Heart of The Field

I like these classes, they start you as a novice; keeping in mind that you have to become a master.

Dichotomy is the one class rule of this thing, un-fathomable immense existence (not quite the correct word to describe the being).

Dichotomy is how the being chooses to experience and then dissolve the experience in the time frame of linear time/circular space.

So we are bi-polar beings to my wonder, for our birth and death keeps revolving and never quite resolving itself at peace. This is the breath of Omkar. Of one-ness/none-ness. The dichotomy is the only rule/choice which Omkar adheres to or plays by.

For if there is light – there is immense darkness, and if there is youth there is old age. There is life indeed there is death. This is dichotomy – a supplementary-ness which needs to be there. There is consciousness – and indeed Kali dark power.

This is not something new of course. What I like about the reality of Dichotomy is that our existence and nonexistence are also ruled by this very primeval force. We now believe as we read and indeed I, write that we are residing in existence. Living breathing and shitting our bricks on a momentary basis. This existence shall soon end with the passage of time and decay of life force. Then we jump into non-existence, this means where we do not have any consciousness residing anymore. There is nothing which is calling itself I. (To my understanding non-existence is not non being. There can never be anything such as non being. Everything being a part and parcel of Power. Nonexistence is simply the absence of consciousness. This consciousness is the very axis of individuation.

When we die – we are thrown albeit for a little while (time is not the real measure here, I do not know what could be though) into nonexistence. This experience of moving from being to non being is beautiful – for this defines dichotomy 101. The very rule by which life and death abide by.

When nonexistence has had enough of non. Then it spews out power (perhaps like a generator / reactor) which then starts with a process of processing (funny indeed). It churns like a grinder and refines itself (the being of power now individuated, and its core remains the most delightful). This core – self / eye – I is where we all have come to reside and view the external and internal landscape from – and this experience then further defines our existence whole.

Dichotomy is the axis of power. Power is the being and non being (the field). Dichotomy is indeed the knowledge of the field.

Dichotomy is the heart of field. The beating stage of existence and nonexistence. Without which this writing could not have been possible! 

Peace and Joy

Waves Enter!

They enter into and beyond. From the beautiful shores of nevermore. Waves enter and they may never leave. For Love is the answer and cure of our creed.

I went to goa with the beautiful love of life. We stopped and sat and talked, laughed and made love in the warm cool sea breeze. Went to North Goa, hit mango tree and had a meal after checking in at Anjuna. Then drove as the gentle pitter patter of the monsoon rain flew at us from the skies. Reached the steed downslope present in Vagator, just to see that no one was there. Was very happy to see such serenity – knowing how I had seen the place previous year was how it still was preserved now. (Cannot be sure about many of the natural sites present across the world – man likes to keep revamping or gardening his natural landscape for an obsessive whim which remains forever unsatisfied)

It was ganesh chaturthi / the rebirth of the elephant headed maestro; went to a small temple in Chapora – which was dedicated to a local saint. There was no one and we prayed and bowed in the name of lord, before setting out to view the ever clear clean coasts of western coast. Neelam driving the scooty and I behind hugging away with the wind on our face. Felt like home…

The waves washed our feet clean, and we went to the end of vagator; till the point the waves were right next to the shore and we could not walk on further more. Saw two dogs shying away and I tried to make friends out of them without fail. Suddenly I see an entire group of alpha male dogs surrounding us, they are the locals and they wanted to bite the two dogs close to us. Seeing this these dogs started warming up to neelam and myself (coming close and hiding behind us) and this is when I realized if we were in between these dogs – we would invariably get bit. I moved away quickly and instructed the dog to also leave me through wild gestures and loud calls. As soon as we stepped away, the dogs bit each other violently with screams and howls coming together.

I was on the edges of my attention. Sunset was taking place and I prayed and focused my attention on the glorious sun dipping under the western seas. The rain had stopped but only intermittently. We embraced and then set off to our hotel room. It kept raining all day long and further more furious in the night – sat with a breezer and king’s beer on my balcony till sleep took over.

Yet the waves kept entering; through the seas in the air onto the pathways of our broken heart ways and everything was perfect/ Mellow and surreal.

