Still~Rising

Perched Balanced Life

2012-02-05T04:23:00.001-08:00

I recently have been having too much on my mind. Too much is never a very good thing;
I always imagine myself in living a balanced life. Not too spartan and not too complicated. Everything in its limits and everything under the sun to partake.
But recently I have started questioning my inner intent. The philosophy I have taken to reach to here and now.
Cause always something is amiss, something points to dismal-ness. I don’t know how to quite express it. For the person away; afar; my life would be just fine. Balanced as one would see it (though it doesn't seem so, yet the intent is potent I assure). But then I end up getting not what I bargained for. As in the goal/the end product is never balanced. Perhaps its my mind or the consequences of my action- seems to be totally lopsided one which way or the other.
So I gave up philosophy and inner talk. There is no point to prayer and love or even wisdom to live. This nihilistic attitude is not just another life perception. This is perhaps what Sartre or even Nietzsche have been talking about and living as and when they had lived (and mind you; even their lives might seem to be balanced in all aesthetics- but the end product; the consequence was highly controversially lopsided; hell Nietzsche even ended up suffering total dementia which became the cause of his demise).
So the next understanding is how to live balanced and also create actions which are balanced?
I don’t quite think we can create repercussions which can be predicted. A curse and a blessing; the root cause of karma/work and re work are to best of understanding not predictable. Some might curse a particular action while others bless it, creating endless waves of energy flowing in some sort of dimensional matrix (of perhaps consciousness) which go ahead and affect the intended. Some where this is what I feel has happened to myself too; I have created balanced actions for living, enjoying aesthetics and never just overdoing one thing, I do believe in overdoing everything; but the consequences of these and how other consciousness have responded to it, have seemed to make me realize that there is no way to please myself to a comfortable grave.
The best way would be then to go underground, keep silent and shut the inner monotone/dialogue. Stop the entire sequence of events which make the everyday working of ourselves so seamless and forgettable. Raising our philosophy and crumbling them is the way of aghora. Something which is not for everyone.
So to start from where I initially started; I have too much on myself nowadays. That needs to be changed, has to be internally willed to make life totally inconspicuous, so that no consequence dawns its head on any other consciousness around. The act itself should be so pristine and pure, so without malicious intent and at the same time so irrelevant that no one can see any point in creating any attachment to it. This way; I live a balanced existence and at the same time do not cause any undue ripples to be formed in the consciousness; which would affect me again in the name of action.

Stunted Sloths

2012-01-23T07:53:00.000-08:00

Modern human being is an impairment of his original creation for sure. Stunted perhaps the word; as in not in some spiritual sense, for that has always been man’s dilemma.
I mean look at the majority of us city dwelling folk, we don’t really use our bodies much, to work. We use our mouths, talk within our limits, work with our fingers and minds, accomplishing only god would know what (or not?). The other bunch of us stay in completely apathetic existence, where all what we do is work with our bodies from morning to night and another endless morning yet again, sleeping only that much in a night as the bodies fatigue allows. Drowning and snoring in a stupor of cheap arrack (pouch liquor), machines would have much better maintenance time. Running overtime with the body and never with the brain, to feed your baby. To clothe your naked cold dead existence.
I feel, for this. I really do, cause well I am a human being. Like you and so many of You’s out there. We live like animals, claim ourselves divine gods/humans and think in such petty ideals.
I want nay choose to break out of this tyranny. You can also empathize a bit (a lot would help). Stop talking, Stop the world, Stop acting, Stop it all now. We have a chance? Yet to make it.
Any given day, a plant or an animal would have a better life, yea i cannot cure hunger and neither can a random gibberish god from the sky. But I would eat and be eaten truly in the peace of this life. What can you or I accomplish with the best of our talents and scorecards? Our efficiency and productivity with which we build better and best. We are still stuck in a rut, such monotony. Speak for your money all through the day and drink through the night to keep the painful bite (which will become tougher each day) away.
This is a true dilemma is it not, the true spiritual dilemma which I mentioned. The reason for us staying in between pools of filth (literally if you think broad enough lol) and enjoying every minute of it?
Peace and Grace

Bombastic

2012-01-18T06:03:00.001-08:00

Maybe someone “up” there in heaven likes me, or really likes to play pranks on me.
But some days do make you realize how lucky you may be. On the breathing front;
This was the last to last time a bomb exploded in India’s capital New Delhi
There were 5 bombs kept in and around Cannaught Place, which is the center of Delhi; a busy commercial hub with numerous number of shops, arcades and more. The 5 bombs were not loaded, but enough to kill anyone in a 10 meter radius.
On this fateful afternoon (it happened around 12-2, I cannot be sure of the time anymore, as in I would never want to remember). I go to meet 2 of my old college friends there, we decide to meet near regal cinema-one of the oldest cinema halls in Delhi, though its no parking, i park my car in front of the place and sit in the car so no one will tow me and wait for my friends to land up (we had decided that I would pick them up from that location). I wait there listening to music for around 20 minutes and then the place gets to me, as in the traffic, the noise and the entire set of manic people out from the movie hall; i quickly move the car away and park it near the entrance of railway station.
I get out from my car, to call my friends and cuss them for being late *Indian fucking standard time* and in an instant i am deaf. The noise is extremely loud. Everyone is dumbfounded, A bombastic day has yet again begun in the heart of India.
The blast sounds at least a couple of kilometers away; well cause it was so loud and maddening, its effects made everyone stand dead in their tracks. I was totally dumbfounded, I could see it came from inner circles direction, and of course I knew that it was a bomb; but had no clue what the fuck was happening. I instantly call up my friends, they have heard it too, and we are all in panic; they meet me within the next 10 minutes and we get the fuck out of there.
I reach back home, the tv’s are on; causalities are being reported but that's not the end of it, there was also the presence of two more bombs- which did not explode/detonate. The police is on it (it seems)- to diffuse the other two bombs. One is kept in front of regal cinema. The same hall where i was waiting for 20 odd minutes. The place is shown from afar, there are tons of cops and people all at a fare distance, and some bomb diffuse troupe going around tripping on their own balls to get the bomb- they manage to get it unscathed. And I realize; if that had gone off earlier than the other 2-3 which had, I would be not watching TV right now, but would be in it.
That seemed a disturbing enough thought for the day, and I went to sleep. Just another day in India.
Peace.

Attention Spun

2012-01-15T07:37:00.001-08:00

Sources and sinks of energy amongst the living.

Where does attention lead and where is it absorbed. I see in sexual organism that the male dissipated it and the female absorbs it. Consciousness is giving itself away every moment (time is irrelevant) to the power. Power the base of existence. In this vast empty space. Everything vibrates naught, and it remains as all is. In the mist of nowhere.

You see when attention wanes, the corpse becomes prey to the vulture. absorbing it within the beaks of fury. Back to empty space (akasha/void). Attention maintained, remains meditative. Shower your grace breathing like some life form, which is just to say; that you move/vibrate faster than the inanimate space around (you).

It seems so funny; it does believe me; that attention stored in one “life/being” pulls out to another, which accepts and expands it. Then one body will bow down its will, its power to another. For things unexplainable. So beautifully carved.

Women so beautiful, in the limelight and nightlight. They dance sensual wow blow my mind. Pardon my language; but the bunch of wide eyed morons with a hard on for an instant, losing themselves in throws of love (oh so they imagine) are caught in the loss of attention. Energy throwing itself away to create anew.

What a miraculous sight, this is what i imagine realized souls across this vast dark space/energy can see in their eyes, mind or whatever sees in the first place?

Energy travelling within cables and wires; from humans to plants to the entire sky so blue above. Energy everywhere, pockets and whirlpools. Diverting and converging, and somewhere in it; there is multiplication of this quantum of energy. Its being created and destroyed. No quantity but just the expression of infinite attention.

So I started from somewhere and ended up with a different phrase, but it all remains valid. I wanted to divert your attention here and there, with many words and weird experiences. When your attention is thrown off guard, is there a chance. That you get to see the real state of things now.

<< I just listen to music and let the energy show me all the ways how it itself plays with everything around it. Words are absolutely fatal in such a conversation. On such a night. >>

Peace Peace Peace

Raja ~ Ram

2012-01-15T07:25:00.001-08:00

Not many people understand what the ramayana is; as in there are infinite ways to express the story of the moral-man fighting the ten headed ego bloated super-human for a person he loved. But can things be really that simple? As in, what was the story relating to in the first place? Some say that it was about how there was a divine inter-stellar war held on earth, millennia ago, where “god” takes birth as a human archer. He is exiled and lives in the forests/jungles like a hermit. And then he goes ahead to fight a guy who lives on some other shore, who steals his wife!?

It is one hell of a story, and it tries to encapsulate all the personality traits that a man of honor, a warrior and a price should have. After all, these are what stories are here for. So that there is learning and unlearning at the same time;

But I still sense, that there is more to the story; one thing with all the Indian stories is that they are never to be taken at face value, and i mean not in the sense of learning something new, but each and every experience accounted for is for the purpose of rationally showing something to the apprentice.

Rama is a man, who is a sage; who is a saint, who is a warrior (the imagery of warrior is paramount in this story), his wife is nothing and no one other than his personal energy-his shakti- his redemption goddess sita.

Sita is now “stolen” by another adept, ravana- who at times is said to be one of the greatest sages of the time. He was devout; just as rama was. But his ego took pride, did not take heed. That was the downfall of this story as well.

Energy sharing is an impossible concept even for sages? And that is the most disturbing lesson i learn from this story, it is not a conquer over evil or some shit like that, for its known that ravana’s only fault was that he was proud. He was not humble. He took his power to his head. But that is not really evil, its just ignorance. There is a difference; he did not have malign intentions, his kingdom fared well and it is not explicitly stated anywhere that he destroyed anything on the mainland India.

The only reason was that sita was stolen, took against her will? Or was this a fight between the will of two siddhas, two men (gods) who wanted power/energy at their beckoning.

What is to make me believe that lord rama was the rightful controller of this power? When she finally comes to him, he asks whether she is still virgin pure, if she is still his, this was his downfall here as well, as he let his ego, separate itself from this pure divine power (feminine), and attack this energy now returned.

Sita does not take kindly to such ego-istical accusations, and in the end she returns to her mother (her mother is called-> bhu devi/goddess of the earth). This is not by any coincidence, for the serpent energy of every adept- the kundalini’s home is the base centre in the human- the bottom of the spine known as the chakra muladhara which is also known as the earth center (ruled by the earth element). She returns back to where she was raised from and the great story of the warrior ends.

So from such a small instance I can draw alternate conclusions to the story of the fight between good and evil supposedly. For this is a surety, there is no good and evil in Indian mythologies. They are all the time trying to prove the rational way of reaching the divine through esoteric symbols and stories. These stories are perhaps more tantric than one realizes. Generally orthodox Hindus would scoff at this statement, but in reality almost all these stories are over generations made into something with connotations for householders while in reality they are tribalastic and tantric at core.

I am a great devout of Rama, for the word rama itself is a mantra for one of the centres above the muladhara- the manipura chakra which rules the stomach region and is also used to convert digestive energy to spiritual energy; its mantra is also Ra-Ma. This is supposed to raise the energy and generate heat in the body. and the word is such.

On days not so fine, i could also independently conclude that during the epic ramayana- rama the warrior prince was trying to raise the energy to manipura while his own ego took over 10 heads and tried to control the energy sita- this caused the epic intrensic fight within rama, which rama at the end perhaps could not win, even with ravana relinquished, his heart yet not pure could not make sita within him sit next to him on the throne.

A warrior’s life; as I see is very difficult. Its more difficult than most imagine. Ramayana could express such a story as well.

Rama was such a person to me, someone who remained humble and took his energy at par with him, not to his head. But there was something missing still cause the power decided to part from him; or it verily might be that the energy might have fulfilled its work within the warrior rama. She might have ascended all the way to the head, where one final dual was to ensue between rama-ravana, before it was ended.

Peace and Love.

SitaRama

Sing Along

2012-01-07T23:49:00.001-08:00

So let’s us all sing along, perhaps it be our last song tonight or forever. Moments last for eternity.
We were once who we thought us to be.
But why now are we laughing at ourselves/ Make you parade; masked facade
Laughing with a drink in our hands, surely whiskey or wine. When and how did we become so thin; doing it all again, without least bit of surprise.
Look and laugh, jaws drawn wide. Looking like a buffoon in a buffoon's attire. Clothed covered all the fucking time.
Sing along we all shall; in unity of immense passion. Towards the cheerful song that is our lives. Living breathing dancing with skin touching skin. Impulses bringing a chance to live. Investing and not at all interesting, summary in so few words the lives of others and I.
So we cheer up and make merry; laugh joke and trip our hearts out. Without a single abuse or “negativity” attracted. Such a simple life, with the glasses down and spirits up. We cheerfully forget the burden we carry all along. We need to forget it, we need to go back to nothingness. When there is no where to go tonight, or perhaps for eternity.
I give myself up for a chance; even when the odds add up astounding against moves which I made, make. You give yourself that chance as well. And we shall both unite with a sweeter embrace; towards opening up to entire lives, A Dimensional world of wonder. Astounding vision and dream and depth in store. With a sweet smile; with a graceful walk; passion and style. You make yourself be here and now.
Just leave the shame and need at the door; I assure you that you will have a hell of a time. The bar is open for contented experience indeed.

The Subtle Art of Leaving

2012-01-05T10:08:00.000-08:00

Some people may believe the title to mean (it can be read many ways lol); the way to vanish without a trace. Which is also extremely profound to say the least. The ability to be invisible; The ability to not leave a footprint when and where all how all one lived. Its a sorcery almost you could say. The art of doing and being without a breadth heard. This is being a perfect shaman to me. Healing without attention wasted on the medium of the body.
But that is not what I had in my mind yet;
The art of leaving; every thought and action unto itself. Without any lingering. Without any obsession or need. Do you get what I say? Well all of us have. The way something disappears in our life and love. Poof here and now not. Well to leave is to be at peace too right?
You understand where I am going with this? At the end of your and my life. There will be no life, after life, more life, or life unto itself. We accept the ways things change, especially ourselves. Without pity or need; greed or apathy.
Yea, this I can coin as a subtle art indeed, which takes effort and patience. Its to be at peace every time all the time (I learn this as nature shows me that there is no moment I can spend, or do which can be without alertness or aloofness mixed in… sure you must understand?!). Peace is paramount;
Is it not? If there is no peace at heart and mind, then you might as well say goodbye to your worthless spending life.

This is dispassion which the master hari krishna speaks about. Playing the flute and enticing ourselves to give up, willfully! Do you understand what a powerful play that is. Its gives chills down my spine; To sacrifice with no remorse; and no expectations.
So few and far in between our grand species can do this and with such ease! What a subtle art it must be. At this point some think; is there a use for such a mastery in the first place? Why should we just sit and watch by our life go to the grave.
I laugh a bit and chuckle too; see the subtle play, You see masters who understand and realize it with so much more clarity; life’s chemistry; purpose or ultimate goal. And they see that there is not much time till they are no more, and with such precious time they try and master themselves to the extent that they can be a passive yet kinetic observer in any situation. It means to give up to fate/god/reality/power yet at the same time taking the experience with a pill of poison. Our goal oriented existence is not worth it; with our mortality frail and ending every instant. Use this to practice the path of absolute silence. To show your worth, while being humble?
Leave all to nature, thats what is asked. Leave all needs of your life and the tyrannies you have endured. Keep walking straight through fire and make it out with a smile so divine.
Leave your nature; and you will be it. Leave your mind alone, it shall shine and outshine. Leave yourself by the river, and see what a wonderful new day it is. Leave this grip on your sanity; (I laugh so much). There is no use to hang on to a devilish imagination!
Peace All the Way Out Brothers and Sisters. Shanthi Shanthi Shanthi

Faster Stronger Bleaker Weaker

2012-01-03T09:31:00.001-08:00

Something like the movie The acid House
You waned your days and nights, walking never there here and everywhere. You were to reach your destination so clear in your mind. Where did you leave it behind? Where did the rose which smelt so… go? I guess you left it all behind.
The rain pours faster stronger; as you walk on bleaker; ever longer.
On streets and desolate pavements. Without a soul in sight; with your noose hanging in front of your head, all night. all night.
Sure you hit the fast track to success; your money and gold inside that secret crest. You got the moves to show ‘em; the world. Faster and stronger you went ahead without a fucking care to share.
Your dazzling teeth and that bewitching smile (makes us vomit); your health so fine and your mind oh enveloped in dark shine; you thought yourself more sweeter than all the rest. You carried the devils pentagram around your filthy chest. Where your heart ought to have been; beating ever faster and stronger; only lay a carcass waiting to be buried; each day making it bleaker and weaker; how much longer?
You wacked the helpless; prayed for the pardon of your sin and got it out of your head. What a fucking joke you could have been; instead we could only reward your life with complete apathy.
You are the architect of your own demise. Blessed be; that we are not as you; that would be the worst crime. You don’t know who you are yet. But the day you find out *who you are* ; would be your day of judgement; unlike the rest.
Cause we all are going below the ground. Sleeping till eternity ends and wakes us from our slumber sound. You my friend are still at it faster and stronger, working to death for the riches found perhaps only in your head, while your life wanes thick and quick. It is seeking its reward; but all this, your charade, your facade, your hate is making us perpetually sick.
Why don’t you leave my friend? (this world, this existence and all of us indeed) Why are you so hell bent to reach the fucking end. There is no fame and fortune like you so explore. There is only your life ending one day at a time; a fucking chore.
So now I ask, why are you moving ever faster and stronger; cause it looks like whatever you are after is only making you weaker bleaker, causing your demise to be ever longer.. causing us to sicken and suffer.

Creatures Like No Other

2011-12-25T09:14:00.000-08:00

The vast repose of momentary conditioning uncoiling, with the eternal music. There is such exuberance in your movements; subtle sensual and delectable.
I am feeling; rushes so glorious like of yester years. Of stars spangled in the sky eternal. The points combining and weaving stories of your existence as well as mine. In such fragile bouts of love; waning with time.
Equally apart; and at the instant such, coming together again. Below the full moon shining, and the kiss awaiting. The rivers are flowing nearby; waters lifting us. Think about nothing, no one. and the entire existence becomes you; eyes shining as we dance and laugh the night away.
Inside her mind, she loves me like no other. The I is such splendour. So sought after. With every step. with every step dear one, I am one step closer. One step intertwined. What reckoning, do you not see it as well. This is the explosive nature of this kinetic whorl.

Oh you whorl like no other, like no dual I have ever known. Come to my core, in the night where there be no thoughts disturbing us. We are to become creatures of light.
Smiling and kneeling, towards each other; yes yes one step at a time, slowly and making a move like never see before. The dance wraps us up. Drunk on yes the love for the wine. For divine. For the wine.?
Soke in the grapes, and make merry under the tree, yiedling other worldly fruits, something which your tongue knows not, something which you are not. And yet glistening inside you; making you realize. The apple eaten and the wisdom of the snake now forgotton. Make you realize that you are creatures par exellence par light.
Par most realms, yet not even in our minds, where we exist, where we deserve to live. In such torrid affairs, let us counsel the heart. The heart has the property not to lie. To tell the loves way of existence this existence which is being lived by I.
The sensation of grandeur; of the love; of the nausea, for each and all, where ever we are. Whenever we were. The love for the soul. Defining and expanding ever with or without time.
Come sing and laugh, kiss and make erotic noise. Make this existence wake up; follow and raise yourself to your own end, Some things should never change?
Peace and Love.

Human Side

2011-12-24T05:05:00.001-08:00

To tell the truth,
I have nothing forward which I look to. There is nothing which fascinates me. Everything which I held as dear and precious; has turned on its head. There is nothing which is revealing. No mystery and only vanity.
I used to hold this world and its denizens in high regard. I had the feeling of peace and unity in my heart and mind. There was nothing which could take me away from this. And yet it too changed. World and “reality” transformed into its ugly beginning.
I sat on the throne of my demise; and made my grave a little more comfortable. I ate verily from my lies; and tore down the shackles of my own mind. I ran naked; onto the coming train of consequences. Broke down and cried, showed my true human side.
Life and Death, pennies for the ferryman. Looks favourable sometimes and shits head first every time. Lovers united only for the night for by morning, each have tasted the illusion of their selves through the other. So what would you make of all this trivial pursuits? What could I do, but tell the truth and wait for end complete. Simply revelling in my human side.
I have traced my origins. To the stars and beyond. Why be stuck here in this isolated love less life; when travel is what I was meant for? Why stand the mediocre; where I was supposed to shine and outshine a thousand times, why the farce of every day life; when my human side comes to the fore.
Peace

Incomplete Verses

2011-11-17T09:05:00.001-08:00

I kiss you tight. Hold your lips to mine. Sweet scent enveloping us and love taking us out of our minds.
I remember you day and night.
I forget if I am dreaming or alive when I meet your sight.
Somewhere my blood has run out and been replaced by the wine trickling down from your lips.
Into my skin; through my bone; all the way to my heart and soul.
I look up to the sky; birds together flying towards a sensual sunset.
The day we met, looked into each other; Our fates sealed, and no single “I” ever revealed.
Cannot breathe without you; Cannot live without your heart beating together with mine.
Call it selfish, I just choose to call it incomplete without a kiss.
Call it lust, but without you in my arms the sweetest mountain water could not quench my thirst.
Was a lost ship; sailing aimlessly, brought to the shore; by the lighthouse (you) shining forth.
I was lost; heart beating pointlessly till I lied my head down in your loving grip......
I am a pill; waiting for you as my cure.
Please save me; making me a part of you. Please save me; could not go through life without you. Please keep me, fragile and humble. Please take me jagged and whole.
Please please me like never before.

Daily Wage Life ; Or Death?

2011-11-17T08:36:00.001-08:00

Someway what we doing in our day to day life is so wrong. So very wrong. Our lifestyle is directly impacting the death of our fellow life. This is so very wrong.

I work at a factory, A factory which makes liquor for a baron. The factory like so many others of various industries employ permanent and contract labour. The conditions under which these people work; is generally and always pathetic.

Compared to the contract daily wage people who work for a meagre 200 rupees a day for working 8 hours, the permanent labour have it easier; they offhsoulder almost all the physically arduous work to the contract and they have the power of the union backing them up.

It has been around 2 months since I have entered the factory premises as a HR manager. I am generally reserved in my judgements; for it takes a long time to observe all the facets of a particular scenario, but even then it looked that it was wrong to hire people at mere daily wage, or even pay them something more to get such immense work outta them, so that the organization could reap reward *people like myself*, so that the consumers could get something which they did not deserve.

One of these days, during lunch I was called by my subordinate with a rude shock; he told me that one of the permanent workmen had collapsed outside the main gate of factory; and perhaps he was dead. I was baffled out of my wits. I rushed with other people around me, and found that a certain Mr. A had collapsed on the side of the road leading up to the factory. He was aged just 40 +, and looked emaciated. He had recently suffered from jaundice and was cautioned bed rest, even after he said he had recovered and came back to work, my department told him to go get a physical fitness certificate from a doctor to confirm this, I do not know where this person got the certificate from; nowadays doctors easily pass on any and all certificates if you dangle a fresh note in front of them. And for the past 2 weeks odd, he was working as a boiler assistant. This is a physically gruelling job, and you require to be completely fit; even more than a normal workman to endure the heat and constant work load of taking care of boiler requirements.

To cut the long and perhaps repetitive *story of our lives* short. The individual died, by the time he was brought to the hospital. I along with a collegue of mine went to his home later; where his body was kept and offered our respects. The family was shattered to say the least.

I kept my silence strong. My heart stronger.

There is no life here; No life here worth living. I reaffirmed again and again within myself. There is no space on this rock, this earth where we as a race of “alive” beings deserve to live.

We all are responsible for the disparity present. The people suffering and the people busy drinking wine. Such events take place common day in India, or any other country for that matter. That might be the true shocker, the real horror of witnessing any such event. That a man who worked for some 20 years in a place, at the end of his day died in front of the very same place. No reward for life. No joy in death?

Peace to Us All.

The Spacious Coffin

2011-11-16T09:43:00.000-08:00

Resting on posh surface; a spacious coffin occupies the room.

No one to lift it or even see; the coffin remains marooned.

The coffin looks unoccupied; but that's not the whole truth.

Such an exquisite day for it to exist. Morbidity seen fit.

Coffin opens up; and the body of ours lies stiff as a rock. Waiting for it to rot.

Eyes still looking; seeking the truth. Without inkling of knowledge to untie this eternal knot.

There is space inside for another. Recently forgot. Come and occupy.

No one is seeking the unsought.

What is the need for this dazzling cage (the shining spacious coffin);

when the body it so proudly holds as 'itself' is going to be set ablaze.

Why the need for such insight? When wisdom herself will come forward to enslave?

Leave the ochre robe; and the glimmer of hope. Walk into your coffin and shut it intently.

No difference a thousand sunsets seen shall make. For no one will come to dance at your funeral. No one for No one’s sake.

Everyone now marvels looking at the impressive passive coffin. Lying cold as if death was itself dying at the stake. They see the width and the wood, the depth and doom, lying to themselves and twitching abound.

Everyone looking will one day sit on the same seat.

The coffin will engulf the grateful and remorseful just the same.

No one will get to have a say; No one is ever worth their personal judgement day.

Why then shall we all undertake the farce of life. Somebody with a <...point..> must explain

Only to be caged again in a painted spacious grave?

~Peace~

Mountain Abu Splendorous Ambaji

2011-11-16T09:28:00.001-08:00

Travelogue:

I had the good fortune to see and travel to Mount Abu where I could spend a week of my time. I traveled from New Delhi taking an overnight train to the base station at abu. Mt. Abu is one of the few hill stations present in the desert state of Rajasthan. The place is quite a hub for young crowd from mumbai and other places to visit throughout the year.

I arrived early morning twilight; got off from the train to take a cab to start the ascent upwards towards abu. The mountain or rather hillock has a very gentle slope and it takes close to hour and half without hassles to reach the top. The air was fresh indeed, though the hill station is not on a great height. The city was just coming to life with the first light of morning sun hitting this quaint hillock.

The hotel which I was to stay was pretty decently ranked; yet I found it not too hospitable. One thing to remember while going to abu is the water. The water is in short supply and the drinking water is extremely contaminated. I myself fell sick the very second day over there, and suffered a bad bout of diarrhea and had to heal myself using anti-biotics. The bad water is well known and even the locals would not encourage you to consume non-filtered water.

Mt. Abu is a thriving tourist and religious hub for the many lakhs of people who come to visit and rejuvenate themselves throughout the year. There is an approximate city center, which is thriving with local touristy and religious gifts.

There is a main lake which is atop this hillock; its called ‘Nakki Lake’ and its a huge formation. I found myself every evening by the banks of this beautiful lake formation... most people sit at the enterance of this lake; but there is a path which goes around the whole lake, and I took advantage of this, abu also attracts many sadhus; and there are various little hamlets and natural formation inside which you can find scantily clad and at times naga sadhus.

Unfortunately my camera (it was a reel camera), gave up on me for some reason and I was unable to take full advantage of the scenic beauty present in and around abu. But the impressions remain clear and consistently beautiful in my mind till this day.

The nakki lake is overlooked by the Kings palace of the regions known as Achalgarh fort. I was able to see the fort for a brief period of time only as I had quite a number of places to see under my itinerary with limited time as always.

One of the places I decided to check out was the famous Brahamakumari headquarters located here itself. The place they have invested in is a huge sprawling land atop Abu, which has loads of places for people to stay; big seminar and conference halls and of course a massive ‘Divine Egg’ which is their symbol.

I do not know much about this con, but like most other cons I know enough; during my undergraduate days, I have spent time in brahamakumari meditations and more often than not had great fun and laughter posing malicious spiritual questions to their so called master. But as always the most interesting and therapeutically funny part of their operations is their symbol. A chickens egg symbolizing the divine cosmos or some shit similar.

I also took time to go to couple of nearby temples. There is a shaktipith (so called-cause now many temples are simply called that to attract attention), I do not remember what the goddess is called as here, but this is where her lips fall, there is a 20 minute climb by steps and one reaches the top where a beautiful serene view waits for them. The goddess is svayambhu here coming out from inside a natural cave structure. One has to bend down and go inside to see the goddess a part of the wall. The entire temple was extremely serene and emanated a certain peace. Even the pandits were not resembling anywhat like vultures and they left me alone to explore.

There is also the awe-inspired divine Dilwara temples closeby, and I will mention them seperately in a later post.

I also traveled from abu to the rajasthan-gujrat border; where I saw another famous shakti-pith, this time it is supposedly where the goddess’ heart fell. The place is called ambaji; and I landed on a friday and had to face a lot of local crowd comprising of women. Being the heart center, it is extremely crowded; and people asking in turn for matters of heart always visit this area. The entire temple is in marble and the white everywhere gives some hope for such purity to arise in the heart as well. I collected a suveniour from one of the local temple shops (I always like to see these shops whenever I visit a religious center, mainly cause they have some funky representation of the god/goddess in manner of photos or paintings which I like to collect more often than not!)

Ambaji was not exactly specatcular; maybe the crowd and people turned it off for me, or maybe i could not witness and source of power or divinity but overall I enjoyed crossing over the border and seeing how cultures completely change. Rajasthanis and gujrati dressing food and religious beliefs vary widely and how!

