strange explanation of experience - it could be the closest one could come to the nature of this state of being.

What you know about this stranger that is yourself - you will repeat to find as long as you remain ignorant. There will be no words which can save the truth from being seen or found. The zen say that it is ether and sky, it is the space between ether and sky. It cannot be seen or found. It cannot be sensed and remain without being sensed. The zen dictates that it is death which forms the basis of all life; it is strange bliss; the foundation of everything alive.

I bow down manifold times, to the strange power that drives us all. In a single tune - a black hole of consciousness takes away multiple lifetimes of struggle. In a single instant - we can be who we were intended to be. But this single instant is a product of struggle unknown. It is because of the ease with which we undergo the pain of ignorance is why we are born to be enlightened.
Zen dictates that we cannot speak that we cannot describe, and even when we can - it is better to be left unsaid. It is better to let go. To let that cannot be; this strange inexplicable ness of being - be confounded to itself.

In a strange dimension of par, where there is no beginning and no end, where life has taken forth strange dimensions and without restraint and where death and life have no boundaries and no bifurcation specific. This strange bliss of being, which cannot be told or showed. Which cannot be seen or felt. Which is everywhere yet nowhere is what is in truth the only thing worth the effort.

So you may sit still or run errant, you may fulfill your desires and trample many others' in turn. You may be silent and you may be all forth. There may be enlightenment in the palms of your hands highlighted or the death of a dog. There seems to be consensus on how this inexplicable state calls forth and takes back. There seems to be no end to the enigma which engages consciousness and then dissolves it back without care..

Peace and Joy

Peachy Princess

At Peace

With each passing moment which we perceive, we are recreating and getting out of fashion. 

Each meaningless glance and stare; surrounded by sheer apathy disguised as mocking care. We as a society have lost our connection to the source 

Sure it was the same before times; man had to slog and strive for his chance, one small window of his emancipation. This was tough enough in a lifetime without losing track but now the disease spread is more infectious less noticeable. A facade of peace is created but without any intention from anyone to live by it. 

This period of ours is probably the most peaceful state which could be had. The wars and lootings of the past will soon be enacted in future, where deaths over our precious "natural resources" will take a genocidal proportion. 

This period of ours is also the least concerned about what peace really means. Sure no one is dying in a conventional war, and there is time for society to do "productive" things - but as we soon realize all this was bullshit, and the way our earth has been raped - there is no chance in hell for us to even embrace peace. 

Peace is to be one with the self, whose self? Your and my self. No label attached but for the sake of even trying to describe - the ancients called it brahman. It is the presence the real self, which makes this maya or illusion work so well. 

To be at peace is a journey to accept things we are, aren't. To be at peace means letting things go, including ourselves, so we may get something different. 

To be at peace does not mean hurting in a physical sense. To be at peace is a spiritual unfolding where one understands that peace is the only attribute which we possess, peace is a sign and reflection of the individual's freedom, love, and uniqueness. 
Unless peace of one's mind and heart is at fore, there will always be anxieties or attributes of weakness which will take over the lives of us. 
Peace is the acceptance and potential energy which the universe is. 
It is Shiva in his meditative state, in jungle away from the so called societal peace and growth. In true sense, acceptance of nature and one's own nature is the only reckoning needed to be at peace. 
But indeed we as mature adult civilization dont reckon that our own peace is of any so called value, after all it wont lead to world peace (why not?) It doesnt win over money, and wastes a lot of one's time to discover their own core (and yes it is at peace). 
So indeed let's not waste time in teaching our young that to be at peace in war and non war, richness and poverty, healthy or dieased is the only thing we need to be or do. 
Everything else will take care of itself. 

Peace and Joy

Dance of Parvati

Life is absolutely thrilling, sometimes a boring line from one source of entertainment to another; while evading all pitfalls on the way and sometimes a roller coaster ride bringing about experiences and events which make up the journey of one's own self discovery so unique. 

These are signs of intelligent design, not by an external factor to one's own understanding of oneself - but merely the self's consciousness taking on what one chooses (or blames) as one's fate and life. 

I have been blessed to become a father recently. The joy of feeling it is sublime. Did I expect it, I didnt but having said that - I welcomed it like a thirsty man finding refuge in an oasis. My soul mate, my love is surely the sign of female energy. While standing and consoling her during her delivery, I could only fathom how lucky I was to be with her seeing as events unfolded to give birth to our beautiful baby daughter. 

Lasya born on February 1st 2017 at 12:14 pm in mumbai's Jaslok hospital, was one of the moments which makes my life thrilling. To be a part of her coming to life. I felt that this was my life's culmination. 

Her eyes wide open as she looked at me and my mother in law. Born on the fruitful day of Basant Panchami - which is an old festival celebrating wisdom and knowledge represented by the beautiful solitary goddess Saraswati. My Lasya too was born to spread the much needed knowledge of the self; and in due time she will teach me and Neelam too the beauty and thrill of life through her presence. 