The next day got up early in the morning and went with my beloved to the beach (Anjuna) to see the sunrise; everything was misty and cloudy with intermittent rains. There was no one on the beach for over 4 hours and it kept pouring. Curlies and Shiva valley were deserted and not a single soul was to be seen. We were in an alter mood and saw a beautiful eagle, alone doing its early morning exercise ritual, standing flying still in the air some 30 feet above us, and we were its silent awed audience. It followed us like the magic totem that it is, there is beauty and grace in its perfect flawless flight. Looking through its camera mirror eyes, looking down us. We were blessed/ we walked till the end of vagator and back, without seeing a single soul. It felt that I was seeing this beautiful beach first time in my life; never seen the place without any humans – always parties and people frolicking everywhere. My lover and I held hands and played in the water for hours without getting bored. We finally got hungry and went back to our hotel room to freshen up and eat something.
We met our friends back in the hotel room when we reached, all getting up after a night out and probably on a hangover. We went for lunch to Brittos, calangute. We had already gone to Calangute the day before amidst the billion Indian wannabes who are sitting there day in and out trying to get a vibe out of drinking and trying to score some infidelity. We were both uncomfortable and almost lost each other in the crowd also, yet we went to one end of calangute amidst the rain – near Aguada fort and sat there making a Shiva lingam (thanks to my creative lover) and praying and chanting to it. This was a beautiful meditation for both of us and we still did not mind that. But now we were going with my commercial friends to a very commercial eating joint in calangute and I was not comfortable with it, to the fact that I felt like not going there again. Yet friends had already started and neelam too was riding and before we knew it – a big pothole covered with muddy water from the incessant rain acted like our instant speed breaker- we both fell and were up in less than a second. This is when I knew how much like myself neelam was, both were fine except for some cuts in our leg. Mine was a bit bigger so I went with my friend Sumit hunting for someone who could get me a tetanus injection and clean up. It was a Sunday and all of calangute was closed on account of Ganesh Chaturthi and extended holiday. Could not find anyone for a long time and then we did – a new Christian hospital in a dingy area but with surprisingly clean interiors (on account of it being new) with 2 nurses who understood my problem and fixed it in a jiffy.

Neelam did not want to come to get her wound treated and she got it cleaned near brittos itself. We went in and started drinking and before we knew it we were high and chilling. Sometime later we moved on from there and to Curlies. Nakul and his wife also named neelam had joined us and we were in a mood to party. Sat in curlies watching the sunset and catching up on old and present times, rain had not stopped but the sun was partially out. Rohit and I then had couple of “Starfish” papers and started mellowing out. It was night time and Nakul had to drop his wife back to airport, myself neelam, Sumit and Amar started for an aimless drive, we saw a small party on hilltop with the rain falling still and decided we will come back later. Started to lookout for German Bakery but it had been closed for over 3 years, which I had forgot. Went around driving for a long time and it was beautiful. Saw two insanely beautiful owls sitting on some form of electrical connection and it mesmerized us. There was darkness abound and after a long time we ended up driving blind and back to curlies. IT was as if the insane starfish had called us back to the origin. We got the way back to hilltop and danced for sometime in spite of my injuries. Till the time we were both tired and went back to sleep

Went to the Chapora Fort early in the morning and saw beautiful view for couple of hours, with no one to disturb us – it was amazing. There was no reason this was not heaven I felt, we both talking to each other, tuned in and sat in awe and rapture meditating at the view. We trekked to the end of Chapora fort – one of the arms which extends out to the west coast. There was the same Eagle -> this time with its extended family -> All scrounging for food and going up and down near their nest. It was beautiful beyond belief. We sat there for almost an hour in peace and love with neelam taking photographs with her new camera.

This time I entered the waves, not to ever return for I was not alone. This time I was holding hands with a goddess. Intense and Naïve. I wish I drown in this love. Thank you Devi.

Peace and Joy

Unmada (BiPolar Life)

Unmaada

Everything is bipolar, from the head to toes. Seam to fucking never ending seam, everything is chaotic and duplicate. One side of the coin and never the end complete.

Bipolar man, enters and leaves quietly without making a sound. Yet the thoughts in his head propound and never seem to die down, what a terrible Life; that it enters and never leaves – one moment oneself and another moment oneself yet completely apart!

The bipolar existence is stretching yourself and gentle naive I. There is miscommunication rampant with a bleak pace to life, all we ever do is get up endlessly run and seem to leave our conscience by the side. Yet we enter church and funerals with black dawned lies, that we are humble and look to god for the bigger demise. Such a profound contradiction with no explanation planned. There is no answer and the haunted question remain as they always have (Spears in a dualistic heart).

Once smitten and then left to be, there seems no end of miserable glee. Bipolar is I; and split thousand directions nay a million more before I breathes its last sigh. All it has ever put up was a frightful show; under a garb of normalcy, under the false streetlight glow. Now everything is as it is, dead and bleeding alive; two sides of life gain their way to two side of the night. You will reap what you sow, unless you are bipolar then you are no more.

Come dance under the strange moonlight, your oneself competing with the other for the grave tonight. But it shan’t end not by a long measure, what you have started your other will take far. What your other ends, is you looking at your sordid reflection tonight.

Unmaada everyone shouts and no one denies, there seems to be two or more under the single third eye. There is a lack of life and souls which drift onto the one body now coming alive, the mind transmitter so sad distraught broken and lamenting doesn’t know which soul controls its fate. Séance and much more conducted to know what has been going on, there seems to be so many ones in a single body. There seems to be no peace and space to be who you were intended to be.

The way we tackle madness, is by becoming the epicenter of this beautiful disease itself. Just let go and exist in a warp space devoid of the mind and its attribute and fundamental design. Unmaada is the condition which precedes liberation.

Become the flower of plague; wallow in the pain that you have made. There will be sadness and non designated grave. You will fill it with awe and wonder my mad friend. There is no two ways about it (The pun is fucking intended). There is no two way about it.

And once over a century when our alter bipolar minds will meet to see how we have been, we shall remain silent and not answer anything undue unless we were cured of this sweet wine insanity.

Peace and Quandary