~ Seven Hills of Realization ~

I have dreamt of you Venkatesha. Most of this life. Where were you oh grandeur of existence; With the holy namam showing the third eye. Where were you remover of sorrow; tester of time. Consort of the holy divine feminine - shri who you have kept in your child like heart.

Once so alone and distant - I thought that I was done for; I remained aloof and almost defiant. I thought that the sweet lord of the seven hills was not worth bowing down for. For which god I thought asks from devotees ornaments and prayer, this egoistic material thought was something which kept me back for such a long time.

And all the while Remover of sorrow and fear kept me safe and together near his heart like goddess shri.

I had the oppertunity to go to Tirupathi - arguably the most crowded and impressive temple/place of worship in the world recently with my folks. I have been there innumerable times in my life - but the difference being that this time I wished to be there. I wished to bow and pray and spend my life in sweet melody of his ways. Lord and sustainer of the universe. The keeper of heart, testing many on the way so that they can change as and where needed - to reach the feet of the primal consciousness - Narayana - beckoning each individual every moment.



The journey from hyderabad to tirupathi - overnight by train and pretty comfortable - we reached to a misty mountain bop kind of weather and remained in lower tirupathi the first day - resting and looking to make our move towards the abundant temples present in lower tirupathi.

Our first stop is the temple town of Kalahasti which is some 50Km off from tirupati. The temple is located in Tamilnadu and is a very ancient Chola/Pandya architecture; beautiful and one of its kind. The temple is dedicated to Lord Shiva - and is considered important across the country as remedy from Rahu and Ketu - the head and tale of a demon - which in astrology corrospond to the lunar and solar nodes (eclipses) which affect in turn the mind and body of a person in his life.

The thing is that since young - I have been wanting to see the temple and for one reason or none - never been able to make it. My folks know how many times I have bugged them in this regard, and never got to see the site. This was my time - we reached quickly enough and the beautiful thing being - that it was pouring ney downpouring in between as my mother was chanting shiva strotras and stopping with some beautiful intermittent sunshine - what a wonderful life!

The temple is very commercial with little or no respect to the archaelogical/cultural/mythical aspects of the site left anymore.

The temple runs on the rahu ketu pooja which brings in loads of people and big business over the year, I ofcourse am no better - My rahu is placed in a predicament in my natal birth chart - in the XII house - which hosts the collective unconsious/subconscious worlds. Thus, this means that my life would be tainted at times with some mental problems (which I have been facing on and off) – and the only teaching this would lead to is, is to have faith and not take things so seriously that they impair life itself to progress towards eternity.



We waited for a long time for the pooja to happen – and it kept raining intermittently and heavily the whole time (the temple has many inlets from the roof through which rain kept sizzling down and refreshing us with its view). Finally post the small ritual – we went to see the grand and beautiful kalahasti lingam.

The mythic story goes something like – three animals in present life (Elephant / Snake / Spider) all were shiva devotees in previous life – taken birth to worship this elusive and beautiful lingam. So the elephant used to offer bilva leaves while the snake would guard the lingam and the spider would put a net around it to protect it, and all three used to invariably get in each other’s way. And one fine day in anger – all three killed each other (Spider kills elephant who kills snake who kills spider!)

Shiva is very happy for some reason for them to kill each other (kidding!) but rather with the extreme levels of devotion each one shows and stills in this place as the great Vayu Lingam (This is one of the elemantal temples as well – for the element of Air). Hence the lingam is very thin and very tall (almost more than 7 feet up) and looks magnificent even from a far off distance.

I had a grand darshan along with my family and felt extremely satisfied (at heart) to have made the journey to see what I had been in my mind and soul wishing to see for such a long time. We headed home and called an early day with some good tamil dinner by the side (Tamil meals are probably the best in the world in terms of spice and condiments)



The next day we headed for the local temples present in tirupati – all old and now taken care of to some extent due to the beautiful site present on top of the hill (otherwise like most other indian temples – they would be relics only known to the locals and not taken care of even then).