I spent a day in Abu visiting the famous Guru Shikhar. This is the highest point in Abu and many religious visitors throng this place for it is supposedly where avadhoota/natha Dattatreya stayed and meditated. There is a steep climb to reach the top (it is easy to climb for steps are plenty but elderly people might find it a bit more difficult) and from there an enduring and perfect scenery ensues. There is no question why dattatreya might have chosen this point to perfect his meditation, in his place today; there is a shiva linga installed and a small temple carved inside a vertical cave structure which is present at the top of the hill (It gets very difficult to navigate inside if the crowd sizes become massive).

There is also an Indian astronomy institute present right next to this location and its quite breadthtaking to see the big radar equipment which is installed nearby. Though I was not able to gain some peace and quiet here, cause of the number of tourists yet I was very very enthralled by the weird and alien landscape that deserts create. While climbing down in my cab from guru shikar; I took a lot of off time; where I stopped the cab and trekked hills closeby, there was a a particular place where an oasis surrounded by hillocks and flanked by a temple were present. It was thoroughly desolate and I spent some time just checking out the rocks and water body. The wind which in the first place has been responsible for these weird rock cut outs to be formed was as strong as ever and it helped me become one with the region and its entitites. (such places are surely not desolate by night, I talked to one of the locals and even he affirmed that this place was holy and required one to visit only by daytime, by night it was quite powerful and required tremendous will to sustain... there are also wild animals which roam this area at night- and hence most locals will not be here)

I also took the cab to some 50 kms away from abu, by now I do not remember the name of the place correctly; but it was below the hill. Situated in a valley and I went there to see an ancient shiva temple. The temple is located in one corner of a Little town which has developed only because of the temple. The shiva-linga is almost non-existent, because there is a small estuary/spring which comes from where the shiva linga is present, it actually inundates the temple coming from the shiva linga. The water of course without mention is considered to have curative properties and the temple boasts of being extremely old (I found very very ancient rock cut outs of gods, shiva lingas half or completely broken and figures which do not conform to the stereotypical Hindu mythology there). I spent some time of mine meditating and enjoying the peaceful village scenery before returning back to abu.

The entire region of Mt. Abu glows in some form of weird energy. The water is toxic, the place is harsh and the temperatures soar or dip to extremes. The elements have played here for time immemorial and at the same time many enlightened folks have come here and set shop (other than the brahmakumaris I mean to say!). It is now a low end budget holiday location for many Indian families and hence even more frustrating for a traveler or seeker to see in peace. Yet I encourage everybody to go there and indulge themselves in the lakes and hillocks, the weird wind and water as well as the age old wisdom they are trying so hard to impart.

Happy Traveling.

Peace

The Journey Up The Ghats/The Annapurna temple @ Horanadu

2011-11-05T06:20:00.001-07:00

Travelogues:

I already figured most people who have graduated from manipal or lived in coastal karnataka would know what I am trying to express by the title.
The time I was still in udupi district doing my undergraduate course in manipal; I had a great many opportunity to see the vast natural beauty in the form of the unique Flora and fauna present. One such time, My mother and I traveled around dakshina coastal karnataka looking for some special temples/power places.
The journey to Horanadu is what I remember as most unique, among the 2-3 days where were travelling daily by taxi to different places around udupi. The horanadu temple lies past the western ghats, so while going from manipal one has to first climb the ghats (which is a treat by itself). The journey takes some 5 odd hours from manipal, after crossing the first set of hills one reaches the towns of agumbe; this route which my driver took me towards the old mining city of kudremukh (which is a sheer delight by itself), from there there is another set of hills which come about; this second range (which I had never seen before- as I had not travelled in depth western ghats till then) were way more beautiful than the first ranges. The time I was able to go, was just after a fresh shower and it was drizzling as usual and always even while we were travelling, the entire range of mountains were covered with dew and all the plants were sparkling wet and looking as fresh as ever. It was a scintillating site for sure, even though I had no idea of how the destination was going to look...
I was definitely surprised, the ranges crossed and my taxi started coming downhill for the second time, and there was nothing in front to be seen as the entire scenery was covered with low level cloud (yes the western ghats are damn low and yet the entire monsoon clouds come to that level- its a divine sight for those who have not witnessed it!)
There is a river which passes by before the temple comes close in the picture, My mother and I got off the car and took some peace time on the banks of the river, the entire scenery reminded me of some quaint local on hills of himalayas, except that the scenery here was dense thick beautiful plantations of mother nature. All covered in dew and mist and clouds! Unparalled emotions started to erupt !
The temple to lord Annapurna mother, was installed by adi-sankaracharya when he was roaming around here. This form of divine mother helps us in sustaining our physical bodies. she gives us food and sustenance in all material ways. The temple when I first set my eyes upon it; was covered in thick clouds. It was a sight to behold, soon the clouds parted and I could find my way up to the sanctum. The goddess looks extremely pretty here and she feeds all those who come to her. There is lunch served which is a 3 course meal in which only rice is served in huge amounts, generally I am not much into eating or doing mundane chores in a place of worship but as she is here to feed her children, my mother and I thought to stop to have our lunch.
They serve huge amounts every serving and by the looks of it my mother and I thought that we wont be able to eat even one serving to its end, and of course wasting food is a sin beyond measure. But lo! to our surprise my mother who is generally a very light eater, could eat all the three servings (huuuge) of rice without the least bit of effort. In her own words “ The rice here is ethereal, it feels so light. No weight which goes to the stomach”
And that is how spiritual sustenance of the mother in horanadu is, the rice is easy to digest and helps in spiritual progress. It is a blessing to have in our hearts and yes even our stomachs!
Its a pilgrims path, so many across this land strewn everywhere. Peaceful offerings of ourselves every which way we turn to. Isn’t it joyous to be a part of divine nature, and celebrating it with a human-divine face.
Give respect and love to what you eat whenever, that is what mother Annapurna asks. The food which you take from her, also must be returned one day; through death and debt perhaps. Offer now itself so that during death; the debt of food does not plague you to remain in this plane.
Peace and Happy Spiritual Eating!!!

Self Governed

2011-11-05T06:19:00.001-07:00

The best form of governance; is self governance. This is a message enlightened folks across the world since ages have been TRYING without fail to impart to us.
Well we folks just don’t seem to care enough to listen; and do you see the consequences? No you still do not?
Well you can pick up a history book, from any corner of this world; and see the truth (I know history books are the biggest lies, but they give you some small glimpse of what actually has happened and repeated time over in any country/dynasty/region)
The massacre at Tien-Min square Beijing? The recent wall street protests? The uprising in China, Egypt, and oh so many African countries? The upheaval of economies across the globe starting from the golden lands like Greece, Italy, France, US?
Are all these problems interconnected?

Oh well for many ‘yes’, and for most ‘Don't care’

But it is foolish not to understand the root cause of everything happening

and just trying to heal the symptoms time over again!

I am trying very hard to contain myself from bursting out in mad laughter. Surely we are capable of better methods of anarchy than this? Oh sorry; we were planning to govern and bring about lasting peace? Do we actually have a goal-plan when it comes to governments and kingdoms and countries?
So this is not a one day process, since mankind has developed an opposing finger, he has been consistently fingering himself with it! lol, Instead of finding a way in which he can live harmoniously with the earth and other beings in it. He has found that he is always in some form of mental ostracizing. He has to prove himself time over to his own self, his fellow species and the entire universe. Well I wont get philosophical. That adds no value (as the world perceives it currently).
Why do we require governments?
We require them, for through governments, we define ourselves. we define Who WE are.
We creatures would not want to think over, to define how we should live. It takes too much effort from our cranium. We would rather just let some illiterate person take charge of our entire lives, the lives of our siblings and kind. That is too sad.
The majority is always right in any government? Why should that make sense? Is there a majority to start with; as far as I see, there are possibilities, but till date I have never seen any 2 people absolutely alike, conforming to the same processes and ideologies and in short the same way to live.
Everyone has their own mental worlds, and based on those, one builds their perfect utopia.
But the governments of recent have build mental models solely on the greed of one or some men. They work towards domination of another, of control of the earths resources, of building stock piles and holding out another in their time of the need.
Tell me why do we need to lend our support to people who take our passivity for a ride? Why do we not up-rise? Why do we not revolt.
I shall tell you why, for the majority alive, revolt is yet not an option, because they are unable to see another way to live. They can see only someone telling them what to do and more often than not, what not to do; and that is defined as life. Most people work, live and die like this. Time over, repeated through history!
This is what the bullshit neo age spiritual writers tell us as a paradigm shift (more often than not, I see the shift as merely shit). But they at least understand that this change; is required if an effect is to be seen for a majority this time.
The governments and their actions benefit only a very minute portion of sentient beings across the world, also because the governments mirror the individual person of the land and his/her thought process, conscious acts, unconscious desires (repressed or otherwise)
There is no easy way for revolt to take place, for unless change starting from within each of us, comes and flows like a sweet river towards endless sea; there is no hope.
For when we understand that we are since time immemorial wallowing in filth. (which we so proudly showcase as our glorious achievements!) and that any change which we consciously administer now will only help us survive a better life, and not just survive is when actually self-governance will take over.
Self governance, in a very easy terminology is that- controlling the self. The self (not a limited perspective of I) but of what the self is. The self can only be realized by negating of the limited self.
Peace.
I state the fact- time is limited and it is the only precious irreplaceable resource we possess. We must stand together, in our fragile hour. To see that no one need control our future or our freedom. We must choose as one. The time now has come

The Serenity of Keesar and Yadagiri Gutta

2011-11-05T06:17:00.001-07:00

Travelogue:

I went to a beautiful quaint little hillock on the outskirts of Hyderabad city recently. The place had a very deep and sensual aura to it, and as usual I was not expecting anything much for it was a religious place for hindus.
Its named keesargutta, gutta in Telugu mostly translates into a hillock, and keesar is another name for hanuman. The legend goes that; after the avatara for good (or something) Rama goes and kills his counterpart Ravana in Lanka, he feels that he has to atone for the sin/karma of killing a learned person (brahamana or whatever!). So he comes to near Hyderabad (actually he settles in the holy jyoti-linga at SriSailam- which is some 100 odd km from hyderabad), and he asks his devotee and friend the monkey god hanuman to go and get him some 101/108 shiva lingas, so he may worship them and atone for his “sin”
Hanuman sets forth and for some weird reason, he is not able to get the shiva-lingas in time and when he returns, he sees that rama has already begun his worship on some other lingas (probably present at SriSailam) on his own. This infuriates hanuman, and he throws these holy-phallus’ away, they land here at keesar gutta.
The temple is ancient, and its blended perfectly between the even more older hillocks around. There are tons of shiva-lingas; all of them which are well built and probably quite pristine and old strewn around this hillock. Some of them are still worshipped by people who come to see the power place, while many are in neglect, because they remain further away inaccessible due to being shrouded by bushes and more recently human plastic garbage *what a blasphemy*
I could see the main shiva linga at the temple and it seemed that many a generation had done worship on it. There was a certain serenity which i could find, and in fact that is the only gyroscope which I use when ‘seeing’ any supposed religious or power place. I landed up on diwali morning and was expecting a huge rush but to my pleasant surprise; there were very few people... perhaps most were enjoying the much deserved holiday in the middle of the week and also because through time I have personally seen, that almost all shiva temples remain barren marring a few important shiva festivals held every year (like shiva ratri and such).
There is a huge hanuman idol as well, which to my best guess was very recently made, but seeing the monkey god is always a heart’s joy; in whichever form and disguise. And needless to say, the entire hill is plagued by this generations hanuman- the Indian recess monkeys, always on the prowl to scare some poor housewife or kid to steal the prasad or even their personal belonging which could be returned in exchange for food.
The fact that surprised me through my visit was that there were such beautiful sights just on the outskirts of hyderabad, and without the normal tourist distractions, the hillock and the adjoining areas reminded me of hampi.. this region has similar landscape to the neighbouring state north karnatakas landscape. rocky and barren and generally very very dry and hot throughout the year.
There are certain other places which one can see near keesar gutta, there is a small temple dedicated to the lord hanuman in the form of Panchmukhi- 5 faced hanuman, which is considered extremely powerful and auspicious to remove any troubles faced especially through supernatural entities. There is some sort of museum adjoining to this area, which has been recently built.. which has a steep entry of some Rs 250/- but one can go in to see some 300 odd main temples of india rebuilt in similar fashion with their history written as well. Of course I did not visit this museum temple zone, mostly because I have travelled to most of the shrines which were probably remade in this museum and i do not like to visit places to see something man-made, I get intense kick of seeing places where man has made some sort of tribute to nature or to power in general.
There is also an old boingir fort nearby keesargutta, I saw the place though I could not climb to marvel its view (its located again on top of another hillock) for want of time, and its a difficult trek up, as the locals informed me later, and I am sure it would be fun for any nature enthusiast to see a ruin atop a hill.
I also had the time (not on the same day though), to visit another religious shrine on a hillock near hyderabad recently, that is called yada-giri-gutta. The place too is steeped in religious fervor and this time for one of the avatars of lord vishnu- the Narasimha/Man-lion.
Narsimha here has come forth in five avatars, mainly and of the avatars is again taken and kept under the cave area by lord hanuman. It seems hanuman has spent quite some time in this region in fervor for his lord.
Narsimha here comes forth in svaymbhu form. He has come forth from a rock which looks exactly like his beautiful ferocious face and body (this was found which was originally a part of the cave on top of this hillock).
He is supposedly the god of physicians and the reliever of all ailments, and many people come here to get cure from their chronic diseases, they stay here for months on end till a cure is achieved at the hand of the loving man-lion form of the divine narayana.
Here too I was expecting the usual temple crowd; the millions of people with no cure in sight coming to experience power and the transformation that might take place.
But I found the entire temple empty, devoid of the stinking flesh and the hope (lessness) it carries. There was a beautiful serenity; a glimpse of true inner peace. The deity was beautiful, a part of the mountain present inside a secluded cave enclosure. The temple priest was exceptional, he had an aura which most of his counterparts do not possess in this day and age irrespective of the god or religion they preach for. The priest explained in simple terms the lord and his forms/rupas/bhavas here. Here is he is fire/agniand the anger/ugra, the consort and union/lakshmi narsimha and divine/yogananda as well as gandabherunda (this is the one which hanuman is said to have installed).
The view from the hillock is amazing; there is a certainty of peace here for sure. Not because of some extended religious fervor but plainly because of the power this place possesses. People still boast that there are lots of saints meditating on hills close by. On the beauty of the lord!
I strongly recommend people visiting these small hillocks on the outskirts of Hyderabad whenever they get the time. Religion or faith is not the question here, the true question is only whether we can withstand the power of peace.
Peace

Shloka For the Neo Dawn

2011-11-04T11:04:00.001-07:00

The expressions so many. I am already heaving under their fire. The lightness they propound me into. Just an expression of this divinity.

---------------------------------~Meditate~----------------------------------

This experience; the moment now between us, must be revered oh sweet soul. Not in words; but in the sweeter silence. This moment between us…. Oh! and I have spoken too much already~

It seems, strange enough *?* that Death does not make a difference only to those who have lived in the first place. It havocs those who have never glimpsed life ever / Psy world?

I have taken myself for a ride, all across this space. Only to swirl myself endlessly like a sufi in ecstasy, stopped to find myself changed here and forever.

You believe in organized god. An organized civilization;race. I only see consciousness mirroring itself in infinite different ways. I only see…. followed by endless laughter merrily dancing away!

I am interested. Only In God, for it tells me what your mind is trying to negate, trying to condense or compose. Your deepest fear is god. The source, womb which we escaped only to wait for it to encapsulate us again. Non existence is the neo god. Annihilation of I in the fire of conscious. Killing of our god, to become who we were.

I am preaching the love for the forest, the beings sentient. who do not require a mind or lust to sense life. I am talking being who we are, meant to be. Are in reality.

We are not distanced from the earth. Oh you people of digital domain. We are born from the sand and vomited back on the surface of this glorious mother, Earth; a sickening rock in Brahamanda of darkness.

The heart of this planet glows, and we recognize, re organize, and re mould the concept of I, inseparable from the earth and sky. from the conscious earth’s boost; we explode into inner space. We fly like eagles and crawl like snakes. To reach no particular destination or experience. To be who we are.

A part of nature and this earth. This lonely rock amongst the darkness all mirroring with alien interference of intelligence, of interspace consciousness, which is again not defined in any dimension like space or time or ego or will.?!?

See what it is; the shloka for defining you and I. Us in this very fragile time of insecure superficial peace, and the calamity of atrocity. The sense; the love; the dance. Where is it now my friends? Drink and fall into the endless pit.

The damned end, but there is none.. that is why I maintain. The less that is said of the holy. Revelling in silence, dancing under the banyan on a full moon night. That is the work of consciousness. That is the melody without a musician divine!

Peace.

ITS ALRIGHT SON

2011-11-02T06:52:00.001-07:00

I just realized something so simple yet so difficult. I apologize; most of the times I keep myself and others in an endless loop; for no good rhyme or reason.

Its not a big deal to die.

Its not a big deal to die.

I find such liberation in these simple words; which hit me out of nowhere.

We all indulge in killing of live beings every single day from roaches to ants to what not, sometimes knowingly and other times unknowingly. I have seen people die in front of my eyes... right from alive to phat! dead… Believe you, me. Its not a big deal to die!

I find such joy in these simple thoughts which now I completely understand, there is no loss, there is no gain, there is no meaning and there is no pain.

There is no end, as there was never a beginning. There was nothing wrong in the first place for us to be born. There is no need, for us to be here. There is no master plan which is gonna get us out of here (too).

There is no love as there is no life.

And its alright son, for it is no big deal to be not alive…

Its insignificant, your destiny and mine. There is nothing significant or poignant in us dying.

No one will care, No one will be surprised cause well you all know, its no big deal to die.

I am happy to take the plunge, I am happy to take my life. cause I finally get it. There is no need to be alive…

No way will I change my mind, No way shall the path divide, for where I have walked. Only thorns have kept by my side. I suffered without rhyme, I cried for a dead god. I mourned for a dead love, for a life gone wrong. I wished to end it all, never to begin it again.

My only sincere hope now as ever before; is to be never be born again.

Only Psychedelic Life

2011-10-23T05:08:00.001-07:00

Every psychedelic experience, is not an end to itself. It is to build a macroscopic picture. Take another look; revisit another land; place yourself in absolute trust; and mother nature will walk with you holding your hand.

Every single human being; goes through life and experiences at times or sometimes or maybe all the time!? experiences which cannot be labelled, or slotted into one compartment in the brain. Though we try very hard. Look very hard, deep within since the time you can remember, the time you were born. And I assure you; that you will find something strange in your own life indeed.

But what is the point to some sort of normalcy and spurts of events and experiences which sometime make us mourn, sometimes rejoice and sometimes be just gratefully thankful?

The times are tough indeed, and that is the true test of the psychedelic experience, people who indulge on it volutanrily are terrible at heart. for they have seen the pain of life and existence itself, something hidden where everything should be gracefully seen and overflowing!

Well, we all indulge in this mass crusade, to hide the truth from ourselves. We mask it by repressing anything out of the ordinary, anything which conflicts with our thinking of who we are. In psychiatry they call it mental models. Mental models are built and sustained. But they can be changed too. And they are, continuously being changed. Sometimes we care to acknowledge their existence; most times we do not even pay attention to what is really going on.

This is the true psychedelic experience, inducing yourself to remember that every trip we take and make in our lives, is to practice. To practice the extraction of serotonin from our own brains. Our brains daily producing amounts of the soma-ras which keeps our world forgetfull and an illusion, a common illusion which we all can delude ourselves and try to be happy. But how can one be happy when one does not know his.her own source. The well which is true potential of being. The truth. Why should we mass hypotize ourselves to live lives without point and invent things to keep our attention at bay from the sea of our true existence?

The psychedelic experience, moulds mental models cleverly; without the mind even knowing it. The mind actually would know it not at all, if it were to live as if it itself did not exist. The state of no-mind creates the true psychedelic experience of living zen. Where we are who we are, graciously overflowing all the time. Without limitations of being and freedom. We are who we are.

This if practiced all through life, through any and all means possible leads us to become masters. Cause we have practiced since time immemorial; not to suppress what truly is reality. But to invent and reinvent it, to create it from our own source, as a source of truth and beauty. Without contempt of indifference.

This is the nature and path of psychedelic life. The pinch of salt is that most times we delude ourselves with the path and the goal so much, that we lose all innocence of living and loving. Free without boundaries. And that I tell you; is the real and only psychedelic experience in this entire creation (or what not) of ours.

Try and practice a ascetic life. Not that I am asking anyone to give the source of their current joy; but to multiply and amplify it, not by the greed and need for more. But by sheer acceptance of reality and who we are. Without boundaries; existing in a sea of now.

Namacivaya

Peace and Love.

Baraka

2011-10-22T10:34:00.001-07:00

Hey Look over here; There is this sudden change in the demenour, of the nerves and bones. There is inflow like never ever witnessed before. I crawl out from the hinges of reality; like a spider, poking my sight through the physical walls, through the sky.

I sense there is great achievement to be had; and well so does everyone if they can see it. There is change so perpetual and insistent, changing our perception and tune of things, changing whatever may be. Lying between here now and eternity.

This is grace! Baraka! my spider mouth jumps up in joy and sings, I become a lucid dreaming snake, strolling in between the jungles of my mind. The confusion and demogogory ends; and has left behind the cool gentle water stream trickling down my eyes.

Such a divine sight; to behold, when I look upon my affectionate care; my former needs vanish and am now propounded into every new being, with a throbbing passionate heart. The heart cries out oh so many times; over and over… in joy and freedom, towards the agony of not knowing or being why?

Baraka my soul! Wishing for what is given for free. Without limitations of space body or even time. She waits in grave silence, waiting patiently and grabbing those rotton apples (oh yet they taste so sweet from the inside), which cannot be eaten or spoilt anew by the changing winds of life.

Come beloved noor; come beloved moon; come ye’ all who are looking at humanity trying in vain to seek grace without a clue in sight. Come and celebrate in my arms tonight; for grace has sought me out! and I shall never leave her gaze even in a million lifetimes!

My sense overwhelms me; I become the cosmic serpent flickering my tongue and tasting the invisible presence of soft smelling ether. Omnipresent and devoid of form. The music invades me and makes me dance to its graceful loving tune.

I dance like a ecstatic sufi! A loving silent mauni of the observation without point! The center of the eye of the storm, and the violent storm raging everywhere right now!

I feel it is time, to let the cat out of the bag and let hell break like baraka.

I only wish that this mood extends upon one and all with the passage of time. For this is the time; the only one, where there is chance of meeting of souls. to stop time and forever let it be in each others eyes. Truth and grace.

Namacivaya!

Trapped Under Steel / The Castle

2011-10-16T19:24:00.001-07:00

The feverish trappings of mortar and brick, all spewed out from the concrete mixer onto the side of the road. The night wears on and the construction crew starts to unload. Everything has been working like clockwork, and the ‘castle’ must be build before then end of dusk. The owner is a merciless tyrant; waiting for one to collapse and fall onto the pavement. He revels in the agony of his workmen, every breadth cursed out, every dew drop of sweat and sweat makes him chuckle in some sort of victory. That his ‘castle’ has been built from pain, that its worth the lives of many, that it is the grandest detail of life in entire history of existence. How wrong would he be?

The moon beckons everyone for a smoke and rest. But the churning and noise evaporates all such desires, The concrete mixers now belch out smoke and dust, the boiler close by chuckles out soot and fumes. The entire field around the site is alive with some sort of anxiety. More and more trucks are making their way to the desolate site. Where some sort of monstrosity is being constructed from bare hands of those way too tired to live.
Aron, one such worker; now in his prime, has seen what his work and toil would yield to become, would materialize as some lunatics victory cry/ How un-important his efforts would seem in reality. In the passage of time, he would be forgotten for building this marvelous castle, no one would even acknowledge his efforts. He would be called a thief for actually help erect this architects masterpiece.
The siren went off, and people huddled together at last, running past their construction equipment to come to get a cup of steaming coffee, the glasses clanged the metal container, and in the cold mist; every one remained just their shadows. Aron saw them all, and finally joined the line albeit last to get his cup of coffee too. Somehow the usual routine did not seem to work for him today. He felt the pinching of divine doubt which could not be concealed any longer. It was bursting forth from the seams. It was completely covering his entirety.
The owner came with his symbolic whip, the register he carried forth. he brought it out and called out a few names, the lucky few who would get their daily weekly wage today. Aron was not lucky again; he twitched and moved to ask the owner once done, when his turn would come!
“Bugger off, you lowly scum and if you once again ask me then i would beat you till never’s end”
Aron had had enough of these endless gruelling days and nights. The past was the filth and the present seemed like a coffin with nails, There was no peace even once dead? Was there?
He moved like shadows amidst shadows, He kept invisible and spoke less and the next whole week he kept about his business more so than usual, none of his fellow workmen could see any change in him probably because everyone was wearier than usual. The castle was rising, abominable in its structure and impressive beyond recognition.
Something is brewing deep within; there is no way that this could be solved by anyone or could it?
Aron had for long been brewing; and brooding. His close friend, simon tried to offer him some reprieve.
“ This is what bums like you and I are meant for; the world is uninhabitable. It is not for the poor or the rational. It is only for those who have sold their soul to the devil. It is for those who have become hypocrites; even to themselves”
Aron knew what simon was dragging towards; everyone in this wretched plant mirrored their lives on the same lines, no individual left; only a mass collective hysteria. It was funny how the capitalistic system which perched on the ideals of every individual to become who they chose to be; actually created this in turn. The present state of events, where everyone worked for only one person; The Man.
Aron had come to the conclusion; after many other repeated attempts to set himself straight. There was no way out of this; other than rapid dramatic change. Change brought upon by real chaos. Real fear bringing upon change in the mentality of the owner. The castle had become the refuge for idiocy and ignorance. And Aron would not take it any fucking more.
He worked perilously and almost invisible. He collected those things which would make him a god in his own eyes. He met with his underground friends; the type of people most would not see in broad daylight. They remained in solitude talking on esoteric subjects in dingy pubs and motel rooms, Aron frequented them now more than ever, though he knew through his being what they were discussing; he himself was never party to their sophist driven debates. He knew his being, and understood perfectly.
But there was deeper melancholy in him now; he sought a solution, a permanent fix to the monstrosity called the ‘castle’.
His friends too picked up on the castle, they talked vulgar about the construction of brick which had no life and yet sucked the life of million others, like the great Egyptian pyramids or the constructions of hindu temples or even the Mayan edifices. To construct something inorganic which took the life of the many others living here and now. What could be a more heinous crime than this in the face of this world?
Aron asked them what to do, even though he knew all along what must be done.
He knew the answers were right when it poured in unison from his anonymous friends.
“The castle must be burnt! The castle must be buried! The castle must be cast back to where it came from! Back to eternal darkness!”
Aron collected invaluable items over the next couple of weeks, something which could make an explosion. Something which would be potent enough to remove what man was endeavouring to create in the first place
Some say that the architect, the mason, the builder have the power of god. They can create beauty and harmony in a world which resonates only with intent of dark chaos.
Some say that the creator is overflowing with the will of divine. Creating what cannot be seen or known until done so already!
Aron did not feel like this now. His home made device was ready; sweat and effort overpowered. Nights working at the dismal castle and days spent in the hope of something fruitful coming about. The day destroying the night. The way it should be.
Aron knew that what he was doing was right. There was something which was pushing him; his will to do this. Though no action in this world is justified or right; but some actions are more willed than others. That is what was happening now.
He piled the explosives at dawn, with the sun rising behind him. There was no one left; most workers drowned in their efforts had already left to get what little sleep they could muster up before being beckoned to the ‘castle’ yet again.
Aron looked at the giant construction; not of some god; but of some sure evil; the owner standing at the parapet of one of the floors of this endless construction. The sun dawning now behind him, and he all gloating and all knowing the suffering of everyone around. Became somehow even more powerful in this... Aron could sense this.
This was the god of old. The Ra and Indra of ages gone. The god which demanded of man, not giving freedom but draining his will and attention against his will, so that something beautiful might come out of it. For what use? For whose emancipation?
Aron lit the match; and continued to look at the evil owner. A spineless creation of the damned, the owner saw him now clearer; and he saw what aron had been up to. Yes he now understood; how the under dog had swept past him; and his impenetrable castle. How one single could cause the cancer, and free the body whole!
That day, even the sun’s glory was felt inseparable to the blast which caused the castle to fall. The castle which only moments before was standing tall. Standing proud, now was piles and piles of brick and mortar. Steel and blood. The owner came tumbling down; and verily he was trapped under steel. The same steel he once thought would become his home. The same steel which once offered him to be distanced from the common, from the downtrodden or the fallen. Now was the source of his own downfall.
The blast was dramatic, the smell of smoke and sulphur made everyone wake up from their homes with a jolt. The day has just begun. And yes it was truly a glorious one!
The castle we build sometimes are in thin air (of our own imagination), these are hopes dreams and loves which we hope to create and/or reconcile in one single lifetime.
The castles which men create; when they become old and fixed in some sort of life routine, are indeed dangerous surmountable to fatal. These castles are fixed in false notions of power. That somehow glory and immortality remains in the physical / material plane. For some it is indeed a physical castle, their home or their work. For some it is the false notion of passion and lust.
I have indeed cancelled many such castles which I had hoped to create. I have indeed raised them to the dust where they shall remain. For I rather be free from the false notions of security in this transiting life; than be doomed to spend eternity trapped under unforgiving cold steel..
Peace

THE MAGIK OWL OF VARANAD!