Now she is over 50 days younger, and her eyes are as big as usual; her hands and legs have started kicking in and she is extremely active when she is not crying or sleeping. She is able to recognize her mother's presence and make innovative sounds asking or speaking in her language. 

The beautiful princess was born with a head full of hair and within the last month and half her hair has grown even further - the more I look at my photos of when I was her age - the more I feel she looks like a beautiful wiser image of this self (which I call my own)

Lasya is a mature kiddo, even at this tender age she doesnt bug anyone until she wants to feed. She makes faces and looks inquisitively to one and all. She understands what is going on close to her and makes early attempts to crawl. She doesnt seem to enjoy her daily baths much but I personally feel thats because of the internse heat which has already started across India. 

I am looking much forward for the mother and daughter to come to Delhi in the next couple of weeks after her naam karan ceremony where hence i can start spending time to listen and love her like never before

Yes indeed, often life surprises us like never before. 9 months of gestation and voila you have a perfect replica of how god looks like to all of us, a beautiful innocent life which wants to attach to all around and spread innocent cheer. 

Lasya means the dance of parvathi, whilst Shiva dances his powerful and masculine Tandava, the beautful mother goddess dances a seductive and spiritual dance to show him the grace she beholds. My child Lasya (not mine in a possesive sense) will epitomize the beauty and grace which Lassyam brings forth. 

Indeed life is quirky, somedays so delightful and others a chore. There are ups and downs and so many spinning arounds that it is possible to get disillusioned with it all, hell I know I have felt like that many a decade by now. Indeed its difficult to see what we have and not compare; but truly each one of us is blessed. To hold something of a transitory and intangible experience in our hearts, processing it at the best we can with our minds and imprinting the bhava in our souls. 

Yes the beautiful goddess has come to teach us all lessons in experience. I will keep my mouth closed and my heart open to experience what life through her eyes and life will mean. 

Delightful and so beautiful - pray that thy life be always filled with love and grace! 

Peace and Joy

Unique

The multifarious complexities which make us who we are. Only to express for a moment and then change and die. This is the beauty of life of who we are,
What I mean to say, is that retrospectively when I think of who I am or have become, the limitations and weaknesses that are unique to this self in this time - are all a matter of how I was brought up or not. What I saw or felt and what I never got a chance to experience ever.

This is in essence the environment which maketh the man. If it was only as simple as that. The soul remains the same of course, nothing of a doubt in that. But who of us is looking to emulate our soul, we are reveling in our unique individuality - inside cosmic shrouds which give us the illusion of wings. The illusion of ego masking as the soul indeed.

How I could have accepted another life, but it is never the case. How everything comes crashing down - one card at a time.
The challenges which one faces, the trauma of lack of love and compassion from when one is born - all this makes the man and woman that we all are. Indeed so many of us are rapists and murders and so less are saints in the real sense. There must be something wrong.
I am not generalizing nor making hateful statements, but stating facts. How earth rotates every day every minute on its access, and not once do we spin around

The center in us remains one and same. There seems to be no distinction in the matter of soul but when it comes to who we define ourselves to be, its a matter of complex energies interacting to form our self - the kind of chaotic mental abyss we descend from, sometimes it feels that there is no bottom to this.

Surely you can look at your world and see the deficiency which defines you, which you believe defines you - the fears and anticipations. Which sums up your personality. But then who am I to speak. The one who is forever to destroy the sense of I. Bringing about my uniqueness to the frame of reference.

These words and labels can only take us so far to dissolve the strings which make us. But then this unfolding of complex life imprints which last only a flash, a fragrence of lifetime of the universe is what makes life so special. All of life.

I have been blessed to accept and create life, there seems to be magic involved. The sense of destroying yourself outside and rebuilding the core or at the least sustaining it, is nothing short of true grace.

Om Nama Shivaya

InTune

So finally intune with what existence is doling out,
or are you and out and about.. looking for the laughing daffofils, sitting in the middle of the lawn

Surely sire you are gone. away from the land where retribution stand still. The land where nothing forever stood still. Surely you are far gone.

I dream of you in my last sojourn with sadness, where you stood with a drink in hand; whistling existence par say through your tune. I stood mesmerized and still.
This is what life speaks to us, ushers in a tune which we were looking for all the while. There where there may be a chance, speaks a chance for a truth to bud itself to life.

Snowing deep inside the trajectories of neurons which beseech the ones wise. There is endless whiteness of activity and no signs of stopping. It seems that life has seen a complete circle back upto itself.

Past a place of where you will stand for an eternity, lies enteral joy. You must just have the patience to endure to feel it all absorb it in your self. This is what is called emancipation by the ancient wizards.

Talking about wizards, brings me to the cross journey of where you and I had met in another form. Perhaps as hooded figures inside thick jungles, looking for legacy and power. Escaping from one form of cruelty of another. To find refuge within the self was our greatest drive and hence I write in utmost sincereity; you will not understand till I pay my two dimes of my eyes..