I went to the beautiful Manga Rama and Kodanda rama temple – the former being at the periphery of the town (which has become very very big as on date – commercialization of gods and men rampent like no place in the world as in india). The manga rama temple is where Vishnu comes as a bachelor and stays and prays to the lord of wealth – Kubera for help to marry his grand beautiful gentle consort – Lakshmi. Kubera then lends him dowry cash for a successful marriage and to repay the amount with interest – the lord of all takes rest on top of the hill where he wishes his devotees well and in return gets sums unthinkable by any to be given to an idol! (it is now the second richest temple/place of worship – post discovery of his counterpart mode – Lord Ananta – padbanabhaswamy in trivandrum who has amassed secret treasure through his devotees with time!)

The other temples were equally beautiful – the Kapila temple dedicated to lord shiva and goddess kamakshi – where these two come to bless and marry the beautiful couple into union, located on the slope of a natural flowing waterfall coming from the top (and perennially), the place looked powerful – but dismayed with the human dirt which has accumalated in the water pool with time – spent time here getting restored before going to the ISKCON conning temple for some food and then headed back for rest time.,

The next day early morning we set out to the top of the hill on our cab – we picked a guy who works with the TTD office and who would help us with a quicker darshan than possible (as we were leaving on the same day and a six to ten hour wait is simply impossible – for my folks). The ride up was extremely serene – the hill is taken care by TTD and also forest department and forms part of the nallamalai ranges (dark forests of Andhra Pradesh). We reached and changed quickly into our dhotis (I did not wear anything to cover my chest – and found out that I was perhaps one in a million who had nothing to cover myself on the cold mountain )

The wait lasted for three hours where my parents and I stood patiently and talked and discussed life as well as others who were there in the line (most of the folks dedicate their hair to lord venkateswara – as a symbol of offering their head and their most respected part of body to the god as a token of their love!) So these folks of course look pretty funny and our conversations continued as we inched (literally) towards the beautiful sanctum sanctoram.



The temple is small in area and has history of being a Lakshmi temple before hand – the idol of the lord is around 11 feet high and there is no confirmed sculptor for the same – the story is that it was found in this manner at a site which is couple of kilometers from the present day temple. The god materialized his form into stone and the same was found by a shepard – till date the shepard family is the one who is authorized to open and close the temple gates though the priests are the ones who do the formal pooja and the informal looting of the cash.

Till recently tirupati was the richest and even after padbanabhaswamy’s treasure discovery it remains in the top richest in the world – but unfortunately a lot of money and beautiful jewellery has gone missing over time and recently discovered findings speak that the mukut and the precious jewels adorning the lord’s face had been stolen and replaced with less costly imitations in the past 10-20 years. Shocking as this god is one who takes such matters very very seriously and attracts punitive action to those concerned. There is not a single person who comes in his presence who does not ask for something in turn – and once delivered – what we had promised to give balaji must be done and promptly – he is one who takes our tests all of our lives – giving us misery and love at the same time. He makes our life complete – with constant trials and tribulations – with victory in humility at his feet and unbounded love in the heart. Such a god is a rarity to find!

The temple still looks the same – but when I entered the inner sanctom with the pushing and what not happening (you do not need to use your own force once you enter the temple premises – you will be whisked away by the pressure of men women children behind) I saw the god and he was looking a bit lack lustre – perhaps because the previous day was deepawali and might have included extended ornamentation. But thankfully got to see the lord for a long time (don’t think much – long time means maximum 5 seconds in front of this beautiful idol!)

Came out and took prasad and then moved on to the the place where the lord descends and sends forth the idol to be worshipped – this is unique as there are 2 stones touching each other – which forms an arch structure – even more unique is the fact that these are sedimentary and igneous rocks together – and only 3 of such kind are present in the world! This is the arch through which the lord manifests himself, a bit further away is where his footsteps were once found in stone (but unfortunately through rampant carelesseness by devotees – the original stone has got disfigured – the photo of which remains, the place is called Chakra Padam). The feet of the lord like stature seem to be over 15 inches or more atleast. Huge feet !

From the arch like structure – I moved forward and making my mother rest at a comfortable place went downhill on foot where in between the jungle – a small rivulet cuts through – thought to be very holy water – people drink and spray it on themselves to cure diseases and misfortune, the other side rises again and one can goto visit a secret small shiva temple which really looks secluded and pretty. My father and I went and spent a moment in peace before returning to get my mom and leave via cab down hill.