2011-10-16T19:22:00.001-07:00

Oh what beauty there is at the feet of nature, where every single cell is singing a divine song, carrying on a divine role. For every other being’s happiness.

Oh what an act every creature plays in this divine play; A dance worth dancing to. A song worth listening to. Humbled I remain; at the feet of glorious life! Always unlearning what I thought was permanent. Always changing when I thought I had seen it all.
Kerala is god’s playground, the immense downpour of perennial rains; the rich diversity of Flora and fauna. The humility of nature overflows even in the remotest corners.. even in man’s conscience and heart. The people adapted to nature worship for many ages now; everything useful is from nature and extremely eco-friendly. This most applicable to their modes/methods of worship and even the object of their devotion.
Kerala has remained for ages now; the center ground for shakti cult and worship. For people there shakti, and mother *devi* worship is a part of the grand whole of nature. There is no mother and goddess if there remains no nature. This is the simple and age old truth people of kerala have realized.
I had the great fortune of travelling to one such locality in kerala, near the famous Venice of the east *allepy*; some 40 odd kilometers from there is the quaint town of Chertala. Chertala is famous for a number of reasons, apart from it being on the banks of the grand “Vembanadu” lake which spans like a sea almost (as it is actually the backwaters stemming from the Arabian sea), the lake beautiful and pristine has also given birth to communism and the feeling of brotherliness. Chertala is the hub of also goddess worship and I had the excellent opportunity to witness this.
There are two famous temples dedicated to mother goddess here, though I was able to visit only one of them (close to the place I was staying), the temple is in the district of vazhipad; and the devi is called Varanad Amman.
Varanad amman has the form of ‘Bhadra Kali’ , she is in her extreme mood here, unlike her sister goddess located a distance away, where she is not as ferocious. When we describe mother goddess in different forms, it is mainly a mood of nature we are worshipping. A mood or a state of creation or dissolution. Here the mother is stronger than the rest, here she remains in perpetual state of dissolving everything she has created, and at the same time upholding all things till the time comes for them to merge back.
Oh She is divine, par divine! I have never witnessed anything such. The eyes of mine; overflowing with tears expressing love and gratitude at everything she has every done for me. She knows what a spoilt brat I am, always challenging existence and energy. I have never taken anything from her but her grace. Oh she knows my inner being; Oh she saw me that day when I first set my humbled life in front of her, oh she knew it that day when my unworthy gaze set upon itself the divine miracle that were her beautiful awe inspiring feet!
I flew into Ecstasy at arriving upon the little sanctum sanctorum of the vayanad mothers home. Most temples in kerala are not really creations of kings or men who have glimpsed some little power in their life. These temples are generally sources of power where medicine men and tantrics have ‘seen’ power emanating unusually ‘more’ than the rest of the surroundings. So sometimes the temples are extensions from what used to be homes of the priest who lived close to these sources of power, sometimes they are in pristine natural habitat inside jungles, where there might be outpouring of spirit and such.
The vazyipad temple is almost on the banks of the huge lake, now a big temple; i can easily imagine how it might have been in the past; perhaps a humble shack which withheld such insane beautiful energy, there are thousands of ravens close by. The mother kali’s vehicles. They seemed to me as some sort of spirits, who have been close to her for a long time now. There were some 100 odd families of ravens where I was staying. They all used to start screaming their lungs as soon as night fall came about. Which was so strange to say the least, cause birds go to sleep by twilight, and these were completely different. All perched on tall coconut trees, and they immediately felt ‘my’ energy; for the very first night i spent in my accommodation over there was the loudest and strangest. They were up all night calling and screaming at some invisible force for all i could fathom (this was when I did not know that there was this temple close by); perhaps they were urging me to come and see the beauty that was Amman; located so near.
The next day I ventured and saw the beauty divine manifested in gold and metal. The goddess’ face emanates some sort of ethereal energy. She is maha-kali here; she is extremely ferocious and completely un-tamable. And yet; she exudes such motherly love; I cannot fathom even to describe it in words and human understanding. She holds a cup with divine knowledge in one hand, and in the other a divine all seeing cleaver. Which is used to cut one’s head from material attachments. What energy! What power! and I was on the floor in divine rhapsody; howling from within, at what I was at her feet. A miracle of existence and nothing else. A cell glowing from within; the fire emanating her grace~
I went there everyday from that day onwards for the period of a week which I was there( I was there due to some work; otherwise I might have permanently settled over there). The temple exudes power and simple serenity. Oh how can I describe this to the city folk; who believe clubs and busy shopping areas are centers of power and serenity!
Divine mother was magnanimous enough to arrange for my own mother to come and see the temple and meet me as well during the week, my mother had some work in trichur due to which she had to fly down during this time and we were fortunate enough to witness the power and love of Amman together, we both met only for a period for perhaps half and hour; which we spent in contemplation and content inside the temple premises. It was truly peaceful with eternal mother watching over eternal mother.
One of the evenings I went to the temple; and I was taking my usual self around the sanctum for a stroll; and as I completed my first round around; I saw on the stupa which is outside the temple- facing the mother; sat a very beautiful cute small white owl.
The owl was truly gorgeous. It was from another world. Yes it was! It had its eyes open wide; and was staring at me the whole time, and I felt blessed yet again! It was so beautiful to see the idol of mother goddess in front of the stupa inside the temple; and the owl sitting right near me outside, with its eyes wide open staring deep into the seat of my soul!
It really did feel exactly like that, I do not know how long I stood there (it was quite a while) and yet the owl was not threatened nor did it move away, its eyes ever present on me. It was somehow sizing me up; my person and my qualities. Perhaps it was seeing what all had to be removed or remodelled so that I could better serve my mother.
I loved the moments I spent with my magik mother; my magik totem; the animal more powerful than any other. The sacred magical white owl of varanad amman!
It is truly a special place to visit; south of the country especially kerala; where constant- increasing amounts of shakti worship is instigated from ages past unknown. For anyone who has ever felt the love of their mother to be somewhat therapeutic, or perhaps freeing. It is a sure shot bet that visiting any of the shakti-piths in god’s favourite country would enhance such feelings umpteen times more!
Wishing you peace and love unconditionally forever; across space time and dimensions.

Hyper-Conscious Base

2011-10-08T17:04:00.001-07:00

The base; acts like the eternal film. It is keeping us intertwined in a base sense of the word. When the base is acted upon; with other substances. It becomes truly mouldable.

The base is calling out through audio-frequencies. Its a sign of hyper consciousness. Some sort of other dimensional purpose. The base is all there is, and it is the base for all things worth their salt.

The creatures all never penetrate till their base. The base which makes them what or who they are. The nature of existence personified through ignorant energy/will. Dormant and perpetually in inertia. It can never create what it is intended to.

The entire scenery changes, and there are now manifold etheric beings, all surrounding and making their view as one. All focusing on the internal base of mine. They all come together and move into my being. Changing the film in subtle ways. The base is now remodelled somehow, and it is now awaiting for the energy pouring through;

The base acts as the inhibitor and the propagator of glorious things of this world. There is no such experience as the refinement of the base of our being. The base could be your speech or your action; it could be your only fear or your only talent. It could be the way you look at everything; or how everything reflects itself back onto you. Any how the base is what the entire planes of universe is made on. Its hyperconscious and active; it is actively looking out for energy to make the blanket of energy more delicious somehow. So the consciousness which beholds the base could benefit in spiritual evolution and away from material devolution.

I have tasted today as many other days; my base being strengthened by effort and magnanimity of the cosmic will. It is calling forth; refining my being into grandeur; oh so deserving~

Peace

Satanic Pool

2011-10-08T15:22:00.001-07:00

Confounded and lost, the pool it seems has become stagnant. With the obvious. Thought and pattern. Action and repetition of daily movements.

Its a drear; to carry the body around. It listens less with time, and demands more with it as well. There is no end to this the grace full surmise.

The pool is growing thick and dense. There is no clarity penetrating through. Is it not the mental state of you as well as I? Where there is momentary happiness only to be once again forgotten by apathy and lost cause.

The angry and insane, they wear the eyes on the back of their heads. Watching what does not exist, living a lie…

There is such glorious existence, all abound. Without boundaries… there existing no limits or boundaries. No labels or confines. No pool which captures the soul and leaves grime as its ally.

The strength pours through, and life must be made once again what it is meant to be. To be without the habitual routine of life and relationships. Of contact and isolation which exists on the periphery of the divine.

Perhaps words do not make an impact, and actions too erratic cause too much suspicion at hand, but those with their feet out of this satanic existence, vouch never to return to it again.

For what is truly once found, can never be returned. When grace touches the heart; all ignorance is at bay….

Every sunrise an eternity; and every glance at the beloved existence. A rare and unique opportunity. Waking every day anew; facing yourself back in the mirror and not recognizing what it was meant to be in the first place ever. This is true content. This is the way out of the quicksand of our material links and ends.

I am your god, and I command your entirety. Surrender once to me, and never to look back again. At what was your soul; bared on the cross; for the world to see, but now once set free.. to fly as we were all meant to….. Such is the intensity of the cries which awaken within us all.. calling us back to our origins. The holy and raw.

Come and lets drown our sorrows. Replace the stagnant pool; satanic and depressing with the ever new vigour for life. Where there is no death and no suffering, no sad goodbyes, and no sweet endings..

Peace

FLY IF YOU CAN

2011-10-07T11:25:00.001-07:00

Oh so many paths are there; to reach thee.. The servant seeking the master. The lover seeking the beloved. There is such fervor and there is such pain. To what use is there; in misery being cast and misery in reign?

Yes, the paths all have one goal in mind. To reach higher ground, to reach where everyone remains as themselves, without a single false garb of duality known.

The paths are like the ways in which animals tread; some steady and strong like the walk of the ant. Though uncertain in its many moments, moving hither and thither and trying slowly and pain-stakingly to reach higher esoteric ground. Some call this the sure shot path, for this is the way each ant (each one of us) can take through our lives, to inculcate the sense of duty and morality and humility through our actions and thoughts and speech. This is true karma yoga, where there is every act; purified and negated through its performance.

There is also the intense path of the monkey, which jumps from one tree stem to another, sometimes going forward and high, sometimes falling down and taking care. This is the bhava and rasa of the lover in intense separation from the divine love all around. He becomes mad with passion and grace, looking for what the world’s illusion can never give him in the first place. He jumps over himself just like a monkey, and moves towards his divinity; the glorious sun (of the soul). Some call this the higher path, the place where heart takes over thought and action and being all together, but to some it remains just a mockery, for the lover always in some secret heed to gain pleasure from this soul-full pain of being separated from the true one (of creation and life).

Then there is the path of the glorious eagle. The path taken by the most daring, the most needing. For the intensity cannot be held just in the heart. The need to liberate, the need to remove I is like a sure shot suicidal tendency in man. It makes him change himself, so that he may have what he needs most. The grace and feet of the entire glorious existence beckoning him ever and more. This is the path of the aghori. The path least taken and for reasons galore. For if you falter, even once, even half a chance taken and you shall fall to your madness and never come back to the grace of what you call out.. One moment your eyes taken away from the pointless goal and you hit the mountain or the tree of your doom and decimated beyond any recognition. Oh but what a supreme achievement to live out like a free avadhuta. The aghori, always basking in the love and grace of eternal raw creative power. He flies like no one I have ever seen. He remains one with the entire creation. His body exuding the eternal freedom of the eagle. He flies higher and higher in realms which we cannot fathom of.

Some call him the beggar and the madman, some abhor his presence and his existence. But what a true gift he gives to mankind, those who can only see the outside, see only a naked dirty filthy resemblance to a man, but to those who can see truly with the gift of third sight, they can see the naked innocence of life itself unravelled through the body and the matter in front of them, here and now in this visible universe.

I am not to say that every aghori, is like an eagle, treading paths to power. But there are those, in seclusion and disillusionment, looking after us all, through their efforts can ignorant fools like us lead peaceful and dull lives right to the time of our non-glorious deaths. These people, phantoms, power sources existing away from vile creatures like us, continously purifying our efforts to wreck all that is true. That is .

AT THE MERCY OF THE EAGLE

2011-10-07T03:17:00.001-07:00

The sorcerers visualize the world, in such subtle dreams. It bends and becomes everyone’s reality.

Here and now, the shaman is a special warrior. He is the band leader of a bunch of fools; fools for they are all risking their fragile and nimble lives to enter something which might not exist. They are true masters of humble existence.

The nag’ual takes the band into altered states. he guides them and leaves them at the mercy of his allies. The allies, all worth being reckoned with, prove their metal and teach lessons invaluable to the band of hunters and warriors alike. They sweat and toil and many might go insane with the extreme will and effort which the process requires of them.

The will is forged in fire. The fire which is burning from within us all, and everywhere abound. The fire which is consuming us day in and out and making us forge cages with our thoughts. Thoughts which then become barriers for the very same fire to rage on. Soon for most of us, the fire slows down. and dies.

The nag’ual is crazy, he understands that this is not how he was forged. His thoughts do not trouble him anymore. They do not lead him astray to any other plane. He is intent and content, both at the same time. The will is directed and free… such an intense and life changing state to be in.

The nag’ual has but one choice. Well then it is really not a choice at all.. The only way to live, before dying is at the mouth of the eagle. The eagle, fiery and formidable is the entire existence; unlabelled (though for convenience visualized as a holy bird), and powerful is consuming all life through its mouth, consuming sheer energy and then through its incredible wings, again spewing forth this to form endless realms; dimensions and consciousness alive. The eagle is not consciousness, it is extremely dangerous is all what the nag’ual knows. For now he has realized his life’s calling… to be as close to this eagle.. This state of being where even one trigger might lead him to go insane and die. To never be the same again… and yet approach this state and remain so close to it, that it will alter him every single moment. Or just the moment which counts. The only moment which is present; here and now.

The nag’ual is weary and extremely hysterical. He is both joyful and solemn. Such a fine state for a human being to be in. Such potential now shown with utter abandon. There must be something special in him for sure. The band questions him not and follows him with faith. The same faith which the eagle consumes like corn…. The same energy which they all possess is what the eagle consumes as its most delicious food… the refined conscious energy of the universe which the eagle has created in the first place. There is careful paths to be tread..

The nag’ual pushes each one of his friends into the fiery pit of the eagle’s endless raging mouth. Some are too attracted at the endless energy and wisdom and power and knowledge; that they look not here and there even once, before jumping in…attracted to a powerful magnet pulling like a black hole- all energy of IS.

Some do as the courageous nag’ual had asked them to… They stay just at the periphery, almost as if there is resonance of some sort which keeps them at bay, they remain at the eagle’s mouth for eons together, never fading or dying away.. their eternal youth kept alive through the endless energies pouring through them from all corners of this visible universe and beyond. Only when they wish to, will to, and choose to; shall they jump into the great unknown. Never to be the same again. Never to know this and that as they once did… to repeat the eagle’s play once again..

Till then they remain perched; ironically on the birds mouth, with the giant nag’ual who has been there ever since never. He remains at the gates, testing and seeing beyond the mouth and waiting sincerely and with greater faith… for others who shall see as he does to.

To remain as the nag’ual. one must have disdain for the world and its fabric. He must understand, and perhaps give up understanding; about notions which have never been relevant. And perceptions which have never been useful.

Peace and Power to all the holy lovers and shaman’s of creation. Who love through their heart and heal through their hands. Who provide through their eyes and give through their being.

Reference:

A Shaman is:

1) The Eagle of Heaven
2) One who flies as the Eagle into the Celestial Domains
3) One who is capable of spiritual flight

{Less I say}

2011-10-06T00:32:00.001-07:00

There is endless space in between endless space.

There is endless space all around and yet not anywhere abound.

There is existence wrapped up like a chocolate under a veil of lie.

Lies which co-exists with reality like bubbles floating in an endless sea

There is radiance on that divine face; which refuses to fade.

There is life on that fragile body now an empty carcass; rotting visibly decayed?

There should be another way out of this rat race; this endless maze.

There must be some way out of here. Some sort of remedy; A sure shot cure.

Life o’ mine; like a plan devised but strayed to the side.

Life o’ mine could indeed shine if it was worthwhile;

If it were sublime, If it somehow could kill the enemy of mine; surely time.

There is energy on the tip of the tongue; spewing sharper faster towards endless intertwined worms.

There is breadth in the air I inhale. Let it out inside my lover, and there is invisible warm embrace.

There is such deep melancholy in us; I surmise; There is limited time and endless lies.

Life o’ mine; is like a child’s toy, treated with care once and thrown into rubbish the next.

Life o’ mine; could be fair and just, if not for the corrupt; the vain; confused worth worthless dust.

Life o’mine is never complete. The more there is, The less I say.

Peace

Gate keeper

2011-10-06T00:28:00.001-07:00

Ganesha is the most favourable Indian god, he is now a truly global phenomenon, For he is the bringer of good fortune and giver of all boons. He is pleased easily and blesses those who come for his grace.

Ganesha is a gate keeper… He is the person who stands guard for his mother. The Kundalini energy present in every conscious living organism.

The myth of creation of ganesha goes such, that he was created by the dirt on the body of devi parvati (goddess energy), to stand guard while she was taking a bath, and he obeyed his orders to the fullest; not letting his father, master of universe Shiva inside too… this lead to shiva being wild as hell and beheading him, his head later replaced by that of an elephant.

The elephants head is not a coincidence in this esoteric tale.. The elephant is generally timid and wise, it remembers everything and records all memories perfectly till it dies. It is easily satiated and once mad, tramples its enemies to pulp on the ground. All are also the characteristics of the personality of the god Ganesha.

Ganesha has been made by the body of sheer energy for a direct purpose, he must be placacted first, and then he opens the gates to access the mother divine energy… of goddess Chandi/Kali/Parvati/Sati/Kula Kundalini.

Ganesha lies at the base of the spine and before any work to start; his blessings are sought, then the work so done becomes auspicious with the intent of divine will and energy..

The annual indian festivals are also devised extremely cleverly and with pure reason, with the advent of the autumn season comes the favoured and cherished ganesh chaturthi; where ganesha idols are kept in each home (made from mud) and worshipped for a period of 11 days and them immersed into water. And almost half a month later comes the most powerful time of the winter season.. the 9 days of dusshera and devi worship where there is power worship… the right ways to gain power is by worshipping the gate keeper and then following it up with 9 days of chakra worship…

Without the blessing of the gate keeper, it is impossible for us to witness and become part of the universal energy; present within us and all without. Its a beautiful way in which indian festivals have been devised, so that every human being can actually access the gate keeper, get his blessing and move onto discover his/her energy to the fullest.

Indians were not as stupid as they looked, and thankfully so for the entire human race.

Peace and Joy on this lovely Vijaya !! Dushami 2011

One Last Conundrum

2011-10-02T05:00:00.001-07:00

I am about being in zen state. Well to tell the truth, there is no particular state which can be called ‘Zen’, and to further clarify; I do not know or care to know what the originators of the word ‘Zen’ wanted to label as that.
Zen is all states and none. It could be defined or rather ‘labeled’ as the experience of flux energy which gives constancy. We can understand this now as ‘Dyanmic Equilibrium’ or something close to that effect. Zen is both contradictory and dichotomous.
Zen is a meditative state; which is devoid of dimensions like space, time and consciousness.
Zen does not require anyone to be; for itself to exist.
Paths to be zen do not exist; and when they do- they are called as ‘Tao’
We do not become zen. We are always zen, to experience the state well or better; we could do some simple motor-routine activities, which increase certain brain activity while at the same time causing other parts of the brain to become subdued.
I try to practice zen as much as possible. Well you see the problems with words, as zen is and all... there is nothing as practicing it. It just is, but as I am trying to explain a state with fallacies such as words, so you could possibly bear with me as well..
Since childhood; I have a fascination to keep my room and house clean... most people find it to be a chore, cleaning the floor or dusting or ironing or washing clothes or even cleaning dishes, but all these activities to me have a very unique meditative state.
Apart from the fact that I love live amidst clean surroundings, all these activities keep my mind occupied and at the same time the sheer repetition of them gets the mind into a ‘Zen’ state.
The zen state is hyper-attentive, and is also unattached. Its absolutely impossible to explain the state in words. But many Sufi's might describe it as sheer love, in which there is no distinction left. The natural opposites, the polarities disappear and only the macro cosmic picture is left behind.
I have great fascination even with my busy schedule to do my own chores as much as possible... I press my own clothes, try to dust and clean my rooms and what not.. It is a slow and tedious activity; most people would abhor it. Even I do at times, but its really wonderful for the change it brings.
Zen is practiced everyday and every hour, there is no specific postures or actions one can perform to gain and be zen, for in lighter spirit zen always exists. Zen can be only experienced... it can not be known or understood; for zen is; always is.
So still you can experience what zen is. Even though we are without paying attention actually practicing it... we can consciously be zen, by doing simple mundane things as well... should be worth it for all the house wives across the globe who curse that their lives do not have any deep meaning or satisfaction
Peace

No Cause For Concern….

2011-09-30T05:55:00.001-07:00

Take what you need; I have no need for your play-things.

Take what you may; you can never take what I hold most precious to my heart.

Your adoration; Your gaze; Your intent subtle conscious flowing eyes; all captured forever inside the haze that I hold as my life. My memory; stagnant always through the motion of time.

Oh Chandi; You can leave and walk away. You can be victorious in this universe and the many next. Though you can never make me leave you; as I shall follow you forever; in this life or the last.

There is no cause for concern, There is no alarm. When everything is brought back to naught, then there is nothing left to start. You and I have been forever playing this game. This love- game of sorts, where you remain away from insight, and perception plays a fair game in ruining the real from the faded illusion.

Time bound and wasted, I sit in darkness. Everything enveloped by your powerful gaze mother. Everything lies in tune with your hymn. Everything dancing like you wished.

Be ever so kind, so as to let me exist. In this body and another. Where I can worship you; in solitude and peace. Where there is no other, where there is only love. Surely you see what I have been chasing, surely you know how much I suffer. Why would you let me be away, I am always ready to be lost in your eternal life.

What Peace?

Seeing is Being

2011-09-19T06:14:00.001-07:00

There is the vast land; land brought together by fire and ice. And there stands the old shaman, calling out the wind; responding with shrieks and cries. Seeing and being, brought together dimensions apart. The way to perceptions demise. This way points eternal life.

The shaman marooned in silence, has taken recourse to alternate means, he flies amidst clouds like a raven, with eyes sharper than the sting of the cold winter mist. Seeing is his path, seeing becomes the goal. With every passing day the eyesight becomes dimmer and the view becomes grander.

All these ignorant nights, I could not see him, nor you or the world for that matter. I could see the reflection of myself and all the lacking of being in all the mirages that I called imminent reality. The mirage has now drowned in itself; left only the dried bitter consequence called another imminent reality.

How long would you or I choose to fool ourselves and delude ourselves to a simple structured and safe life? When the imminence of death from all sides remains the only driving force truly and permanently.

The shaman sees you and I, perhaps more of I than you. For I realize that the end is imminent and yet sit and gawk at the awkward ways of my life. The shaman laughs hysterically and calls out my name, my name is not important and yet it soothes me no ends. it brings down the house, and raises my grave instead!

See far into the future, he points his fingers and between spurts of true laughter, the shaman disappears from my sight and Lo! behold! re appears as all was. See into the past, and if you have time… See into now~ For when you see, all will dissolve, it will become clear. Clear as water without its presence. Clear as ether without its absence. You have seen me ? He asks without looking directly at me.. I have seen you; is what I reply.

He disappears and enters my entity, when we both have seen what it is. Then what else is there to see instead!? Isn’t that the point and parcel of your wasted life… he asks; That you wanted to see without being. That you wanted to be, where there was endless darkness and no sight?

I look into the abyss and verily the abyss has seated itself in ‘me’ . The abyss has taken its tentacles and planted them swiftly inside my soul. Clamped forever without any feelings and/or remorse.

The mystic and the night, they share the common sight. When the dawn shall rise with the glorious sun, and dissolve them both like they never existed in the first sense itself.

Young and wise, do not remain in the hope of a greater dawn. Dawns and dusks have been wasted forever since the beginning of time. Your only recourse is now to see~ with divine sight, and through such gifted sight. You shall verily be all that you can ever be.

Peace for the hope of greater Life.

LIE AT YOUR FEET

2011-09-07T09:13:00.001-07:00

This is a true account of no real consequence. Such is glorious life.

The night hits and my friend X and I are traveling to a quiet and desolate spot in the crowded city which every human being now in one which or other clings to.

We need to escape the noise and smoke, the constant influxes of mind and matter and filth galore. We head out to one such place, its supposedly near an ‘old airport’ of the city, we get out and my friend closes the car with the keys still inside. The night is getting late.

The amazing situation unfolds itself, I must confess; I felt as if to leave then and there. Yet to acknowledge reality; this was no place a vehicle could be parked for the night, The battery was on and the music playing and soon the car would be dead, arrested unless taken by a tow away.

We needed to think quick, we call some people who say that they can open a car. We think thats weird.. Do we have to just call people on just dial to make people open a car? Is it that simple in this great country. The two of em arrive in a broken down omni, and they fumble to open the car up. No use. They are no good. Now they know that the car is parked in this desolate part of the country, they might take advantage. Brilliant! Both of us cannot go-to get the keys, so we let one stay while other go. Of course I stay next to the car as my friend goes home to pick up his extra set of keys. the night is later still.

The locality is drunk on this Saturday night, filled with people who are on the fringes of society, some on bike drunk beyond belief while others are walking in gangs around watching their world come alive this dark and dingy saturday night.

I sit put near the car, and as the moon comes in front; the night shines even further. I have to wait diligently and with faith that my friend is on his way back or else I am screwed. There is a dargah in front of my eyes, just 10 meters away, in front of the car. The dargah though closed shows the path inside, straight path for the faithful and loving, for the courageous and daring.

There are two cats who jump from the dargah, one chasing the other and both of them are beautiful beyond belief, they make nasty noises while running and climb the walls and go under the car, they fight and one runs while other sits and also gazes like me towards the beautiful green dargah. Its indeed a pretty sight, there are way many people who I feel in my fear are coming close to me, if they see me there, where I do not belong; I feel that my safety and life would be jeopardized. I sit in front of the dargah in quiet peaceful meditation and praying for power. Its indeed quiet. My friend arrives a while later and we get out of the place. The place is indeed dis-quietening to me, I do not know why; perhaps I hadn’t seen such a place even after years of seeing new places; or perhaps something happened to me while I was sitting in that area next to mud dirt and waste. Looking to a beautiful divine sight in the land of god. Perhaps it might have been both. But it was indeed the feeling of being at the feet of someone who could save you from any and all world’s despair.

I wish peace to the entire existence,. Over and Over again.

The ‘Auto’ Junkie

2011-09-07T09:10:00.001-07:00

Auto Man rambles to begin with, drool dripping down his chin and a wicked irreplaceable grin. His face shines within the confines of his moving home, His neck deep in devilish intent;

The Auto Junkie makes you his customer, and drags the yellow turtle slowly alive, wanking its innards raising the courage to begin on a harrowing ride.

Oh the junkie got the dreams, He got the soul and he is going to bare his filthy whole. His nature is revulsion, his eyes beacons to endless state of gore.

He sets the meter and sets the ride, switches on the disco lights and begins his route to nevermore. His speaks in tongues, he abhors the people on the road, his way or the grave it is for sure!

Take him to the circus, he would be an unfavourable chimp but given the power of the faithful turtle, which shits out smoke; he reckons himself to be an auto junkie. Looking forward to the curve and the stone, he travels above all in this material existence of day in and out of chore. He is the auto god. Revving up the world to his way or the highway and taking you on a death ride alongside just for kicks!

Auto man doesn’t know where to go, yet he cannot let himself stop for some respite. he has to make the next deal, go ahead and travel far in his insane greed for more. He is verily an auto whore~

You hold on to the metal grills and pray sincere that this rambling lunatic would stop half assed so you may even jump out, and run away from this lunatic helter skelter. But he won’t oblige, the auto junkie has let the dragon chase him, he has become one with the strange-ness of this auto world

He pushes through and stops finally, you have shat in your pants and the smell amuses him no end. His drool multiplies and his smile reckons of victory, he has won over the sensation of mentally raping someone while charging them for the same. Its satisfaction complete for this re-arranged (not deranged) auto junkie.

Auto junkie is the father of the ‘taxi-driver’, his illusions are national, where each town and its by lane feathers such great hope of reaching the pinnacle of madness and auto freedom! The auto and its rider, the sacred bond which keeps this country kicking and alive.

The auto guy gets out and washes his auto screen clean while waiting to get paid, you whimper to the ground and take out the wallet from your already soiled disgusting pants to pay him for his pleasure of dropping you, of his amusement to greater life.

The auto junkie humps back in, and does not give back the change, he yanks the crank of the yellow turtle and the auto comes to life. His next customer will not be so lucky,

for the auto tripper has his final and most formidable mission at hand, to be a hero in his own eyes. To see everything come down, fall back into chaos and hit the entire deal head on with his twisted, warped, spaced AUTO.

(IF YOU ARE AN INDIAN WHO HAS TRAVELED IN AUTO’S AT SOME POINT. THEN YOU KNOW THE SCENE OF THE AUTO JUNKIE’S MIND)

(If you are an Indian who has travelled with the auto junkie. Then you will sympathize)

Wendigo

2011-08-15T07:03:00.001-07:00

The fear of someone eating another in this day and age (and of lore) is very real indeed. The north American tribes have a legend of ‘Wendigo’ which describes what happens when a person turns cannibalistic.

