Profound^Magical^Insight

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She came into my life in blink of an eye, I certainly did not take a closer look at first glance. Already so existentially morose and given up the notion of a fresh start - a new love and life. I saw everything day and night - black and white.

She sat poised looking at me from the edges of her small beautiful eyes. She could see what all I had been, given up the world locked in a corner waiting for her gentle sighs. I gently whiffed past her presence, breathed the erotic perfume of her being; and I had to look back a second time.

Profound magical twist - primordial sensual filled with insight. The genes of our forefathers now mingle already engrossed in surreal love making without the need for a body (or two) and confused minds.

I forgot her (or tried so very hard to), left her in desolation and tried to distance my thoughts and the gentle beating of my heart. I wished so hard to remain away; so that she would not cause the eventual dismay (which I have been so used to by now)
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How I wish that I would have been much braver those restless days and long nights. Her thoughts and smile haunted my soul. The anguish of separation was immense and too much to control, and I had but given up on the many who had wrecked my heart and soul. Nothing in control. Life and death - all in the palm of her hand. How I now know.

She came and spoke her free heart to my grave mind. I was expecting the same rigmarole. The ups and downs of conversations without any heart and meaning - how I was proved wrong!
She looked through to my eyes touched my hands; and spoke on the things which had hurt me beyond repair. She looked with utmost concern and then looked away; as if she had suffered the same pangs herself.
Soon I was not able to breathe without looking once in a day at her dreamy eyes, her suave stance, her compassionate sweet sing song voice. I couldn't go through the magical insight so profound now provided to me by mother goddess during the nine nights of revelation and awakening.

Where hence you have come, where hence you shall pay me back - for the moments which seemed eternal but never could last. Time swooped in and separated our love of each other and life.
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There is profound magical insight, the kind which spirals into the mind. There is no will or need other than thine. She left me as quickly as she found me, left me to fend my feebler mind. Not going to happen. I dug a grave and wished at last to rest; to die.
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It has been over ten years, and my nerves have become tired. I tried to end myself and left my mind somewhere in the abyss. A technical vegetable – not interested in the day to day course of furthering my fucking shit life. I took to drink and abuse; of my body and self. For what is the use of saving oneself – when all god wants is for me to waste away. 

I looked nowhere for her, didn't make a difference for after all the eventual goal been reached. There was no other stone left to be upturned. Everything is now done and done over with. I rested my weary head finally. My life already stolen. My death denied. Limbo the only thing I am left with breathing weariness one sigh at a time. 

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I was sitting contemplating my end, so soon to arrive. Sitting pondering near the lake side. Water rippling away gently and draining out life. She who built me with her eyes, destroyed me and walked aside - saw her sitting the other side; looking at me. I was surprised. Jumped a heartbeat and then wished to jump and drown where I stand. 

She walked to me, and I sat weeping at my unfortunate life - the one; one whom loves. Is the one who creates pain. I looked her square; wishing to settle why she has come to destroy the carcass of burden.

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She stood tall; while I sat at her feet. Nothing mattered other than the moments which stood still. The sky shook, like wind blowing fiercely through her hair. Her eyes smaller than ever - shed a tear and it disappeared as soon as it poured. Resting the palm of her hand on my broken head. She said what needed to be said. 

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You have not died my dear love. 

No I have not.....

You have lived past the misery I brought

No I have not...

You have survived my dead thoughts 

If only you knew how you killed me.

How did I do that

By spitting out the left over of my heart. 

I ran for I knew your pain would inflict me

I stayed for I knew that you would run away. For fear captive in your heart and true love you always kept at bay.

How did you realize what it is that I meant to be, 

How did you see what I could never see. 

There was once longing intensity - power and feeling. Love which needn't be. 

Nothing now remains except broken shells - broken battered and bane. 

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 Peace and Love 

Blended Chemistry

 

The colorful facade of life, she – the blessed power mother of void exists as maha maya to fool us till we remain no more satisfied, children who now yearn for a powerful night. A vision only of her once shifting her feet amidst terrible darkness, what pitfalls and fury. A vision of her sitting divine amidst the chaos. This is definitely where we all are headed to hopefully.

But on the way we must take care of our minds, our thinking feeling centres of chemical reactions which define who we are as sane and insane. This art of changing your self, with drastic reactions breaking through. Sitting amidst a peaceful mid night. Waiting for the lover of creation, mother sitting the simha. When everything you believe is alright. When everything you know is not enough. You must shake your mind. Making it a color ful treasure of blended chemistry, the entire mix of which is your tragic and so perfect fully beautiful reminisce of a life. This is mother’s work in the making. She is making the future past and the entire set of chemicals working through to heart. You are defined by her predicament. And if she works through you – believe it to be blessed. Ask grace from her divine feet, through her dancing so gently like tripura sundari towards conscious linga. Blended chemistry is a hard life lived simple divine.

So people dance and shake, drink and bake, walk less than drive and people are not mixing their brain chemicals right. There is deficiency and mosrose life style through time, never enough and never enough time. What are we running to hide, and where hence shall it find us. The answers so direct in a harsh universe of conscious shakti / power.

I am gonna make it shine and dine and then lie down to catch my mother’s inspired breath than no more. And it will be a definition not defined of the self, what i have been hiding from divine’s feet. Only the renunciation of lifetime hopefully worth, rebelling against the broken tide, shunning what should be no more inspired. This is the nature of power, this is the nature of the divine feminine. Where she will rise and devour whatever is held by time, breaking the chemicals of your mind and parading your head around. This is her play. This is her love. And you will exist a part of the parcel of divine existence.

That is so beautiful, the words do no justice. The inexpressible falling over and tiding high. The brain works at frequencies unspeakable, a pure neuro transmitter device, to pick up the divine calling at such intense pitches. The self or I, breaks open and leaves the fascination of maya. Becoming love – existence and power unparalleled. Power giving birth to consciousness and taking it back in her bosoms. This is the power of mother.

Become mad in the love of your self, the one she is, Yes she is feminine irrespective of our gender, she is feminine in a dark universe of dark power. She has no direction or need attached. She is giving rise to experience and love and annihilation. Everything is her third eye. Om Namoh Chandi.

Peace

Navaratri 7 / 2013

Peace