Down hill the journey was mellow with the one stop at the beautiful iconic idol of Hanuman – the entire hill is extremely beautiful to say the least. Even if completely rummaged with human beings.

I had a beautiful darshan and the lord blessed me with his presence - this was not some form of superstitious belief or blind faith but an understanding of the power of the lord who removes his lover's sorrows.

Go towards the divine hills - discover and rejoice, there is no place like it, there is no time standing still like my beautiful lord of the seven hill!

Peace and Love

Profound^Magical^Insight

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She came into my life in blink of an eye, I certainly did not take a closer look at first glance. Already so existentially morose and given up the notion of a fresh start - a new love and life. I saw everything day and night - black and white.

She sat poised looking at me from the edges of her small beautiful eyes. She could see what all I had been, given up the world locked in a corner waiting for her gentle sighs. I gently whiffed past her presence, breathed the erotic perfume of her being; and I had to look back a second time.

Profound magical twist - primordial sensual filled with insight. The genes of our forefathers now mingle already engrossed in surreal love making without the need for a body (or two) and confused minds.

I forgot her (or tried so very hard to), left her in desolation and tried to distance my thoughts and the gentle beating of my heart. I wished so hard to remain away; so that she would not cause the eventual dismay (which I have been so used to by now)
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How I wish that I would have been much braver those restless days and long nights. Her thoughts and smile haunted my soul. The anguish of separation was immense and too much to control, and I had but given up on the many who had wrecked my heart and soul. Nothing in control. Life and death - all in the palm of her hand. How I now know.

She came and spoke her free heart to my grave mind. I was expecting the same rigmarole. The ups and downs of conversations without any heart and meaning - how I was proved wrong!
She looked through to my eyes touched my hands; and spoke on the things which had hurt me beyond repair. She looked with utmost concern and then looked away; as if she had suffered the same pangs herself.
Soon I was not able to breathe without looking once in a day at her dreamy eyes, her suave stance, her compassionate sweet sing song voice. I couldn't go through the magical insight so profound now provided to me by mother goddess during the nine nights of revelation and awakening.

Where hence you have come, where hence you shall pay me back - for the moments which seemed eternal but never could last. Time swooped in and separated our love of each other and life.
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There is profound magical insight, the kind which spirals into the mind. There is no will or need other than thine. She left me as quickly as she found me, left me to fend my feebler mind. Not going to happen. I dug a grave and wished at last to rest; to die.
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It has been over ten years, and my nerves have become tired. I tried to end myself and left my mind somewhere in the abyss. A technical vegetable – not interested in the day to day course of furthering my fucking shit life. I took to drink and abuse; of my body and self. For what is the use of saving oneself – when all god wants is for me to waste away. 

I looked nowhere for her, didn't make a difference for after all the eventual goal been reached. There was no other stone left to be upturned. Everything is now done and done over with. I rested my weary head finally. My life already stolen. My death denied. Limbo the only thing I am left with breathing weariness one sigh at a time. 

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I was sitting contemplating my end, so soon to arrive. Sitting pondering near the lake side. Water rippling away gently and draining out life. She who built me with her eyes, destroyed me and walked aside - saw her sitting the other side; looking at me. I was surprised. Jumped a heartbeat and then wished to jump and drown where I stand. 

She walked to me, and I sat weeping at my unfortunate life - the one; one whom loves. Is the one who creates pain. I looked her square; wishing to settle why she has come to destroy the carcass of burden.

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She stood tall; while I sat at her feet. Nothing mattered other than the moments which stood still. The sky shook, like wind blowing fiercely through her hair. Her eyes smaller than ever - shed a tear and it disappeared as soon as it poured. Resting the palm of her hand on my broken head. She said what needed to be said. 

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You have not died my dear love. 

No I have not.....

You have lived past the misery I brought

No I have not...

You have survived my dead thoughts 

If only you knew how you killed me.

How did I do that

By spitting out the left over of my heart. 