A wendigo is kind of a ‘Rakshash’ or a ‘malevolent spirit’ who looks angry distraught unkind emaciated always on the prowl; present in regions where its too cold and the land frigid and barren. He prays on human beings, and the more he kills; the more he wants to kill. For he is unlike an animal which hunts only to satisfy its immediate hunger. A wendigo is ever hungry, not for food but for the kill and of course human flesh/innards.

The myth is propounded as a cultural orientation- that the tribes used it as a strong message that no one ought to eat another even when the going gets rough- during times of famine and heavy snowfall. The message is that death is better than being a wendigo- which has greed and gluttony as its saviours. A wendigo shall never wither, unless it be killed or die on its on accord. The wendigo is a powerful anti-human. It shall survive on human meat.

But apart from the cultural aspect, what I am actually interested in is the actual aspect of when and if a person does start consuming human flesh; what happens to him.. do not mistake me for some sort of cannibal. I am a vegetarian and I abhor mindless killing (even of plants) for the sake of hunger. I have intuitive understanding that when one consumes another living conscious being (after recently being killed), they absorb the energy patterns of the other being. This goes to say, that when something/one is killed and is consumed for the matter of consumption; more often than not the being which is killed knows the reason for its death (in death are no lies). The being might choose to be agonized or curse. The energy now being consumed literally by the hunter affects the beings thought process- again a matter of energy to me.

So if someone consumes human beings- the most conscious of all the beings when it comes to certain aspects of consciousness- this might cause unusual increase or change in energy pattern of the hunter. It might cause the person to become addicted to human flesh- (many aghoris across the country are similarly addicted to this source of power)- and a hunter who does not know how to control or use the excess power/energy of the flesh might actually fall prey to the fate which ‘wendigos’ supposedly become.

The greed that man possesses is notorious in the animal kingdom. The true irony of the tales of lore are that they suspect man of being greedy enough to destroy even his own kind; you might say that the nature of hunger is such. I tell you that the nature of man is such.

Peace

Govind National Park

2011-08-11T10:23:00.001-07:00

Uttranchal is gods own breadth. It has manifested itself through the green unspoilt hills, the deep ravines cut by the clouds and the rivers flowing in between them. The deep serenity of the animals residing everywhere in between and the simple human beings who inhabit the deep unknown abound.

Uttranchal is where I could find my end. And I am quite sure of the utter knowledge of ends. Its where there is power, and there is energy circulating from the feet of the holy himalayas.

Govind national park is close to uttarkashi. It still remains utterly unspoilt and almost hidden to outside intruding forces. Its very un-inhabitable terrain and the people here are a source of strength to the enduring human and divine will and spirit.

Though formed young and in its nascent stages, the national park is perhaps one of the richest in diverse variety of florae and faunae. Its fabled to be the place where the hindu god hanuman flies to get the divine life giving herb called ‘sanjeevni’ to revive his master lakshman (the brother of divine man god Ram in hindu mythology).

The area is quite prone to downpour and landslide, and when I visited it was not very different. the roads are extremely motor unfriendly and only a four by four or a mahindra jeep can tread here. The locals are cut of from the world, and unless one has a satellite phone (or in some places a bsnl), you cannot communicate with the outside world. The place due to its extreme solitude is also haven to people who want to grow narcotics or such (told to me by loads of forest officers-because this is an extreme cause of concern for the local authorities).

Most people here are illiterate and are bound to either farming or joining the army to get a pay. The place is where yamuna officially starts and many pilgrims make way to trek to yamunotri, though when i was there, most people who had gone to visit the place where stranded due to heavy downpour.

Local legends and belief in mountain power is rampant. There are cases of black magic performed on each other regularly and I don’t quite concede its due to the low level of literacy which has led people to tread onto such paths. The mountain air and atmosphere itself is quite ethereal, even to a ‘logical’ person in any aspect. when he/she enters such an atmosphere… there is a certain understanding that human knowledge and comphension has never been able to pierce what mother nature knows, what the hills and the trees and the rivers know. For they have traversed unceasingly even while standing in a single place. They have flown through endless miles, while shimmering at the same place. Its this understanding that the humans on these vast and desolate regions have also known for eons together. They know that there is power here at work, not the power to kill, but to nurture and create. To make one whole by being and not just doing. This understanding of the unknown and perhaps even the unknowable is what these humans try to use to their advantage albeit unfortunately against each other, and for petty gain.

I spent a week here in solitude, often not speaking at all, and eating very less. There are no restaurants or fancy tourist places to visit here. there is only solitude and simplicity at its best. I read and meditated and cleared my head of the garbage which the city brought to fore (over and again as often as one lives in one). The mendicants life in and near uttarkashi was not bad at all, if i might say so. (I have read about many saints who have wandered and spent their lives regaining themselves amidst these hills and quiet valleys in peaceful meditation). And I was not awed at why they did so, it was simple and clear, the life led amidst humans could only take one so far in the path of evolution. It could only bring so much understanding of our states and the environment in which we were bred. The true knowledge and wisdom of life is amidst nature and its bounty, some of it dangerous to the body and most of it nurturing it. The understanding that even a grain of the holy earth and the sky contained infinite consciousness, if not in the form of bodily life; then in the form of mother nature/earths power was true and abundant in these hills in and around uttarkashi.

Some one must make us understand, and I am thoroughly sick and tired of it. I feel alone sometimes, that no other human being is able to understand how completely full of ourselves we are. We are not god’s grand design, and yet we behave as if we are. We merrily destroy what has taken eons to create and sustain without a single care. I am not saying that we should change, I say that we must see change towards nature and being with nature as an option. Our generation has never even witnessed what nature could be like. How beautiful and life giving it truly is. We think malls and shopping centers give us our life. No how much we underestimate our true potential. Our true NEED for the wild.

And I completely assure you, out of the many many many trekking routes to kunds and peaks there are in govind national park, pick one plan an outing. not a picnic. Just head out and walk up and down, meander around and ask for nothing. Oh you will receive everything and in oh so so plenty!

Peace

ENSLAVEMENT BY CONSUMPTION

2011-08-11T09:30:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDPW3w4kCiM

This is one of the most beautiful songs without lyrics I have heard, by the dj Xenomorph from the album Demagoguery of the obscurants.

Its a must listen, for we enslave ourselves true to the name by consumption. The DJ has a history of attacking capitalistic nihilistic natures within ourselves.

“we are losing autonomy and replacing autonomy with consumer rights”

Do ask yourself,

Why the need to consume? and everything?

Peace

Fatal^Flaw

2011-08-08T09:20:00.001-07:00

Met her for a single night; filled with ball room dancing and dreamtime kissing. Fell in love with her every time, in innocuous innocence though she remained a lifetime ahead. Murdered her and it was not a crime; for fatal beauty is better dead than lived.

Sands of Nairobi blew over my wrecked face; as I could see the millions whisper about their lost race. In truth; destiny had forsaken us all to this lonely desolate space. Their was never a salvation at hand, and the black faces with their haunting eyes could never fathom the depth of the fatal flaw they had undertook. Never fathom that death was always at hand.

specific time and an unknown place. The axe brought down with force and blood spurted like eternal splendour on another's face. The singer grimaced and a hoarse cry escaped his gullet. The king was not impressed and ordered every soul to purify his neck. The swift blows caressed the flawed followers one last time. Fatal and forever.

Your fatal flaw was to witness the birth of your end. Your fatal flaw was to read over the texts which have not brought you any respite from your whirlpool life. Your fatal flaw was to associate with the neurotic and psychotic existence and everyone in it.

So you kissed your muse and she bit you like a rabid whore. You sank your mouth into this wonderful life and came out with syphilis for a cure. Your body cannot redeem itself, It cannot even afford the space required to bury it. You built castles in thin air and print more paper to call it your life complete. You procreate and fall in love as an excuse for the fatal flaw of the gods. The fatal flaw that is your own.

Peace

Without Pique/Eternal and New

2011-08-08T09:06:00.001-07:00

N rose from the only furniture he owned; his leather recliner. He rose only to fall again.

Rain had poured all through the day leaving everything outside damp and renewed, yet lifeless and cold. The window had been left open on purpose. To see as if something would invite itself in, Yet even the rain drops had chosen to stay away. There was something more lifeless it seemed within the four walls of N’s home.

It wasn’t his home or abode; it was more his tomb than his shrine. His thoughts mildewed inside his head, thought of piquing some which way through his tongue, yet dissolved themselves finally in the recesses of his emptiness.

Sunset caused the entire city to be sunk in golden light, outside couples and families enjoyed the first sight of the sun in oh so many days, yet N’s study was as ever before, a damp yellow lamp lit day and night in a corner, books and notes in another; the pipe breathing and exhaling smoke irrespective of any other.

N chose not to be a thinker, nor to be a seer or one who indulged in feelings. His mind rose in chaotic waves due to years of solitude which sometimes has the opposite effect in beings for some odd reason. His heart trampled by one two many women in his youth, his thinking befuddled by one two many tricksters who tried to teach him the way to the soul.

Yet N remained without remorse. This one true gift he appeared to have been showered by the gods. He picked on his nose, and felt his hair falling every time he ran his hands past his scalp. He was confident about his end, this one true opportunity of life he had never wanted to give himself up on. To some trick of fate or some trickery of man or god.

N rose once more, he balanced himself on the ledge of his window, and though his dexterity was impaired by his age, he somehow managed to step one leg at a time on the ledge. The ledge offered itself up to the back channels from the river sien, He looked at the cool and calm day and the many such days which had passed in his life. Thoughts virile and turbulent shuddered once again his nimble frame. He had had enough of himself this life and for many more. He had enough of the ego centricity that living beings extend themselves through and through their entire waking and dreaming cycle. He had but one final pending thought waiting to fire through the neurons of his head; that there was never any choice. All actions and potential extended through his life lead to this point on the ledge. Yes the ledge had called him as he had called forth the umpteen thoughts baseless and useless all his life; and as the this thought subsided one more rose; that the thought itself was of no use, neither was any action he was about to indulge himself in..

Almost as the thought registered and recognized itself in N’s being, he jumped. The jump would have been ordinary and normal and utterly without beauty to anyone in any ordinary circumstance, yet to N, it was an experience first time like never ever before.

Peace

CATACLYSM

2011-08-08T08:47:00.001-07:00

cataclysm arrives on the door. It knocks once and not once more. You are invited to open and show it around. If you wish to; offer a drink to it, then brace for some salsa with your uninvited guest. Your nemesis and your anti thesis.

I look around in amazement as you lie on the floor; you were going to amuse me, and you ended up rolling up dead. What a series of events; all so random and sly, take place with the assistance of the fogged up memory. It looks like I could have averted your sight all together, but then hindsight could be all perfect.

Psychotic and rampant, you jumped off the cliff. Your fell to your salvation and left me bleeding instead. Why such rage in your heart towards your own life. Did you think that by showing me the meaning of your carelessness, you would be saved? You were indeed saved; you died as I was left grieving forever.

I danced with you once, and I shall never dance with you again. You have taught me the tough lesson; that is imprinted and hardcoded in my head. There is no sunshine when you were here, and now that you are gone. The darkness you left is indeed deafening and split.

All ye who think that you will live forever, please don’t be deluded like my dear friend, He is indeed catastrophic, not to its own self but to everyone around. Whoever comes in contact with you is left a step near death yet never tasting its sweetness. What a waste, what a bloody mess indeed.

We take you to be a kind soul, a wise woman and a dear friend. In our ignorance you enter and make your nest within our recesses. Taking us for a deadly ride. You jump off and leave us to fend for our own selves. You are to be shunned in our minds and our hearts. There is no room for the devils darkness in us. Leave us to be in peace. Leave us to be in peace. Leave us to be in peace.

For The Pure of Will..is Love held in your hearts

2011-06-26T10:59:00.001-07:00

Pain is like the burning fires into which you are thrown, sadness the heat and anger the wrath of these raging nightmares.. burning the night to dawn; and hopefully melting your pot into gold.

For the pure of will, there is no path; for all path lead to glory! For the strong of will, there is no remorse for every action taken is without regret and eternally rewarding no matter what the consequence. The consequence is decided before the will takes its form. The consequence is already materialized as the will decides what it owns…

For the pure of will, Love is the gift from goddess to their raging hearts. For those who do not bend down to conformity; Love unconditional the eternal reaping. Life will not disappoint those who have moulded their wills into the misty eyed flutter of those gleaming eyes. Those eyes which have haunted me to the grave and more. Those eyes of the saint and lover, Those eyes which I forever search, Those eyes which will look back into me; and set me free… or so I believe~?

The will is impure; The will is hidden; beneath your frail and fickle mind. Under the cloak of a forked tongue. The will is the way of life. The will must be pure. The will must be forged once more. Once more; Once more; from birth to gore to just once more…

Pain brought the experience, experience brought the hardening of the arteries, and the (hopeful) tenderness of the heart. The experience left a bitter taste memory. The will was perfect and concocted. The will was ready to in turn impose it self on the world and beyond.

The will rages like a mountain stream to the sea of unconditional love. The will perfected and pure makes its way; meandering and unceasing towards the sheath of pure eternity. Eternal will meeting eternal Love. Something worth keeping. Something worth seeking….

~Peace~

Circular & Convoluted

2011-06-22T04:17:00.001-07:00

Though I observe that a higher seat of consciousness is what we must aim for, in truth I have no such aspirations from myself or others.

Observation #1

Human civilization is not at the pinnacle/peak of its creative or technological/rational abilities at this time of our lives. In truth; past civilizations have reached the same if not greater heights in technology, science and logical abilities. The reason we know not about them is because they self-destructed just like we are about to. Because power is self destructive without consciousness which peers through it. (civa-shakti balance)

The problem is similar to this, we have a classroom- filled with human denizens, they come to attend the class to learn about the universe and all. There is something written on the board (lets say E=mc2 or 1+1=whatever), we learn digest and then suddenly the classroom is dead, the board is wiped clean and a new race or civilization comes and sits in, without ever knowing that the lessons we are about to draw have been already done with over and over in time before. Every class thinks its way superior to the others which sat there, without bothering to introspect why or how could that be.

We are not at heights of anything, yes we are technologically superior and our cycle times have reduced to absolute minuscule. But the fact is that this all have been achieved before, and swept off like dust when over and done with. Why not learn from the past; the civilizations which were at their peaks; their occults and sciences; their teachers and teachings. Why not compare them with our own, you will find that what we have learnt about the universe and the world is verily the same in quantity and quality as others before us.

Observation # 2

Evolution is a myth. Its a word and a farce made by zoologists and biologists. There is adaptation to environment, but evolution as something better than before is just a mocking of our intelligence, and thats precisely what this viral strain does to all of us. We believe that we are more evolved; than animals, plants or humans or like who exist with or before us in time. We think that we are the epitome of living consciousness.

Well evolution is a cycle- a complete circle. You can look at a circle and tell whether one curve is more superior or advanced to another or not. I compare evolution to a circle cause in my own personal wisdom; through nature’s grace I have experienced that everything comes a full circle, from thoughts thought to the reactions experienced, to actions sought and the wisdom received. From enslavement to liberation and then to enslavement once more. Life is a complete circle. (though most sights of the world are spiral than circular- but that I will get to another time; and in another context).

Evolution can only happen when linearity exists- and for a line to be in the universe- it must have a beginning and end- in absolute contexts there are no such things- if you say that your life has a beginning or end- its only because you try to focus narrowly on a fragment of the universe which you believe is you- in truth you exist before you were in the body in the form of clouds, rain, sun, earth and so many more and after death you become the very same- everything in the existential frame is cyclical.Hence for me there are only cycles and circles, this is something which cannot be explained or dialogued. It has to be experienced.

A circle also means in metaphysical terms to me as every aspect and moment to be perfection. There is no striving to become something ‘better’ for that is a figment of imagination; there is as I already said- a striving to adapt to the environment and vice versa.

Observation #3

The main conquest is to liberate/free oneself. This life or the next (past or whatever?) but what happens then, The liberation comes naught and we are once again in the cycle ignorant and mute to experience from the miniscule-microscopic consciousness to the grand macrocosm which is all.

The most beautiful part of life remains this- That liberation/moksha is not apart from life and death and rebirth; it is verily a beautiful part of the cycle in entirety which is our lives!

Peace and Circumambulation's to all ye!

Dream Force II

2011-06-20T08:35:00.000-07:00

This is another very surreal and powerful dream which I had today afternoon; It was completely out of the world and hence I thought it would be kind to jot it down.
The dream starts with My folks and I, in some weird cave or underground structure- we are supposedly looking for some relics or perhaps its some holy power place *its very weird that I get to have someone I know-especially my parents in the dream-most times characters are sketched purely from imagination*.
We are looking around and suddenly I guess, my hands hold a photo/paper of some sort which has loads of bodies piled into the mud-some carcasses could be seen while others are inside. This is supposedly some sort of a holy picture. Suddenly out of the blue (characteristic of dreams)- a girl- in her teens-or perhaps younger is in front of us, the place is extremely dingy and it perhaps is a dungeon only. The girl looks at the photo in my hand and says that is the holy shrine where many such holy people (referring to the carcasses in the photo) are buried... here itself. She continues that there are so many saints/holy people buried here, but they are coming out of the seams, for no one has taken any care to bury them properly. My parents are a bit freaked out, but she continues, she is very powerful I could feel- she has an aura- we find her in this dungeon where there are only dead everywhere- she says that she comes here for the same purpose perhaps which we have come for- she says she enjoys being here- the power and the dispair or something to that effect. She says its almost her second home. She offers then to take us on a ride on the underground train (of some sort) to see the holy bodies. My parents refuse; and I get inside this yellow submarine sort of train- another character joins us- its a little girl- my mind now tells me that she has been there the whole time perhaps- I just did not bring her to attention- so its me, this young cute girl and this powerful teen/pre-teen and the train starts up.
I think that the train will go deeper underground, but it comes to the surface suddenly and now speeds like an am-trak device on regular tracks- there are people on the tracks- who cannot see or hear us coming and they one after other do get too close or come under the tracks (???)... I cannot see this- well none of us three can, and we decide to get off the train at some point and make our way to the entrance of the cave structure- here I meet my folks once again, and the powerful girl makes her way to somewhere and back to say good bye- my parents look at her very suspiciously- as if to ask what is this girl doing in this crypt and how does she know so much about it, and well I look at her and she winks at me and I wink at her and tell her through my eyes, see you here in the crypt as soon as possible lol!
Pretty weird indeed and I am not even trying any combinations of rational possibilities to this dream. Most of my afternoon dreaming is like this, and as surreal and intense as this- due to which I really don't figure out that its a dream (unlike my night dreams) cause i am so mesmerized and involved in the whole tapestry of my mind (I hope its my mind).
Peace

Most Beautiful Hill Station Of India: Dalhousie

2011-06-18T00:10:00.001-07:00

The British did one fine thing during their rape and plunder of India, they set up some of the most beautiful hill-stations for their convenience and escape during the summer subcontinent fury. Dalhousie was one such place. These hills have always been every beautiful but the British intervention set up amazing roads to such isolated places with adequate amenities to become reclusive yet self contained.

Dalhousie is nearly 600 kms away from the capital Delhi. There is a fairly decent road all the way through and it takes around 12 odd hours to reach by road. There are currently no Volvos running (last I checked) and the best way is to catch a state owned bus, if u can handle that long a journey or arrange your own (as I had done). I stayed over a week in this quaint hill-station and did not visit anything (probably because nothing is there except a distant kala-top or something to that effect/ every hill station has the top most point as a sunset or view point in India).

The thing about Dalhousie is; that its ethereal in its view. The entire landscape is like a small English town, the streets are magnificent; I guess made of stone in a cobbled way (some were) and rest very well maintained tar roads. There was a small central locale and all the roads dimly lit with neon lights post evening. Little nook and corners where there is seating for couples and families to see the beautiful valley below. The best thing is that there are not many tourists here year around cause of the long distance away from metros; plus the place is not very well known and lack of high-end buses makes it difficult to make such a journey with faltu/useless family by the side.

I went to Dalhousie perhaps half a decade back, and been to many other places since yet this place remains ever fresh in my memory. I used to walk through the little town by day and night and the sight of no tourists coupled with fresh mountain air made it so rejuvenating. It is the perfect Rest and Relaxation place for anyone looking to get away from the pressures of traffic and pollution and the rigour of everyday city life.

But for the distance you travel, make sure that you get ample time to spend there. Its extremely serene (unless now more people have discovered its hidden treasure as well), and its one of the brightest honeymoon type places in India. A perfect place for people trying to get away and become attuned to the silence of nature at a perfect altitude. (yea; you will notice your ears will not stop ringing for at least couple of days cause of the silence in this place!)

Peace and Happy Travels

Myths about Money

2011-06-17T04:36:00.001-07:00

Money Money Money; is so funny; in the rich man’s world. are the lyrics of a very popular song. Its funny to the rich man cause he knows the pointless-ness of it. Its not to the poor man for he has not seen its true worth. Less than paper.

I propose an original myth about money:

Man lived long and strong for eons, without money. His love was plagued by urges of food and safety and freedom from nature’s wrath or unknown disease, yet he understood that his life was pointless, without any grand existential meaning. He partook of hallucogenic plants and saw alternate reality, He packed up his home and was perpetually a nomad, roaming where his feet could take him. Yet there was no sound or touch of money in his heart or mind.

One day man stood up and walked as usual, yet his mind was plagued by something disturbing; the mind in its fury reiterated again and again like a hammer… why why why. Why are you born, why are you walking and why has your reign not come to an end yet so far…?

Man was perplexed, he was an animal, an upright citizen of nature; and yet he never had such impulses directed within him ever before. Something was asking him the ‘meaning’ of his ‘existence’ . He never took it to be a cause of anguish or despair and yet now it had become exactly that.

Why be born, when you are to die? Why walk and roam when you are to rest inside the earth? Why hunt when you are to be hunted? and nothing made sense ever again. Man had awakened the hungry demon of doubt from within his mind. The demon never went asleep or hungry ever again.

The doubt spoke in his ear, loud and firm. It chose him and he thought he was special (or something like that/ this doubt chooses the weakest and the least willed.

He thought he was born to do something great, something unique. Something special that no one else had seen. The doubt worked inside his frame, changing natures gain into painstaking greed. He wanted more, more from life, more from his breadth and more from his sight. He was never satisfied, he remained quenched in eternal thirst. Liberation once which was his, now had to be reclaimed like everything else.

He became the inventor, inventing nature’s device. He bought and sold and made the myth of money green like envy and alive. Its no coincidence that we equate money and materialistic gain with satisfaction. For the more we have, we imagine, the more in truth still remains.

Money became the goal. The point in this vast vast existence on this lonely planet within the frameless frame of reality. Money became the goal indeed; the path to fame/name and to be winner of a game (trivial one at that-life). It was what we all worked for. We worked not so that we may be as we are. We worked to improve, create, re create and dissolve. All which are meaningless acts as any other. But with the invention of this imaginary invisible doubt. We chose to give each of our acts meaning. Covered in self-satisfying ego gain- through money and gold. Something only our race could hold as of value.

Money has now become an obsession beyond any scale measurable or imaginable. Money has become a distinguishing factor even within our own race, Money does not do good. It only makes us unkind to others and ourselves (causing inertia of body and mind). Money has a purpose, But we do not. We are children of eternity, and all of you must know by now; eternity has no purpose. It is eternal.

Money makes you ‘educated’ and lack of it (in our pockets) makes us ‘cynical’. It is the umbilical cord which sustains our emotions. We cannot love without it, live or breathe without it (or its effects). So what our minds doled out eons before as doubt regarding the nature of existence. Money has been able to fill to the brim through inertia and conformity, through material acquisition and drudgery. Through killing and dying. It is the prime class a drug of our race/species. We need it in our wallets like junkies need heroin.

We feel satisfied when we have enough of it? Not quite, when it comes to money and it as a reflection of our uniqueness. Then there is no enough of it, your bank balance is easily matched by so many others out there. So you must fight and bicker and earn so that you could bring back satisfaction regarding a bigger goal (in your life) and the toils which you undertook to achieve it.

Money does not feed you. Money does not clothe you. Money makes you whole. does it not? Save the bullshit, you and I are no deep and wise creatures of consciousness or light. We are slaves to doubt and money has forever been our god.

Peace

Awakening Equation

2011-06-15T23:33:00.001-07:00

Many logicians and rationalists have a considerable problem when it comes to abstract religious/spiritual themes; most consider it easier to dismiss it than making a serious effort to understand or experience religious particulars. Why is this so, to my understanding it is because that all logic and rational stems from a need to equate an unknown to a comparable known. Without equating we cannot understand the phenomenon (rather our mind has a difficult time visualizing it). So when it comes to religious phenomenon/themes; it becomes hard to equate something which is beyond measure or compare. Well still I take a jibe at describing (rather equating) what an ‘awakening’ is or serves.

There is power and only power present, here and now. Power/force/energy/will is the entire matter-energy-existence. Power will try to experience power by itself (through power). Hence a little (not quantative) amount of power tries to gauge the entirety of power (complete) by increasing its power. The awakening is the power needed to remove misunderstanding other path breakers in this particular process. The awakening is realized by power which touches/chooses a person external to the power which the person already has. Carlos castanada calls it the ‘earths boost’/ You can work to store the power yourself to create the power sufficient to cause the natural progression for power to ‘enlarge’ and see more of itself. In entirety.

This is awakening of the human. Before which the entity acts like a closed vessel, trying to induce ‘individuality’ and causing the microcosmic power to shine. When the wise; induce power to expand (life), then this becomes not a quest to seek individuality but totality. The illusory states of one and many drop, for the veil is power and the little power is veiled by itself towards entirety and eternal.

The awakening is the external push, the electric shock or the mantra japa or the mudra or nyasa or the breadth control or the money or tragedy or the goddess grace which makes one ‘realize’ the presence of universal all pervading power. Without dimension form or sense. It is reality and a vision. It cannot be compared or equated for truly there is nothing to compare it with.

(my understanding of ultimate total power; Peace)

A very happy powerful Lunar eclipse 16 June 2011. Peace and Love

Dream Force

2011-06-08T03:25:00.000-07:00

I had a weird dream yesterday night; was out having a drink on my friend joy's birthday and came back home late. Slept later than usual too, and I had a very long (in dream time) uninterrupted dream (after a very long time- nowadays- i get up abruptly during dreaming-perhaps because of not having enough energy to sustain the dream through). Well yesterday was different, and as usual the dream (particular to me) I had; did not have anyone I recognize, I remember, I know or could imagine, also the places and indoors were not the least bit recognizable- this has been characteristic to my dreaming as long as I care to remember.
Another weird and very characteristic thing which happens in my dreams (as it happened yesterday too)- is that in between the dream- there is some sort of weird energy/force or something which does not belong there in the setting which materializes, like maybe a flying man, or some object which attracts all my attention or maybe a weird looking thing (cannot be characterized as living or dead)- let me illustrate with the latest dreaming I had...
So I am with a bunch of seven young (pretty, hot, wild) japanese/chinese girls, they are all some sort of kung-fu dudettes (and no, I have not been watching erotica or shaolin movies or any other such combination!)- these women are all possessed with some sort of super-natural powers; as usual I am there with them, but my image is non-existent and I am only like a camera following the dream like a play/movie in my head.
The women are stalked by evil things- there are a series of them, one after the other- the first one is a deadly witch looking woman- who comes and tries to kill them one after another- there is one girl in particular who I like, and we are all running away and she falls behind and I go back to pick her up; and the witch catches up by that time- so we start fighting her (well I am looking and not really fighting but it feels like it)- and the other girls notice this and come back and put up a fight and we win and the witch succumbs.
So, after her there is another creature, (i now don't remember what happened with it), after some action sequences we find out that the real evil creature- some sort of long haired eunuch maniac is there left still, and it is after us now. So it comes attacks the girls one by one and here comes the vagary in the dream- the out of context *even for this dream* force- this evil creature has a mask with it, so it attacks the girls one by one with a pin of sort (a long white slender pin) with which he pricks 'em and then like a syringe puts the pin to the mask it holds. The mask absorbs (I feel it, and this is how you can recognize that this is out of context/power in the dream) the soul or part of soul or energy of the girl and shes out cold. The mask becomes more alive when its fed with the energy of these girls, I remember focusing on it and seeing that initially its inert and after getting fed once/twice; the face adorns emotion and it twitches and becomes more colorful and alive- it also increases in its surface size. Its a sort of Buddhist terror mask but somehow a bit off from what i have seen. The evil creature seizes all the girls and the mask now is all powerful, its glowing... the creature comes for me, and I know I am to die now... but the dream thought as usual interrupts dream logic and concludes that I am but a camera to this reality show- and I cannot die, none the less the pin touches 'me' and then the evil dude sits in front of me and feeds the mask more power. I can see it, as the incapicated girls lie all around...
The dream is kick ass and it continues and shows that my favorite japanese gal is somehow faintly alive, she musters energy and comes and kicks the creature, she takes over the mask and feeds all the power (I can again feel this transfer taking place) to herself and her friends including me, we are alive again and without the mask the evil thing is dead. The dream ends by itself and before another one starts; I wake up with the entire thing fresh in my head.

