Saturday, October 24, 2009
I presents an illusion so gripping, that few find it hard to let go of it. This is a cryptic way of saying that I has been way too arrogant towards life; at least I have seen that. I am trying to mend my ways, but far few often I have done very little good for others, and caused way too much remorse.
I have been brash, perhaps careless with my thoughts and actions, and paid too little heed to what others think or feel or how they choose their life.
I apologize for pain caused to others with or without intention. Though I feel that most of the times in my life I have realized when i cause others deep pain, but i am sure there are many times/situations/people who I cannot recollect. This is my sincere apologies to those as well.
I do this as a part of my cleansing, for I come with nothing and I shall leave with nothing, if I cannot do any good for others, atleast let me of least suffering. I truly believe that. I easily rationalize and feel free of taking responsibilities for my irresponsible actions and states of being. I can drift of conscience if i choose and think that i am justified. I have done this so many numerous times, but I feel that (without morbid seriousness about my life) I must mend these ways.
There are very few close people in my life, ( as is the case with most people ) but I find that these are the ones i most hurt, and i may actually be more pleasing to strangers than to people who i consider one. Something which has nagged my self for a long time.
I sincerely believe in self purification- not in the archaic sense- but in the ways that we can improve who we define or choose to define as I. We were born without identity, yet as we get older we find set ways and habits and thoughts way easier. Way easier than to change. I dont want that to happen. I wish as i get older that i get younger in the way i look at life, redefining it, and sincerely without hurting anyone ever in the process.
I remember many faces if i choose to look back and see who all's soul i might have broken at various times. I don't have malice in my heart any more i think, i cannot stoop low enough to keep a grudge at anyone, i have no one so important that i can detest or spend my attention on hating. There might have been a time when i could have been like that, but i think its the lack of responsibility in executing something which destroys a part of a person is what has led me to hurt people at times. Through time and getting the same end of the stick from people has made me realize that its no use to hurt another to be better off. It only ends up hurting us in return. I want to reduce my share of the burden, I want to reduce the burden i am others, I choose to en-lighten, enliven. Nothing more- Nothing ever any less.
I wish and choose to change these ways. I also believe that truth should be proclaimed, the more we incorporate the way to be in our life, and proclaim it, the easier it becomes. This is my way to mend my ways :)
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