I ran for I knew your pain would inflict me

I stayed for I knew that you would run away. For fear captive in your heart and true love you always kept at bay.

How did you realize what it is that I meant to be, 

How did you see what I could never see. 

There was once longing intensity - power and feeling. Love which needn't be. 

Nothing now remains except broken shells - broken battered and bane. 

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 Peace and Love 

Blended Chemistry

 

The colorful facade of life, she – the blessed power mother of void exists as maha maya to fool us till we remain no more satisfied, children who now yearn for a powerful night. A vision only of her once shifting her feet amidst terrible darkness, what pitfalls and fury. A vision of her sitting divine amidst the chaos. This is definitely where we all are headed to hopefully.

But on the way we must take care of our minds, our thinking feeling centres of chemical reactions which define who we are as sane and insane. This art of changing your self, with drastic reactions breaking through. Sitting amidst a peaceful mid night. Waiting for the lover of creation, mother sitting the simha. When everything you believe is alright. When everything you know is not enough. You must shake your mind. Making it a color ful treasure of blended chemistry, the entire mix of which is your tragic and so perfect fully beautiful reminisce of a life. This is mother’s work in the making. She is making the future past and the entire set of chemicals working through to heart. You are defined by her predicament. And if she works through you – believe it to be blessed. Ask grace from her divine feet, through her dancing so gently like tripura sundari towards conscious linga. Blended chemistry is a hard life lived simple divine.

So people dance and shake, drink and bake, walk less than drive and people are not mixing their brain chemicals right. There is deficiency and mosrose life style through time, never enough and never enough time. What are we running to hide, and where hence shall it find us. The answers so direct in a harsh universe of conscious shakti / power.

I am gonna make it shine and dine and then lie down to catch my mother’s inspired breath than no more. And it will be a definition not defined of the self, what i have been hiding from divine’s feet. Only the renunciation of lifetime hopefully worth, rebelling against the broken tide, shunning what should be no more inspired. This is the nature of power, this is the nature of the divine feminine. Where she will rise and devour whatever is held by time, breaking the chemicals of your mind and parading your head around. This is her play. This is her love. And you will exist a part of the parcel of divine existence.

That is so beautiful, the words do no justice. The inexpressible falling over and tiding high. The brain works at frequencies unspeakable, a pure neuro transmitter device, to pick up the divine calling at such intense pitches. The self or I, breaks open and leaves the fascination of maya. Becoming love – existence and power unparalleled. Power giving birth to consciousness and taking it back in her bosoms. This is the power of mother.

Become mad in the love of your self, the one she is, Yes she is feminine irrespective of our gender, she is feminine in a dark universe of dark power. She has no direction or need attached. She is giving rise to experience and love and annihilation. Everything is her third eye. Om Namoh Chandi.

Peace

Navaratri 7 / 2013

Peace

Padma

 

 

Thus it rained, the clouds opened up a nectar called birth. And in the mirth – the fallen pride turns inwards and opens up to be the lover of the lotus. One who shall whiff in his pride, shall surely fall to ground in intoxication of Nama Shivaya. Om

The lotus opening up one layer after another in our spine. One wicked truth after another (who called it the truth I ask) and our spines dance the wicked twist of fate away. Till another day when the lotus is no more. And all our love and laughter would mean just another cloud pouring to a desert albeit a bit too late.

Take heed, and open up each centre. With precise measuring depth, seeing all is illusion and none is real. There is nothing stopping us to reach higher to the throne of delight. Once married, then relive and relish eternal bliss.

What a reward to forsake human desire. To embrace divine heed. Live life pure and see the colors dazzle your brain in turn.

Padma who saw the rain manifest through the pores of her body – reminisced of her younger days. She was surreal and without comparison in beauty. Her eyes showed true love to each kindred spirit which it laid its eyes on. Small slits which emitted the power of reckoning. Her tiny hands healed everything in pain. She poured her tears like the clouds beckoning every moment in patient wait for her beloved lover – divinity to manifest and take over what was left of her. Padma left the love of men, for the love of all. The small sighting of it in our heart. The great endurance of love all around. Blissful and so causal!