What I like about such dreams are the out of context dream-forces which come and start playing havoc in our dream space. I to the best of my knowledge believe that these are conscious entities which enter our dream and our dream attention is naturally drawn to them because they are more energetically able... and they feed on the energy of our attention in turn... I don't know how to properly confront or use or become one of these dreaming forces but unfortunately for me; I have had countless number of them in almost all the vivid dreaming I have ever done. Maybe someone with dreaming knowledge/understanding can help me out.

Peace and Joy!

A Less Obtrusive Division?

2011-06-03T00:10:00.001-07:00

We all know of the caste system established during the Aryan rule in India, on the basis of a persons ancestry; he/she was divided into 4 castes- Warrior/Priest/Trader/Common Man

I was recently reading upon the older Tamil cultures which thrived in the subcontinent fairly long and in peace (due to the fact that south India was protected by mountain ranges which prevented any unwanted attack and conquerors from the north). The Tamils had 5 major caste divisions which go like:

the Vaelir - the farmers,
the Malavar - the hill people who gather hill products, and the traders,
the Naagar - people in charge of border security, who guarded the city wall and distant fortresses .
the Kadambar - people who thrive on forests and
the Thiraiyar - the seafarers.

(taken from wiki- reference- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ancient_Tamil_country)

This caste division looked to me a lot more convincing and intricate that the previous. This provides kind of division on one’s occupation (I really don’t believe Brahmins and Kshatriyas are a permanent or actual useful occupation of any sort. I really don’t believe in paying people to pray or kill for a society- and the reason that these two castes hold a certain power over others- either a religious or physical one is the reason they became the higher castes in Indian civilization)- the tamil caste system also has a caste responsible for security- but do note—> this is related to border security and town security- it does not amount to being a king or royalty as it did in the indo-aryan caste system.

I really don’t like labels to be put, i guess it becomes a lot more abstract that way and the average human cannot live like that, I would rather people did everything related to all the caste divisions themselves to live. rather than one particular occupation or lifestyle. But this was something interesting and thought I would share none the less.

(oh this division still exists today – there are corporates, politicians, agrarians, scientists, middlemen and army/terrorists- nothing much changes except probably the label’s names)

Peace

Spark & Spunk

2011-06-01T02:06:00.001-07:00

I heard her once not ever twice; the ripples of her shadow struck me, left me speechless and sublime.

I was broken and lost. She picked me up from the dust and healed (my heart). Sending me forth to fly free. towards the ethereal sky; I chose to fly back to her arms over time…

I could see the depth of her eyes; feel the warmth of her breadth and melt in her divine laugh. Why did she choose me? I was the one who ostracised the world and its ways of pathetic love. The love which needed and wanted more than it gave; then why such kindness bestowed?

She walked slow; oh so slow, her sensual glow overtook the pale moon above, she danced as if she was making love. She sang me into her arms, cajoled me to overlook the mundane; always revelling in the divine. Always one in such joy.

I strung my guitar and she appeared in my dreams, speaking so soft that I could but see her red lips move… calling me… calling me…. my dreams so far; yet could deliver her; into my arms.

I broke down and her vision of lustre erupted to console me. I ran and ran endlessly to escape (myself) and there she was everywhere within and without; smiling and calling me to her arms once more. Why did she choose me? Was this something even worth considering?

Oh You of little faith; she spoke though she kept no name. You who give up your essence over endless human follies and mistakes.. You do not need love as she does not need you. You are free and immortal yet cursed in human form for sure. I could not fathom my angel, holding me; speaking what needed never to be spoken. I could not fathom that one day; once again, I would imagine a love divine possible. Possible without boundary or form.

Its possible my love; she spoke with her eyes burning bright, it surely is… for your beating heart beats oh for this. It pumps the ink of blood through your coil. It beats with purpose to find (she smiled and laughed as she spoke) the endless strings which you strum. The strings you strum,as this heart it beats, The love which is lost or forgotten surely takes front seat.

Love is nature, Love is nothing, as nothing remains. So shall love.

Love is timeless and forever locked in that sensual kiss.

Love smiles and bestows. Love gives and with open arms; accepts what is.

Love is not a condition; Love is god and surely god-less-ness.

Love is a word which cannot be spoken. Love is an act which once be done cannot be known.

Love is being consumed by itself. Love is the plague which is waiting outside.

Love is your heart beating. And as it stops one fine day; You will know that love was for ever more than your heart beating for someone or something held by some narrow sighted sway.

Love is all and nothing; its not an object or a feeling. Its you and me and in between. Love was also my personal angel coming to save me.

Forever Peace and Love ~

A New Dawn

2011-05-31T14:45:00.001-07:00

There is only one thing worse than a man, who undergoes a personal tragedy. Something perhaps which is soul crushing; trying and seeming to weigh against the freedom of the spirit. That one thing is; if the man survives and then chooses not to learn from his hardship undone upon him.

There is this sense among us all implanted; well if you consider it – its humanities learning mechanism- this race’s true non-sense. I believe that we are true creatures of laziness or inertia of some sort. There are some who actually learn from tragedies among the vast lot of us; all of whom at one point or the other do face personal hazards/tragedies/disappointments- These wilful few make a change in their perceptions/feelings/thoughts/being/life itself to accept and learn from pain, but these few who actually change due to a tragedy- if they care to notice- their hard earned wisdom, takes place when there is this despair looming or past. What I truly fail to understand (for myself) is that why do I not choose to learn anything worthwhile during my mundane daily existence. Its good right? If I am not being shattered, or crushed by some opposition- than that state is verily good. But I think of it not worthy of not teaching me anything. No wisdom to be gained without pain? That's truly a morbid thought, and if that is the truth; then I am afraid humanity is god’s (or whatever’s) sadistic creation without compare.

Maybe humans took the ideation that wisdom cannot be learnt the easy way too seriously. If we care to change, then we could acknowledge all the things which make our lives glorious each and every day and learn (wisdom) from all that touches us even if it doesn’t bring about tragedy or pain along with it. I do look forward to a new dawn

Peace

Introduction To Avadhuta Gita

2011-05-31T00:23:00.001-07:00

There are many writers of lore; who wrote treatise after another about metaphysical reality yet at the end never forgot (some fucking how) to sign off with their own name(s), there is Sant Kabir/the revered Kalidasa/Tulsidasa/Tukaram and so so many more from India itself… they wrote about being god and being the servant of the divine; yet somehow at the end or even in middle of quatrains never forgot to mention their all important names.

There is nothing wrong with this, but for someone who is trying to share his holy mystical experience, ego is the first thing to banish; not promote, and I a sure each one of the so many scholars and saints had their reasons to do self promotion but at the cost of spreading enlightened thought? That seems ridiculous.

There was Michael Angelo on the other hand (a gifted spirit indeed), who almost never put across his name on any of his creations (I believe excluding one piece). And similarly there was the author(s) of the famed and mystical and little known- Avadhuta Gita.

The Avadhuta is the free one; the innocent one. Similar to a plant or any other life form with little or no ego connection- its there to sustain life on day to day basis; but within this life is something more. Its unified singular present power/consciousness. This is an avadhuta. Completely free from the snares which make ignorance up. This small book containing chapter after chapter of quatrains are full of esoteric and powerful natural knowledge or experience displayed.

The entire ‘book’ or chapters are elucidations on metaphysical unified consciousness, and how anything intermediate is not required. The concept remains that as we all strive in ignorance trying to acquire the original state (perhaps the womb state to many rationalists); the illusion is at the end just illusory, and why paying attention to it only vivifies it. So the avadhuta gita just negates it. It says over and over- no need to pray? who's there to pray to… no need to devote and sacrifice and commit. To whom and what is this done and by whom or what. Its a very profound state indeed.

Couple of the quatrains/couplets go like this:

The mind indeed is of the form of space.
The mind indeed is Omni faced.
The mind is the past.
The mind is all.
But in reality there is no mind

Thus you are One. Why then do you not understand -
that you are the unchangeable One, equally perceived in all?
O mighty One, how can you, who are ever-shining, unrestricted,
think of day and night?

Union and separation exist in regard neither to you nor to me.
There is no you, no me, nor is there this universe.
All is verily the Self alone.

- As you can see; the author understands that even the “act of meditation” is rooted in ignorance. When there is but one, who will try to meditate on the other. Meditation is all that is.

Know all instruments of perception to be
like ethereal space. Know all of perception to be
like ethereal space. Know this pure one as neither bound
nor free. I am the nectar of knowledge,
homogenous existence, like the sky

To those interested, a fairly decent english translation is found on this page: (I picked the above quatrains from there)

http://www.messagefrommasters.com/Ebooks/Spiritual-Books/Dattareya-Avadhuta-Gita-trans-by-Hari-Prasad.pdf

Its indeed revelling to see that there are those, who were born in non-duality and died in it as well. Its indeed comforting to endure the world, an illusion with the heart beating completely free- like an avaduta without any false misery

Peace

with

2011-05-31T00:04:00.001-07:00

Mercury is a metal, the god of communication and a mysterious element held paramount in both eastern and western alchemy. I have been fascinated by the material since I have known of it.

Needless to say that mercury is highly toxic, over the ages people have used mercury in many day to day uses; there are cases where it was used in the making of hats- which caused mental and physical disorientation to the people; giving rise to the famous saying ‘Mad as a Hatter’ used in Alice in wonderland (for the mad hatter). The god mercury is named after the element because of its swift moving nature. Mercury is very difficult to be contained, its a poor conductor of heat and moderate of electricity.

In Indian tantra/alchemy; mercury is called the semen of shiva. This is the most important element in this spiritual tradition. I possess a special shiva-lingam made on the inside of mercury (called a parad lingam); mercury though toxic is given the status of providing cure for all illness and even enlightenment; in the ayur-veda texts.

Mercury in Indian history is supposed to cure not only all disease but help in the inner transformation-alchemy and give eternal youth! Indian alchemy (called Rasayana- this itself means the way/path to mercury!) states that to try to attune to the ultimate cosmic power- the body and mind must be kept strong and stable- and for this the element remains Mercury.

Mercury has been traditionally used in minute quantities (Indians knew like most other races about the toxic properties of this element) to drink in water; to keep with food, and to make shiva-lingams which saints used to keep close/in touch with the body. Many saints keep these lingams permanently inside the palates of their mouths, in deep contemplation for decades all together.

Yet why is mercury revered so much? I really don’t have a clue for this but there are some special properties to this metal:

1) In tantra *and perhaps even older parts of rk-veda, mercury is seen as an agent to immortality. or eternal youth, it has fallen from “heavens” during the love making act of shiva-shakti. The mercury has to be purified through mantra and dhyana. This is the true alchemical feat; to convert it to remove pollution and grant life.

2) Alchemists (eastern and western) are amazed by mercury’s combining properties with other elements so easily; and all of them (chinese, european and indian) alchemists arrive at the conclusion that mercury possesses unknown powers which can be used to transmute-base metals to gold and also impure to pure (whatever may be the subject)

3) To my understanding, mercury has both material and psychic properties. It has long been speculated (though without evidence) that mercury use was rampant in the flying of “flying vehicles-vimanas” in ancient India, mercury was the fuel for the flight so as to say. apart from this mercury is very close in atomic weight to gold. Its use was hence understandable to create the philosophers stone.

I really don’t know what makes mercury so special. The fact that its so rare in nature itself or the fact that its liquid and yet so dense. or perhaps its the special physio-chemical properties (expansion with temperature and conductivity etc) which makes it unique or just maybe its something which we as normally cannot comprehend. The energy level and its rejuvenating properties (though so poisonous) must be looked upon with seriousness by rational communities (its not a coincidence that cultures across the world have chosen mercury as the god’s element)

Peace

NOW?HERE

2011-05-27T23:53:00.001-07:00

Enlightenment is here and now!

Do you choose? Do you choose to enlighten? When? and How?

I can help; so can you. Enlighten yourself; There is no need for proof.

The answer does not exist. The Field and the knower are the same.

There is no label. The game no longer the same. When you choose.

Do you choose? To enlighten. Seeking is oh so futile and the resistance weak. Enlighten; Here and Now. No time remains to be bleak.

The questions cease; The mist clears. The path winds back; to the one who remains ever here.

There is no thunder; no chorus for your mighty empire. It crumbles from where it was made. The feeble mind, and the thoughts it churns as if in a mire.

There is no recourse other than the one which is present (here). There is no solution to death but death as it is.

Do you still choose? To enlighten yourself. To understand and acquiesce all in transitory pleasure and pain. So when will you strike.. A thousand years or a decade? It makes no difference for once you are born.. you are to fade.

I do choose. To be now and here. To be free and clear. To be one and none. To be the divine will done.

Peace

-Monet’s Tulips of holland (Pristine!)

Extended Theatrics

2011-05-27T10:50:00.001-07:00

I could have been damn good at theatre. Not only did I have the penchant for acting, but I also have (still) a kick ass memory for remembering queues and line. I have been in couple of drama/theatre when I was in school. My favourite was the one which took over 2 years of preparation. This was whilst I was studying in HK, in Delia School of Canada (yea, mostly Canadian and Chinese expats). Our then drama teacher (a really wonderful empathetic soul) called Mr. Michael Blaney, was our instructor/guide/leader/mentor/friend and everything else in between during this time.

I guess most of us involved in the drama were of the same age (mostly 7th and 8th graders!). There was a brief audition (which I could pass with flying colors- hell the drama was in English and I can speak at least that language), followed by months and months and months of regular daily hourly practice. Mr. Blaney wanted us to feel and become the characters, and unfortunately for me this meant the greatest headache of all.

I played the character of an old Chinese man (can you believe that) who keeps rambling about the virtues of his age while condemning the vices of what he saw in front of him (of his grand kids-and friends and what not). The entire play revolved around 3 generations, myself (the oldest of the lot), the parents (played by some of my good friends) and the ‘dudes’ and ‘dudettes’ who didn't give a rats ass in the name of rebellion. The story was common day and didn’t differ much from perhaps everyday reality. The peer pressure, and the angst. The parents demands and the generation gap and of course the loony old man in the corner with his ramblings (fuck!)

So, I had the most lines to remember; cause after every act(parents or grand children-did not matter with whom the previous act ended with).. I had to go off the hook and ramble on for 5-10 odd minutes with great theatrical expressions about the pain I was experiencing even watching the youngsters and their failed attempts to live. Damn; there were months on end when we practiced the play top to bottom day in and out to get to the point where it was absolutely fluent in every persons head.

We arranged for a presentation at school on its annual day, and the play went better than planned. It was fabulous (to the best of my memory it lasted around 45 minutes odd- and mind you out of which 20 odd minutes was my own fucking rambling). We got rave reviews from our school teachers and Mr. Blaney was top of the pops (he had been recruited that year itself for teaching drama and being a class-room resident teacher- he was assuredly one of the most genuine people/teachers I have ever encountered). The cast too got a good clap and well deserved and it was onwards for some careless fun (without the daily practice routine).

This too did not last though, soon enough everyone of us was called by Mr. Blaney to undergo a verbal contract that we would again be able to put forth a show; all of us agreed of course, and we realized that we were to act in front of a public audience (not our school or any other), in one of HK’s kick ass theatre competing with other English language schools from HK/Mainland region. We undertook the damned task of picking up where we left off; taking off the rustic expressions and tones with the former refined states to which we had soared in the previous months. This time the training was more gruelling, cause we could not afford any mistakes at any cost.

The judgement day arrived, and we were given a spacious resting and changing room (my make up took quite some time- turning me into fairy white Chinese man with white hair, and a little paunch and what not!), and all of us were onto the stage once more. This was the first time I was in front of such a huge audience (perhaps over 1000 or 1500 people) who had paid money to see us in action. We were one of the few dramatics that evening; there were also some dance and stage shows and some other stuff which schools had come up with (we were told that other schools though English medium had not the endurance to make a proper formal play and I dont blame them, it took us nearly half a year of rigorous journey to complete the play to the sort of end we would have liked. All of us were polished and became almost the characters we were portraying, I say almost cause we were still adolescents at that time, and perhaps we hadn’t developed advanced skills (though to tooth my own horn, I did receive the best actor award and also accolades from my teacher personally- he told and confided that I did have the stuff to become a good actor later in my life!- something which i cherish and relish till date)

Theatre is fun to see, but yes; to evoke emotion (not from the crowd only) but firstly from yourself- there is a lot and I mean LOT of effort to be put in. Its something which we do everyday; the only difference is; we actually think that our day to day life is not a drama and that the world is not a stage.

Peace and love

Flesh & The Power It Holds

2011-05-23T10:53:00.001-07:00

I am a vegetarian by choice. I was by birth too; but during trying times; I don’t mind having flesh/meat to survive. But that’s about how far I can take it. For me, killing to eat does not form a very appetizing thought. I would not want to take another beings life to eat. And if I do so, I realize and accept that someday it will happen to me in one which way or the other.

There are many non-vegetarians (carnivores) who think that eating meat and nothing else will satisfy them, and yes they are right. For I realize (unfortunately a vegan’s realization) that flesh/skin/meat holds raw power. Raw power which ingested and digested adds to the power of the individual. Yes, Yes the power in the form of carbs and fat, but also conscious power- the power which transforms individual tendencies (prakriya) and thought processes. To the best of my understanding- “You are what You Eat” and yes when you digest animals- you inherit their base animalistic tendencies too- which are well what most humans do too- eat, kill more, eat more, and rage till sleep overtakes them.

Well, what I wanted to know of the non-vegetarian ‘race’ amongst us is; why do they stop at eating other animals? Why do they not think of (if not actually implement) eating other human beings too? What?? its disgusting? Acts of cannibalism in this day and age? Why would anyone do that?

For one; Human meat *those who have tried it (I have not!)* is professed to be the best tasting meat; and also when it comes to the internal organs- all animals have similar tasting organs- so the liver/breast of a chicken would be just as delicious as of a humans (roasted well enough of course). LOL

But I am sure, this thought never crosses a gung-ho meat eater, who is out to kill anything that moves. Why is cannibalism so out of fashion? In reality, its not uncommon amongst many of the surviving/extinct tribes of the world and over 2000 species of animals across the globe actively engage in it for various purposes ranging from sexual to infanticide to of course requirements of food. Cannibalism to my reasoning has only been shunned because it poses a direct threat to human life itself. Otherwise there is no moral fallout to the concept of eating meat right? Does the source really matter, especially when the meat is the best one available?? I really would like to know (from the horse’s mouth- the meat tearing flesh eating people of the world)

Now, did you know that modern human beings actually ate up their ancestors- yes people of the pre-Neolithic age (hunter gatherers) were actively consumed by the modern day farmer counterparts- during times of drought and crop failure. There are innumerable examples of such scenarios from everywhere around the world… so what makes YOU stop eating another human being? (This is a proven fact that many times over across the world- tribes and warring groups ate the dead of the antagonists to show/prove their superiority, cultural and otherwise- but this is direct correlation with what I understand, flesh has the power- occult/spiritual/causal which can make one person ‘stronger’ than another- and hence its so addictive to so many carnivores in the world)

You would (if you could) think about it; and perhaps come to the conclusion that the fact that you would not be able to do something which you feel against- as killing someone else for your food- this would bring about the empathy/sympathy that you too might be in such conditions to be eaten- and would hence pose as a deterrent. You could feel the other person has a family; someone who cares for them, hell they are just like you… how could you do something horrendous to someone like that….? or maybe you would come to the “naive” and shit faced conclusion that humans are more important than other life forms- they are smarter/stronger or some fuck up and hence deserve to be here, while others are expendable (and I really PITY such crude logic when it comes to the fore in humans)

And yes, then I would believe that you are a hypocrite. The most abundant (over a billion useless people in this wretched land itself!) and freshest meat in the world off the back of human being and you aren’t willing to take a bite? What type of macho meat eater would you be? You are a coward; eating something packed and roasted in a plastic- not knowing whether that life had something in common to you or ever caring to know in the first place. How could you kill something/someone who you had affection towards? Who you could sympathize with… and yes you might not sympathize to a chicken wailing or a cow crying before its slaughter. But then why such steep narrow moral standards when it comes to human beings- who are little or no better than these animals (most often worse than them- never minding their own natural business). At least the animals were not hypocrites. They ate whatever they could. Without a blind sightedness which humans are consumed with.

Next time you abhor something like cannibalism; you must take a look to the human condition (including your own), at least wild cannibals are true to their state of meat eating- (and cannibals give up other meat BECAUSE again its proclaimed that human meat is the best/most powerful of all); unlike you connoisseurs of fine dining who like some dead rotting flesh to be served to you; which you are not strong or willing enough to kill; which you are not strong or willing enough to atone (its sacrifice); yet are willing to devour down incessantly like some sort of ignorant fool; who does not understand the power of flesh; yet is addicted to it like a maggot.

(PS: I find that most non-vegetarians have never even witnessed the cruel death of something they are going to consume with relish. Perhaps they should, it might bring some perspective to the actions their stomach inspire!)

and I do not favour the death of anything/anyone for sheer consumption by another.

Peace

The Night Life @ Kaup

2011-05-20T09:39:00.001-07:00

Sorry, but the title is a bit misleading for us city folk. We think of night life as decking ourselves up; driving through the weekend traffic and heading out to a dingy room with discourteous barkeepers and waiters and dancing through smoke and sweat; seeing some shiny disco balls and perhaps getting felt up as the highlight of the night!

But @ Kaup; its always something else. This is one of the more famous beaches close to udupi/manipal on the south western coast of India (state of Karnataka). For decades, students from manipal colleges have been visiting this beach for freaking and having some open air fun. And I must admit I have been no exception.

Kaup (pronounced ka-pu); is a clean stretch with no tourist nonsense (until the time I was there), couple of shops which keep the usual eatables and drinkables (toddy from close by village is a must!) for the student population. And oh I forgot to mention the beautiful scenic lighthouse which exists (now over 100 years old!). The lighthouse is a sight to see at night (not too tall, but the perfect structure for the place).. the single light pouring through darkness; a beam cutting into the night (so it always seems to me). It also divides the beach into almost two equal halves. The best thing is, that you can climb it up with a ticket till evening to see the awesome view 360 degrees abound. There is the mighty blue ocean on one side, and the endless green on the other. Its a beautiful sight to see from the elevation! (I have had the good fortune of seeing the rain clouds approaching and almost blowing me off the lighthouse, its extremely soul quenching!)

Well, I will tell you about the very first time I went to kaup with my friends (I guess they were- Alap, Sandeep Patel, Roop, Joy, Arvind Patravali). We took a bus from udupi and within half and hour reached to the town kaup, from there its a 20 odd minute walk into the village area. We cut through just in time while keeping our sights on the beautiful sunset, This was our first time, and we did not know our exact bearings.. and took casual time to explore the countryside (it was the first time for all of us looking at the real clean beautiful Indian countryside).

By the time we could hear waves close by, it had become dark and fast. The night was clear (and no moon in sight), and LO! within a period of minutes the entire scenery became dimly illuminated- No; not from any artificial lamp/light or the moon. It were the STARS! above us, around us. enveloping us.. I had never had the pleasure of seeing such a skyline of space ever before (and I have seen clear skies outside cities).

This was one of the very rare instances which I got to see (this being the very first) the beautiful akasha ganga- our own galaxy- milky way! It was too much, we all could see the thick necklace- the beautiful band of stars which formed the part of our own galaxy! We all must have heard about it, cause we concluded it to be this, but wow; I cant remember anything as precious ever which my eyes had witnessed. I remember all of us walking looking up and not in front to the beautiful empty virgin beach (most students retreat this place too by evening- especially couples lol). We spent umpteen time over there, idling and gazing at the stars- jewels adorning the neck of the infinite sky and space. It was imprinted in my brain. It was something which I could never forget (being the city bum that I am).

The place is magical in its own right; for at kaup (and many other places in and around manipal itself)- where there were at that time no neon lights to spoil the night sky- were the perfect sights to lay down on the grass or sand, look up without any concentration to see the most and i do mean MOST amount of varied colourful and out of the world (literally) shooting stars/meteors. It is truly a sight to see, almost every other second a brilliant streak through the night sky… and all through the night! I tell you, I have never been so bored of making magical wishes one after the other!

The roaring beaches at night, the beautiful un matched pristine night sky with stars and starlight, the shooting stars interspersed between these eternal twinkles of the night and you feel thoroughly blessed to be a part of nature; Yea this is when a decently smart person can understand (like I did), that to be part of nature is this life’s work enough; I don’t have to go and be gung-ho and change nothing, Everything is perfect the way it is! The way it should and must be.

Peace

You are a Tree(t)

2011-05-18T13:27:00.001-07:00

You too are a tree in the making. Or have you already been made/saved?

Your wisdom is rooted to the ground. The earth and its life renewing soil, which creates the body you so adore; and finally absorbs it too to sustain others lives. Your wisdom like the roots of the ancient tree; is deep within (you), it expands in all directions absorbing the nectar/water to give and sustain your individual life. Your roots (the experiences that maketh-you) are your foundation. Why not make them strong and enduring like this mammoth tree of life itself?

Your branches/passion/individuality extend upwards towards the infinite blue sky (akasha-ether-the fifth element). Your aim flawless moves towards the golden powerful sun, towards and into the fire that burns in your heart. Its the source of everything potent; the power of the atom. Its within you too. Look deep and revel in its blinding light! Just like the mammoth tree ever erect in its naive innocence to capture (the sublime akasha and the sun which pervades within it!)

Your deepest glow; your sensual enigma; Your ethereal ‘presence’ are the flowers the bloom all over this mighty ancient tree. Its a treat to see these enchanting wild flowers of all colour and form, of all sizes and patterns glistening and spreading wild erotic scents towards the world and way beyond. This is you too oh lover of life! Your essence becomes the intoxicating scent that this world oh so requires and now!

Your life complete is the fruit. Its the bestowment towards the betterment and continuation of this sacred eternal river of life/lives. Here and now. Make yourself and break yourself so you can be saved by grace. So you may save ‘others’ through yours!

You are the shelter and You are verily life! You shade those who eat at you and rot your ‘insides’- the innumerable parasites/vermin. You are patient and mighty in being just like the ancient tree.

Ever understanding that all worldly ideals and principles merge back into glorious silence…You see life without perception/In eternal silence; Yes you are such too! In silence you help those who need (you). In laughter with the blowing wind (which alleviates the sick and diseased), you are the mighty cool shade which protects and preserves all there is to come.

You will bind the soil (of the ignorant) into one single conscious entity. Grow in peace with all there has even been.

Would you not want to be such a tree. Such a treat?

It makes you what you were meant to be in the first place.

Peace !

The Thinker…

2011-05-16T12:57:00.001-07:00

(A thinker sees not the power which makes/breaks him. For then he must stop thinking and start being)

- The Thinker/Rodin/France

He is searching, and seeking. In a complete rut; he wants and needs something to set him free?! Yet he deceives himself with this satisfaction of extra ordinary knowledge. Will not change a single thing, what remains the use of this idle seeking?

When the real knowledge eludes him no end. Looking for an elixir to let it all be- his lofty ideal; what's the use mighty thinker if you don’t let go and let it all be by yourself? .

There is no use and point, and this is what baffles your mind the most. For your goal is no longer tasting divine, its no longer the effort your mind has put into this trial.

He is not wise, he is verily a thief. He thinks he owns the jewels of wisdom and he runs day and night helter skelter away from the unmistakable truth (out to get him). His thoughts do not matter, his ideas will not enlighten. For now he sees; that enlightenment is buried in a casket; a casket which lowered into the ground, cannot be deciphered or thought of as anything or anyone unique.

You pleased your mind with the pursuit of knowledge, and that is where it all ended. The pursuit was your game and content-ment far from your chosen reality. You loved to pursue your paradise with the very fact that you could not even fathom it with your mind! What use remains your learning, when your insides rest deep inside (the earth!?)

Humble remains the wise, he has not the thirst anymore. Which you oh lofty thinker couldn’t believe as anything more than a chore. Your glory remains the attention you need. You reek of petty and you verily deceive!

The thinker is a fine state to be in, when your mind is bored and lonely. You can think the world up and down. Quote a legend and make all the bloody sound. But in the end; the pit for your grave remains un-named, whether you were a thinker or a saint!

Looks like Rodin drew inspiration from this/or such people?

Peace and Love

~Full May Moon~

Shri Mahavidyas: BagalaMukhi

2011-05-16T01:55:00.001-07:00

Deliver us from evil, magik which aims to slay. Pray to the crane necked/faced goddess; who keeps all things malign at bay. Pray in reverence and not for personal ego satisfaction and see what happens in your day to day. You will be delivered from evil eye and jealousy. From wrath; lust and greed. Pray for the only boon which counts. To remove the poisonous misery which man makes against another.

The goddess is the eighth great power of reckoning. She is the one who offers you the access to the six wrathful rites of tantra- which can cause demise to your enemy, make you conquer and rule, cause disease and death to those who oppose you. She is prayed sincerely by the left hand path and will offer you protection against the powers which come against your progress in the material and spirit planes.

She is called the ‘paralyser’ for she will cause stambhana- a method which makes the mind and body to get glued to inertia (though traditionally she is shown to paralyse the tongue of the enemy- holding the demon/enemy’s tongue and a mace/weapon on the other hand to destroy).

This is used in tantra to conquer those who oppose. Their minds get wasted and their bodies decay. She paralyses the enemy, and offers power to the adept in return. For bagalamukhi is the power of the opposite manifesting complete- where false victory is; there imminent defeat. Where material wasting; there spiritual illumination, where uncontrollable lust; there unconditional love. She shows the divine manifestation of infinity *8*. The mighty dual. The etheric double.