When is the sunset happening you seem to have asked me, but I had no answer I could not even speak. This truth lies in the horizen of twilight and never ending darkness.

Speak silently to the silent ancient natha. He who has whispered existence into your heart and will take it away from you too. This is not a joke, but the preliminery path to glorious end. For which he keeps your shadow at bay.

Why are you looking, seeking still inside tall dark undergrowth of the hill. Where there is no causation, there you stand peering into never ending darkness. This is maya, this is the true reckoner. This will set you finally free.

Dont believe, me, look inside and path your life enchanted. You will change all of life itself, with those wise small steps that you plan to take. Take it in stride and peace.

Peace and Joy

Projekt Darker Sides of Moon

A long time back, there was the experiment and the satellite around the corner. Many came towards and played on these fertile grounds. Lost knowledge today does not reckon what in reality was the grandest play of our times till date. 

There are 28 major star alignment for the civilizations which constructed this planet for their amusement and advancement. They came here on rotation one after the other; one day at a time. 

Let me not beat around the bush so to speak, and get to the point. The moon up on the horizon which we look for our inspiration has been out there for a specific reason. Moreover the side which we cannot ever see with our naked eyes. 

We have bodies and we have souls. Souls are our holograms of the real selves. Souls are what we are on another planet in another time dealing with different dimensions even. 
And this is a cosmic game - where we pick up a hologram self and cover it with a body (so that we can adapt to the external environment of the planet we be sitting on - it can be of course something other than a planet too)

So this is what strikes me, our forefathers look at the skies and they see it coincide with the amount of days for the moon to wax and wane and then project all of humanity to be one of these 28 star constellation systems which each day of the moon it coincides with. 
It is almost as if every unique day of the moon - there is one star system from where the souls transmigrate to the earth into the wombs and take life. They take on the hologram selves and even the body and come down here to play. 
Just like all of us, who come down here to integrate play around and then give birth to another life form from another planetary system. 

Maybe thats why the moon never shows us her dark side - maybe thats where the pods are - and our real selves sitting playing the video game. Where we create our images and teleport them in our mother's womb. 
For a realistic ride like never before, and when done maybe go back intermittently and reincarnate back into the next level of our journey here. 
Our journey focusing on forgetting and remembering our true selves. The journey of where we came from and who we really are. The play of our selves in the garden of eden and seen from the moon! 

Peace and Joy! 

Sweating Train

I get up like clockwork, check my time left. See my beloved's face sleeping in peace. There seems to be a bit of sanity left yet. Cannot be sure.
Sun's is dawning, veins crawling and there is a bit of venom still instilled in the self. Get up move on, before death creeps up. This day or the next - yes it is around the corner waiting for all without bias

The toil is taking its toll and there is no cure.
                                                                     There is one more born on this hour - beloved's grace godlike face. Nothing going to stop the stands of time. The universe conspiring for the birth to take place and the born to step up and move on. This is the circular evolution of time and space.

Standing waiting for the train to arrive on the station, nothing gonna catch me as a surprise, or will I let it?


Why be born when we are gonna spend all of our precious time on this train station - waiting for that goddamned train, waiting for us to grow old insane; waiting till time swallows us up whole - waiting for someone to get up from their seats for us to save our souls.

I am not dictating another way, but a feeling of unity - that which I feel sitting getting pushed inside the compartment of this sweating train. They come and go - chit chat a little to make one feel a little in the mix and inevitably everyone disperses. I stay quiet till the end arrives, get out slow without anyone dictating my arrival time.
There is subtle godliness in this moment - when the train arrives on the station and whistles past. I get up and rush inside - the zen awakens with a million fly past me jumping hither thither for a inch's space.

As the train jerks here and there, the heads bob up and down - outside the kids rummaging the tracks and shitting their pants on the ground, this may be the heaven once thought about by our gods. This may be the hint of our sweet redemption. Sitting claustrophobic for one to light a match, sitting waiting endlessly for a random station to light up the signals in our rummaged neural track. Sitting waiting for death to cross us over twice or more. Sitting here waiting for our sweat to slowly pour (and mingle unto another)

Now the sun is setting and everyone is back to their matchbox homes, leaving the compartments all on desolation row. In the darkness sometimes I fail to arrive, I sit in the darkness and let myself cry.
Where hence has humanity become the program it now specifies, get up and move inside metal worms to show its productivity and efficiency besides.
I pray sincerely and in between my tears I laugh a little, as if the sweat of the day has become an extension through the tears at night. I pray for calamity to strike and that these trains may stop one day. In between stations and time, leaving people in a delirious limbo - striking delight. That there be spontaneity sublime and people leave their programmed existence even for a moment
I pray and cry and sweat and try and why dont you do the same. Where the train shall stop moving and we be still waiting in the compartment for nothing but the moment to grab hold of us, wreck us and remake us again.

Peace and enjoy the slow train acoming!