Padma now turned inwards opening up the centre, bearing the misery of ignorant thoughts – lowering the vibration – so that she could fall at the feet of her lover. Over and over; without need and temptation to live another fallen life nihilistically. Her heart centre like a beacon – pouring forth wonderful vibrations slower than the last. She raised her energy and merged forth into nama civaya.

<<Some say that the purpose of Padma in our bodies is not to raise the divine outpouring into the highest Centre sahasrara. But in turn the way to leave the worldly misery is to make the heart home. Make it shine in endless love. Where lover’s thoughts preoccupy the entire seasons in shift (in the mind). Where there is no breath when the lover is absent, where there is no life if not at the feet of that one. That one who is perennial and perfect. That one which is the source of us. Who is indeed the us who has not forgotten its purpose of the journey of life.

Padma – a wonderful flower, an esoteric truth. A divine woman showing cataclysmic visions of love. In each and every action and being; amidst the manifold occurrences of this chaotic multiverses. The padma is like the center. Rotating ever so gently – like her who holds the padma in her hand, who loves the padma in his heart. One who is speechless for there was nothing spoken other than love from the start.

Peace and Love

 

Hollow Earth

 

Inside my heart, she leaves a fatal mark. A void spreading through my system. The functions of my life shutting down one at a time. (And the energy rises like a falcon roaring soaring to akashic high’s)

With her casual glance; she changes my life. The life I lead to survive, it bursts forth and flowers into the penance of my one lifetime. Mother graceful – she dreams me just fine.

Indus people say of the layers of the earth (now known as levels of ‘hell’) inside the earth. Where different deities and personas of power reside. The ancient demons of earth and the serpent lords gemmed up wise. Hollow earth is where the real heart opens itself.

What if earth has been inhabited time and over, and those who preside/d moved to the core. Towards the molten fire. Where all things be born and reborn. What if hollow earth is not fiction but the truth under our feet.

The present euphoric, and the dreamtime just fine. We the new – who survive the earth in today’s time. We believe nothing else exists – but oh it does. In neverland below the earth. Layer after layer of dimensional existence. Inhabited with folks like us ignorant of the real reason of the earth (its sublime mystery) and its seven layers below and beyond.

So I leave the pain in my heart where it is. Where it ought to stay as my body shuts down and opens the crown conscious. The hollow earth is within me from where the fury rises. The power of the solar core hidden deep beneath crust after molten crust of lie. I am left speechless as she gives me another glance. My sacred mother, my beautiful lover – and she climbs – rises like a mistress of the conquering mind.

The serpent kings at the lowest layer of hell. They remain poised and they show me the true brutal nature of conscious power. And as they refine – they rise, through the divine egg. Towards the end of the mortal coil. They so limitless, so colourful and sublime. Raise up and down m spine. Leave me besides. True nature insight. The hollow earth of hell is the base from where it may all succeed or demise.

My heart pains for you another day my lover. Why and how you left me I cannot define. The nature of life is such that we complete the journey together and head towards death. Its not depression or a mortal recoil. It is our nature and journey sublime. My breath towards your satisfaction dear divine feminine. So I may ride as you do. Towards soaring heights from the depths of the hollow earth.

Peace

 

The Fairness Myth

 

This article isn’t meant to be racist.

On second thoughts perhaps its supposed to tell us why racism is so much in fashion

I have a conspiracy theory and it cannot be proven. In fact the only way I know my theory holds good is through practical experience (Hell, how else can any theory be proven other than through unbiased experience). Before I continue – I reiterate the unbiased part. I am a part of the human race. And I am a subpart of what I believe to be the indigenous race.

The human race has been far too long torn through strife and war. In fact today – year 2013 is one of the most if not the most peaceful times in history of humankind. All of our past has been marred by continuous strife – and its been always almost an invading army and a defending homeland.

If I go a bit further – I see that most of the world has been colonized by white Caucasian race. The race which explored North American and South; Australia and Asia and not to mention raped the fuck out of Africa.

The indigenous tribes and races of these places almost always have remained rooted to their territory. Not that there were not middle eastern or Indian or Chinese travellers – but they always remained that. Isolated folks who travelled to trade or to learn or spread something. But the conquest and conquerors have almost always been the fabled Aryans.