She is not to be prayed to lightly; she is indeed a mighty cross to bear. She is not your personal saviour, she is the mother of every energetic force born to fruition. She is not a tantric deity. She is the end complete.

She is yellow like the sun, fierce like fury. Sublime like nectar and offering the wise glory. She arrests those impure; their tongue/penis/clitoris immobile to cause any more (detest). She redeems those still and sound. Who have not lost faith; who lose no ground (in sleep ignorance). She offers man path to glory. Where you lose your prana and at her feet rest your story.

- The powerful visual representation for mother bagalamukhi/pitambara

Peace and Love

Esoteric Representations

2011-05-15T00:26:00.001-07:00

There are couple of esoteric representations present in world myths/symbols which I thought would require clarifications beneficial for those interested.

1) The Conquering of serpent Kaliya by Krishna:

So the myth goes that there was this dangerous huge 5 headed snake in the river Yamuna (flowing in north India); who terrorised all the local inhabitants abound. Krishna the warrior prince came over and at the behest of people went and conquered the snake; he actually danced on the serpents head to subdue and pronounce victory:

The esoteric representation:

Well every mythical account in the history of human evolution has a link with direct experience of the occult (spiritual/other worldly phenomenon). Here Krishna is conquering the serpent power of his within; The serpent power- Kundalini is the ego force in human beings, located at the base of the spine; when Krishna is shown dancing over this snake; it goes to show the exact moment of transcendence (Krishna is a boy when this happens- just entered puberty/adulthood) into ego-less god head. Also the river chosen is Yamuna. In Indian mythology; ganga is representation of solar energy or the Pingala nadi/nerve which flows from the base to the right nostril. Yamuna is representative of the Ida channel- the lunar/moon energy which flows to the left nostril- traditionally Krishna worship is done via bhakti- love et all which involves the over use of ida channel/moon channel to raise the kundalini. Hence esoteric representation uses Yamuna in this particular iconography.

2) The Story of Adam and Eve:

In Christian mythology; the earliest iconography depicts the garden of paradise where initially man and later his counterpart; woman was made. They were innocent – which goes to say that they had not experienced the sexual energy present within themselves- a state of pre-pubescent life.

So there are fruits everywhere; and on the tree of life/knowledge hangs the apple of desire and the snake comes over and tempts both of them to take a bite and revel in life’s passion. This moment for long is depicted as the fall of man from divinity into mortality.

The Esoteric Representation:

The representation of the Tree and the snake is very common in almost all pre-Christian religions as well, most cases they represent something good rather than what is portrayed in Christianity. Well here the tree is to represent the spinal column (in most representations of a tree- it goes to show the human spinal column held erect/vertical unlike spines of other life forms). The snake here again is the powerful serpent-kundalini/ the individual ego force. Before the both Adam/eve took the fruit; they remained almost in blissful ignorance. As soon as they consumed it, their serpent powers became active, they became aware of individuality (which is seen by Christians- as shame/ because they supposedly became aware of their private parts). The tree is actually called the tree of wisdom/tree of knowledge of good and evil…. I believe that this myth would have been borrowed by more ancient tribes who used it to depict the route which man takes from innocence at birth to knowledge of his individual sexual energy and form which leads over time and experience to wisdom and true understanding of good and evil. The Christians haphazardly condemn the snake, which is the only way one can forget and then realize their own divinity (think about it, why we all live is to fall down from grace so we may live the hard life and realize the state of grace/god hood once more.. and so it is with the initial life forms/Adam and eve)

3) Hippocrates and the rod of Asclepius:

The most popular symbol of medicine (the only one too) is the mythical rod of Asclepius which is a snake intertwined along the staff. The other most commonly used symbol; is the rod of Caduceus (both borrowed from ancient Greek myths)… the caduceus is similar to the former, but has two snakes intertwined instead of one (it is seen as the hand of mercury; the communicator).

--The above shows the rods of Asclepius and caduceus.

The Esoteric Representation:

There is a profound difference in both the representation. Again to do (you guessed it) with the serpent power (hell these are serpents depicted!). As I said, the base of the spine- which here and most other human myths are represented by an erect staff- which (as I also said before) represents the erect homo sapiens spinal column.

The Caduceus represents the major two nerves/nadis which flow from the base of the spine-muladhara to the top till the nostrils… and clearly you can see that the snakes end before the wings depicted, because the wings are the seventh seat of consciousness- sahasrara. Which depicts flight from the human to the divine! and is located above the head.

The Asclepius is showing a single snake- this is not representative of a nerve and rather it shows the real serpent/kundalini/feminine ego power ascend from the bottom of the spine to the top of head.

Now you ask why the Asclepius is shown to be the symbol of medicine (it was the staff of Asclepius). There are many explanations but the central esoteric one remains that the key to good health is the rising of this ancient and only force of the universe, and in turn all diseases which rise are due to the self power being hidden or inactive. The true disease is ignorance, manifesting itself through the mind which affects the entire body. The key to perpetual good health and longevity is in the awakening of the self power, upwards through the meru-danda (the stick of meru! or in this case the stick of Asclepius!-the spinal column) and dissolving the illusion.

Sadly most people look to these esoteric representations and see snakes where there are none, people terrified or in awe of snakes- where there are none. The true meanings are and have always been internal and microcosmic.

Time then to look inwards. Time has always been such!

Peace~

Everyone Will Get Theirs…Now and Here!

2011-05-14T23:54:00.001-07:00

Everyone of us cribs that we don’t get what we deserve, especially when we look at potential; perpetual sinners who con their way ‘'ahead’ of us in life.

Let me give you a hypothetical example,

You have been waiting lets say in front of an Indian government building, for a long time in queue and in the sweltering heat to get your turn. There a fool suddenly arrives who goes to the front of the line and starts sweet talking with his ‘pal’ and before you know it, his turn has arrived. That's not all, this guy does not take the usual 2 minutes for his process, he is uneducated, illiterate and obtuse and takes up all the time till its time for office to shut down

Now; I have gone through harsh times as well as good times, yet there is one quality of mine which has kept me in good stead throughout. I wait, I am patient and look for the time which is mine. There is an old saying; ‘What goes up, must come down’. This applies to everyone of us too. We all strive to be the best or at the peak of our careers, lives, relations what not… and we all want it; nay, need it right now. That's where it goes all awry. Many people use others, abuse others to get to the pedestal they choose. Yes they get there, but no they cannot stay there…. the strange real powerful fact of life.

Life in its entirety with all its causal effects is cyclical. Everything comes a full circle. You born- you die- you reborn. You get to the top of you petty ladder- you fall down to the bottom- and you start up/down wherever again. Everything happens such, I have seen it- hell everyone of us has seen it, then why still the crab mentality to get there first and why not last. What difference does it make?

Yes it makes a difference, if you choose to accept and entertain the notion that everyone is equal and life will give everyone their deserved chance. If something like this is true, then it gives us patience and stride to do our own thing without bothering about the trivialities which someone else is pursuing in closet jealousy or envy.

So someone is doing great at their work (it seems to be the fucking fascination of this generation), someone has got a handsome groom (the second most serious fascination of us mortals). Someone is partying more or has got more luck… it all is good; for all you have to do IS NOT BE MEEK, yet keep a solemn patient fervour and do what you choose to. Expanding life and not contracting it by this constant jealous ego expression that somehow all us 21st century folks seem to easily incorporate.

What I am saying in short (and long) is that; though many might have not seen or felt the cyclic tendencies which life propels; I have. So everyone who once was great will not be so, those who will be meek shall not be so (look at the revolution of our times; here and now!). Keep a keen eye and be kind, life is waiting to reward all those in turn and full who keep wisdom in their hearts, and the great equaliser in their minds.

- The sacrament of Last Supper/Salvador Dali

Peace & Love

The Sheer Power of Kateel

2011-05-14T01:46:00.001-07:00

There is a place on the outskirts of Mangalore (around 30 kms odd) on the west coast of India, in the state of Karnataka (It is around 50 km from the city of manipal, where I studied many years back). The place is a small town which now lies on route to the Mangalore airport… The holy and powerful place of Kateel goddess lies here. The goddess here is fiery durga, who is victorious in battle and unmatched when it comes to power and divine grace.

I always made it a point to visit this temple whenever I had a flight to hop on or off from… I don’t know how or why, but the time I got to know of this temple, I had to visit it; there are many many temples in this area, but this is particularly legendry; There are many stories attached to the temple but most famous (which I think most konkani’s and mangalorians would know from childhood is) that as the goddess temple is located as an island in between the river Nandini; and over the last 50 years whenever this river used to become furious and heavy; threatening to submerge all land around it (due to the excessive rain-downpour which perennially occurs in this region)… it would never ever rise above the level of the temple… Goddess here keeps the fiery Nandini below her always, and keeping the coastal folks safe. Kateel itself means the waist of the river I believe, and though most of the year the river is a mere trickle but its a delight to see it in full force during the Indian monsoons.

The goddess idol is particular too, its probably the only place where I have seen the imagery of a sitting goddess, here the idol is but a mere 3-4 feet from the ground; she is sitting on her seat and holds a chakra and conch while offering protection and liberation to her devotees.

Though I am not religious about temples, but I found this place full of invigorating power and energy, I don’t know how to describe it but there is a sheer lightening effect which takes place when you enter the sanctum and look at the idol. The idol looks very very powerful indeed. Small and dressed in gold and ornaments; she looks fiery none the less.. as if always ready to slay the ignorance and promote the love of self.

Its a treat to go there if you are on way to Mangalore airport. It comes on the way and it would take you mere moments before you realize what I wrote is indeed the truth!

Love and Peace~

~The Surreal Aim At Arunachala~

2011-05-13T10:29:00.001-07:00

There are two major holy power places for a shaivite (a shiva path follower) in India, One is in extreme north- Mount Kailas and mansarover which now lies in China, and the other in extreme south in tamilnadu called the hill of Arunachala.

Well Kailas is the abode of Shiva, its where he lives, but arunachala is a lonely hill (almost surrounded by barren fields for over 50 off kms everywhere). Arunachala towers up, and its pointed and alone, This is not where Shiva stays, this is who Shiva is. the hillock is considered the shiva-linga itself. The hill is the god. Its so beautiful that Indians can and do find and worship divinity wherever they can lay their sights upon. (its one thing to do idol worship- but when everything you see is the idol- then you do non-dual worship)

The mythology behind the form of Shiva appearing here is as follows (most of us would have heard it)

One day lord brahma and lord Vishnu had some sort of ego tussle to see who is the greater more powerful god amongst them, so as they couldn’t solve it themselves, they go to Shiva and ask him to resolve this issue. Shiva sets up a test, he says that brahma must go up and try to find his (Shiva) head and Vishnu must go and find his feet, and there is a flower which they must get back as proof (I forget the flowers name).

So brahma goes up but Shiva extends into infinity above; so brahma cheats and just plucks the flower from the earth and comes back, while Vishnu becomes a boar and starts digging under ground to see Shiva's feet, and he is unable to find it.. being humble Vishnu accepts defeat and comes back empty handed. This blazing column which Shiva becomes to test both the gods is Arunachala itself. It is a blazing pillar of fire, and hence arunachala is the centre of fire worship and the fire-element shiva linga is situated here. Well shiva brands brahma a cheat and liar and tells that there would be no more brahma worship held anywhere and Vishnu is held victorious… and the myth ends. The result is that the pillar of fire is made into stone and consecrated as the holy mountain arunachala itself~

Well I had the lovely fortune of going and spending some time at arunachala (I actually went during a powerful full moon night- where perhaps around or more than a lakh pilgrims do “giri-velam”- or circumambulation of the holy hill barefoot all night long- which spans over 10 kms). Well I did not do that, but I did visit the hill, Most pilgrims who walk on this hill do so barefoot- and believe you me there is no path to walk upon which is kind to the sole of the feet, and yet its so inspiring to see men and women walk around cruel rocks laden in the name of a path without flinching or cribbing all year around for eons till date!

There was a very funny or incidental thing which happened to me when I stepped on this holy mountain, There is a small forest gate which one must cross through to enter into the hill (as its a forest conservation region)… well the very first step of mine onto the hill coincided with a pellet/rock fired at me by a small kid who was sitting at a distance; which hit me on my left temple (right next to my left eye). I at that point was thinking something; whether I should take my sandals off to step in; and with my first step a rock changed my mental tapestry for moments all together; everything blanked out and I was without memory. I don’t think it was my thought which provoked it or anything; but I believe the holy hill gave me a good reckoning… sometimes it happens like this; a direct physical jolt to the body changes the energy configuration of the system… I should have had the grace to accept what hit me as beneficial, but I as usual lost my cool and went to the kid who was playing robin hood with his weapon and shouted at him… I was mad cause I thought that if the rock hit my eye; I would have been blind, but I cooled down and continued with my walk without anything else much significant taking place. I reached the place where the sage ramana maharshi stayed for over a decade before descending to the foothills in silence. The place is surreal, the view 360 degrees of the plains and the arunachaleshwar fire temple is beautiful to say the least. The silent meditation if only for a short duration in the ashram on the hill was rejuvenating. The aim of Shiva in the guise of a kid had been perfect; I now understand in retrospect. It made me overflow in the love that is Shiva-consciousness~

There are more foreigners who visit this place than the average middle class Indian over the years because us folks who live and thrive in this country still don’t know the significance of this beautiful and silent power place, the hill still claims to host divine beings of light and energy (siddhas and maunis), some in physical and others in energy form. There are also inaccessible places present and the average trekker is not advised to venture into many parts of the hill, There is also presence of secret kund and trees which appear to those in silent power meditation apart from secret tunnels which supposedly lead to the sanctum of the temple, which the siddhas travel by to worship without being seen one bit.

Its a treat to visit the place, you don't have to be a holy person or pilgrim or religious or superstitious to see the power and peace which arunchala has exuded over lifetimes…. that's the thing with power places, the less mental stigma or rigidity you possess; the greater the chances that something extraordinary and beneficial will happen once you are there. That has always been my experience.

Peace and Thavam~

Insanely French

2011-05-10T09:47:00.001-07:00

They have a popular saying in Paris;

The only thing sane in Paris is the river Seine (pronounced ‘sane’).

And how I agree with them, the French are non-conformists to any and all singular line of thought(s) or behaviour. They unlike the stern upper lipped English counterparts; regularly go out of their heads, through any which means possible and this is accepted if not revered in their society. Yea, this form of thinking is actually encouraged.

This is not to say the French are an open society in all respects, what I know of them- they would never ever disclose their income or economic status; though they are extremely hierarchical in that respect (they won’t tell you how much they earn though it can be seen by the way they dress, eat and treat their fellow man-nearly half a century ago, their maids could not use the elevators reserved for their masters and had to use the stairs instead). They would also never tell you who they vote for or what their political views are ever… well there are many such idiosyncrasies they possess but one of the things which caught my attention recently is—>

I had the fortune of visiting Paris recently for a couple of days and in that time I went for a show, well it wasn’t a regular show- its called ‘Paradis latin’ or Paradise of Latin (the theatre is located in Latin street and its a very old construction designed by gustav eiffel himself- the building and its pillars are gorgeous though small).

The show is a great hit and most people who come to Paris view it (many locals on a night out also visit it). Amongst the audience were people from norway, australia, England, india etc…. well the show is a cabaret mixed with some juggling, dancing, trapeze and some awesome singing by the lead artist (who is currently Maria I believe) and before you know it, the one and half hours pass by quickly; with the help of the complimentary wine/champagne of course!

The great irony or well the insanity which I found in this event is (and this is purely from the viewpoint of an Indian mind you!) is that this is a formal event. Well its been toned down to accommodate tourists now and then and yet its a shirt-tie kind of deal. Its not that you can go there in your jeans and slippers (though as I said they accommodate tourists sometimes who don’t have the proper attire). So you dress up and go to the show and you check out topless and at times completely nude women and men (well mostly women -thank the lord for THAT) for a period of an hour or more…. this is so ridiculous to me, why the hell do I have to dress up to see a refined cabaret or sleaze show/entertainment? Doesn’t that strike you as weird if not completely out of it ???

It did for me, and I laughed as soon as the show began and didn’t stop chuckling till it ended, its an awesome performance, though the synchronisation of all the dancers is not perfect at all times, but the lack of clothes makes up for those little errors lol. And everyone in the audience comes decked up nice to come and check out some topless dancers in the name of art… as I said in the beginning, the only think sane in the city of Paris, is the river seine!

Peace

The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam-I

2011-05-09T00:21:00.001-07:00

This ‘book’ can be treated as more than drunken poetry or a Sufi's attempt to elucidate spirit love. Each verse/couplet has esoteric meanings hidden just like most Indian texts on the subject of divinity or such.
I have tried other people’s commentary and translation on the various topics present in the rubbaiyyat. Though there are references to the mundane events and people in certain couplets; yet omar khayyam keeps most of the couplets as esoteric and hidden as they can get. Most people read this famous treatise on Sufi love and think of it as some madman in love for the supreme godhead. Yet most verses offer a different worldly perspective for the ones in dire need for liberation.
The translation (there are numerous of them) which I like most is by Edward Fitzgerald (this is the most comprehensive and famous too perhaps). The reason translations are advisable is not because one can’t decipher the meaning from the literal translation; but as the quatrains can point to various meanings, the most suitable depending upon the age/time of khayyam and the immediate environment too must be taken into consideration (which I believe fitzgerald has done marvellously)
The Quatrain which I love to read over:

Up from Earth's Centre through the seventh Gate
I rose, and on the Throne of Saturn sate,
And many Knots unravel'd by the Road;
But not the Knot of Human Death and Fate.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The literal and esoteric translations of this quatrain for a long time did not make any sense to me, it seemed to be very very tantric but I in my foolishness did not give khayyam credit for the worthy knowledge and experience he possessed. Then one day it struck me :

The earths centre here refers to – The base of the spine, the energy centre close to the sexual reproductive organs- which in Sanskrit texts is known as ‘Muladhara’ / The earth center by definition. This centre holds the individual ego powered energy which in simple English refers to the individual ego. I personally call this as Kundalini- the female serpentine energy – non mythical, and the causality of the entire illusion of personal history and creation.

The seventh gate here refers to the top of head – in Sanskrit its known as the seventh chakra (energy center) – sahasrara (refer to post – ). There are seven such energy centres along the spinal column of the erect homo sapiens. Each energy centre is progressively pierced by the rising earth force- kundalini during the unlearning process of enlightenment.(seven gates from the earth center- muladhara, svaddhistana, manipura, anahata, visuddha, ajna, sahasrara)

Sitting on the throne of Saturn is a very metaphorical yet powerful statement- Saturn/Satan/Shani and so forth is the seventh known planet in the solar system (moon was considered a planet as well in olden times), Saturn is considered as the biggest planet and hence its gravitational effects in astrology are felt to be strongest. Saturn in Indian context refers to a planet giving enlightenment. It gives spiritual knowledge and freedom from mundane pursuits.

Hence sitting on the throne of Saturn- refers to the process of achieving one’s original state. Its not the illusory I condition, and it refers to freedom from the world.

Now Omar, refers in more detail regarding the journey to sitting on the throne of Saturn- there were many knots unravelled by the road. In Indian tantra and texts- there are roughly three major granthis or knots the Individual ego power- kundalini has to ‘unknot’ before reaching the top of the head- sahasrara/ The three knots simply are called the shiva/vishnu/brahma knots. So it looks like even omar had to unknot these on his journey of self discovery.

But the last line is the most difficult to comprehend. He continues to say though he had unknotted and reached the top of his journey to evolution and enlightenment, yet he could not find the key to remove human death and fate. He is trying to impart powerful wisdom here- though you are enlightened and death and fate exist not for you anymore, but for the person who is still dawning the rose colored glasses of maya- there is no reprieve from human fate or death.

And this is true, every saint or Sufi who has been enlightened has not been free (or so it seems to us) from the entanglements of human mortality or fate. This is a way of saying that enlightenment has nothing to do with this. If you are looking to avert your karma- action/reaction/ranu-bandana or such or trying to reach immortality in the guise of enlightening yourself- then you might be sorely disappointed.

Towering Tree Of Love...

2011-04-20T13:10:00.000-07:00

Do we learn to love another life or does it come from somewhere within/somewhere extraordinary? Do you doubt the power of love? or even its existence?
I know the mind cannot love, for the mind is working and acting as if it is unique, paramount and alone in creation. So it has to be something different when it comes to loving free (atleast to me).

I ask myself these questions; and I can say that though I love without mind from somewhere else (perhaps the heart- which goes to say that I don't love because of just sensory allure). Yet I have also learnt/my mind has learnt how to love by seeing its causal signs in nature.
I have been influenced by nature and her glory to learn how to love simply and free, and one of my biggest teachers has been a tree. Yea that sounds strange, but its quite simple really when you are actively searching for hidden signs and portents with 'eyes wide open' (which I used to do earlier in my life);

So Yea, I learnt a lot from a particular tree, my current home has been rooted in the same place for the past 2 decades, and during this time, there stood (for over a decade) a lovely Ashoka Tree right next to my 2nd floor balcony. It doesn't live in form anymore, for it used to be rooted in my ground floor neighbour's garden and over time its roots became so big that they started crumbling my neighbours floor and he eventually had to axe it down. I still remember that was one of the cruelest days of my life, the day when I stood in my balcony and could not see or touch this magnificent being. (I just could not witness it being cut down either- still sends shivers down my spine)

The Ashoka tree had existed almost a couple of years after I shifted to my current place, and it was soon planted by my then neighbors, I remember that it grew to its towering height in just a year or two and remained that way till the end. It equaled my building height and it grew thick over the years with hell lot of branches all cloaked in thick leaves.

So soon enough the tree started hosting different animals, and this is when I really really became interested in this being.... the tree started having sparrows chirping away in the days and it became a haunt for bats in the nights.. soon it was permanently hosting bats under its thick growth, there were crows and squirrels which perpetually lived on it; there were funky birds which nested on it over the years not to mention a family of owls which lived in it for over 3-4 years (I have been unfortunate enough to be hit by a young bats wings too-something which rarely happens). and everyday when I did put my head literally inside the tree's foliage (my 2nd floor balcony was around half its height)... I could expect something varied and interesting. Over the years, the silent powerful tree became my favorite as well, every time I would head to the balcony to see the sky and touch the leaves and communicate and accept its love. and yes, plants/trees are alive, they do feel emotion and they very well do transmit energy too.. If you have not been able to sync with a simple and innocent life-form such as a plant even once in your life, then perhaps now is your chance.

The tree faded one winter, and it didn't come back to its original green color the coming spring, which was strange enough.. I remember thinking that the ground water levels might be the reason or perhaps the pollution or such (delhi was a hell hole of smoke back in those days)... and the tree was bare almost an entire year, the branches started withering and the tree was slowly and surely dying, none of us could figure out why it had not blossomed that year... and well most people don't really think long on such 'worthless' topics as life moves on.

Then a miracle did happen... The tree became as green as it was from the year before. Just like that, this was perhaps one of the most genuine true miracles I have seen in my life... The tree was almost dead... as it was in the nascent stages of rotting from the top... but perhaps over a week or so (or maybe even less)... it became like I had seen it forever before...full bloom and ever green!

It was rejuvenated somehow- and the funny thing is that after this incident.. I never got to see the tree bare ever. Come autumn and spring and the tree would remain same, some leaves would fall but never enough to make the tree any what clad of its inner home. And yea, all the living beings of the world came over and made their home in it once again... living in paradise would have been so much fun~
The Tree seemed to have somehow made up its mind, or given some power to live on... maybe all the life which existed in peace inside the tree (think about it, so many various different lifeforms used to have their nests and home inside the same tree... and this is what I found oh so marvelous) prayed for its survival/revival and lo~ it was so!!!!

The tree had become a nesting ground for life, offering its own body as a place for others to thrive (to the best of my knowledge in harmony and symbiosis)... you could tell me that the tree had no active intention of doing this for its a vegetable at best; and well I have heard and re-heard such fallacies from many, but when you feel the vibration of acceptance and love from another life-form, and hell its not there in your gaze with some malign personal intention... its just there... in all its wonder and silence... and its a part of you as you become a part of it. This transcendence from form and silent awe struck love unconditional is what I learnt from this ancient being. It taught me the power of love, and it showed me the miracle of life through itself. Now, in the absence of body; though invisible to most, it shines forth still to me,
No No not in my mind, that would be crazy, lunatic, schizophrenic at best... No, love comes from somewhere else, deep inside, and yes it does not need words or form for it to exist. The grand vision of this loving towering tree imprinted in my soul eternal is proof enough for my doubts to disappear.

Peace and Love

Wild~Flavor~Flower

2011-04-15T13:46:00.000-07:00

Mysterious and Spaced; lying on my chest yet so far away from my heart lies she.... in damned silence and peaking rage, why is she still facing away from me? Where are her doe-eyes pointing to... towards dark empty space?

I am haunted by this ethereal scent that she brings; the flavor of my fondest flower and my darkest sin. The requiem of love on my grave. She is centered and dowsed in this emotion. Jasmine is her loving name.
A kiss on her lips and surely you are doomed to wander, She owns you. You remain her sensual game...

Every dawn, she would walk upstream close to the pulsating river. She would disappear in the mist and reappear as if walking in from a frozen dream. Dressed in the color white. Her fragrance would wake me up in an orgasm unfulfilled; begging for ever more. For that darker jasmine.

Cloaked in decaying flesh and rotting bones, seeking what was forever more; I fell to deceit and cheats, lifted my gaze and saw her seeping into my soul, saving the wasted and fallen me.... she razed me towards her intoxicating smell. The dark jasmine ruled me whole. What else is there to tell....

Her past shrouded in subtle mystery, her present was dismal ecstasy, she spoke of her childhood in sullen frames... where her father beat her and her mother ran away in shame.
She took upon her heart the unthinkable and accepted her cruel fate. She rose and sprang her cheer and she was never the same.
Her silence forever made me morose. Her shy demure laughter made my eyes shed and my throat hoarse, Her beauty ever resplendent like the shining sun above. Her madness grander than the moon on her throne.

Jasmine, oh darkest Jasmine; would you lie down for a bit now? Cease to be pained by who you were hurt by someday, somehow....
Your soul so pure!, saved me; touched me; kissed my shredded heart; You became my cure!
Let us be intertwined this solemn night, where we lose robes of skin and in each others eyes, make magik love like hungry djinns!
Your fragrence has lifted me from the pit of my despair, shed my pain, and has finally cut the painful mortal snare. Your sadness has shown me my worth this life. To become your lover and servant till time exists no more.

Oh Jasmine, there is surely no need to cry anymore. See the abundance of love pouring through; from shore to distant shore..... Jasmine, you remain the darkest damsel. You remain sheer delight, dissolving the exterior in turn for one and final ethereal core.

Love and Peace

(This is a continuation from http://civashakti.blogspot.com/2009/10/wildflower.html)

Walk Pilgrim Walk

2011-04-15T02:29:00.000-07:00

I think about the most insistent/persistent/consistent thing which I have done in my life, and the answer is clear.
I have walked. I walk and as long as my legs shall support my breadth, I shall walk.
I have been told that I started using my legs, exactly on the day of my first birthday. I could stand and walk in one go, and I am thankful for this grace bestowed. For this is one of the fondest and most meditative acts which I have been able to do time over with relish.

Walking is at some level genetic, instinctive and eventual in any humans life. Those of us who haven't been able to enjoy walking for one reason or other (mostly laziness) can never enjoy the true carnal pleasure of wanderlust. Of absolute freedom from direction or rules. Freedom to go where one pleases, when one wants and when one chooses!

I am not a big fan of man-made transport. Its needed in concrete jungles where walking is sheer pain rather than pleasure. But when we have the open space above and beyond us to explore. Then the walk becomes the goal-less goal. The pathless path. The meditative spiritual state of reality- where the truth is that there is no walker- there is no walk- there is no path. There is just one-ness.

I know for sometime now- that when pilgrims/walkers are able to go long distances (just like myself); they experience special peaceful states (theta brain wave states) which are absolutely the same states which lucid dreamers and meditation experts can extract.

There are many pilgrimages in India (way too many), and its really wonderful to walk ways which lead through Indian rural sceneries to places of power, the act of walking is so slow and strenuous that in a period of time; the pilgrim starts experiencing a slower pace of the mind. He starts with viewing the external world in a slower light (try it.. cause the only way most of us know how to move is with a car/bike/mechanical transport- which takes us through our visual externals at a faster pace, but walking is so slow- that it allows you to change your scenery at a constant slow pace- inducing visual delight to the pilgrim to enjoy and understand the external world around us, while enjoying the internal rapture of walking meditation).

There is a beautiful movie on walking pilgrimage which I recently saw, its called "the way" starring martin sheen in a very composed and strong lead. He walks the ancient pilgrim road- "The way of St. James" or the "El Camino de Santiago" spanning over 800 km's. The movie is a sheer visual delight as they show a lot of pit stops which the pilgrims go through as they make their way to the holy ruins of apostle St. James located in the west most point of spain in gallacia. The entire route is laden with holy power places where pilgrims can rest and contemplate. Most pilgrims walk to and from santiago atleast once in their lives.
I loved the movie which was able to show case the serenity and rest that a wanderlust-ing pilgrim on his way to his maker feels. There is no maker on this earth, but there are such beautiful natural power-places strewn all across- that its quite literally a sin not to walk on our feet and explore the beauty of this green earth!
And that is what walking is for all its worth. Its that innocent sense which most us city dwellers have left far behind... Imagine being able to walk amidst dense jungles, or snow peaks or uninhabited islands, or green misty valleys and so much more... exploring and seeing things for the very first time! Thats what nature's grand vision to teach us is... to show us the beauty of heavens right here on earth, but these beautiful mysterious grand visions won't come to us if we sit and slack inside our 4 wall cubicles. These mysteries and visions are not there on a road map or even on a road... they are there where man has yet not visited, and I assure you that our mother-this earth has many many places like this. Completely invisible to the fool, and only pleasing those who work hard and walk silent without expectations!

Walking makes one a man! It brings patience and faith of a just path/goal. It brings strength and endurance to stop the world/or atleast slow the world (stopping the world- quite literally stopping what the external is projecting). Walking brings out being and character. It is a conversation (not a monologue) which one has with oneself. It results in ending of the conversation, replaced by the true state of one-ness.
Walking appeases the beast in man, It cures wanderlust and the diseases which ravage the mind and body. Depression and insomnia, obesity and lust, materialism and hedonism. Everything is balanced when one walks with his walking stick (you can see ancient iconography of most gods of ancient lore- and you will see that most carry a walking power stick in some form or other). Everything remains in perfect equilibrium... this realization so strong and in grand magnitude hits the enduring pilgrim, who walks day and night; sun and star to no end and to the end of the world for the pleasure of it.

I love to walk. I love to see this beautiful perfect Earth through my eyes, No I wont have it- that someone else will tell me about what is what without me seeing it for the very first time myself, and this is what walking is eternally. Seeing and being for the very first time. Like never before. It couldn't be so without the strength in my legs and the fire in my heart. It could be only so... with the wind in my hair and my eyes in awe twinkling like stars! Feels like seeing things for the very first time!

Peace

The Alien Crown

2011-04-09T00:36:00.001-07:00

There is much debate nowadays, on origins of human history and anthropological evidence discovered so far and what it all really points to. Well the debate is whether our past is molded by our species or whether there have been extra terrestrial entities also involved intimately to shape our present/future.

For years, I do not need any more convincing. I believe that most encounters with divine entities in any culture’s past are influences of other worldly beings, some call them angels/demons, djinns and siddhas, bhuta and pishach etc. The gods which most of humanity prays to look like they have arrived on some space ship here, and are dressed in astronaut suits with perhaps jet packs and multi utility instruments in their mechanical hands (refer the thousand hands of the multitude of gods/goddesses we have- who carry weapons and other instruments)
Well I have been pondering long on this topic, there are innumerable examples in subcontinent texts to bluntly explain the role of the extra terrestrial gods in fields related to astrology, science, art, ethics, religion, spirituality and so much more.

The way I have come to see which of the pantheon of gods are actually extra-terrestrial is by the way of whether they actually adorn a crown on their head or not. Now here is the funny part, except for the ancient figure Shiva, all the other gods have been depicted wearing a crown to represent their grandeur.
What is it about the crown that is so alien ? Well its not the crown per say, its what's underneath the crown… In many other parts of the world, people have discovered the presence of human skulls/fossils with elongated heads, there is still rampant practice of elongating a living babies head in certain tribes of africa- as a token to their gods. You can search and see the impact of the expanded head across various religions and tribes in the world. Its truly profound. In India; there are no gods depicted with elongated craniums, but every god does possess and wear an extended Crown. Perhaps as a helmet or some sort of locking device for the safety/security of their brain.
The link below shows that artificial cranial deformation is as old as perhaps the evolution of the modern human- who has used this technique as perhaps a method to emulate the superiority of the ancient alien races which might have come to earth in the past. Across various religions such an act (performed on babies) is for lifelong change and is used as a caste/social status cue for the others to know.

The skull representation of an Egyptian princess
(You can refer to the wiki link : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artificial_cranial_deformation)
The reason according to me why the god Shiva is always depicted without a crown (well apart from the religious esoteric reasons), is because shiva has been a human being; someone like us who is used more often than not as iconography to depict divine consciousness transcendence. He is not a real alien/extra terrestrial who came from the heavens/skies above to show us something which we didn’t know. It is quite a revelation to me.
There is also more to Indian History than most know or care to admit, Indian history has been shaped by multiple time eras. Well India has been an Island and also part of the Asian continent. It has been close to the Sangam continent as well. There have been cultures evolving and living here through different time periods.
And yes, all of these cultures have encountered divine, transcendental heavenly beings time to time. From maha-avatars and therionthropes to hyper dimensional siddhas, naths, aghoris etc. These all are either extra or ultra terrestrial beings; mingling with the human race and propounding information and ways to live more seamlessly.
So I have understood parts of the ancient Dravidian/Tamil literature to the mohendajaro extinction and also the Indus valley gods. The supposed Aryan conquest and the mixing of the natives/tribal with the oncoming agrarians (that too was propounded by extra terrestrials at some point). The thing is, In India- its all accepted; if I was to go about and rant that Maha-Kali is an alien who came down as a last resort to the ‘experimental gene farm’ which we call the earth to fight over some other alien entity- well this won’t go down bad or misunderstood by any Indian, cause most Indians have gotten their own mechanisms by now to remove any disconcerting or conflicting knowledge about their theosophy or religion without being least affected by it. This gives the average Indian moron way more tolerance about the ambiguities of our own past, yet at the same time it gives us way more nonchalance regarding the beliefs we hold as our sacred past without questioning their true origins.

Peace

Your MoJo

2011-04-07T13:00:00.001-07:00

These are the two ways for consciousness to shift during one’s lifetime:
1) Consciousness experiences only the repetition of days and nights. There is uncertainty and little or lack of self understanding or knowledge/being with power. This consciousness tries to become self-aware through breaking down of physical and mental barriers. It tries to expand and experience ‘subjective more’ about its own creation. This is the experience of the householder going through phases and realizing that the end so near and realization yet so far. Its brief but you can generally see this for yourself, are you happy currently yet you are not happy in the moment? The moments are not what they are to the conscious full person… different and unexplainable.
2) The other visualization of consciousness is when it realizes (subjectively); that its unending limitless conscious power of the universe, and it can experience through the senses or in their absence as well. This is the true real state of creation. And the former one mentioned is the maya which most of us human beings go through in the vague and generally unrewarding quest to become self aware. This is the way of zen too. There remains nothing to realize for you are already that. This is the true state. Stateless state to be precise. Words and thoughts lose their charm when one is pure consciousness. As it should be always.
The first perception is the evolutionary conscious action.
The latter is the revolutionary conscious being. The latter where there is paramount realization of one’s own state and being. The one universal power present without forms or understanding. As dark as the darkest nebula, As light as the glowing suns forever…
The way when one realizes that they are not who they are, there is nothing as it is. yet the universe remains like this and that. This is the avaduta path to realization. There is no realization, for its forever realized.
These are not yet ramblings; these are the ways in which consciousness passes in the vessel of the body and onwards forever.
Which of these methods appeals to you? The way in which every single moment you become and be more and more of this entire existence. Growing multiplying consciousness ever expanding?
Or the method where you already are, everything already is. In bliss and love. There is no change envisioned, there is nothing to slay. This is the pure freedom that is here and now. Its the avaduta’s method. The warrior method. The revolution is just beginning, and we got to make sure that we are ready when our day or reckoning arrives. Ready and one!
Peace and Love

Dark Dance Haunts Chidambaram~

2011-04-07T10:43:00.001-07:00

The holy pose which Shiva upholds tonight, not for the faint of heart, not for the spiritually blind. He raises his leg up and stomps the ground and sky at once.
He is the shining nataraja, the keeper of the sacred dance. The shaker to the hypnotic drums. His matted hair glistens like the sun and his third eye opens possibilities beyond our comprehension;
Yes Yes he is in the fervent mood tonight. Dancing and laughing and forgiving our trespasses like a million times before…. through towards eternity.
He resides inside the Akasha-Lingam at chidambaram. The akasha is ether, the subtle formation of the gross phenomenon which our senses perceive as the world and everything in it. There is no linga at chidambaram. There is only the mirage of the real deal. The linga is nothing, representing the subtle element of consciousness. The akasha is the prana in most refined form. Prana coming down and showing infinity.
And as we stare at the empty nothing- which is where the akasha linga stands as it has for timeless years before. I understand that my brain shall never comprehend. The extent and impact that the ether has had on my personal self. The prana which has moulded me as a vile human being is the same prana which is now bowing down before the infinite self in front above and beneath!
My father and his family have spent long periods of time in chidambaram and ever since I remember, my father has sung praises of the size and grandeur of the temple located in the blessed city. Where there has been homage paid to dance and art since time immemorial. (it has remained a centre for art and learning since its inception)
Its not just another temple but a huge, grand town in itself, and I kid you not. The temple is fortified(with huge walls that tower) and is humongous. There are huge parapet walls which enclose almost an entire city within itself. Yes the only difference remains that the city does not host any humans, Its the refuge of the gods who have come since eons to see the holy and powerful nataraja take form and dance the world away to creation and dissolution. The sanctum is unique to the chola architecture that it towers like a vimana/craft/alien rocket to the sky…. something that every temple in this region can boast of.
The sincerity of the devout and the ascetic can be seen here. The temple hosts people from all over the world who have come to give themselves up to the grace of the eternal all powerful dance (many foreigners come here too over the entire year to learn dance and also spend time meditating on the ether linga).
This dance is perfect, this dance is unique. Its the dance that only a master can indulge in. Its the dance absolutely not for the weak. Yes I mean it. The dance which the master like you and I too once shall indulge in; is what creates and sustains this world; and in its peak.. most aesthetic moment- it shall destroy- implode everything of any value back into nothing. This is shiva ananda murti present in this holy ground. Shiva dancing back to ash and void this entire play of ignorance~

Shiva here is in bliss and the tandav/cosmic dance he plays is ananda/blissful to say the least. The one who comes here in search for the soul, in desperate need for the feet of shiva consciousness, will not go back disappointed. He has seen you and everyone else who has entered the holy sanctum. He has begun the never ending dance and will sustain us in balance through terrible/ghora nights like these.
I spent time looking at the architecture on the walls and the sanctums, massive effort to build a city within a city. The tamil saivite kings doing a marvellous job as usual to build something out of this world, the number of structures to the various deities apart from the central dome itself is incomprehensible; even to an experienced temple tripper like myself.
The master here is worshipped not in his linga form (the akasha linga is not a linga at all, its emptiness which is generally covered by a metal linga to denote the ether element present here. The central deity is the bronze glistening statue of the most awesome dancer of the world. The euphoria which I felt looking at the deity first time was beyond words. The nataraja is full of consciousness and power. This translates into freedom for those who have come to give themselves up and rest at Shankara’s feet.
I am not religious, the temple is the same to me as a place of commerce or a place of death. Because that is what nataraja is projecting in the first place, a dance so blissful that nothing remains in a web of illusion. one can and does have the right to dance free, and dance over the oh so many real maya/illusions one experiences or seems to experience.
There are many vishnu and shiva worshippers who sit and contemplate for years together, though I was afraid of the seeming commercialized vibes of the place, nothing to put my spirits down ever happened during my visit. The people who I saw there had genuinely come to pray, come to sell the trinkets of the masters outside and sincerely do worship for the lord of the universe. There is a sort of calm and repugnance towards the mundane and material world when one enters a shiva temple… no matter where it may be; the presence of the linga (and in this case… absolute nothing of a linga) calms the world into submission at the ascetic feet of the maha-deva~
I was immersed for sometime in peaceful being as I saw the afternoon arthi and worshipping coming to a close, The sincere smile on nataraja’s face was more than enough to convince me of the love that this place exuded. Its just a feeling, many can feel it. many wont and would discard it as some placebo of the brain, but for me its just being… being which exists in bliss looking at the ananda tandava of the greatest dancer of this cosmos.
Chidambaram is where true dancers come to get inspired. This is where saints and rishis for long have sat looking and gazing at empty yet completely filled ether; the soul and undercurrent of this creation. This is where this same consciousness comes alive and to the fore with power and grace. This is where the dancer merges with the beat of the drum and the melody of music. The dreamer and dream becomes one and none. This is the holy land of chidambaram.
I am devotee to the dance and the dancing master. I love to dance, love to lose myself within the beats and tune and also in the infinite silence between the beats. I know that dance is everything worth anything its salt in this creation. If you don’t know of dance, or don’t like to dance then you have missed the entire point of bliss. The pointless and all prevalent bliss which none of us in our daily rut and mundane chores ever seem to care about or even acknowledge.

But the dance is addictive, its sensual and its complete. Its the union of the male to the female. Its the entire creation experiencing and expressing without judgement or face. Its what has been or is irrespective of dimensions, labels or any other fact.
Visit chidambaram and get invigorated once again to dance without care. Yea; Dance like no one’s watching! Cause no one is!
Peace

To Return To As Is

2011-04-07T10:18:00.001-07:00

A Monologue on changing consciousness:
I think and speculate a lot on what a singular or plural consciousness means to me. I also regularly negate or refute what I think is correct or true or real on this matter. It keeps me on guard never to accept an explanation as final or ultimate.
For this whole abstract concept cannot ever be described explained or understood. The mirage which is the mind tries to gather knowledge. Knowledge is like garbage, well existence is garbage too. Knowing garbage or not knowing is not gonna do or be anything you see.
But I ‘instinctually’ ‘know’ or have ‘enlightened’ my being with the concept that when there is talk about a changing consciousness, (and consciousness is ever changing and beyond a dichotomy), this change of consciousness is only required to return ‘us’/living realizing consciousness of the universe to the state of what was. Or is.
Well what is this – what was/is, state? The intial state, nascent state (and every state is nascent/raw/perfect when this too is known/unknown-intial or nascent is not representative with time but with the endless cycle consciousness undergoes of knowing and unknowing itself in a maya framework) is what is true consciousness at peak looks like. The nascent state – where man was not using his ‘intelligence’ to dissect useless philosophies and burn the forests down to print paper- there was no seperation from the land and forest and earth. The intial state- where the child is in a state of emotional and intuitive peak through life and not just for a period till pre-puberty. The intial state- where there is no concept of personal self greater than a tribe/a group as indicated in our age. The intial state- where god is not somewhere. God is no one, and god is the all.
Well this intial state is the change in the consciousness desires. We fall from heaven, we bury our head underground and wait for emancipation. I am not talking/explaining zen here. This is the state of us; Now when I do talk zen- and I talk zen more often than not- The state we are in is perfect and its also the nascent state. The realization of such anomaly or a dichotomy is preposterous (well to the mind and the vehicle trying to hoard information or knowledge). What is the mind to believe? to trust? or do?
Believe me the change is going to take place, there is no other way. The way out is to direct it with the function of will, and then lose it with the function of unity/love/collective consciousness, leave it and let it be. This is intuitive learning, and perhaps you too see it such?
Peace

The Elemental Union in Sand at Ekambreshwara

2011-04-05T23:38:00.001-07:00

Tamilnadu state of India has 5 major centers/temple regions dedicated to powerful lingas worshipping the 5 natural elements. It is ancient worship of the elements in the form of solidified lingas. Concentrating their natural power into stone and into the place where the temples may have been constructed.
The 5 Temples are: (in no particular order)
1) Ekambreshwara: At the very famous and dis-reputed town of Kanchi. This represents the earth element
2) Jambukeshwara: This representing the Water element. I haven’t seen this place yet.
3) Arunachaleshwara: At the holy town of arunachala, where the natural mountain is the real shiva woshipped as such for eons now.
4) Kala-Hasti: Representing the air element, legends of a spider and an elephant worshipping together for a lifetime at the same shiva linga, which is considered to be very old.
5) Chidambaram: Representing the subtle ether element. The dancing tandav master Shiva is in his glorious dancing form worshipped here. Dance and creative love for the divine has been encouraged and propagated from here since a long time.
The Union in Sand and Stone:

I went last year to Kamakshi, as the goddess here is worshipped as much if not more in devotee volume compared to the holy Earth Linga of Ekambreshwara here. The goddess’ temples is independent (unlike most other temples where the shakti sanctum lies within the shiva temples) and through time this place has cultivated infinite legends but the most pertinent among these is the one -when adi-shankara found this place (the original shankaracharya), the goddess’ energy was present somewhere in a cave nearby and the power exuding this entire place was just too much to handle or be worshipped by masses. Sankara made a shakti pit/peeth- consisting of the shri yantra to worship the goddess in a benign form. The power here intially to my understanding was immense, and it was toned down through the use of a yantra (most places use yantras to amplify the effect of natural energy). The region also corrosponds to the shakti peeth of the goddess where her divine navel supposedly fell (one of 52 such other sites where sati power is present).
The reason why power here is toned Down has a reason as per my understanding, Kamakshi and ekambreshwara are located in a power full place. The legend is that this is the place where Shiva weds Parvati who comes down to earth as a beautiful 16 year old virgin- known as tripurasundari or even sodasi. She is virgin paramount energy. This place hosts the exact moment where Power/Shakti comes alive to look for the keeper of herself and her force. That is shiva.
Parvati does tapas here, and the idol made in the little temple show the goddess sitting in a lotus posture (with both legs bent), indicating her extreme power and energy. She is a yogin beyond classical imagery here. That is why this force feminine is known as the ‘one who is beautiful in all three worlds’, any world or dimension, she is the epitome of beauty and power. She is gorgeous, She is ripe and she is a powerful mother waiting for her partner. The partner who will wed her into this web of life.
Ekambreshwara temple is a humongous site. Its a huge temple and most of it is just architectural delight. There is no stone unturned, something very characteristic of shaivite kings in this region (chola chola and the like), who with devotion and power towards consciousness built massive structures unimaginable until seen with one’s own physical (or mind’s eye). The temple hosts a very old mango tree as well, which is the supposed site where shiva meets parvati and unites in wedlock. The tree is very peaceful to sit under, though its a lot shrivelled to look at (atleast when I last saw it), but the calmness is not imagined or concocted at such a benign beautiful location.
Ekambreshwara is a very unique shiva linga. (atleast according to me). To my knowledge or its limits, the iconography of the god shiva depicts a man who is immersed in practices which are psycho-kinetic in nature. Heating himself and his body/mind physically doing this for years, leads to Shiva to be constantly cooled (the classic imagery of water source ganga flowing from his head depicts this). Hence every linga made for worship contains a dhara on top. Something which pours water on the union of shiva-shakti as the linga. There is ofcourse the exception-
In ekambreshwara there is no dhara, as the linga is made of a particular sort of sand, the local priest told me that it was made from some sort of pheromone of the sevet cat, which might constitute parts of the linga, but I saw the linga and it looked very unique in its own way, Long tapered and most definitely made of some water soluble material. I did not know at that time that this represented the place where Parvati made this linga out of sand and meditated on it for eons until shiva descended from his own trance pulled to his love.
The esoteric Representation:
This place to me represents the Muladhara-chakra. The base chakra of the human anatomy, where the sleeping kundalini sleeps around a so called svayambu (self made) linga. The rising kundalini wakes up and then we can see ‘her’ in all her glory, in her benign yet powerful radiant and beautiful form as the virgin energy looking for her other half. The linga becomes the union of shiva consciousness and Kamakshi/Tripurasundari Power. This is what people at kamakshi must have felt, when they built the grand idol and the shri yantra forever capturing (or trying to) the eternal beauty of the feminine (the youth, virility and fertility- all for which kamakshi is known for- granting boons to finish kama/desires once and for all to reach her).
The place is very crowded due to the presence of the kama-kothi peeth established by following shankaracharyas over time. The place hosts over a thousand old temples in a few kilometer radius (it is also known as a temple town across south india). But the shine and grace of goddess and the strength and stability of the Sand/Stone god of consciousness are the reasons why this place till date comes alive in the hearts of devotees of life wherever they may be,
They always come back to the golden feet of Devi Kamakshi~
Peace

On Aggression

2011-03-30T02:18:00.001-07:00

I thought I would share this here. (war is inevitable, Death is not)
The title of the post is a book by the same name by the famous scientist Konrad Lorenz (wiki link), who worked on the vague yet very necessary topic of animal behaviour. (I say vague because most humans are not concerned with animals unless they are well served on their plates)
Well for those who think humans are not part of the animal kingdom; I am sorry to disappoint you. Humans with their behaviour and thought process though seemingly more complex and faster than most animals, are still rooted to the base/root tendencies for safety, security, immortality etc absolutely identical to the animal kingdom.
The interesting thought that Lorenz proposes is that every animal tries to get ‘space’ (physical space/area/territory) for itself in the world, every animal wants something of its own- which is not alien to its cognition, which is safe and free from threat and which cannot be intruded upon by anything else. This is the base instinct for animals being territorial. This instinct is profoundly present in humans as well, under the age old guise of acquisition of land or property or home or shelter.
What lorenz concludes in short is that, animals in groups/tribes etc start building a formalized ritualized action indicative of aggression for their own territory which is for intimidating the other animals in the pack or tribe, to indicate personal territory.
Now every animal species have complicated stylized physical actions which they undertake to fight with others in the pack or such, These could be playful brawls or extend to gaining an alpha status. Though death remains one of the possibilities; yet no animal fights to kill over territory. This is proven, death might be a side effect. The base instinct is to get rid of the alien entity from one’s own ‘area’.
Well Though lorenz’s breakthrough work comes in the field of FAP- Fixed action pattern- which explains that species through time have genetically included many fixed actions to combat external stimuli; (like the aggressive patterns of many males of species against other males- are fixed action patterns which have evolved through time to actually combat this base instinct of anger/aggression towards others for territory/area etc through duals and battles (these are almost always fixed action patterns- which indicate battle between males through certain fixed methods of fighting). The thing to be noted here is, that animals have this sophisticated method to release their rage through genetic mechanisms which allow for fight but not intending death. Death might be a unforeseen event of course.
Human beings have the same sort of aggression (this root emotion) against other human beings, where every now and then they have to indicate that they have their own personal territory; that others are not welcome etc. Most times most human beings will be unable to voice out such anger in a reasoned manner against another human being. This is essentially a leave me alone sort of feeling, yet humans are too naive to express this. The problem which we as a species have faced for millennia together is that we have no fixed action patterns which help us release this rage or anger towards another from our species. So what is the fallout here?
Well human beings have skipped the less harmful tactics that animals have chosen and incorporated in their genes and have gone ahead to make bombs, guns, N-attacks, bio-warfare. All these are actually aimed to remove the rage that one feels towards another, but all of these are 100% fatal. Hence humanity has been facing the never ending crisis revolving around war/genocide etc. for eternity without a clue on how to combat it.
This is the root cause analysis of human situation. Humanity has to learn to resolve its rage in methods which do not intend to kill another. The rage and anger/aggression towards others is not going to go away. That's a fact, well at least until all of us are able to let go of the human/animal facets of our genes completely through intense introspection. Well until then, we must find means to fight it out with others who are pissing us off, without actually killing them. Its but natural. All we have to do is listen to the animal within us.
Peace with some fists

Theta To Turiya~

2011-03-26T13:51:00.001-07:00

The advantages of meditation for our day to day life. *or something to that effect*

I have tried and tested personal self help sort of meditation (not advocated through any cult or sorts- a sort of relaxation which I have personally discovered beneficial for myself over time), for most of my post pubescent life; though not practiced in regular timed intervals (mostly erratic because of the constant demands on time for business and fun) but whenever I have managed to actualize the process and sit in my meditation room, I have felt immense bliss, peace and intense brain activity like never before.
Hence I over time have tried to understand how meditation actually helps us or changes us. There have been many studies (well at least some which have actually taken this age old process seriously) on the subject with mostly Buddhist monks (who achieve this very easily as part of their daily life) as lab rats mostly. The western scientific community still does not know much about brain chemistry and how various external and internal processes go ahead to change it while alive.
The brain actively can be present in 4 states (shown below in diagram) as the frequencies change and hence present different views of the world (internal and external). These also correspond to the 4 states of consciousness which Indian tantra and yoga states present in all living organisms for the most part. The final and most intense state in Indian yoga refers to 'Turiya'. This is intense dreaming state, where there is presence of pure consciousness reflecting itself. And the meditator/perceiver is part of this, reflecting on her own consciousness.
The other three states are - Jagrat (corresponding to beta perhaps) Svapna (corresponding to Delta state) and Sushupti(corresponding to delta and advanced alpha states).
The Alpha state is the one which is most active and strongly reinforced as a practitioner starts dreaming or meditating * Please do not confuse the dreaming I refer to as those involuntary dreams-- we are a part of without the least bit of control over them from our side- though we are the ones creating such dreams yet with no perceived control for the most part,
Rather the dreams i am talking about refer to active lucid dreaming where one is able to create visualize and project intense realistic dream in sleep while having perfect control and reflection over them*
The fourth state (turiya) corresponds closely to theta state of brain function. It is not considered a state in indian texts, rather it is an absence of states (dualistic or otherwise), and in turiya; the practitioner is able to transcend into advaitya. Into universal oneness.
The Gita propounded by Krishna also goes with something like this- while arjuna (the troubled mind asks) - How to see the lord/be the lord/Who am I? and Krishna replies (the advaitya consciousness)-
"When Dream and sleep disappear; That which is left; can be considered to be the true you"

So how to achieve theta states, if only for a certain period of time? I have pondered deep into this question, because when one starts meditating; there is initial difficulty caused due to the ever agitated nature of the mind which does not allow for even a second of pure relaxation which when overcome is followed by a sudden static state peace (though its a stagnant state and again leads later to agitation). These are progressive states experienced when the mind immerses itself in alpha wave meditation. Its a very peaceful calm and highly intelligent state. Though as one progresses in time with such meditation, the brain automatically becomes even less frequent and dives into mystical mysterious theta states.
A Bit about Theta : Theta states are compared to the deep mystical revelations and third eye opening phenomenon's through the passages of time. People who have accidentally or consciously opened their mind to infinite possibilities, slow down the frequencies of their brain activity upto 4-5 times per second; to increase their attention manifold. Other faculties like lateral thinking, strong real intuition, extreme emotional energy and release, child like abandon and creativity. Spiritual urges leading to emotional and powerful kinetic outlets are all induced in this stage of mental activity. States where super fast learning are experienced are due to theta programming in the brain as well.
Though I told you that theta is the brain wave which is most probably present during turiya, its difficult to prove it scientifically even in this day and age, for the simple reason that we will not be able to find anyone experiencing this state and willing to be experimented by lesser mortals.
But yes, I do trust that this brain wave frequency is induced to create turiya, perhaps after turiya is established... the mental frequency may dip down further. An absolute dead mind, or running at very low frequencies. But this again could be debated.

How to Induce/awaken/create it then?
I experience meditation with various tools. I always use dim lights, which affect the melatonin levels in the brain, I use quick psy fast music with a lot of beats which can help induce shamanic trance like states- which are the ones experienced in theta levels. Where there is auto programming of the brain to do something (like listen to music), and the other parts of the brain can quickly slip into slower frequencies. There is also Japa-yoga- which also helps in inducing states of emotional outbursts and again help in a sort of auto programming which keeps the brain occupied in its wandering (well not wandering- because attention is directed to only one constant source); while the rest of the brain including most senses are in a state of utter relaxation and peace. There is no introspection or thoughts then to bind you to them, and the brain remains peaceful and in deeper states unparalleled.
You can also do the same through a ryhtmic walking in nature, or running at a constant pace and so forth. Yes, I do all of these too whenever I have the attention and will to perform walking or running meditation. Its when the logical and rational systems are completely occupied with some sort of auto programmed work (like listening to music, doing japa, doing exercise etc), is when one can induce the other parts of the brain in complete-ness. The full functioning becomes beyond reckon as I have noticed with my own brain. I am not saying I can think more, or faster or better. But over the years, my brain has increased manifold in areas like stamina, will, creativity and imagination (lateral thinking for all you nerds), and so much more. Intuition and extreme emotional states are also present, and you can choose to refine these brain functions depending upon your intent and the time you can spend in this slow brain frequency stage.
Turiya is daylight in the absence of light. Its a state where there is no one to perceive anything; and yet the practitioner is there in silent receptivity, through the night and day looking into nothing in particular and with calm focused long breadths. He would seem to be oblivious to the world, though he would understand everything incoming through his senses, or his intuition. His brain would attain higher states of understanding of the active universe. Yet there is no thinking taking place. Its just a blissful being, and NO its not a mental/made up/schizophrenic/thought up/unreal/escapist state of mind. Its the nature of reality, and those who can actually start the process of unravelling Turiya under the powerful real theta states, can see the reality in the absence of a limited perception.
Peace/
Meditate for the Peace of the world and all in it. Here and Now.

The Thousand Petals of Myself ~ Sahasrara Sighting ~

2011-03-21T12:15:00.001-07:00

With eyes immersed into the endless pool of life within, the soul transmigrates illusion after another, without the least bit of hindrance or fear. With eyes looking upwards unto the heavens, the divine music is finally felt within reach, there is no path as golden; pristine as the one which leads one to the start of one’s personal life. Towards the crown of your head and mine. Where the thousand petaled lotus becomes vibrant and eternally alive…

When the lotus becomes active (kundalini pierces herself through and merges with the universe- the individual shakti becomes the universal in turn), its petals thousand and more in number become living colors every which where and beyond the imagination of the sensory eyes, The veil of a dual persona, of something which we thought as I; vanishes and is replaced by nectar flowing from the ‘heavens’ above into this subtle centre of consciousness above our heads, creating physical auras and heavenly light flowing through the skull in all directions. The true kings and queens of humanity have ever shown this sort of divine light; this power, whoever and wherever they have existed~

Yes, we are products of heaven, fell from divinity into the earth and ceased to be who we were… we choose not to claim what is rightfully ours, our seamless divinity and interconnectedness; and the freedom from delusion and myriad illusions. Our true nature is above and beyond this fabled lotus; the seventh seat of consciousness. The seventh gate holy and towards the beyond~

Bloom and rise, in a way that is ever new and never binds. Your head has finally become active, with the lotus gleaming like a thousand new born suns, where there is meeting of your individual consciousness into the whirlpool of universal life.