The gene which I know very little about; yet know enough that it has a particular slot for the experiences of ‘opportunity’ and ‘profit’ more than other races with their particular gene anatomy.

These are the white people who built modern railways and bullets with the industrial revolution. The change towards so called rational thought process and explorative mind. More than any indigenous brown/black/yellow tribe.

Again this does not imply that the local land tribal and farmers would not have fought amongst themselves – but simply that they did not wage war and death in the scale across the world that the Aryan gene has. The Aryan gene is nomadic (perhaps like the alien gene which brought it here to earth)– it moves from place to place and in some cases (Nordics/Vikings) – it is extremely hostile to the point of sublimating its fellow race.

This is the same fascination which brown/black people have with their white masters – to become like them, more aggressive; oppressive; opportunistic and profit oriented. This is what the rest of the world for almost the last 500 years has been trying to do. But the pyramid of genes ends with this almost out of world gene (this is where my conspiracy kicks in)

I firmly believe that human race has undergone genetic modification – with alien species. Aliens yes – the fuckers who come from outer space have come and created lab species (Remember Adam – the white guy being created from god and eve – the white chica being created from his rib – like a genetic experiment?)

Every time I see the white genetic order pop up – I know its at war with the indigenous population. (Where have they all disappeared – see Hollow Earth). 

Now I know why the world follows the white order – it is not a locus of control thing – where I believe that it is destined to happen – or rather why I can see it is destined to happen – for it is true – the blonde hair, white skin, blue/green eyes and utter disrespect to earth and way of its beating throbbing way of life – is truly the myth of our life. Where everything will be destroyed either as profit or the method to reclaim our life. It is all fake – for the white gene – like a disgusting virus – eats its way into the skin of earth, making false claims and beating us down first. Nothing will remain; not you; not I. Everything be destroyed. And I wish it fast. For the earth will not survive. Require a cleansing. Require it now. Require love of the indigenous to spread here and NOW.

Peace.

 

 

A Last Drink to Die

 

The flower opens up its delicate petals. Only to be met wit conceit and deceit (This world’s special seat). Perhaps the innocence has to be shovelled in a grave filled by dirt – for it to really know what it was truly worth?

Walked a hundred miles and a hundred more – looking for a tavern where I may lose my hope for sure. To sit with a numbing drink in my hand and listen to the jester sing about the day’s frivolity no end. To make merry and then fight lose and get bruised. A last drink before they throw me onto the streets for sure?

Picked up from falling stupor - asleep - by the golden dew struck sunlight (too bright). A toothless grinning pauper my friend for the day to dine. Sly conversation and makes merry with the morning flavour of wine. And I devilishly dervish around his words with my heart; opened pedestal by pedestal – giving a match for the sure shot sunshine.

No sin in repeating and replenishing the favour. The maidens refill the cup a thousand times. Many a company I have seen and passed by. But perhaps with you my old friend; A last drink before I die.

Since when does the moth question the flame; or the bee run past the flower on the vase? Since when does the innkeeper refuse the customer for a drink to dismiss his ignorant deeds? I have not known the world’s ways now too sure to start. I have not seen those who will ever give up their drink to the dying souls choosing to depart? (all done wilfully)

Maybe to be taken as a pessimist in search of god to scoff at his creation and will. Perhaps a romantic losing his poignant charm and selfless love to thrill (his beloved). Perhaps the fool who has undertaken experience as a chore (and now wishes for nevermore). Could be yourself in the guise of a body of a man/woman – who doesn’t really know why they are born to die here any more lives anymore.

So I wish for a last drink before I die. Tonight is the only one given to me; so let me drink be merry and say my last goodbye. Tomorrow shall never come with the overlooking plague; war and lovelorn heart all conjuring up some my way. Let me pray humble and kneel on broken faltered knees – look to the northern star, close my eyes and spread divine love through my sweet lips. Press the cup tender, make love and let it go so I may be buried perhaps in an unnamed grave. Somewhere on the periphery of this night tavern where the weary stop to reminisce their lost-ness. Maybe on the edges of a greyed sombre silent night. Giving up one’s life. For the love for the sublime in sight.

Peace.