The sacred lotus remains not the end of the journey, the pure dreaming journey has just begun mortal, the journey through endless stars and universes, all hiding their sacred jewels of power and mystery. The saints hiding in the secret leaves of the pure lotus meditating eons together in this and oh so many other creations.

Vast and unfathomable is this entire entirety. There are specs of nothing with more power than you and I. Its the truth, and we children of shining consciousness seek to waste our given capacity on war and strife. Instead of immersing the eyes inside leading to the sacred elevator towards higher consciousness, right into the eye of the Sahasrara . Where there is sacred second birth, where the consciousness dipped into the universe’s breadth comes alive and thirsts for its true complete self. The journey has just begun~

(the layers above represent greater levels of consciousness rising. The base symbolizes the human consciousness transcending towards a unified universal state of one or none!)

This is one of the many visual diagrammatic representations which would show that above this mythical and mysterious ethereal chakra lies various other dimensions of refined power states i.e. consciousness.

The various manifestations in this centre correspond to the saints and gods who have supposedly manifested in front of dumb humans like us (the one nanak dev, compassionate yesua, silent buddha, poetic tirumular, omnipotent babaji, loving sai nath, powerful vama khepa, graceful ramana and so many more) has been to show the full capacity of the human consciousness when it pierces the seventh and final centre of human consciousness,

After this we cease to remain human beings, we exhibit no characteristics of the species which we call as us, we do not thirst or hunger, lust or confuse. We change the framework completely, when we put in the effort to raise ourselves to the state where heavens lie.

Heaven in Christian and Paradise in sufism, apart from other religions correspond to this final dimension/state of power. This is final for the human race/frontier, after this the saint leaps from one dimension to another, and metaphorically takes a seat where ever he feels like. To contemplate the grandeur of this known and unknown entirety in silent cheer. This is great joy. Its the lap of shiva consciousness in a way, where one knows who they are (tat~tvam~asi) and still retains a ‘perspective’ to see the powerful manifestation of the creator~

This is where we started our journey, and then we fell. We fell and went to sleep. We continue to remain in slumber till something or someone wakes us up. This is not going to last, we must become our own makers, our own takers. Of what is rightfully ours. This divine life, this infinite mastery is our making and we choose to ignore it? spend the precious energy needed to propel us into love and interconnectedness towards trivial and material pursuits? So that we may decay on or under the ground…. to eternity without ever tasting whatever is rightfully ours?

The ripe Sahasrara remains within reach, just like a ripe mango we want to pluck to quench our hunger and thirst. Yet we never ever imagine that it would be so close to our grasp, right above our heads. Right above our eyes.

It just needs these immersed eyes, which look inwards and upwards. and thus the joy of eternal life truly quenches our thirst and hunger forever; once and for all.

*See the skies enliven with the Holi-2011 Big Bright Moon staring back at all in Peace and Joy !*

Sweetest Sadhana

2011-03-17T13:18:00.001-07:00

I got to say, I adore this sanskrit word : Sadhana. I guess the closest english word that pops to my mind as a literal translation is ‘communion’. As something which could be understood by the masses. A perpetual communion with god; or whatever one may wish to call the power.

Sadhana to me is being. It is the natural soul state of the universe. It just is, as it is. Sadhana is the flow of the ‘all’ known, unknown and the music everywhere in between perpetually in all ‘space and time and all other dimensions as you wish to perceive’ ( I know trying to explain abstract stuff in words, is perhaps the most naive medium).

The king of sadhanas remains the master of time and the ruler of death. Shiva.

Shiva is in sadhana and created the universe through his power. Well that’s what I wanted to explain in the first place~ About his personal power (like yours and mine)

Shiva is in sadhana with his personal power. He is in perpetual union and deep love towards his power. His shakti. His goddess and counterpart; Chandi *or as you may wish to call the divine feminine*

Most people (if they know what sadhana means) understand it as some sort of rigor mortis towards the material world, and an undivided attention to the spirit. I too used to imagine the same while introspecting, but I understood the real method to gain divine inspiration is to be wise through knowledge and unlearning this known world and to remain a lover at heart, always in a state of drunk bliss towards the entirety that is this existence.

To me sadhana remains a love story, between the master shiva and his divine consort Shakti. Shiva is a true lover, brave and without fear; He has given up his worldly possessions and adorned rudraksha and wild serpents around his neck. In his constant trance towards his powerful love, he has left all known human civilization and sits in the periphery of the known world- the jungle and the burning ghats, always gazing inwards and everywhere into the unknown that is his love; Tara. You see what love can do to people and gods :)

He sits day and night, unfazed by weather or wild beasts. There are myriad distractions in the human mind, but the master has shunned these to remain in an eternal ethereal sort of adulation towards his bride. Towards the union that is consciousness surrounded by vast unlimited power (shakti). Shiva is a man, is a god and is a lover par excellence. He is eternal because he chose it with his shakti. He is you and I (possibly). He is the blessed union which is the shiva linga, the representation of the ‘communion’ of his consciousness to his personal power. This is the best and most complete representation of both human and divine love (if you think about it lol)

Sadhana to me remains this awe-d state of attention, this meditation and this music from the heart extending towards such a state. Where there is no separation of love. The world stops turning and the mind vanishes out of sight. There is only this great vast power, everywhere. This is shiva in perpetual union with shakti. This is the great sadhana of our times.

Shiva lights the dhuni and the fire burns through time, He looks at the shri chakra in elation and laughs and cries just the same. His minions look at him dazed, where is the master lost~ Lo, he has fallen to the ground to raze his power above him and dance on him. He loves seeing devi dancing on his chest. He remains in perpetual incurable love. What a sight to behold. His woes of separation do not remain untold, anymore!

Such is sadhana and hence its so sweet. When you know the inner depths of love. That it is what creates sustains and dissolves this known world of ours, You too will breathe not air, but this energy. Ever renewing and eternally flowing.

I guess this communion is what organisms try to end towards, a perpetual state of bliss, where no want remains and all is love. This is a wise state. Difficult to achieve but as I know, once you will sadhana to enter your life, this state of pure love towards your shakti, your personal power. The reflection of the universal state of power. Your love manifolds and blooms, it becomes everything which has been, is to be…

Peace~

Navigate the Seas of the Sun….

2011-03-15T10:20:00.000-07:00

My idol for a long time has been the haunting and powerful voice of bruce dickinson. The man has such intensity in his vocal chords; that it sends me into different realms all together.
His induction into Iron Maiden launched not only his singing career, but raised the faith and love in people across the globe; who wanted to listen to something genuine, through someone genuine. The intensity and depth his voice carries; its almost ethereal. His voice can differ from shrills to powerful solos to the kind of soul rendering melody which I have posted below.
The song is ‘Navigate the Seas of Sun’ and its his solo work. He has launched 5 albums till date under his own banner, and I must tell you; his music is comparable if not infinitely better than what the Maiden crew over the decades have produced. He is one person who inspires my heart and mind every time I put his song on and listen in proud faith and love.
\m/ Up Irons Bruce! You deserve it~
The youtube link ~

It can’t be played from here; Open youtube link on this to watch. Thank you !

Technorati Tags: Bruce Dickinson,Music,Navigate Seas of Sun

The lyrics are as follows (so don’t feel shy and sing along)

Distant earthrise long ago
Lingers at the borders of our minds
Mysteries spinning in the dark
In the frozen emptiness of time
We were lost and we never knew
Who we were, what we left behind
Living half lives we were blind
To the new frontiers that opened up our eyes
To find our minds were spinning
Souls entwined in a spiral dance
The ancient ways have found us again
To give us one last chance
Living in this place,
Staring into space we find
We might share the corners of our lives
Infinity runs deep,
Eternity that we can't keep
Melting through the frozen wastes of time
So we go and we'll not return
To navigate the seas of the Sun
Our children will go on and on
To navigate the seas of the Sun
So we go and we'll not return
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
Our children will go on and on
To navigate the seas of the Sun
We can't go on tomorrow
Living death by gravity
Couldn't stand it anymore,
We'll sail our ships to distant shores
Purple, gold and blue,
Living colors every hue
Flowers in the garden of the gods
No one can ever know
If you never saw them grow
But this darkness is really full of light
[solo]
Well beyond the Earth,
Beyond all things that gave us birth
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
If God is throwing dice
And Einstein doesn't mind the chance
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
Infinity runs deep,
Eternity that we can't keep
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
Flowers of our souls
Purple, blue and gold we find
To navigate the seas of the Sun
So we know who we are
Even in this frozen waste
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
Living in this place,
Staring into space we find
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
Well beyond the Earth
Beyond all things that gave us birth
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
If Einstein's throwing dice,
And God he doesn't mind the chance
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
Flowers of the soul
Purple blue and gold we find
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
And who we were before
Eternity that we can't keep
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
Flowers of our souls
Purple blue and gold we find

Trailanga The Treat/Wandering Shiva of Benaras!

2011-03-11T11:11:00.001-08:00

There and here sits the swami trailang. He is as old and fat as his skin. Some say he is immortal; some won’t live with the thought. The ancient naked swami sits in benaras in quite contemplation, year after year…. century past another.
Trailanga is shiva in disguise, everyone mutters but no one dares speak in front of him. He is violent and silent, naked and a true treat to those who wouldn’t dawn the sheeps skin.
Trailanga was a saint who existed on the banks of the ganga, some years before he immersed himself with the flowing river in eternal samadhi. Disappearing into the water and reappearing just a moment later above the water floating and showing himself on the other shore to his devotees, so they knew he has not gone anywhere away from this chained web we call our reality, our world.
Trailanga was a nath and a power yogi, people used to try and test him and fail miserably… poisoning him and he like the innocent child shiva would convert the very same poison into honey for him and the effects of the karma would hit the lesser hearted person in turn, the english soldiers would try to put him behind bars for indecency, nudity and not obeying/heeding their orders and he would be again found wherever he wished to be.. no bars and jail could ever hold him. He was free and everywhere and he was constantly in shiva-consciousness, worshiping his shakti. In unison and joy. He was the child shiva. Ever free and seeking nothing from anyone.

Om Namacivaya- Trailanga in his power mode~
He was known to be fat (over 300 pounds) adding weight for his years in his current body (existing over 300 years), he did not speak to anyone. Even those he knew as his guru brothers or his masters disciples. He always remained one in silence, and those in his presence must have felt the same. People changed into gods near this saint. His spartan existence for eons has transcended so many souls into communion with the father shiva.
Lord Trailang was defiant, he worshipped as he pleased. He worshipped himself, but without the illusion of I from within. Trailanga was blunt and clairvoyant and he displayed no overt emotions though just a touch or a glance from him could send you into the world for which we are all meant for. The world of one; shiva consciousness. It would transform you into the saint and lover you deserve to be.
Trailang remains as the only person in the history of the world, who was able to enter and worship the holy shiva linga on the banks of benaraas – kashi vishawanatha with his own faeces. He worshipped with his own stool the linga which is supposedly the most powerful and holy on this earth. The pandits tried to stop him and he converted what they saw as his stool into flowers within a blink of the eye. He did this not as his own power, this is the power of shiva. Of eternal transmutation and power. It is a tale by itself, and everyone who saw this saint come into the temple and worship the shiva linga with turd, was amazed to see trailang laughing and embracing the shiva power there with abandon and such child like ness, they concluded that trailang was no more apart from shiva anywhere or anytime. He worshipped with anything and nothing and the power herein. The yogi remained in constant bliss of shiva consciousness and power. Its truly a feat worth mentioning!
Trailang is a treat to know and be, and you can call him with careless abandon time and again too. You see he is in the ether and the jasmine smelling of heavens and in plenty. Take time and sit with him on the banks of the holy ganga, and his spirit shall fly near you and you shall be set free from this world and its myriad illusions. The power of trailanga shiva still roams everywhere in this spider web of reality.
He roamed the ghats where the ganga took in the sins of the living and where she took in the burnt charred skins of the dead, and everywhere in between. He did not see like you and I. His focus, gaze and instant were defined by the power that this life/existence is (as best as it can be described with words)

Om Na Ma Ci Va Ya

Speaking in silence, trailang and shiva converse under the banyan tree of wisdom. There is no gravity, There is no air. Its not apart and its not come undone. Shiva speaks in absolute silence and trailang sits and laughs and jokes and cries for his lord. This is the sadhu who could transmute matter to energy and vice versa, This was the master who uttered a single syllable an entire decade. He cared not for his disciples and He was not himself ever again. Lord trailang remained in eternal embrace of his master nath in a world so gone~
Peace
(You can search for Trailang though not much information is available:
The wikipedia link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trailanga_Swami)

Endure Your Love…The Cruel Tale of X

2011-03-08T03:02:00.000-08:00

** This remains a fictitious note from my mind, you may take it as core fiction or if you know me better than you will definitely take it still as core fiction!!!!**
Ms X remains a fictitious character in this portrait, any resemblance to a real person remains to be seen (haven't ever met such a vile person yet!)
We guys remain a unguided bunch, most of us have given ourselves to the feeling of infatuation perhaps even leading to love once at least in our lifetime, but we actually lose ourselves in it. Our counterparts on the other hand (the fairer sex), remain extremely cautious and sometimes even quit relationships without looking back (I have seen this in my own life, where I have been at least a couple of very serious relationships which did not work and whereas I was left completely heartbroken, I found that my ex-partners moved on without any sort of heart loss- and of course you must not assume that these were one sided relationships to begin with)
Well this remains my first attempt at a real life potboiler of fiction story :
Now I was in a very very serious relationship with a certain Ms X ( many of the musings written in my blog for ‘Tara’ referred to her other and also the goddess tara as well- actually in my mind, my lover and my goddess remain to be one… unless my lover shows that there was no ounce of divinity left within herself to begin with- which X showed me in ample).
Now she broke up with me, and she is going to get married to another guy; mainly because her parents were inflexible regarding inter caste relationship or some bullshit like that – she got hitched to another guy in just 3 months (or so I was made to believe) and is already wed….. such a cruel act of fate/destiny is sometimes just too much to take for a straight hearted person like myself. But I keep reminding myself that life did this for a reason, the reason must be love too…..
Ms X and I went through a hell of a lot of weird/interesting and extremely fun times, we travelled the length and breadth of the country and spent a lot of time by ourselves in beautiful places. We had many aspirations and dreams for our united future, sadly these just remained as dreams. I wanted to just express out what all I endured to be strong as her lover, but I guess that was never to happen. The following are some of the instances where I endured my love for Ms X………
1. Our Grand Break Up- My break up with Ms. X was the worst break up I could ever imagine. See how she was to play me so easily; I was at my worst because of the extended work pressure in my college – working overtime and facing placements/job interviews without luck…. and one such day like this while I was very very down; a car driven by some moron woman hit me at fast speed and it almost killed me (near my colony, and it was not any fault of mine… you can refer http://civashakti.blogspot.com/2010/12/out-of-world-iii.html . I was jolted and psyched. I really thought that something horrible was happening to me in life- some undercurrent of bad luck or bad fate, well exactly a day after this incident occurred, Ms X and I had a worthless argument on the phone where I was rude to her because of my down mood and then she promptly called me to tell me that she wanted to break up with me temporarily and that as we both were undergoing trying times… we should have a break for some time before we could patch up. The patch up never happened because she was already double timing me with the huge list of suitors her parents had chosen for her, she found one… a wannabe intellectual of some sort who was clearly dumb enough to be hitched without any background research on her… she knew him for more than 2-3 months before she broke up with me (what beautiful double timing thanks to long distance relationship)… she made sure that she would find a decent harry before she could dump me ( I was her backup if she never found something she and her parents could like). The break up was simple, and I never heard from her again… no patch up, no calls and no sorry. I get mad because she actually chose a time when I really needed her (hell I just survived a near death experience), and thats when she got rid of me. I pity her husband, cause the poor slob probably has no clue how cunning she thinks she is…. but I actually understood her over the years, her little lies and secrets (a typical trait of this zodiac) but I could never fathom that this is how deep her deception could extend. She was working and earning and yet she never came to my town to talk to me or break up with me personally…. she just chose to do it simply over the phone. Convenient and without hassles. This is what struck me as so horrendous from Ms. X- someone you actually committed to marry acted in such a manner. Its just not fathomable.
2. The Break Up Revelling: Now as its written above, I assumed that we were on a temporary break up… and that after I get through with my placements I could actually start working towards her future. During this time (1 month- how do you do this within a month??? don’t you need some time to heal???), Ms X never contacted me, and she found her potential husband and well of course she did not ever reveal this to me, but let me tell you what she did do, she booked her tickets (oh not to meet me) but to travel to another country and see some beautiful beaches with her ex-boyfriend (the one who she dated before me) and stayed with him… so basically the last time she broke up with her ex –> she came to me for support and now that she broke up with me she went to him for a good time…. of course she was not serious about him either, she just wanted to forget everything so so ‘bad’ that had happened to her… but she also had by now “finalized” her “husband” and soon enough (a month later), she got engaged to him. I really do pity her husband, for he’s going to suffer like never before (hey can’t you see that happening? I surely can, well perhaps cause I knew her so well and still stuck my head in her life… it served me well)
3. THE INFAMOUS COURTING: Ms. X’s parents were forcing her for arranged marriages even before I had ever met her, even after I got close to her, she would keep getting pressurised to talk to suitors day in and out…. I would feel darned worthless when she would go to a local phone or pick up her mobile and answer potential suitors calls in front of me, I would stand at a far distance so I would not hear any of the conversation and not get hurt inevitably. But the entire episode used to leave me scarred to say the least. It was unpleasant that while she said she loved me, still she would have to talk to other people for getting married, I still shudder to think how it used to feel deep within when I used to see this happening in front of me. (this has happened even when we were on vacations- holidays and having a ball of a time)
4. THE TRUST:Ms X is not a trustworthy person (well to say the least), I had a major fight early on when I was dating her, where she used my trust (I had given her my email Id and password) and saw all my chats with my friends… these were chats which I had with friends I knew from childhood and we used our own lingo, and of course our own vocabulary well at times to talk about her too. Ms X thought (or most probably just did not think) that all this was serious and aimed at her or whatever and she actually took prints of the chats to show to my folks- who she did not even know in the first place at that time. I was deeply hurt by the fact that she did not trust me and actually went through each and every one of my chats to know me better it seems. She truly was an extremely confused and vulnerable person all the while I knew her.
5. THE GRAND FAMILY RECEPTION: Well Ms. X’s father got to know about me in due time; I have never personally met him, but the instant he got to know she was supposedly serious about me, he decided to visit my home uninvited. He called up my parents at a day’s notice and decided to land up at my place. He was not the least bit interested in trying to have an open conversation regarding our relationship ( I was away to college giving an exam). My parents tried extremely hard to be good hosts, and trying to talk some sense into him. This man was supposedly some sort of government officer (though I seriously doubt this now) –> these people are actually the custodians and guardians of our rights and freedoms, he should have been the most understanding person regarding 2 people from different regions (we are of the same caste, only our regional cultures differed) who wanted to get married. Well he was anything but understanding, He offered my parents ample threats, right from that he will kill his own daughter or family if they came in the way of his honour or prestige, to telling my folks to tame me and leave his daughter or dire consequences would be faced (he said he is in a position of power and that he would come with his guns loaded if we would ever get married). My folks were disgusted to say the least and offered him some free advice about how he was still living in some sort of primitive dark ages. This meeting of course did not yield any positive results, except for the fact that my sincere parents stopped openly contacting or being in touch with Ms. X(they were and are still fond of her, though now even they understand how opportunistic and uncaring she was concerning the entire affair).
I have not met one single family member related to Ms. X (and this is because she never took it seriously enough to introduce me to any of them), I have had unwanted calls and messages from her so called brothers- who cussed me, my college, my parents and so on…). Her so called mother has talked with me on the phone on several instances where she had clearly stated that women in her area could very easily be sacrificed for things such as honour! What a beautiful loving statement to come out of a mothers mouth for her own daughter!!! Actually Ms. X’s family is extremely patriarchal (most harry families are), and in this particular case, the father being a government officer (don’t think so) probably yields power all the time- both professionally and at home as well. I believe its completely unfair that sensitive issues related to children be decided by the father without the mother’s consultation or agreement- and this what exactly happened here. At first her mother was actually a bit receptive to me and my interests but as the fathers tyrannical tantrums increased over time to wed his only daughter to some other harry, even the mother became intensely unhappy and distraught and blamed X and I for the entire mess. What she did not get is that it was her own daughter who had been creating this whole mess even before I was a part of her life, it was just plain bad luck that I got associated in love with her, which gave her an easy enough recourse to point to her folks that I could be her potential mate. Well I knew this ploy since I started dating her and I will tell you why- she used to tell me that she hated to get married and she would rather be single, after meeting me and in a short while she changed her rant to that her parents want her to get married and whether I would want to be with her. Well this sudden change in thought was enough to convince me that she actually was on the lookout for someone to help her deal with her parents so she would not go ahead with a marriage… also at that time she was not for marriage, she wanted to be single and enjoy her bachelorette life (which she did ample travelling and spending time with me) but as time lapsed and she felt herself to be older, she thought it best to hitch up as per her parents wishes and to someone who she could relate with- this person was non existent to her for such a long time (she must have gone through some 100+ marriage meetings with suitors, really!!!!) She was confused about how I would be to her, but as I was the one who loved her, she started to keep me as her back up card… you know just in case if things did not work out, then she had a decent naive guy and family to settle with. This is what disturbs me so much, that how someone could play with other people’s life without least bit of remorse or sincerity.
6. WHERE WAS THE TRUTH? Well I try to keep my life as truthful as possible, I do lie and I tell you the truth now… when I lie its generally to avoid hurting the other person, yes I feel sometimes the other person might not like the truth which i have to offer and hence I lie (and yes I know this is not the mature thing to do- many people have told me and I have taken their advice to actually start telling the hard truth most of the times), but I do not lie compulsively.
Ms X lied to me over and over and on issues which were so basic that it baffled me why she ever did in the first place… for a starter, I STILL DO NOT KNOW her real age, her real date and year of birth!!! You must be in splits by now right? Well she was older to me, perhaps by as much as 2-3 years. She probably also had a fake birth certificate, but she could never trust me enough to tell me her age or date of birth. What a farce right? oh wait, it gets better…
She was from the same college as I, but I never could get the truth regarding where she did her schooling from her, I had from college known that she was probably in the same school as I was and that she must have been my senior, after school she left probably joined somewhere in city Y(she used to keep repeating that she loved this town but never told me when she had spent time in it, and as far as I understood it was the time between joining my college and leaving my school). She never told me any details regarding her younger days, so simple right? She supposedly loved me, she wanted to wed me, she said she would fight her parents for me, and then she could not even trust me regarding such basic details!? My mother wanted her birth chart- her time and day of birth and so forth so we could go ahead to match our ‘natal charts’ but she NEVER provided me with any such details. Sounds damn shady right, exactly what I thought too, but I tolerated it because I thought she must be afraid telling me that she was older to me, but come on – who wants to spend time with someone forever and doesn’t tell them when they were born!
7 THE FUTURE: Well you see now she is married, and she will spend the rest of her life with some poor slob who would not know anything about her sordid past one single bit, one of my friends tried to contact her future “husband” to have a conversation with him (not anything else), and she freaked out and started calling my folks to tell ME to stop doing anything to “ruin her life”…. she calls up my folks and starts telling them “if my marriage with this guy breaks then i will kill myself” MIND YOU, these are MY PARENTS, and I had done nothing of any sort to interfere in her grand plans. Well you see this guy will go ahead and be with her thinking she is some sort of virgin holy woman who was single and without love towards anyone for the past 10 odd years and that he is lucky enough to find her now. The thing is I know that she would not have told him anything regarding the lead up to her marriage to him, that she was fighting her parents- well she wasn’t, her parents were as they were adamant to get her hitched before she got any older (because in india the older you get the less suitors you will get for your grand arranged marriage- fucking warped is it not), but the problem Ms. X faced was that she did not get a suitable intelligent well educated man from her community who she could fool, just like me. If the guy knew that she was in a previous relationship which she double timed with him to get him to like her and dump me at the same time, then I am sure he would have a very different opinion about her, believe you me the truth is always the better way out in such tricky complicated relationships, but you see my former lover doesn’t believe in it (she was just plain manipulative and she was just elongating the misery of everyone who ever cared for her so that she could get her own way)
Her mother told me frankly when she gave up on her one day long time back, she called me and started yelling at me and I was not in a mood to take it, so I told her that if you pray to goddess, then you should be a mother first yourself. But she replied very aptly ‘ Son, This woman has been a pain to me and my husband, but you see now she will do the same and be a pain to you as well’. It was the truth from a mother regarding her unloving daughter. A daughter who used her mother, father, brother, and me for her own way.
I used to tell her that “ X, Please don’t do anything blindly what your parents tell you, think for yourself and do as your heart feels. Its one life, and if your parents can’t see who you are, and want to change you for their own personal gain then its not worth it” …. I like a fool used to blurt out such advice when I should have known that she was always following her own way, her own means for her own end. She did not believe in love and did not believe in the love of her parents nor mine. She just did as she felt till the time she found her suitable man, who she could mooch off, who she could travel with and use for her own gains. She played everyone in her life, and she has been playing her husband now, and she will wreck his mind too. I know this because she has done this to me in the name of love!
So now you see how difficult it is to love, in this day and age it is almost an impossible task. There are women with their personal agendas (so much that its pathetic- in india), there are families with some sort of mental sickness relating to the past, there are foolish wannabe husbands who work their lives to find some sort of kind caring woman (and vice versa), and there are major losers such as myself *hey I didnt call myself a loser, It was my former lover ms. X who told this to my friend – “I thought he would lose with grace, but now I have lost all respect for him” * and the entire thing is a bloody mess.
So I still do Love her (ms X), cause when I felt it; it was genuine and real. It still is there. I still love all the people who I have had in my life at some point in time, they have been special to me and have provided me with such insights that it would be impossible to forget them (and woah! what insights X gave me towards womankind!), but I know what happened to me over a period of 4 years was wrong, it was absolutely cruel and disheartening…. while I had my hopes up that I would actually get to marry my dream love one day, It seems that fate and goddess kamakshi had a different plan. So I love and love again, grander greater and without judgement; hoping at times that I don’t remain without love (not just for a person, but love totally), and that experiences so deep and insightful like these go to make me a better person, a stronger willed and deeper person. Who can find someone who might have gone through such heartbreaks and learn to laugh at them with abandon.
Peace
(There is no peace for Ms. X, Though I wish it for her, but I know she shall gain no peace ever~)

Still~Rising

Perched Balanced Life

Stunted Sloths

Bombastic

Attention Spun

Raja ~ Ram

Sing Along

The Subtle Art of Leaving

Faster Stronger Bleaker Weaker

Creatures Like No Other

Human Side

Incomplete Verses

Daily Wage Life ; Or Death?

The Spacious Coffin

Mountain Abu Splendorous Ambaji

The Journey Up The Ghats/The Annapurna temple @ Horanadu

Self Governed

The Serenity of Keesar and Yadagiri Gutta

Shloka For the Neo Dawn

ITS ALRIGHT SON

Only Psychedelic Life

Baraka

Trapped Under Steel / The Castle

THE MAGIK OWL OF VARANAD!

Hyper-Conscious Base

Satanic Pool

FLY IF YOU CAN

AT THE MERCY OF THE EAGLE

{Less I say}

Gate keeper

One Last Conundrum

No Cause For Concern….

Seeing is Being

LIE AT YOUR FEET

The ‘Auto’ Junkie

**Wendigo**

Govind National Park

ENSLAVEMENT BY CONSUMPTION

Fatal^Flaw

Without Pique/Eternal and New

CATACLYSM

For The Pure of Will..is Love held in your hearts

Circular & Convoluted

Dream Force II

Most Beautiful Hill Station Of India: Dalhousie

Myths about Money

Awakening Equation

Dream Force

A Less Obtrusive Division?

Spark & Spunk

A New Dawn

Introduction To Avadhuta Gita

with

NOW?HERE

Extended Theatrics

Flesh & The Power It Holds

The Night Life @ Kaup

You are a Tree(t)

The Thinker…

Shri Mahavidyas: BagalaMukhi

Esoteric Representations

Everyone Will Get Theirs…Now and Here!

The Sheer Power of Kateel

~The Surreal Aim At Arunachala~

Insanely French

The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam-I

Towering Tree Of Love...

Wild~Flavor~Flower

Walk Pilgrim Walk

The Alien Crown

Your MoJo

Dark Dance Haunts Chidambaram~

To Return To As Is

The Elemental Union in Sand at Ekambreshwara

On Aggression

Theta To Turiya~

The Thousand Petals of Myself ~ Sahasrara Sighting ~

Sweetest Sadhana

Navigate the Seas of the Sun….

Trailanga The Treat/Wandering Shiva of Benaras!

Wendigo